.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[yotsuya]

It's a lot more complicated than "just do it". Ask Kaneda.

But seriously, in a marriage, everything has to be built on mutual respect. If there's a legitimate reason why you need to ask your spouse, then ask your spouse.

[Generic Eric]

  ...This truly is a conversation for another thread.

 

-er


This is the first comment in this post.  I can't even.   

[harveybirdman]

My wife wants B to put Widowmaker in my art somewhere that's what she calls my cab.

It's all about frame of reference.

I wonder how many time "wife/spouse approval" will be uttered before we summon forth pbj.

[voltz]

I hate to mince the term with the idea of a wife taking control over your lifestyle, hobbies, etc.  One sad example is my sister turning the basement movie room into a work studio for her photography since her husband spends most of his time out on business and doesn't exactly "miss it". 

[pbj]

I wonder how many time "wife/spouse approval" will be uttered before we summon forth pbj.

I'd make a joke about how Chance is only 31 and hopeful he will lose his virginity soon.....

But the wife says no.

[harveybirdman]

 

[CheffoJeffo]

But seriously, in a marriage, everything has to be built on mutual respect. If there's a legitimate reason why you need to ask your spouse, then ask your spouse.

Exactly. And judging anybody else's marriage or situation based on your own is just plain stupid.

If the notion of spousal approval doesn't apply to you, then that's great (or not, as the case may be).

If it confuses you, see yot's answer.

If, on the other hand, you just want to play the passive-aggressive --missioncontrol--, then start a new thread saying that it needs to have a new thread.

[wp34]

It's a lot more complicated than "just do it". Ask Kaneda.

But seriously, in a marriage, everything has to be built on mutual respect. If there's a legitimate reason why you need to ask your spouse, then ask your spouse.

This is how I look at it as well. This hobby is expensive in time, space and money.   My wife has gone with me for every game pickup except one.  It's my hobby but we are in it together.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[keilmillerjr]

My wife wants me to buy every arcade and slot machine possible and I have to tell her no. Exact opposite problem. Lol

[CheffoJeffo]

I guess, Here's my point: a lot of the people who I see in healthy relationships have a mutual understanding about what makes the other happy. And then don't feel guilt when they consider buying something that they like.

Married or not, I've had my fair share of relationships, and I'm no expert, but I do know this: I would personaly not chose to be with someone who made me feel guilt, or made me feel implied guilt for buying something I knew I could afford (time/space/money wise) that makes me happy.

Oh, you were being genuine ...   

To answer your question, I would start by asking if you understand the assumptions you make.

Perhaps first is the notion of guilt. You're inferring (see what I did there?) the guilt. Approval != Guilt.

Approval != Begging. Approval can be support or approval can be respect. Again, inferring.

You seem to assume that there is a spousal predisposition to disapprove and that getting spousal approval is arduous and shameful. Inferring.

Then there are big assumptions you make about being able to afford the time, space and money. You seem to assume that everybody is in that same boat, that those are binary positions, and that spouses will, by necessity, agree. The more closely your life is tied to others, the less cut-and-dried things become and the more likely that those people will not see things the same way that you do.

Seeking prior approval is about respect and about recognizing that the most important people in our lives may not  share your viewpoint. If they did, things  would be boring. It's also a really good opportunity to solicit input and invite participation. IMO, the FIRST person I want to talk to about cab design or acquisition is my wife, not a bunch of strange guys on the innertubes that play old games in big wooden boxes.

[n3wt0n]

Seeking prior approval is about respect and about recognizing that the most important people in our lives may not  share your viewpoint. If they did, things  would be boring. It's also a really good opportunity to solicit input and invite participation. IMO, the FIRST person I want to talk to about cab design or acquisition is my wife, not a bunch of strange guys on the innertubes that play old games in big wooden boxes.

I like this CheffoJeffo guy.

[dezmond]

[/quote]

I like this CheffoJeffo guy.
[/quote]

+1   

[JDFan]

I guess, Here's my point: a lot of the people who I see in healthy relationships have a mutual understanding about what makes the other happy. And then don't feel guilt when they consider buying something that they like.

Married or not, I've had my fair share of relationships, and I'm no expert, but I do know this: I would personaly not chose to be with someone who made me feel guilt, or made me feel implied guilt for buying something I knew I could afford (time/space/money wise) that makes me happy.

Recently in the last year I've bought 6 new arcade cabinets, not once did I get hastled for them, the money I spent, not the time I've spent on them. That includes 3 out of province trips, and even one failed attempt to freight a cab from Texas to Alberta (buyer backed out). She knows this makes me happy, and will continue to support me by listening to my rants on car trips, asking questions, and playing the odd game of Mario Bros along side me.

My question is: why? Why deal with the guilt of not being happy? If you have the space, the bills have been paid, and you have a chance to add to your arcade collection, why shouldn't you?

There in lies the problem in many cases -- IF you have the other bills paid and there is extra left to buy something that makes you happy then asking about buying it is probably not going to cause a problem - unless everytime it is an arcade or something that makes you happy that the excess is spent on and never something that makes her happy !!

But what happens when the money is spent and then the car breaks down or some other expense comes up that wasn't planned on or the money spent was needed to pay the bills or she had already found something that makes her happy to spend it on ? - what would you say if she went out and spent $1000 on a new designer purse that made her happy ( or 6 of them in the last year ?? ) without at least talking to you about spending the $.  You act like you just bought them without discussing it at all which I'm pretty sure is not the case - so it's more like you got "Spouse Approval" and she was fine with it not like you went out for the 6th time and came home with another arcade without first discussing it  - so whether you think you are getting "spousal Approval or not it sure sounds like you have even though she has it arranged so you don't think you have  !!

[Aceldamor]

I like this CheffoJeffo guy.

+1

I see your point Chance. You are in a place where you have the support "built in" it sounds like. Having said that Cheffo has pretty much nailed it on the head. It's about mutual respect. Most money pools are shared and it's not only the responsible, but also the right thing to do to discuss an expense like arcade building / collecting with your significant other to make sure budgets can support the hobby. If they cannot support the entire hobby all up front, if also affords the opportunity to budget together and like Cheffo said, get them involved from jump street.

My wife has ALWAYS been supportive of my hobbies and they aren't cheap, (arcade, retro game collecting, miniature war gaming) but that doesn't mean I don't discuss significant purchases with her first. She extends the same courtesy my way when she would like to support her hobbies.

[yotsuya]

My wife has ALWAYS been supportive of my hobbies and they aren't cheap, (arcade, retro game collecting, miniature war gaming) but that doesn't mean I don't discuss significant purchases with her first. She extends the same courtesy my way when she would like to support her hobbies.

Exactly.

When I started in with my first MAME cab 5 years ago, I offered to put it out back on the patio, but my wife was OK with it going in our family room. When we redid our house, I got the family room and turned it into a game room, with her blessing. I will admit to being one of those "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" types when it came to filling the game room, but I also wouldn't be a tool and start putting games in the kitchen or encroach on our other family space. 15 games later, I'm at my limit. Anything new coming in means something has to come out. I also have gotten some games she likes, which adds to our family enjoyment. And I know she won't admit it, but when we have parties and she shows the gameroom to new friends, I can tell she's proud of it.

She has one "rule" right now - no pins unless we get a bigger house - and I'm fine with that.

Now, that one dude a few months ago who said he was doing 6 buttons per person on a 4 player panel because his girlfriend wanted symmetry? GTFO.

[yotsuya]

My question is: why? Why deal with the guilt of not being happy? If you have the space, the bills have been paid, and you have a chance to add to your arcade collection, why shouldn't you?

My take is that the guys who post about getting spousal approval don't have the space or the financial flexibility to "just do it". Especially with the influx of 4 foot wide cabs and dozens of LEDs - if you don't have a dedicated game room, a cab is going to stick out in your living space like 500 lb (226.79618 Kilograms for you Canadians) gorilla.

[pbj]

Frankly, I've got better things to do than worry about how other people handle their relationships.  "The wife says no" will never cease to be an annoying excuse, but I recognize that it's usually coming from a coward that wants to deflect blame and can't admit he changed his mind or can't really afford it.  Both of those are perfectly reasonable excuses, no need to throw a third party under the bus.

[CheffoJeffo]

Frankly, I've got better things to do than worry about how other people handle their relationships.

Not to mention that using two words to render judgement upon a relationship between two people you don't even know is problematic. Kinda like filling in the gaps in the sequence with amphibian DNA.

Now, that one dude a few months ago who said he was doing 6 buttons per person on a 4 player panel because his girlfriend wanted symmetry? GTFO.

 

[yotsuya]

Frankly, I've got better things to do than worry about how other people handle their relationships.  "The wife says no" will never cease to be an annoying excuse, but I recognize that it's usually coming from a coward that wants to deflect blame and can't admit he changed his mind or can't really afford it.  Both of those are perfectly reasonable excuses, no need to throw a third party under the bus.

Yeah, "the wife says no" seems to be a common CL tactic. Get the wife's approval before you kick the tires, Skippy.

It'd be funny if some dude started a thread, only to shut it down because the wife said no once she found out.

[Vigo]

"Spouse approval" comes into play for me to reel in my insanity. I bring a new project idea up and the wife goes "What about the 3 unfinished cabs you have collecting dust?" Give me a dose of motivation and keeps me from turning the basement into a graveyard of unfinished projects and finish things up before opening something new. Beyond that, I am with WP34, My wife has gone out on every pickup, to every auction, spent time in the shop with me and generally helped me with every facet of the hobby at least in some capacity.

  To all the spouses behind every awesome project.

[DeLuSioNal29]

Here's how I do it:  I do tons of crap to make her happy.  Which in turn makes me happy.  Here's why:

The more right I treat her, the happier she is.  The happier she is, the better she treats me in return.  Reciprocity is key.

Sometimes she doesn't agree with purchases, but that's why I use my better judgment in this hobby.  I pick and choose my battles carefully.  Every now and then I go a little overboard (in the hobby it's feast or famine sometimes with cabinets on CL) but in the end everyone is happy and she thinks it's cool that I'm doing what I love.

DeLuSioNaL29

[yotsuya]

Might I recommend some bling you could hang off of Flynn's? You could probably stick LEDs in the 4th one...

[markc74]

Yoinks - this board got busy quick...

To clarify my use of the phrase (which I was using in the generic someone-else-might-have-some-opinion-on-this way) was that if my missus installed a 6 foot high flashing nerd box in our spare bedroom then some discussion with me beforehand would be nice...

I don't *need* approval - I'm a grown man - but there are other people in my life who's opinions I value as much, or even more than, people on here sometimes :-)

I think everything else has pretty much been covered far more eloquently than I can put it. 

[Token]

My wife and I discuss and agree before we spend money outside of our regular monthly budget. Before she bought a piano to put in the dining room, we discussed it. Before I put an arcade cabinet in the den, we discussed it.

For some of us "spousal approval" means showing respect to our partners to ensure we are not putting our own hobbies above the interests of our family.

I don't know anybody in a successful partnership who just does whatever they want without input from the other party.

[CheffoJeffo]

For some of us "spousal approval" means showing respect to our partners to ensure we are not putting our own hobbies above the interests of our family.

I don't know anybody in a successful partnership who just does whatever they want without input from the other party.

 

Just because you (in the generic sense) have a respectful and supportive partner doesn't mean that she does.

[Typefighter01]

Mehhhh...respect is one thing, being terrified of your wife is another. There is nothing more sad to me than a man without balls (LED or otherwise). I will mention to my wife what I plan to do and she will do the same, yes, out of respect, but to straight up ask for permission...like asking to sleep over at a friends house like when I was ten...whatever.

When I was younger, in earlier relationship's, I felt controlled and scared of things that might happen if I didn't "Do what I was told", but now that I am 41, battled cancer, had a job since I was 14 and work my 44 hours a week and pay my bills...I will do what I want and just relay it to my wife, no fear here.

My wife and I have separate accounts, she spends her money as she sees fit, we have the bills split evenly and in 10years of marriage, we have only fought twice (we pick at each other, but straight out yelling matches...only ever had two).

I think Chance is talking about the white trash couples that argue all the time or the "C" word wife's that demean and yell at their husbands, not you fine folks  ...give him a break.

[CheffoJeffo]

I think Chance is talking about the white trash couples that argue all the time or the "C" word wife's that demean and yell at their husbands, not you fine folks  ...give him a break.

If he wasn't talking about us fine folks, why would he cite people here as examples?

That explanation is what merits a   

[yotsuya]

I think Chance is talking about the white trash couples that argue all the time or the "C" word wife's that demean and yell at their husbands, not you fine folks  ...give him a break.

I'm pretty sure he's talking about this site/collectors based on what Cheffo said, as well as a similar thread that popped up on KLOV I'm sure he read.

I thought we were just discussing it, not Chancepiling.

[Typefighter01]

True dat Cheffo, looks like you caught me, good catch, good on you, good eye, well played...anyway. He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

Here is #16 to #19 of 32 signs the modern male is getting emasculated...see any similarities to the guys who might frequent the site 

#16 About two-thirds of all students in “special education programs” are boys.

#17 The average American girl spends 5 hours a week playing video games.  The average American boy spends 13 hours a week playing video games.

#18 The average young American will spend 10,000 hours playing video games before the age of 21.

#19 One study discovered that 88 percent of all Americans between the ages of 8 and 18 play video games, and that video game addiction is approximately four times as common among boys as it is among girls.

Emasculation = asking for permission...I rest my case. (I included #16 cause it made me lol in this context)...

[vwalbridge]

1. When I was dating my wife, I bought whatever I wanted.

2. When I married my wife, I bought what WE wanted.

3. When I had kids with my wife, I buy whatever WE ALL want.

You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. In other words, involve the wife and kids in your hobby and "asking for permission" will never even have to come up.

I've noticed over time that if I have to "ask", then it's already too late.

[Token]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

[monkeybomb]

Sometimes wives say no because the guy is already using 2/3s of the available space.  Or maybe he has too much money tied up in other collectibles.  Or maybe he didn't come through on installing shelves all over the house to display an unreasonably large troll doll collection.  Arcade cabinets are also huge pieces of furniture that can define whatever room they are in. 

If a female is in charge of every piece of the house and there is actually money available and she still says no, then I'm with you.   But I think we are hearing "the wife said no" when it may actually be "she finally drew a line after having less than 1/2 the resources and space to begin with"

[yotsuya]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

His first sentence is "I keep seeing posts like this"...

[Typefighter01]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

It's beyond you...

[CheffoJeffo]

Emasculation = asking for permission...I rest my case. (I included #16 cause it made me lol in this context)...

OK -- I need to be clearer -- this may offend, so hold on.

"Spousal Approval" are two words that cover a wide variety of situations and motivations.

You and Chance have whittled that down to a single situation and one motivation: "Begging for permission."

To me, that suggests that you guys are either contextually-impaired and can't see beyond that limited POV - or - you are comprehensionally-impaired and just need a dictionary.

 

EDIT: I was going to let it pass, but didn't want to feel emasculated. Posting #16 as a joke is a total --cream-filled twinkie-- play, particularly as there are a large number of parents here who have special needs kids. I have two. I get that you don't know that, that's kinda the point.

[Typefighter01]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

His first sentence is "I keep seeing posts like this"...

Dudes...lighten up. I understand it stems from him seeing it in posts and he is wondering why. He makes mention of joint accounts  , so he is referring to real life. Chance, like all of us, has see a man basically be treated like a child. Holy frigg...

[Typefighter01]

Emasculation = asking for permission...I rest my case. (I included #16 cause it made me lol in this context)...

OK -- I need to be clearer -- this may offend, so hold on.

"Spousal Approval" are two words that cover a wide variety of situations and motivations.

You and Chance have whittled that down to a single situation and one motivation: "Begging for permission."

To me, that suggests that you guys are either contextually-impaired and can't see beyond that limited POV - or - you are comprehensionally-impaired and just need a dictionary.

 

Don't include Chance in this, I am the only one being an ---uvula--- right now 

[yotsuya]

[harveybirdman]

this topic sucks, let's argue about something else.

[yotsuya]

this topic sucks, let's argue about something else.

Your wife said stay on topic.

[CheffoJeffo]

Don't include Chance in this, I am the only one being an ---uvula--- right now 

Don't emasculate me!

[Typefighter01]

Don't include Chance in this, I am the only one being an ---uvula--- right now 

Don't emasculate me!

We are all a big happy family...I love you guys 

Now, back to work...

[harveybirdman]

this topic sucks, let's argue about something else.

Your wife said stay on topic.

damn you now I'm picturing my wife dressed up as Red Leader....

[yotsuya]

this topic sucks, let's argue about something else.

Your wife said stay on topic.

damn you now I'm picturing my wife dressed up as Red Leader....

Ha ha! I actually typed that as "stay on target" first...

Maybe you could get spousal approval for this...

[CheffoJeffo]

 

[harveybirdman]

God dammit I meant Gold Five, many pardons To Mr. Davish Krail.


and yes... Woot indeed.

[Ond]

Some guys like their wives or girlfriends to wear the pants.  Some partners in relationships are just pushed around, male or female.  Hearing about a guy whose henpecked IS annoying.  I've been happily married for 23 years, mutual respect is a big part of it.

[opt2not]

Just wanted to jump-in and say that I've always liked CheffoJeffo. The guy oozes class. 
Can't say the same for the OP.

btw, this should've been posted in EE.

[yotsuya]

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

[CheffoJeffo]

What has saint been putting in the water around here? 

I appreciate the kind words, but the truth is that I spent too many of my younger days being that judgmental ---tallywhacker--- who couldn't see past his own ego and limited worldview. Decided I didn't want to be like that. Got me some emasculation and now I'm good.

I will say that it's nice that nobody calls me "crybaby turd tosser egotistical self righteous miserable coward stink hole" anymore. 

[Ond]

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

Tell her if she wants to continue to receive the kind of quality lovin you been givin her she better comply and make room in the living room - out with that decorative plant stand and in with the cab 

[Typefighter01]

I will say that it's nice that nobody calls me "crybaby turd tosser egotistical self righteous miserable coward stink hole" anymore. 

The day aint over yet 

[Vigo]

I appreciate the kind words, but the truth is that I spent too many of my younger days being that judgmental ---tallywhacker--- who couldn't see past his own ego and limited worldview. Decided I didn't want to be like that. Got me some emasculation and now I'm good.

These days, we need a good shot of honesty around here. Over-sensitivity is rampant and your crusty posts are actually quite refreshing. 

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

Vigo's answer:
1) Get your bid down on that space zap because you know first mofo with cash in hand will get cab.
2) Get permission from spouse. Not that it is actually getting permission, because said spouse trusts you, but you want her in on the plans.
3) Go get Space Zap and shove it in the shed/garage for time being.
4) Clean out giant pile of junk in the basement that has been bothering your wife for years, and dedicate both machines to a nice looking space.
5) Happy wife, house looks better. Win for you, because you got yourself the beginning of a home arcade.
6) Sell your semi truck sized monstrosity of a mame cab on craigslist to some hapless idiot who wants to pimp his mancave and has thousands to toss around. Make yourself a new machine that an adult male would actually be proud to own, as well as another dedicated cab. Both cabs together will take up less space than your first project.

[yotsuya]

I appreciate the kind words, but the truth is that I spent too many of my younger days being that judgmental ---tallywhacker--- who couldn't see past his own ego and limited worldview. Decided I didn't want to be like that. Got me some emasculation and now I'm good.

These days, we need a good shot of honesty around here. Over-sensitivity is rampant and your crusty posts are actually quite refreshing. 

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

Vigo's answer:
1) Get your bid down on that space zap because you know first mofo with cash in hand will get cab.
2) Get permission from spouse. Not that it is actually getting permission, because said spouse trusts you, but you want her in on the plans.
3) Go get Space Zap and shove it in the shed/garage for time being.
4) Clean out giant pile of junk in the basement that has been bothering your wife for years, and dedicate both machines to a nice looking space.
5) Happy wife, house looks better. Win for you, because you got yourself the beginning of a home arcade.
6) Sell your semi truck sized monstrosity of a mame cab on craigslist to some hapless idiot who wants to pimp his mancave and has thousands to toss around. Make yourself a new machine that an adult male would actually be proud to own, as well as another dedicated cab. Both cabs together will take up less space than your first project.

:notworthy

[Token]

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

If I put a 4 foot wide cabinet in my living room then I have already established a lack of judgement. The wife will probably leave me for a KLOVer.

[yotsuya]

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

If I put a 4 foot wide cabinet in my living room then I have already established a lack of judgement. The wife will probably leave me for a KLOVer.

[Aceldamor]

WTF is a Basement? we don't have ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- like these "basements" you keep talking about on the WEST SIDE!!!!!!!!!

[CheffoJeffo]

I will say that it's nice that nobody calls me "crybaby turd tosser egotistical self righteous miserable coward stink hole" anymore. 

The day aint over yet 

[Token]

WTF is a Basement? we don't have ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- like these "basements" you keep talking about on the WEST SIDE!!!!!!!!!

As a child growing up in the West, I envied the basements and stand-up floored attics I saw on TV.

Grew up.

Moved East.

Bought a house with a basement and stand-up floored attic. Exceeded expectations. Kid me knew what was up.

[RandyT]

Just do what's right to keep your relationship in good working order.  But keep in mind that females can smell fear, and that many of them don't consider it to be an attractive trait in a male.

But in the interest of full disclosure, I have it pretty good.  My Lisa has assembled and soldered virtually every interface and has lovingly QC'd and packed every order we've had for over a decade.  Every part in every box is her "baby".  Before that, she enjoyed hitting garage sales and flea markets with me to hunt for classic video game systems, and didn't blink an eye when I pulled the old Defender cabinet from the basement and plopped it into, what was at the time of the early days of MAME, our <200 sqft living room.  There's a lot more related stuff she has (and continues to) put up with, but I won't bore you.

So, at the onset, try make sure you really know and accept them, and that they really know and accept you.  If it works out, you'll be dealing with each other's idiosyncrasies for a long time.  You get just one chance at life.  Do what you can to make sure you aren't miserable the whole time.

[DietCoke]

I have always wanted to build an arcade cabinet, but only if it had what I considered to be the best components and what *I* wanted, not what was necessarily a traditional cabinet.  Based on that it was clear that I was going to be spending some significant funds.  I don't tend to "spoil" myself or buy a lot of things for myself, so the odds of that idea ever getting off the ground were pretty slim.  It isn't a case of not being able to pay for it regardless, but as I've lived through poverty in the past I'm just not extravagant.

I asked my wife what she wanted for our ten-year anniversary.  She replied that she wanted a bigger rock on her finger.  Was it what I wanted to hear?  Not particularly.  But I accepted that it was something that she wanted, told her to pick one that she would always be happy with, and she was appreciative and more importantly - it made her happy. 

I can't claim to understand the importance that had to her, conversely she cannot claim to understand the importance that the cabinet has to me.  But it really doesn't matter... they make us happy individually, and thus together.

At the time I didn't know what I wanted to commemorate our anniversary, but after a few weeks I decided that I would like to build the cabinet.  She didn't hesitate when I told her that I wanted to build the cabinet, nor did she when I gave her a general cost.  I am sure that she would have said yes even if it wasn't our anniversary, or if I hadn't put a bigger rock on the finger.  But that's what it took for me to give MYSELF permission to build it.  Did I ask her if it was ok?  You bet - but that approach goes both ways, and is very much the reason why *knock on wood* we had an anniversary to celebrate in the first place.

Full disclosure, though:  I did not look at our bank account statements for several months to avoid the anxiety

[ChanceKJ]

.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[pbj]

Is she hot?

[Frank Drebin]

"We" decide what goes in "our" house.  I wouldn't drop a couple g on a machine without telling her just like she wouldn't buy new furniture to match the drapes without running it past me.  Mutual respect.

[johnrt]

just like she wouldn't buy new furniture to match the drapes without running it past me.

Really??? You care about the furnitures matching the drapes?? 

[pbj]

just like she wouldn't buy new furniture to match the drapes without running it past me.

Really??? You care about the furnitures matching the drapes?? 

HA HA!  He has different priorities than you!  Burn the witch!

 

[Frank Drebin]

just like she wouldn't buy new furniture to match the drapes without running it past me.

Really??? You care about the furnitures matching the drapes?? 

I care about a lot of stuff in the house, but that really wasn't the point.  Major changes, major purchases, we run them past each other.

[tomstewdevine]

Scenario #1 -

You want to buy a $200 Space Zap cabinet. Your wife (not girlfriend, wife - your legal spouse) thinks you just don't have enough room for one since you already have a 4 player 4 foot wide video game playin' machine in the living room. Money is not an issue, since you collected $200 selling empty soda cans. What do you do?

If I put a 4 foot wide cabinet in my living room then I have already established a lack of judgement. The wife will probably leave me for a KLOVer.

Nailed it.

[jennifer]

I guess, Here's my point: a lot of the people who I see in healthy relationships have a mutual understanding about what makes the other happy. And then don't feel guilt when they consider buying something that they like.

Married or not, I've had my fair share of relationships, and I'm no expert, but I do know this: I would personaly not chose to be with someone who made me feel guilt, or made me feel implied guilt for buying something I knew I could afford (time/space/money wise) that makes me happy.

Recently in the last year I've bought 6 new arcade cabinets, not once did I get hastled for them, the money I spent, not the time I've spent on them. That includes 3 out of province trips, and even one failed attempt to freight a cab from Texas to Alberta (buyer backed out). She knows this makes me happy, and will continue to support me by listening to my rants on car trips, asking questions, and playing the odd game of Mario Bros along side me.

My question is: why? Why deal with the guilt of not being happy? If you have the space, the bills have been paid, and you have a chance to add to your arcade collection, why shouldn't you?

   That's subjective friend... Firstly "out of province trips"? (**Jennifer chuckles with amusment)  And #2) Collecting is just that, a collection,  Without purpose could be considered a liability, financially, dangerous living conditions, and disposal in the event of death. 

[Vigo]

Just to play this to the other end of the field - Does the "It makes me happy" line really mean ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---? Is a spouse only being selfish and self serving by squelching a plan that would make their husband happy? What if the said hobby was gambling, going to strip joints, mutilating small animals with a hack saw?

And I only bring it up because I have known a few people that let their hobbies consume them. Amassing piles a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- that sits around on the concept that "it makes them happy".

In one case I had words with the spouse (husband) and told him to grow a pair and take a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- on the excuse of "It makes me happy" (Wife). Screw that. Some people need their antics reeled in by their spouse, big time. And if they are so self centered that they view it as their spouse trying to take away their happiness and be controlling, then they are damn lucky they had a spouse to begin with, because those people didn't understand the concept of a mutual relationship to begin with.


Yes, I am painting with a wide brush here, but I am making a point that there are good reasons why a spouse might not approve.

[monkeybomb]

Yes, I am painting with a wide brush here, but I am making a point that there are good reasons why a spouse might not approve.

For where this conversation has gone, I really think Vigo nailed it.

But I think if we go back to the generaic exuse of "the wife said no," then it's most likely something more that should not be blamed on the wife.  Perhaps the real complaint should be, "I didn't make life choices that have given me enough money to do this where I live."  Or, "I aleady have too much crap and my kind wife who puts up with me simply can't deal with adding an arcade cabinet."  But, if it's truly an issue of a wife not letting a guy get a cabinet, even when there is enough money and the house has a little extra space, then maybe there is an issue of guys getting walked all over and they need to grow a pair.

[yotsuya]

Just to play this to the other end of the field - Does the "It makes me happy" line really mean ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---? Is a spouse only being selfish and self serving by squelching a plan that would make their husband happy? What if the said hobby was gambling, going to strip joints, mutilating small animals with a hack saw?

And I only bring it up because I have known a few people that let their hobbies consume them. Amassing piles a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- that sits around on the concept that "it makes them happy".

In one case I had words with the spouse (husband) and told him to grow a pair and take a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- on the excuse of "It makes me happy" (Wife). Screw that. Some people need their antics reeled in by their spouse, big time. And if they are so self centered that they view it as their spouse trying to take away their happiness and be controlling, then they are damn lucky they had a spouse to begin with, because those people didn't understand the concept of a mutual relationship to begin with.


Yes, I am painting with a wide brush here, but I am making a point that there are good reasons why a spouse might not approve.

That's exactly why I mentioned our friend with the white flip flops in my initial response. That's a great example of somebody letting their hobby consume their life and ruin their relationships.

I get the whole "man up" thing, which is what I think Chance's goofing around with. But I also know there are legitimate reasons why you should get your spouse's input in this hobby.

(Notice I didn't say girlfriend. I think those two are different.)

[pbj]

(Notice I didn't say girlfriend. I think those two are different.)

Yeah, girlfriends aren't deathly allergic to blowjobs.

[johnrt]

TL;DR for new readers: "Hey wife! If I can't have an arcade in the house, I'll slap you with my purse!"

[opt2not]

That's subjective friend... Firstly "out of province trips"? (**Jennifer chuckles with amusment) 

Awww that's cute. jennifer doesn't know what a province is... typical american school system fail.

[RandyT]

Awww that's cute. jennifer doesn't know what a province is... typical american school system fail.

Stop being so provincial 

[yotsuya]

TL;DR for new readers: "Hey wife! If I can't have an arcade in the house, I'll slap you with my purse!"

As opposed to what? "---smurfette---, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich while I play some Pac-Man." ?

[monkeybomb]

That's subjective friend... Firstly "out of province trips"? (**Jennifer chuckles with amusment) 

Awww that's cute. jennifer doesn't know what a province is... typical american school system fail.

I know what a province is and at no point has it provided any value to my life in any way.  Truly useless knowledge unless you live in one.  If I had to pick something to forget in order to better understand the crt monitor in my cabinet, you have provided the perfect option.


Edit: instead of only being a smart ass, I want to add that involving my wife in the games has made her like all the gaming stuff more, and it's a lot better than most of the stuff available for couples to do together.  Game selction is interesting there.  We both love puzzle games, but one time I tried street fighter and she apologized after hitting my character.  That was a no go.

[RandyT]

TL;DR for new readers: "Hey wife! If I can't have an arcade in the house, I'll slap you with my purse!"

As opposed to what? "---smurfette---, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich while I play some Pac-Man." ?

Heh.  A better situation than either of those is when she sees you playing Pac-Man and just brings you one

[yotsuya]

TL;DR for new readers: "Hey wife! If I can't have an arcade in the house, I'll slap you with my purse!"

As opposed to what? "---smurfette---, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich while I play some Pac-Man." ?

Heh.  A better situation than either of those is when she sees you playing Pac-Man and just brings you one

Exactly, and that comes from mutual respect.

[opt2not]

I know what a province is and at no point has it provided any value to my life in any way. 

That's really good for you.  Who are you?
I was talking to jennifer.

[monkeybomb]

I know what a province is and at no point has it provided any value to my life in any way. 

That's really good for you.  Who are you?
I was talking to jennifer.

3k posts and you still need a walkthrough?  No wonder they make you guys solve a kindergarten math problem to enter a contest.

Okay, her you are:

Step 1: click Jennifer's avatar.
Step 2: On the left of the screen, under "Actions" click "private message"
Step 3: send comments you don't want responses to on a public forum.

For the record I know the law about the math problem.

[CheffoJeffo]

No wonder they make you guys solve a kindergarten math problem to enter a contest.

Nah -- that's just the easiest way to filter out Americans. 

[opt2not]

Taking the "man-up and just do it" stance just shows how much an immature self-centred --cream-filled twinkie--/kaneda you are.  This completely confirms my assessment of this Chance clown. Self-centered, inconsiderate passive aggressive ---Bad words, bad words, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when saint censors you?--- who thinks he's king----steaming pile of meadow muffin--- and knows everything there is to know about other people's situation to even assume he can give advice. Please, grow the ---fudgesicle--- up. If you want to be the tyrant of your home, then so be it. But don't push that douchbag mentality on the rest of us.
Keeping balance at home is part of what being a man is. If you can't understand this, then you have no right being in a relationship. Just stay a bachelor and die a lonely cold life...but hey, you'll have all your cabinets to keep you warm.   

[opt2not]

3k posts and you still need a walkthrough?

Member since 2004, and I still don't know who the ---fudgesicle--- you are. 

[jennifer]

    Play nice boys.... Actually we never were told about providences in our schools, and yes I do find it amusing still today. I wasn't talking about one game however, but the Ocd/Narcissistic behavior many of us possess (multiple and many) Arcade games are a lifestyle, and to dump it on someone who is not 100% on board is rather foolish IMO...To P/m Jennifer on the subject of relationships, Well... 

[CheffoJeffo]

Honest question: Do we really run into enough situations where "I can't have it just because my wife won't let me" for anybody to consider it a thing? Do people really whinge and admit that publicly?

Chance asked a question about "spousal approval" and I like to think most of us do that.

I don't remember many situations where "I can't have it because my wife said no" was an actual reason. I've seen a few posts like that, but most often in the context of adding another machine to an already-moldering pile of machines.

[pbj]

Frequently, I wish this forum had "ignore thread" or "ignore threads started by user" options.  I find myself wishing so again.

[harveybirdman]

I hear it used more to justify frankenpanels....

She's only going to let me have one so it must do everything.... _{and be super fugly......}

[yotsuya]

Honest question: Do we really run into enough situations where "I can't have it just because my wife won't let me" for anybody to consider it a thing? Do people really whinge and admit that publicly?

Chance asked a question about "spousal approval" and I like to think most of us do that.

I don't remember many situations where "I can't have it because my wife said no" was an actual reason. I've seen a few posts like that, but most often in the context of adding another machine to an already-moldering pile of machines.

Right. No one has ever started a thread with "Here are my awesome plans.... but my wife said no so I can't build it."

I've seen it used with "I got my wife's approval, so here is my build....". Which I never took to mean "I asked her and she said I could have one" but more like she was on board with bringing one into the house.

[yotsuya]

I hear is used more to justify frankenpanels....

She's only going to let me have one so it must do everything.... _{and be fugly......}

Great point.

[Vigo]

I hear is used more to justify frankenpanels....

She's only going to let me have one so it must do everything.... _{and be fugly......}

Ironically, a giant fugly frankenpanel probably has caused more than one wife to put the brakes on project #2.

[Generic Eric]

Man

There is some weird stuff in here:

I have a multi, and my multi has a multi.  But my multi's multi is not my multi.

Like that for example.  I don't even have a multi.

[CheffoJeffo]

    Play nice boys.... Actually we never were told about providences in our schools, and yes I do find it amusing still today.

A lack of understanding about providence in the USA? The wicked irony/accuracy of that statement is beautiful.

Or do you mean that place in Rhode Island?

[wp34]

I hear is used more to justify frankenpanels....

She's only going to let me have one so it must do everything.... _{and be fugly......}

Ironically, a giant fugly frankenpanel probably has caused more than one wife to put the brakes on project #2.

When I first started looking at dedicated games my wife's response was "why do you want one that only plays one game?"  She gets it now---or at least pretends to because she loves me.

[opt2not]

    Play nice boys.... Actually we never were told about providences in our schools, and yes I do find it amusing still today.

A lack of understanding about providence in the USA? The wicked irony/accuracy of that statement is beautiful.

  That was just perfect. Case, rested.

[harveybirdman]

[yotsuya]

I hear is used more to justify frankenpanels....

She's only going to let me have one so it must do everything.... _{and be fugly......}

Ironically, a giant fugly frankenpanel probably has caused more than one wife to put the brakes on project #2.

When I first started looking at dedicated games my wife's response was "why do you want one that only plays one game?"  She gets it now---or at least pretends to because she loves me.

My wife has has a few favorites that just don't do it for her on the MAME cab, but she love playing with the original controllers. She gets it.

[voltz]

I was just having a bit of a chat with someone on this topic.  Privilege gets to be an issue when he's the breadwinner and roughly 3/4 of the house you pay for with your earnings is "hers".  This begs the question of how much poll does one really have when they believe they have the right to deny you, aside from the fact that you're the one running this whole show to begin with.

Noticed an error in my post, d'oh!

[johnrt]

I have to speak for myself, but there isn't a woman on this planet that's gonna tell me what to do or not. The only woman who could, my mother, passed away many, many years ago. I have three kids, the youngest is 18 years old. I've been a dad and family guy for 23 years and now it's time for me to what I want. I'm not asking anyone for permission to exercise my hobby, no matter what the hobby may be! I'm too old for this ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---. I guess when you pass a certain age or certain point in life, you couldn't care less. And I'm there.

[yotsuya]

Pretty soon you'll be telling the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn. And watching World War Two documentaries.

[opt2not]

Well, add kids to this situation and it changes the whole dichotomy of this conversation. 

[yotsuya]

Well, add kids to this situation and it changes the whole dichotomy of this conversation.

Enh, it is what it is. Bros gotta bro.

[johnrt]

Pretty soon you'll be telling the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn. And watching World War Two documentaries.

Wait! I've seen a lot of WW2 documentaries.

Now, you guys went out of arguments and passed the ridicule line. 

[yotsuya]

Pretty soon you'll be telling the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn. And watching World War Two documentaries.

Wait! I've seen a lot of WW2 documentaries.

Now, you guys went out of arguments and passed the ridicule line. 

I guess it's all in how you look at it. I wouldn't ask my wife's permission for anything, but I'm also in tune with how she feels about things. I'd expect the same from her.

[Howard_Casto]

Compromise is good.  On the other hand if there is something to do that makes you happy, there's really no reason to deny you of it and someone tries to.... maybe you shouldn't be with that person.

[CheffoJeffo]

Is it me of or is there is a heck of a lot of "doth protest too much" in this thread.

 

[opt2not]

I have to speak for myself, but there isn't a woman on this planet that's gonna tell me what to do or not.

And for crying out loud, can you sound more misogynous?  Why not replace "a woman" with "anyone"?
I don't care if you've checked-out of life entirely or not. Everyone, whether male, female, white, black, yellow or brown deserves respect. Are we really still in the 50's??

[CheffoJeffo]

I have to speak for myself, but there isn't a woman on this planet that's gonna tell me what to do or not.

And for crying out loud, can you sound more misogynous?

Pretty sure the answer to that one is no. Just saying. 

[opt2not]

I have to speak for myself, but there isn't a woman on this planet that's gonna tell me what to do or not.

And for crying out loud, can you sound more misogynous?

Pretty sure the answer to that one is no. Just saying. 

America? ---fudgesicle---? yeah?

edit: to elaborate, I'm pretty happy that Canada has a new look to our government. Our cabinet is now made up of 50% women, and we've already had our a woman Prime Minister (jennifer, you can laugh at "Prime Minister"...it's kinda like a President, but not...), something that the US hasn't had yet. But hey, this could be the time... go Hilary. To hell with Trump -- what an assclown.

[johnrt]

I have to speak for myself, but there isn't a woman on this planet that's gonna tell me what to do or not.

And for crying out loud, can you sound more misogynous?  Why not replace "a woman" with "anyone"?
I don't care if you've checked-out of life entirely or not. Everyone, whether male, female, white, black, yellow or brown deserves respect. Are we really still in the 50's??

Come on! I haven't checked out of life. I just started enjoying it! Why the hell do you have to stand with your hat in your hand asking your spouse for permission to build/buy a freakin' arcade cabinet?

[yotsuya]

I think you're equating spousal approval with actual permission, which really are two different things.

[johnrt]

I think you're equating spousal approval with actual permission, which really are two different things.

[CheffoJeffo]

I think you're equating spousal approval with actual permission, which really are two different things.

Begging for Permission != Looking for Approval

Ever post a project thread and read the feedback? Then you've been looking for approval.

[opt2not]

Sorry to our American neighbours, I just found out johnrt is Norwegian. Didn't mean to put you in the same boat. Carry on.

[johnrt]

Sorry to our American neighbours, I just found out johnrt is Norwegian. Didn't mean to put you in the same boat. Carry on.

And for the record: I'm not misogynous. I love women! 

"misogynous": I had too google that.

[Frank Drebin]

I think you're equating spousal approval with actual permission, which really are two different things.

Would you be ok with your wife buying a car without consulting with you first?

[voltz]

I think you're equating spousal approval with actual permission, which really are two different things.

Would you be ok with your wife buying a car without consulting with you first?

If she has her own income, would it matter?

[Frank Drebin]

If she has her own income, would it matter?

Uh, ya? 

Maybe now that she has car payments she can't afford to pay for family vacations, or help to save for retirement.  These are just hypotheticals but I seriously wonder if people that ask these type of questions have ever been in a relationship or if they are in one, how functional it really is. 

[Locke141]

edit: to elaborate, I'm pretty happy that Canada has a new look to our government. Our cabinet is now made up of 50% women, and we've already had our a woman Prime Minister (jennifer, you can laugh at "Prime Minister"...it's kinda like a President, but not...), something that the US hasn't had yet. But hey, this could be the time... go Hilary. To hell with Trump -- what an assclown.

 
Yep, You Canadians are way more progressive with all your having one non wight male prime minister and all. If only we had at least one non white male president.
    

This topic is starting to go in circles.

Still, I'll jump in to say that I used to make a lot more then my wife, and today I make a lot less. Then and now we both share space, limited time resources, and a long list of other elements of our shared life. I'm with yotsuya, CheffoJeffo, opt2not, and a like. To me my wife feeling like our home is ours is more important to me then having everything the way I want it. Luckily she feels the same way and we both tend to put the others feelings before our own. She encouraged me to build my cabs, and our bed room is more to her taste and we are both ok with it.

[voltz]

me - Honey, what do you think about the idea of adding a ceiling mirror to the bedroom?
wife - I don't know, what do you think of the idea of being single again?

 

[JDFan]

me - Honey, what do you think about the idea of adding a ceiling mirror to the bedroom?
wife - I don't know, what do you think of the idea of being single again?

you - so you Love the idea then?   

[dkersten]

On the subject of "Spouse Approval":
Stereotypes come from reality but don't always apply to everyone.
MOST wives would ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- a brick if their husband brought home an arcade cabinet and planted it in the living room.  This is just reality.
MOST husbands would ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- a brick if they came home to find their favorite couch replaced with some dainty sofa and the TV removed from the room because it didn't match the décor.  Again, this is reality.
It doesn't mean it is the same for every couple and it doesn't mean that everyone would do either one without consulting the spouse first.  SOME (very few) wives would love to replace that stylish corner chair with a honkin arcade cab.  If you found one, great, you win the internet.

On the subject of this thread:
Sounds more like a bragging session than a discussion about spousal approval. 
I have to admit, it was amusing but wow some people got really offended that their epeens weren't as big as others.  WTF. 

Look, if you are the one getting spousal approval first, congrats, you are in a normal relationship and have a normal woman.  Nothing to be ashamed of and in fact in MOST cases it just means you respect the woman you married and want to make sure she's happy before you make yourself happy.  You probably laugh at the jokes about marriage because you can relate.

If you are the one who doesn't get approval, then celebrate that you found the exception to the rule!  You are the lucky guy whose wife doesn't care!  Maybe she loves games too, or maybe she just knows it isn't worth the argument.  Maybe she gets more out of the relationship in other ways and wants to make sure you are happy.  Any way you cut it, you got what you wanted in your life, so just be happy and quit ragging on those who ask first.  It certainly doesn't subtract from your manhood and I can promise you that you won't change the way those who do get approval from their spouse look at their life.  Just because the term "ball and chain" doesn't refer to you, try to have an open enough mind to realize that more people relate to that term than don't.

[jennifer]

    That's a bit judgey  towards girls, not?  Get over yourself man, and consider yourself lucky you don't have to answer to Jennifer on a daily basis.

[Xiaou2]

    That's a bit judgey  towards girls, not?  Get over yourself man, and consider yourself lucky you don't have to answer to Jennifer on a daily basis.

 I dont know what a Dip Tank is... but I doubt its more important than a stove.

 Seriously,  if your dinner is popcorn and diet soda... I wouldnt plan on living long enough to finish said projects.
Your health is far more valuable than any game.   Take care of it.

[jennifer]

** EDIT **

[jbl77]

HAHA.....this topic is amusing. 

Though, my wife let me put over 6500 pounds of sand in our basement to fill the soundstage for the home theater I was building.   

Maybe that is why she never balked at me wanting to build a cab 

I love my wife    All about cummuication, respect....and when it comes to things like this for us, not half-assing it!

[leapinlew]

If she has her own income, would it matter?

Uh, ya? 

Maybe now that she has car payments she can't afford to pay for family vacations, or help to save for retirement.  These are just hypotheticals but I seriously wonder if people that ask these type of questions have ever been in a relationship or if they are in one, how functional it really is. 

Your situation sounds more financial based than maybe someone else. I mean, would you be bothered if she bought a candy bar without consulting? No? What about a $1,000 candy bar? Yes? What about a $25 candy bar?

See, depending on how you have your finances setup, it may not matter.

In my case, I have my own space, my own money and while we do talk about my arcade stuff, it's not for permission or approval anymore than I approve her perfumes, concealment creams, etc.

[pbj]

You don't approve perfumes?  Good lord, man. 

[jennifer]

    That's a bit judgey  towards girls, not?  Get over yourself man, and consider yourself lucky you don't have to answer to Jennifer on a daily basis.

 I dont know what a Dip Tank is... but I doubt its more important than a stove.

 Seriously,  if your dinner is popcorn and diet soda... I wouldnt plan on living long enough to finish said projects.
Your health is far more valuable than any game.   Take care of it.

  Well, it depends how you look at it I suppose.... A the only space left for a tank was where the stove was, (I do have a little toaster oven now for pizza and things) So don't worry about Jenn dying off any time soon .... As for the tank,  http://www.goldgenie.com/us/chrome-plating-kit.php, although awesome (and got a really good deal on it) was a bit overkill for what I do... But more recently have gotten into tin plating.
 

[RayB]

This was my reaction to the OP's initial post:

[yotsuya]

I think the OP had one too many Molson's that night.  You should never drink and BYOAC.

[dmckean]

I think the OP had one too many Molson's that night.  You should never drink and BYOAC.

Are you talking about drinking and posting on the forum or drinking and literally building your own arcade controls? Because I've done both. 

[yotsuya]

I think the OP had one too many Molson's that night.  You should never drink and BYOAC.

Are you talking about drinking and posting on the forum or drinking and literally building your own arcade controls? Because I've done both. 

Specifically talking about drinking and posting on this forum, because  everytime I see that happen, it only ends in tears. I suppose it would be good to extend that to Arcade building as well. Especially if you're running the power tools.