.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[yotsuya]

It's a lot more complicated than "just do it". Ask Kaneda.

But seriously, in a marriage, everything has to be built on mutual respect. If there's a legitimate reason why you need to ask your spouse, then ask your spouse.

[Generic Eric]

  ...This truly is a conversation for another thread.

 

-er


This is the first comment in this post.  I can't even.   

[harveybirdman]

My wife wants B to put Widowmaker in my art somewhere that's what she calls my cab.

It's all about frame of reference.

I wonder how many time "wife/spouse approval" will be uttered before we summon forth pbj.

[voltz]

I hate to mince the term with the idea of a wife taking control over your lifestyle, hobbies, etc.  One sad example is my sister turning the basement movie room into a work studio for her photography since her husband spends most of his time out on business and doesn't exactly "miss it". 

[pbj]

I wonder how many time "wife/spouse approval" will be uttered before we summon forth pbj.

I'd make a joke about how Chance is only 31 and hopeful he will lose his virginity soon.....

But the wife says no.

[harveybirdman]

 

[CheffoJeffo]

But seriously, in a marriage, everything has to be built on mutual respect. If there's a legitimate reason why you need to ask your spouse, then ask your spouse.

Exactly. And judging anybody else's marriage or situation based on your own is just plain stupid.

If the notion of spousal approval doesn't apply to you, then that's great (or not, as the case may be).

If it confuses you, see yot's answer.

If, on the other hand, you just want to play the passive-aggressive --missioncontrol--, then start a new thread saying that it needs to have a new thread.

[wp34]

It's a lot more complicated than "just do it". Ask Kaneda.

But seriously, in a marriage, everything has to be built on mutual respect. If there's a legitimate reason why you need to ask your spouse, then ask your spouse.

This is how I look at it as well. This hobby is expensive in time, space and money.   My wife has gone with me for every game pickup except one.  It's my hobby but we are in it together.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[ChanceKJ]

.

[keilmillerjr]

My wife wants me to buy every arcade and slot machine possible and I have to tell her no. Exact opposite problem. Lol

[CheffoJeffo]

I guess, Here's my point: a lot of the people who I see in healthy relationships have a mutual understanding about what makes the other happy. And then don't feel guilt when they consider buying something that they like.

Married or not, I've had my fair share of relationships, and I'm no expert, but I do know this: I would personaly not chose to be with someone who made me feel guilt, or made me feel implied guilt for buying something I knew I could afford (time/space/money wise) that makes me happy.

Oh, you were being genuine ...   

To answer your question, I would start by asking if you understand the assumptions you make.

Perhaps first is the notion of guilt. You're inferring (see what I did there?) the guilt. Approval != Guilt.

Approval != Begging. Approval can be support or approval can be respect. Again, inferring.

You seem to assume that there is a spousal predisposition to disapprove and that getting spousal approval is arduous and shameful. Inferring.

Then there are big assumptions you make about being able to afford the time, space and money. You seem to assume that everybody is in that same boat, that those are binary positions, and that spouses will, by necessity, agree. The more closely your life is tied to others, the less cut-and-dried things become and the more likely that those people will not see things the same way that you do.

Seeking prior approval is about respect and about recognizing that the most important people in our lives may not  share your viewpoint. If they did, things  would be boring. It's also a really good opportunity to solicit input and invite participation. IMO, the FIRST person I want to talk to about cab design or acquisition is my wife, not a bunch of strange guys on the innertubes that play old games in big wooden boxes.

[n3wt0n]

Seeking prior approval is about respect and about recognizing that the most important people in our lives may not  share your viewpoint. If they did, things  would be boring. It's also a really good opportunity to solicit input and invite participation. IMO, the FIRST person I want to talk to about cab design or acquisition is my wife, not a bunch of strange guys on the innertubes that play old games in big wooden boxes.

I like this CheffoJeffo guy.

[dezmond]

[/quote]

I like this CheffoJeffo guy.
[/quote]

+1   

[JDFan]

I guess, Here's my point: a lot of the people who I see in healthy relationships have a mutual understanding about what makes the other happy. And then don't feel guilt when they consider buying something that they like.

Married or not, I've had my fair share of relationships, and I'm no expert, but I do know this: I would personaly not chose to be with someone who made me feel guilt, or made me feel implied guilt for buying something I knew I could afford (time/space/money wise) that makes me happy.

Recently in the last year I've bought 6 new arcade cabinets, not once did I get hastled for them, the money I spent, not the time I've spent on them. That includes 3 out of province trips, and even one failed attempt to freight a cab from Texas to Alberta (buyer backed out). She knows this makes me happy, and will continue to support me by listening to my rants on car trips, asking questions, and playing the odd game of Mario Bros along side me.

My question is: why? Why deal with the guilt of not being happy? If you have the space, the bills have been paid, and you have a chance to add to your arcade collection, why shouldn't you?

There in lies the problem in many cases -- IF you have the other bills paid and there is extra left to buy something that makes you happy then asking about buying it is probably not going to cause a problem - unless everytime it is an arcade or something that makes you happy that the excess is spent on and never something that makes her happy !!

But what happens when the money is spent and then the car breaks down or some other expense comes up that wasn't planned on or the money spent was needed to pay the bills or she had already found something that makes her happy to spend it on ? - what would you say if she went out and spent $1000 on a new designer purse that made her happy ( or 6 of them in the last year ?? ) without at least talking to you about spending the $.  You act like you just bought them without discussing it at all which I'm pretty sure is not the case - so it's more like you got "Spouse Approval" and she was fine with it not like you went out for the 6th time and came home with another arcade without first discussing it  - so whether you think you are getting "spousal Approval or not it sure sounds like you have even though she has it arranged so you don't think you have  !!

[Aceldamor]

I like this CheffoJeffo guy.

+1

I see your point Chance. You are in a place where you have the support "built in" it sounds like. Having said that Cheffo has pretty much nailed it on the head. It's about mutual respect. Most money pools are shared and it's not only the responsible, but also the right thing to do to discuss an expense like arcade building / collecting with your significant other to make sure budgets can support the hobby. If they cannot support the entire hobby all up front, if also affords the opportunity to budget together and like Cheffo said, get them involved from jump street.

My wife has ALWAYS been supportive of my hobbies and they aren't cheap, (arcade, retro game collecting, miniature war gaming) but that doesn't mean I don't discuss significant purchases with her first. She extends the same courtesy my way when she would like to support her hobbies.

[yotsuya]

My wife has ALWAYS been supportive of my hobbies and they aren't cheap, (arcade, retro game collecting, miniature war gaming) but that doesn't mean I don't discuss significant purchases with her first. She extends the same courtesy my way when she would like to support her hobbies.

Exactly.

When I started in with my first MAME cab 5 years ago, I offered to put it out back on the patio, but my wife was OK with it going in our family room. When we redid our house, I got the family room and turned it into a game room, with her blessing. I will admit to being one of those "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" types when it came to filling the game room, but I also wouldn't be a tool and start putting games in the kitchen or encroach on our other family space. 15 games later, I'm at my limit. Anything new coming in means something has to come out. I also have gotten some games she likes, which adds to our family enjoyment. And I know she won't admit it, but when we have parties and she shows the gameroom to new friends, I can tell she's proud of it.

She has one "rule" right now - no pins unless we get a bigger house - and I'm fine with that.

Now, that one dude a few months ago who said he was doing 6 buttons per person on a 4 player panel because his girlfriend wanted symmetry? GTFO.

[yotsuya]

My question is: why? Why deal with the guilt of not being happy? If you have the space, the bills have been paid, and you have a chance to add to your arcade collection, why shouldn't you?

My take is that the guys who post about getting spousal approval don't have the space or the financial flexibility to "just do it". Especially with the influx of 4 foot wide cabs and dozens of LEDs - if you don't have a dedicated game room, a cab is going to stick out in your living space like 500 lb (226.79618 Kilograms for you Canadians) gorilla.

[pbj]

Frankly, I've got better things to do than worry about how other people handle their relationships.  "The wife says no" will never cease to be an annoying excuse, but I recognize that it's usually coming from a coward that wants to deflect blame and can't admit he changed his mind or can't really afford it.  Both of those are perfectly reasonable excuses, no need to throw a third party under the bus.

[CheffoJeffo]

Frankly, I've got better things to do than worry about how other people handle their relationships.

Not to mention that using two words to render judgement upon a relationship between two people you don't even know is problematic. Kinda like filling in the gaps in the sequence with amphibian DNA.

Now, that one dude a few months ago who said he was doing 6 buttons per person on a 4 player panel because his girlfriend wanted symmetry? GTFO.

 

[yotsuya]

Frankly, I've got better things to do than worry about how other people handle their relationships.  "The wife says no" will never cease to be an annoying excuse, but I recognize that it's usually coming from a coward that wants to deflect blame and can't admit he changed his mind or can't really afford it.  Both of those are perfectly reasonable excuses, no need to throw a third party under the bus.

Yeah, "the wife says no" seems to be a common CL tactic. Get the wife's approval before you kick the tires, Skippy.

It'd be funny if some dude started a thread, only to shut it down because the wife said no once she found out.

[Vigo]

"Spouse approval" comes into play for me to reel in my insanity. I bring a new project idea up and the wife goes "What about the 3 unfinished cabs you have collecting dust?" Give me a dose of motivation and keeps me from turning the basement into a graveyard of unfinished projects and finish things up before opening something new. Beyond that, I am with WP34, My wife has gone out on every pickup, to every auction, spent time in the shop with me and generally helped me with every facet of the hobby at least in some capacity.

  To all the spouses behind every awesome project.

[DeLuSioNal29]

Here's how I do it:  I do tons of crap to make her happy.  Which in turn makes me happy.  Here's why:

The more right I treat her, the happier she is.  The happier she is, the better she treats me in return.  Reciprocity is key.

Sometimes she doesn't agree with purchases, but that's why I use my better judgment in this hobby.  I pick and choose my battles carefully.  Every now and then I go a little overboard (in the hobby it's feast or famine sometimes with cabinets on CL) but in the end everyone is happy and she thinks it's cool that I'm doing what I love.

DeLuSioNaL29

[yotsuya]

Might I recommend some bling you could hang off of Flynn's? You could probably stick LEDs in the 4th one...

[markc74]

Yoinks - this board got busy quick...

To clarify my use of the phrase (which I was using in the generic someone-else-might-have-some-opinion-on-this way) was that if my missus installed a 6 foot high flashing nerd box in our spare bedroom then some discussion with me beforehand would be nice...

I don't *need* approval - I'm a grown man - but there are other people in my life who's opinions I value as much, or even more than, people on here sometimes :-)

I think everything else has pretty much been covered far more eloquently than I can put it. 

[Token]

My wife and I discuss and agree before we spend money outside of our regular monthly budget. Before she bought a piano to put in the dining room, we discussed it. Before I put an arcade cabinet in the den, we discussed it.

For some of us "spousal approval" means showing respect to our partners to ensure we are not putting our own hobbies above the interests of our family.

I don't know anybody in a successful partnership who just does whatever they want without input from the other party.

[CheffoJeffo]

For some of us "spousal approval" means showing respect to our partners to ensure we are not putting our own hobbies above the interests of our family.

I don't know anybody in a successful partnership who just does whatever they want without input from the other party.

 

Just because you (in the generic sense) have a respectful and supportive partner doesn't mean that she does.

[Typefighter01]

Mehhhh...respect is one thing, being terrified of your wife is another. There is nothing more sad to me than a man without balls (LED or otherwise). I will mention to my wife what I plan to do and she will do the same, yes, out of respect, but to straight up ask for permission...like asking to sleep over at a friends house like when I was ten...whatever.

When I was younger, in earlier relationship's, I felt controlled and scared of things that might happen if I didn't "Do what I was told", but now that I am 41, battled cancer, had a job since I was 14 and work my 44 hours a week and pay my bills...I will do what I want and just relay it to my wife, no fear here.

My wife and I have separate accounts, she spends her money as she sees fit, we have the bills split evenly and in 10years of marriage, we have only fought twice (we pick at each other, but straight out yelling matches...only ever had two).

I think Chance is talking about the white trash couples that argue all the time or the "C" word wife's that demean and yell at their husbands, not you fine folks  ...give him a break.

[CheffoJeffo]

I think Chance is talking about the white trash couples that argue all the time or the "C" word wife's that demean and yell at their husbands, not you fine folks  ...give him a break.

If he wasn't talking about us fine folks, why would he cite people here as examples?

That explanation is what merits a   

[yotsuya]

I think Chance is talking about the white trash couples that argue all the time or the "C" word wife's that demean and yell at their husbands, not you fine folks  ...give him a break.

I'm pretty sure he's talking about this site/collectors based on what Cheffo said, as well as a similar thread that popped up on KLOV I'm sure he read.

I thought we were just discussing it, not Chancepiling.

[Typefighter01]

True dat Cheffo, looks like you caught me, good catch, good on you, good eye, well played...anyway. He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

Here is #16 to #19 of 32 signs the modern male is getting emasculated...see any similarities to the guys who might frequent the site 

#16 About two-thirds of all students in “special education programs” are boys.

#17 The average American girl spends 5 hours a week playing video games.  The average American boy spends 13 hours a week playing video games.

#18 The average young American will spend 10,000 hours playing video games before the age of 21.

#19 One study discovered that 88 percent of all Americans between the ages of 8 and 18 play video games, and that video game addiction is approximately four times as common among boys as it is among girls.

Emasculation = asking for permission...I rest my case. (I included #16 cause it made me lol in this context)...

[vwalbridge]

1. When I was dating my wife, I bought whatever I wanted.

2. When I married my wife, I bought what WE wanted.

3. When I had kids with my wife, I buy whatever WE ALL want.

You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. In other words, involve the wife and kids in your hobby and "asking for permission" will never even have to come up.

I've noticed over time that if I have to "ask", then it's already too late.

[Token]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

[monkeybomb]

Sometimes wives say no because the guy is already using 2/3s of the available space.  Or maybe he has too much money tied up in other collectibles.  Or maybe he didn't come through on installing shelves all over the house to display an unreasonably large troll doll collection.  Arcade cabinets are also huge pieces of furniture that can define whatever room they are in. 

If a female is in charge of every piece of the house and there is actually money available and she still says no, then I'm with you.   But I think we are hearing "the wife said no" when it may actually be "she finally drew a line after having less than 1/2 the resources and space to begin with"

[yotsuya]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

His first sentence is "I keep seeing posts like this"...

[Typefighter01]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

It's beyond you...

[CheffoJeffo]

Emasculation = asking for permission...I rest my case. (I included #16 cause it made me lol in this context)...

OK -- I need to be clearer -- this may offend, so hold on.

"Spousal Approval" are two words that cover a wide variety of situations and motivations.

You and Chance have whittled that down to a single situation and one motivation: "Begging for permission."

To me, that suggests that you guys are either contextually-impaired and can't see beyond that limited POV - or - you are comprehensionally-impaired and just need a dictionary.

 

EDIT: I was going to let it pass, but didn't want to feel emasculated. Posting #16 as a joke is a total --cream-filled twinkie-- play, particularly as there are a large number of parents here who have special needs kids. I have two. I get that you don't know that, that's kinda the point.

[Typefighter01]

He is drawing from what he see's in real life, not an internet forum. You know right well who he is talking about, so don't play stupid.

It is quite obvious he is remarking on comments made here on an internet forum. Why you would think otherwise is beyond me. 

His first sentence is "I keep seeing posts like this"...

Dudes...lighten up. I understand it stems from him seeing it in posts and he is wondering why. He makes mention of joint accounts  , so he is referring to real life. Chance, like all of us, has see a man basically be treated like a child. Holy frigg...

[Typefighter01]

Emasculation = asking for permission...I rest my case. (I included #16 cause it made me lol in this context)...

OK -- I need to be clearer -- this may offend, so hold on.

"Spousal Approval" are two words that cover a wide variety of situations and motivations.

You and Chance have whittled that down to a single situation and one motivation: "Begging for permission."

To me, that suggests that you guys are either contextually-impaired and can't see beyond that limited POV - or - you are comprehensionally-impaired and just need a dictionary.

 

Don't include Chance in this, I am the only one being an ---uvula--- right now