Bye?

[Xiaou2]

I was sleeping in my minivan when the leased room from hell ran out, until I could save enough money up for the $1200 car repair needed to pass inspection....

 Contractor found out... thought I was stealing due to comming in to eat or use restroom... on non scheduled times.

 Just got my van pass... 2 mo. Past due. Yay.    Then 2 hrs later, get a call saying they dont want me back. =(    Innapropriate behavior + unproven suspicions.

 Im losing my ability to deal with this stuff.

 If I go "dark",  best wishes to you all.

[Slippyblade]

Holy crap, man.  Sorry to hear.

Hope you can work things out.

[Dawgz Rule]

Hang in there man.

[ark_ader]

Look on the bright side.  You have the minivan.

The world is your oyster.

[yotsuya]

Don't be afraid to come around here and blow off steam, brother. 

[Howard_Casto]

Man and I thought my personal life was imploding.... I hope things turn around for you man. 

[BadMouth]

While looking for another job, also take the time to learn what public resources are available.  (probably at a county level)
All of my clients with more than a half dozen rental properties have at least one property where rent is being paid by the county.

My opinion of public assistance changed when I realized that the people who ---smurfette--- about it are the same people who hide their assets in trusts so that Medicaid will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for their nursing home care instead of them using their own money or cashing out the equity in their house.

I say if it's there, take advantage of it.  You're no less deserving than anyone else.

[dkersten]

X2 - Hang in there.  Hope things turn around for you.  Just remember, you make your own luck.

Man and I thought my personal life was imploding.... I hope things turn around for you man.

No matter how bad things get in our own life, there is always someone who has it worse, has lost more, or has a tougher road ahead.  Sometimes it helps to think about that so you can appreciate how good you really have it.  On the other hand, some days just suck so bad that you don't care how bad someone else has it.  Health problems suck and turn your life upside down.  I have been through financial difficulty at times in my life and now I am going through some health issues, and I would rather have my health and be broke and out on ---my bottom--- than have financial security but not be able to enjoy it because of my health.  Of course, I am sure if I were out on ---my bottom--- and not sure where my next meal was going to come from I would probably trade some of my health for a break.  All a matter of perspective I suppose.  Just my 2 cents, but perhaps any of us who are struggling can gain some comfort from it. 

[Well Fed Games]

Sorry to hear about the hard times. I'm with Yots, don't be a stranger. Hope things turn around for you.

[pbj]

Join a month to month gym and shower and poop there.  I'd fire you if you were sneaking into sites after hours, too.

[HanoiBoi]

First, don't go dark.

Secondly, I'm very sorry to hear of the troubles.

Of course I don't fully understand the situation, but if it's at all possible, figure out if there's someone from the job who could be an advocate for you.  Approach them when the time is right and explain your situation and the reason you hadn't previously disclosed.  Ask them to speak to the decision makers.
I realize it might be a slim option, but it can't hurt to try.

Many people that I know have been down low at times, and right now it seems real bad.  But, hang in there, take necessary steps and things will work out.

[lilshawn]

Join a month to month gym and shower and poop there.  I'd fire you if you were sneaking into sites after hours, too.

This.... also, I've also lived out of a van for a few months while I got my ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- straight. Rented a small site at a camp/RV place just outside of the city. Power, Showers, Bathrooms directly adjacent to my site...and laundry facilities and convenience store just down the way.

I don't recall how much it was, but i explained my situation to the owner and he cut me a bit of a deal since i'd need to stay for a few months.

Kept my ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- clean, head down, and gave nobody a reason to even look in my direction. Even spruced up the site a bit rakeing things up and making sure the bathroom was clean. the owner couldn't have been happier.

kept me legit looking enough to get squared away and into a new apartment.

[Slippyblade]

Really depends on where you are.  When the wife and I slummed it for a summer in Oregon, it was easy.  Lots of facilities for homeless folks, campgrounds, etc.  Phoenix, where I've lived most of my life - you're ---fouled up beyond all recognition---.  There is nothing - It's borderline criminal to be homeless here.

[Donkey_Kong]

Most of us have been down and out at one time or another. Things can only get better, hang on brother.

[Zakk]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly).  I always think of that guy.  He would have come to in the hospital bed, and sooner or later would have looked in a mirror.  If he had been suicidal before...what must he have been like after... but he pulled out of it. 

So if you haven't blown your jaw off, life is looking pretty good.  Try it another way, look at it from a different perspective, etc.  When I got locked up for a stint due to UWI I was pretty down, but I look back on it today like a blip on the radar. 

(P.S. I'm not saying anyone is suicidal...just a story of depression)

[pbj]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

[Le Chuck]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

We had a Soldier lean forward when the main gun fired on the M1A1 and the breach recoil removed his bottom jaw...but he died. 

[dkersten]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

I can't speak for the person who posted that, but I can tell you first hand the theme is not uncommon.  I personally know one person who only lost use of his legs and pretty much changed every aspect of his physical life (mostly for the worse) after he hit rock bottom and figured there was only one way out.  Sure, it wasn't his face, but the damage is just as bad as is the impact on his life.  Despite the extreme challenges this added to his life since then (for nearly 20 years now), he leads a pretty full life, and it all came from hard work.

While my uncle was in the hospital for a broken back that led to 3/4 of his body being permanently paralyzed, his roommate was an 18 year old who had a similar injury from snowboarding.. facing his entire adult life without use of any part of his body below his chest.  Every day there are stories like that, whether accidental or self inflicted, and in most cases they move on to live life the best way they can manage.  It doesn't have to be a specific person, the message is the same - No matter how tough you have it, there is someone else who had it worse and managed to pull themselves out of it.

[bertman77]

I thought I was having a terrible day when I had no hot water, found out I needed a new hot water heater, got in crap at work cause I was distracted by my water situation, found out my 7 year old daughter hasn't been eating lunch because another 7 year old is calling her fat, got into an argument with my wife over the son's baseball game and got pooped on by a bird.

Seems like none of that is a big deal now.

[ark_ader]

Well I won $800 on 5c keno  last night and had a horrible time deciding how to spend it.  Stargate or new suit....hmmm...

[bertman77]

Well I won $800 on 5c keno  last night and had a horrible time deciding how to spend it.  Stargate or new suit....hmmm...

Uhh Stargate clearly.

[Howard_Casto]

So x2... I saw you've made a few posts since this.  Have things improved any?  I hope they have.

[Xiaou2]

Thanks,

 I was fortunate that the friend I have at my former place of work,  got me in touch with the mechanic that fixed my van for an affordable price...   and,  he has taken me in as a roomy, for a reduced rate,  so long as I help fix it up.

 Unfortunately, the area is really rough.   Theres a drug dealer across the street... and so cars drive by at all hours of the night, playing bass thumping rap... that goes right through the uninsulated walls.   There also is some kind of bus pickup... and so lots of kids making noises in the morning.   Sleep has not been very good.

 Health wise, its a daily battle.   One day Im Ok... the next... and my body is aching so bad it feels like Ive been lit on fire.  All it takes is a small serving of something that doesnt agree with me... and Im toast for the day.

 Money is getting really tight.   Its making me worry quite a bit.  Have not paid the car payment nor the $13,000 Visa / Chase debts that were largely caused by having surgery, previous half a year out of work, and having the house sold out from under me... in the worst possible time..  then having to spend 2 grand moving myself back to NY, after defending my sister from her abusive narcissist hubby... and being told to move out.

 I filed for unemployment.  Will take a few weeks for things to start rolling.

 Im Feeling slayed.  Having trouble dealing all of this.

 Its doubtful things will improve much, if at all.  In time, as my age progresses further, my allergies will no doubt get even worse..  Making life even more impossible than it has been.

[Xiaou2]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!
 

[leapinlew]

Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks..

FWIW, I don't think anyone was talking down to you Xiaou. To me it looks like attempts to have you look at the bright side and change your outlook. It's much healthier to have a positive outlook.

[adder]

I was living in a very noisy place in the past (the tenants below were animals and would throw plates at each other all night)

this product below was a godsend, it's amazing how much sound they block out - (they are re-usable, you can wash them with warm water/soap, and each pair will last a week or two).

give them a go, they helped me get a proper nights sleep which as we all know is very beneficial to your mood for the next day

[ark_ader]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

Nobody is saying that...well maybe Zakk did, but some people tend to attract the negative side of life.  I'm sure we have all been there, as you have too it seems, but what ever happened to once bitten twice shy?  Some people like to live on the edge, and get all grumpy if life is dealing you a winning hand all the time.  I think Zakk is saying that people out there in the world are having it a lot worse than you, and only know such horror on a daily basis. 

I'm not sure about the Black and Decker Duct tape experience, but if we look at recent events in the media, your scenario is a walk in the park.  Try and take this experience as a lesson, and start learning from it.  Go bankrupt, get on Medicaid, social services etc. As it seems those people who take the benefits offered get the most help.  Other that us poor souls that have to endure worse just to get a pay check, just to buy a cabinet and have someone ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- all over you on the forums for it.  The horror.

[Zakk]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

You see...what you did there...that's what I mean.  Stop blaming people for the ---smurfy--- things they did and move on.  It's done, there's nothing you can do about the past, but duct tape and power tools when you're 5 have no bearing on breaking into your place of work after hours and stealing water and electricity.  For the record, I would have fired you too, and yes I'm sure it would have been all my fault for not being understanding.

But hey, if blaming people and lashing out works for you, then by all means keep at it. I don't plan to offer any more advice, just keep doing what you're doing. For what it's worth I meant it as honest advice.  Seems like you're going down a depressing path, maybe time to try a totally new one..oh jeez, there I go again with my drivel.  Best of luck.

[Zakk]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

Victoria hospital, South street campus, london ontario circa ~2000.  Go ---fudgesicle--- yourself jim. I was the materials managment guy, had to come into the severe trauma ward every morning, looked at the guy in the eye for about 6 months 5 times a week.  He was fed through a tube in his throat, I could draw a picture if you would like.  I remember why I don't come to this place much, oh and jim go ---fudgesicle--- yourself.

[dkersten]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

Frankly I think it is this attitude that will keep you down in life.  I am not saying this to be a dick or to kick you when you are down - I would say the same thing (and have) to my own kids.  You have not made a lot of friends on this forum, yet when you announce that you are going through a rough time there has been nothing but compassion and caring shown.  Rather than stomp on that, embrace it and use it to lift your spirits.

I spent a couple years on a divorce forum after my divorce, and I didn't always like what people had to say, but the fact is they were right most of the time.  It isn't always easy to hear that you have "made your own bed" but sometimes you have to hear it.  You got the shorter end of the stick in many ways, and for that I am sorry for you.  You can spend your life blaming others or you can own your situation and take measures to fix it.  You will never fix it as long as you are wasting your energy pointing fingers and feeling sorry for yourself.

Don't focus on the abuse you suffered as a child, focus on the things that help you get past the PTSD it created in your life.  I needed some counseling when I became depressed after my divorce, so I went to my local church and made use of their pastoral counselors, which was free of charge.  They didn't preach to me or try to convert me, they were properly schooled therapists who were doing an internship.  It helped me get through something I didn't think I could get through.  Don't focus on the fact that you have a food allergy that is dragging you down, focus on what foods are causing it and make efforts to avoid them so you can feel better.  You have access to the internet, start learning about what is causing your issues and how to avoid them.  My daughter was allergic to wheat and apples as a child.  About 95% of all food is made with either wheat or apples (as a sweetener), so it was not easy.  Don't focus on the fact that you are unemployed, focus on where you can go next and how you can use this to make your life better.  Now that you aren't employed you have nothing tying you down for 24 hours each day.  That is a lot of time you could be spending finding a new job.  You have a friend who saw you needed help and held out a hand, and you are focused on how crappy the neighborhood is.  Why not focus on how much better you have it than you would if he hadn't reached out to help?

I have had the privilege of knowing some very successful people in my life.  They will all tell you the same thing: "The harder I work, the luckier I get."  Amazingly, nearly everyone who has worked their ass off and been successful at what they are working on will tell you that focus, dedication, and lots of hard work is what got them there.  It doesn't happen overnight.

I spent the first 10 years of my adult life drowning in debt, fielding collector calls, sometimes dozens each night, not sleeping well because I didn't know if I could pay for daycare, food, or the rent for my trailer.  Then when things first turned around for me and I had $2k in savings for the first time in my life, my wife's transmission failed and it cost me $2k to fix.  I was devastated until my dad asked me where I would have gotten the money if I hadn't had it in savings.  The answer was I would be in more debt, and I realized the difference between being happy and being unhappy was in the way I looked at things, not in my situation.

A positive outlook will do more for you in life than any skill or good fortune.  Instead of facing each day with dread, face it with a positive outlook and a smile.  Wake up and tell yourself that this day is not going to defeat you, you are going to take control of it and master it like you have mastered other things in your life.

Good luck. 

[deadmoney5]

This thread is turning into a right-wing blog site

The dude needs professional help for depression...not simple "pull up your bootstraps" or "quit being the victim" slogans.

[Vigo]

Im Feeling slayed.  Having trouble dealing all of this.

 Its doubtful things will improve much, if at all.  In time, as my age progresses further, my allergies will no doubt get even worse..  Making life even more impossible than it has been.

Are you kidding man? You have some really positive things going for you. You will get the unemployment rolling in soon, and you got a place to stay and your van is fixed. If you have no job income, then you should qualify for state paid medicaid, and if your allergies are incapacitating, then you can go into the hospital as much as you need to get yourself treated and put on a manageable health plan. You should also be able to get food stamps to help you buy food that fits your diet. Enroll for those programs as soon as possible. In my area, there are a ton of jobs to be had. I know for a fact that there is plenty of job openings in the food service management that will more than pay the bills, and to be honest, they need pedantic people like you most of all. This is a fight and a daily struggle, but that is the ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- that makes you a better, stronger person.  We are pulling for you. 

[leapinlew]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

Frankly I think it is this attitude that will keep you down in life.  I am not saying this to be a dick or to kick you when you are down - I would say the same thing (and have) to my own kids.  You have not made a lot of friends on this forum, yet when you announce that you are going through a rough time there has been nothing but compassion and caring shown.  Rather than stomp on that, embrace it and use it to lift your spirits.

I spent a couple years on a divorce forum after my divorce, and I didn't always like what people had to say, but the fact is they were right most of the time.  It isn't always easy to hear that you have "made your own bed" but sometimes you have to hear it.  You got the shorter end of the stick in many ways, and for that I am sorry for you.  You can spend your life blaming others or you can own your situation and take measures to fix it.  You will never fix it as long as you are wasting your energy pointing fingers and feeling sorry for yourself.

Don't focus on the abuse you suffered as a child, focus on the things that help you get past the PTSD it created in your life.  I needed some counseling when I became depressed after my divorce, so I went to my local church and made use of their pastoral counselors, which was free of charge.  They didn't preach to me or try to convert me, they were properly schooled therapists who were doing an internship.  It helped me get through something I didn't think I could get through.  Don't focus on the fact that you have a food allergy that is dragging you down, focus on what foods are causing it and make efforts to avoid them so you can feel better.  You have access to the internet, start learning about what is causing your issues and how to avoid them.  My daughter was allergic to wheat and apples as a child.  About 95% of all food is made with either wheat or apples (as a sweetener), so it was not easy.  Don't focus on the fact that you are unemployed, focus on where you can go next and how you can use this to make your life better.  Now that you aren't employed you have nothing tying you down for 24 hours each day.  That is a lot of time you could be spending finding a new job.  You have a friend who saw you needed help and held out a hand, and you are focused on how crappy the neighborhood is.  Why not focus on how much better you have it than you would if he hadn't reached out to help?

I have had the privilege of knowing some very successful people in my life.  They will all tell you the same thing: "The harder I work, the luckier I get."  Amazingly, nearly everyone who has worked their ass off and been successful at what they are working on will tell you that focus, dedication, and lots of hard work is what got them there.  It doesn't happen overnight.

I spent the first 10 years of my adult life drowning in debt, fielding collector calls, sometimes dozens each night, not sleeping well because I didn't know if I could pay for daycare, food, or the rent for my trailer.  Then when things first turned around for me and I had $2k in savings for the first time in my life, my wife's transmission failed and it cost me $2k to fix.  I was devastated until my dad asked me where I would have gotten the money if I hadn't had it in savings.  The answer was I would be in more debt, and I realized the difference between being happy and being unhappy was in the way I looked at things, not in my situation.

A positive outlook will do more for you in life than any skill or good fortune.  Instead of facing each day with dread, face it with a positive outlook and a smile.  Wake up and tell yourself that this day is not going to defeat you, you are going to take control of it and master it like you have mastered other things in your life.

Good luck.

 

This is a very well written piece. Good job. I wanted you to know that even if others do not hear what you are saying, it reached me loud and clear. Well done.

[Vigo]

I agree. That was a really, really good post. 



A couple weeks ago a lot a stuff came at me all at once. I was a wreck, then this song came on the radio and it really picked me up. Wouldn't you know it, I went from fearing about losing my job to getting a raise in less than 24 hours.



Edit: Can't seem to embed right now.

[dkersten]

This thread is turning into a right-wing blog site

The dude needs professional help for depression...not simple "pull up your bootstraps" or "quit being the victim" slogans.

A positive attitude is venting about things that suck to get them off your chest and maybe get some feedback, then turning off the internet and going back to working on fixing it.  A negative attitude is venting about it then going on about how it isn't your fault and there is nothing you can do about it except suffer, then using that to justify your negative attitude.  The second one will never end in successfully overcoming your issues.  That is the only message being portrayed here.  If it is "right wing" then I guess that would make "right wing" correct.

You are correct that overcoming depression is not as simple as just "pulling up your panties and getting a job", but X2 has 3 issues right now that all need addressing:  his health, his employment status, and his depression.  If he ignores what is causing the first two, he will never fix the third, and if he doesn't address the third, he will always struggle to do anything about the first two.  He does need to seek help for the depression, it is very difficult to deal with that on your own.  I offered the way that worked for me that didn't cost any money, and since he is unemployed and needs help, I would say it is probably a pretty good option.  Welfare, Medicaid, and most government assistance programs are designed for women with kids, and usually men don't qualify for that kind of help unless they are shacked up with a woman who has a kid.  Getting on permanent disability is nearly impossible, particularly when the medical condition is manageable.  If the fact that some churches have counselors and therapists who can help is too "right wing" for you, then look into non-Christian programs that offer that kind of help.  From what I have seen, they are hard to find and are very difficult to get into and not all that helpful if you do get in.

I lived with a wife who was clinically depressed for nearly 20 years, yet never understood it and figured she just needed to stop feeling sorry for herself.  I found after going through depression myself that it was not even close to that simple to overcome.  Yet feeling sorry for yourself is how you end up being depressed, and no amount of therapy or medication will get and keep you out of the dark hole of depression if you keep having the outlook on life that will put you right back in that place.  People who are chronically depressed have other issues in their life that they won't address that keep the chemicals in their brain unbalanced.  One of the exercises my therapist taught me was whenever I was feeling negative about something to spend no more than 15 minutes feeling miserable and sorry for myself, then stop and look at the facts, not at what I was feeling.  In most cases, the facts were not that the world was against me but rather that I was just feeling sorry for myself and things weren't as bad as I had built them up in my mind.

As for health issues, he isn't the only one dealing with them right now, and I can say first hand that if I had a negative attitude about it I would be deep into a depression by now.  It is nobodies fault that he has health problems, but it is also nobody else's problem to deal with and he is the only one who can do anything about it.  My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 4 years ago.  She refuses to take her insulin, and if she doesn't it will end up killing her.  The more she fights what she has to change in her life to minimize the damage caused by this disease, the more health problems she will have as she goes down the road.  Her attitude is negative, she is mad that others can eat certain foods and not have to give themselves shots 4-6 times per day, but once she accepts it and embraces that this is just what she has to do, she will prevent things like severe nerve pain, blindness, fingers and toes dying, kidney failure, and of course death.  Instead of looking at his allergies as a weight that is dragging him down and keeping him pinned, he should be taking every possible measure to learn exactly what triggers the problems and avoid them at all costs.  This is the ONLY thing that will get him past this and allow him to take financial care of himself from this day forward.  If he chooses to ignore it then he will never be able to hold a job because nobody will keep an employee who calls in sick once or twice a week, especially when they could avoid being sick with some discipline and self sacrifice.  If this is a "right wing" ideal it is because it is grounded in reality, not based on some fantastical idea that an all powerful government will come to him with a magic wand and make it all go away.  In the real world, workers who are unreliable don't succeed (unless they have government jobs of course).  Fix the health issues and holding a job will be much easier.  Hold a job for a while and the financial issues start to become manageable.  It isn't some easy path but it starts with a positive attitude and a lot of hard work.

[dkersten]

This is a very well written piece. Good job. I wanted you to know that even if others do not hear what you are saying, it reached me loud and clear. Well done.

Thank you. 

[yotsuya]

Well said, Dave. I hope Steve sees your advice for what it is.

Oh, and I take it your wrist is better? 

[Howard_Casto]

I just need to interject here and point out that depression, at least the majority of the time is NOT caused by feeling sorry for yourself and anyone who says that has never been truly depressed.  There are a myriad of physical and psychological causes for clinical depression and the most common one is a chemical imbalance.  Long story short feeling sorry for yourself doesn't cause a chemical imbalance... you have a chemical imbalance, which causes you to feel sorry for yourself, which can often worsen your chemical imbalance and make you feel even more sorry for yourself.  Could emotional or psychological issues have initially caused the imbalance?  That is completely irrelevant.  Once it's a chemical imbalance then it becomes a medical issue, which requires medical treatment. 

So yes, having a positive outlook on life is certainly good advice, but in most cases it has to be coupled with a buttload of drugs, at least initially, to have any real effect. 

I just hope things get better for you man.

[dkersten]

I just need to interject here and point out that depression, at least the majority of the time is NOT caused by feeling sorry for yourself and anyone who says that has never been truly depressed.  There are a myriad of physical and psychological causes for clinical depression and the most common one is a chemical imbalance.  Long story short feeling sorry for yourself doesn't cause a chemical imbalance... you have a chemical imbalance, which causes you to feel sorry for yourself, which can often worsen your chemical imbalance and make you feel even more sorry for yourself.  Could emotional or psychological issues have initially caused the imbalance?  That is completely irrelevant.  Once it's a chemical imbalance then it becomes a medical issue, which requires medical treatment. 

So yes, having a positive outlook on life is certainly good advice, but in most cases it has to be coupled with a buttload of drugs, at least initially, to have any real effect. 

I don't mean to make it sound like everyone with clinical depression got that way from feeling sorry for themselves.  That is not the case at all.  Clinical depression is a chemical issue and not one that can simply be corrected with a change of attitude.  But those chemical imbalances come from many different sources.  You can become chemically imbalanced from being in a constantly depressed state (ie from feeling emotionally down).  Stay in that depressed state long enough and your brain will just not recover back to a "normal" emotional state.  Once in that chemically imbalanced state, it is difficult to get out of it, and your depression just makes you want to sink lower and lower.  It usually takes therapy of some kind.  Antidepressants can help with symptoms, but usually once you go off them you will revert back to being imbalanced, they just help pass the time that is required (along with therapy) to achieve long term relief.

But "feeling sorry for yourself" is when you put yourself in a depressed state over more trivial and avoidable situations, and if you do that enough, the results can be the same - a chemical imbalance that requires therapy and maybe even antidepressants to overcome.  Furthermore, if you are prone to becoming clinically depressed, having a negative outlook on life can make for a higher risk of becoming clinically depressed again.

Yes, I had a breakdown that led to clinical depression.  I have always been someone who could pull myself out of a depressed state, but once I was in that hole, there was no coming out of it without help.  I had always thought psychiatrists were just con artists who preyed on people with depression and other mental illnesses.  I was wrong, and I found myself reaching for help, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I used antidepressants for several months, along with over a year of therapy before I felt normal again.  I get down days like anyone else, and I know there will be more emotionally traumatic times in my life that will push me to the edge, and I just hope that I can keep myself from getting caught in the cycle that leads me down that hole.  I have little doubt that my current physical issues could easily push me over that edge, but I am just pushing forward instead, taking measures to minimize the chronic pain and get my life back to a place where I can function somewhat normally again.

[spoot]

   To be honest I thought you were just gunna spew some crazy ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- and segway into Kung-Fu or sumthing.  However, I see if fact that you’ve opened up a bit.  That first step is a ---smurfette---……took me nearly 30 years to finally do that one myself.
   Do not do what I did.  After the murder of my mother in front of me and the nonstop bullying at school and such my first suicidal thoughts were early teen years and I did nothing about it.  College I discovered booze…..and fell in love with it to where I was awake I was drinking to drown the sorrows so to speak and did this for 20 years.  Of course it just made everything worse…….then I got a phone call one night where a very good friend of mine was arrested for child porn.  The bad stuff…not just 16yo or sumthing…….the little stability I had left in my brain exploded into nothingness and March 21rst of 2013 I woke up with two thoughts in my head.  Walk out to boulevard and shoot myself in the head or go into work and “quit” everything.
   Obviously I chose the second option.  Ended up in the ER for alcoholism and suicide watch.  My liver was ---fouled up beyond all recognition--- into oblivion and my heart was erratic and had to more or less be restarted. Ended up in rehab and kicked the booze…..which helped tremendously but I was still in “whoa is me” mode and everything sucked no matter what.  Even though logic dictated a lot of the bad things were certainly first world issues that really just didn’t matter. Due to the fact I’m a stubborn ---fudgesicle--- it took me another ER visit of my heart freaking out to realize this had to stop.
   I finally broke down and saw a psychologist and got put on some meds to help me get much needed sleep and some anti-anxiety/depression meds. Honestly I saw this as a defeat and not a victory as I should’ve been able to handle it myself.  But I couldn’t.  I’ve been on the meds for awhile now and it’s helped me a lot.  Am I truly happy?  No.  But more importantly I’m not sulking 100% of the time anymore and the whoa is me has quieted down. I made it very clear to the Dr that I didn’t want to take meds and become sumthing that I wasn’t………so I’m on a rather low dosage…..just enough to level me out more or less.  While I’m still the stereotypical AIX admin greybeard who bitches at people to RTFM I don’t totally flip out anymore.
   Ok, I’m babbling……and not sure where I’m going with this anymore cept this……..get professional help.   I hate the fact I had too………but I’m glad I did.

[dkersten]

   get professional help.   I hate the fact I had too………but I’m glad I did.

This is the hardest thing to do for some people, myself included.  It isn't a sign of weakness though, it is a shows you have the strength to do what is necessary, even if it goes against everything you believed about yourself.

[deadmoney5]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

You see...what you did there...that's what I mean.  Stop blaming people for the ---smurfy--- things they did and move on.  It's done, there's nothing you can do about the past, but duct tape and power tools when you're 5 have no bearing on breaking into your place of work after hours and stealing water and electricity.  For the record, I would have fired you too, and yes I'm sure it would have been all my fault for not being understanding.

But hey, if blaming people and lashing out works for you, then by all means keep at it. I don't plan to offer any more advice, just keep doing what you're doing. For what it's worth I meant it as honest advice.  Seems like you're going down a depressing path, maybe time to try a totally new one..oh jeez, there I go again with my drivel.  Best of luck.

This is EXACTLY more drivel...like I said.  Dude needs professional help.  You said one thing right.."I don't plan to offer any more advice"

[Locke141]

In the real world, workers who are unreliable don't succeed (unless they have government jobs of course).

All of those lazy policemen, firemen, teachers, garbagemen, custodians, and every one in or working for our armed forces. They need to get real jobs and stop doing all that stuff that makes our way of life possible. I'm honestly happy for you that you got help when you needed it. However, I'd like to point out that you did think that this kind of help was a scam before you needed it. Maybe you should hold off on lumping the millions of people who work in government jobs in to one basket.  Other then this bit of judgmental nonsense I think you have lots of good points.

Xiaou2, regardless of how or why you came to feel this way getting professional help can make a huge deference. You should workout the how to get better with a professional. If your still in NY there are lots of free resources to help people get help. In NYC it's as easy as calling 311 find out how to get it. 
             

[Zakk]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

You see...what you did there...that's what I mean.  Stop blaming people for the ---smurfy--- things they did and move on.  It's done, there's nothing you can do about the past, but duct tape and power tools when you're 5 have no bearing on breaking into your place of work after hours and stealing water and electricity.  For the record, I would have fired you too, and yes I'm sure it would have been all my fault for not being understanding.

But hey, if blaming people and lashing out works for you, then by all means keep at it. I don't plan to offer any more advice, just keep doing what you're doing. For what it's worth I meant it as honest advice.  Seems like you're going down a depressing path, maybe time to try a totally new one..oh jeez, there I go again with my drivel.  Best of luck.

This is EXACTLY more drivel...like I said.  Dude needs professional help.  You said one thing right.."I don't plan to offer any more advice"

Lol, no worries monkey, I'm done.  You guys hug it out and tell each other how unfair life is. 

[dkersten]

In the real world, workers who are unreliable don't succeed (unless they have government jobs of course).

All of those lazy policemen, firemen, teachers, garbagemen, custodians, and every one in or working for our armed forces. They need to get real jobs and stop doing all that stuff that makes our way of life possible. I'm honestly happy for you that you got help when you needed it. However, I'd like to point out that you did think that this kind of help was a scam before you needed it. Maybe you should hold off on lumping the millions of people who work in government jobs in to one basket.  Other then this bit of judgmental nonsense I think you have lots of good points.

Whoa.. wtf... ??

I never said all government employees were lazy or unreliable, just that when there is an unreliable employee, the government will keep them even if they aren't doing a single thing to earn their wages where a regular employer would be doing everything they could to get rid of that employee.  I have the utmost respect for most government workers, but it doesn't change the fact that the government will hold on to employees way, way, WAY beyond when that employee would be fired from a regular job. 

I have a bunch of friends who work for Social Security, and I get new stories DAILY about how inept some of these employees are and how they can't get rid of them.  It's a running joke there that a government employee practically has to murder someone at work to get fired, and even then they would probably just get transferred to another department (obviously this is satire, they only transfer when the employee makes threats, I am sure they would fire them if they actually came in with a gun). 

Unreliable workers usually get weeded out quickly in the private sector.  Even if the illness is protected under FMLA, they will get rid of you at the first opportunity.  And why not?  If you were paying someone out of your pocket to do a job and you couldn't count on them even showing up each day, would you keep paying them?  This is just a fact of life, nothing new.. 

[pbj]

[Zakk]

[ark_ader]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

Victoria hospital, South street campus, london ontario circa ~2000.  Go ---fudgesicle--- yourself jim. I was the materials managment guy, had to come into the severe trauma ward every morning, looked at the guy in the eye for about 6 months 5 times a week.  He was fed through a tube in his throat, I could draw a picture if you would like.  I remember why I don't come to this place much, oh and jim go ---fudgesicle--- yourself.

 

[spoot]

Lol, no worries monkey, I'm done.  You guys hug it out and tell each other how unfair life is. 

EWE, I don't want hugs from you guys.     Yes, life isn't fair, don't expect it too be. Heck, if it was it'd be a bit boring.  TBH, alot of people who say they are depressed are not the ones to be concerned with(their dog died bummed for a month, etc).  It's the ones who hide their depression....those are typically the ones who suffer real clinical depression.  While I agree with you that a positive outlook helps (as then others around you are more likely to help out too)....it doesn't change the fact some of our brains simply don't create the proper chemical levels anymore or never did in the first place.......thinking about rainbows and puppies all day will not improve this.  My 2 cents thrown in the pot.   

[Xiaou2]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

You see...what you did there...that's what I mean.  Stop blaming people for the ---smurfy--- things they did and move on.  It's done, there's nothing you can do about the past, but duct tape and power tools when you're 5 have no bearing on breaking into your place of work after hours and stealing water and electricity.  For the record, I would have fired you too, and yes I'm sure it would have been all my fault for not being understanding.

But hey, if blaming people and lashing out works for you, then by all means keep at it. I don't plan to offer any more advice, just keep doing what you're doing. For what it's worth I meant it as honest advice.  Seems like you're going down a depressing path, maybe time to try a totally new one..oh jeez, there I go again with my drivel.  Best of luck.

 Screw you.   I calling you out for being an Ass.  As thats exactly what you are.

 Number One, I didnt Break into work.  I used my RFID badge, got in, and at best, used .10 cents of extra electricity.  If you knew how much power was wasted there on a 24/7 basis... you would realize that the comparison ratio would be like peeing into the ocean) 

 Other Ops were there, fully aware of my presence and situation.   Additionally,  Id often help out or learn new things during my pop-ins.   I wasnt hiding nor sneaking.  I was fully aware of all cameras and tracking avenues.   I wasnt however, aware of a certain rule about carrying in / out personal items... partly due to the fact that everyone there does it... including non contract workers.

 Number Two,  the showers were free for anyone to use.

 
 And lastly, telling me  "Im doing it wrong"  is not Constructive and Positive advice.   Its mocking, Insulting, Insensitive, and Presumptuous... and far many more adjectives that all add up to words of an Obscene nature.

[chopperthedog]

Thank you internet.



good day.

[lilshawn]

Even D-heads deserve some compassion, if even only once.

---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- happens. Don't let it get to you. Just trudge on knowing it can always be worse. Climb out of the shitter, wash off and start again. Consider it a learning experience.

[CCM]

 If you knew how much power was wasted there on a 24/7 basis... you would realize that the comparison ratio would be like peeing into the ocean) 

Completely irrelevant...

Other Ops were there, fully aware of my presence and situation.   Additionally,  Id often help out or learn new things during my pop-ins.   I wasnt hiding nor sneaking.  I was fully aware of all cameras and tracking avenues.   

Were these 'Other Ops' your bosses?   If not, it doesn't matter if they knew... the only one that counts is your boss and if you didn't clear it with them first, then you really don't have anyone else to blame but yourself.   If you did clear it with your boss first, then there is certainly more to this story that you are not telling us.

[Vigo]

Not pretending I know the situation, but I have heard both the "My badge gave me access" and the "Others knew I was here" arguments at my work, and those firings were well justified. Granted, they were both said by temp employees and not regular staff. I think you need some tenure before people know you enough to understand. (BTW, have you checked temp agencies for work?)

A big separation of the free shower facilities at my work is that they are intended to be a convenience during your work day, so you can exercise and shower and get back to work inside your work shift hours. I think if any employee came in at night to shower and do personal things it would be suspicious. The extent of facilities open for employee use ends with the normal workday.

Bosses can be be pretty understanding, and if you had a situation, in a lot of cases, they would be understanding and work out a soultuon. If you don't feel comfortable telling your boss exactly what you are doing ahead of time, then you are almost definitely doing something wrong.

I'm not pointing this out to be an ass at all, it is something to keep in mind during your next job so you are not on the rocks again. I feel for your situation, but I have seen enough employees bounce from job to job because they don't fully understand the natural boundaries at a workplace, and they let a tough personal life repeatedly interfere with how they are perceived at work. We just had an employee come and go who doesn't own cooking facilities, so she bought all her groceries and stored them in the break room fridge, and cooks a couple hours per day in the lunch room using multiple microwaves and half the dishes in the cabinet. She made breakfast, lunch and dinner from scratch, which I get is much cheaper and heathier, but a breakroom isn't really a place to dice onions or scramble eggs. Plus, our fridge was filled to the brim and smelt. She would stay extra long to make up for her time cooking (which was an issue as well), but she was canned heavily because she was abusing the facilities. She did this at her prior two jobs and was fired because her bosses were suspicious of her as well. I feel bad for her living situation, but she had the opportunity to have a career here if she had learned to work out a less intrusive solution until she saved enough to improve her conditions.

[leapinlew]

 If you knew how much power was wasted there on a 24/7 basis... you would realize that the comparison ratio would be like peeing into the ocean) 

Completely irrelevant...

I get that you are saying it's irrelevant as a defense, but I think it's relevant as it gives some insight to the thoughts of Xiaou.

Xiaou shouldn't really be discussing if his actions were just or not, but instead be learning how to not let this happen again. If I was your boss, and I learned of your situation, I would have provided you some guidance, or I would have told you why you can't do it. Either way, I would be protecting you to ensure you either have permission or stay employed.

Good luck Xiaou. I know times are tough right now, but you have to look forward and put as much positive spin on it as you can.

[dkersten]

I could walk into a bank, walk behind the teller desk and help myself to some cash while fully aware of the cameras and watching others do the same, but just because I was capable of doing it, it would be illegal, even if I worked there.  Whether the others had permission or not is irrelevant to my situation.  There is a difference between being able to do something and having permission.  The note here about boundaries is one that should be heeded.  You can live by the creed of "asking forgiveness is easier than asking permission" in your private life, but when dealing with a professional situation it is completely different and permission is a must.

That being said, there is no further reason to beat this dead horse.  The guy is down on his luck, some people showed compassion and offered advice, it wasn't taken in that spirit, and that is probably part of the reason things got to where they are.  Everyone can have bad luck, be at the wrong place at the wrong time, or just get screwed because of things totally out of your control, but as a whole, your decisions in life are what influence the results.  If you can't accept that and decide to make changes, chances are it will happen over and over again.

[CCM]

Everyone can have bad luck, be at the wrong place at the wrong time, or just get screwed because of things totally out of your control, but as a whole, your decisions in life are what influence the results.  If you can't accept that and decide to make changes, chances are it will happen over and over again.

This...


Nowhere in any of Xiaou2's posts does he take even an ounce of responsibility for his own actions....

[lilshawn]

still, people are still people regardless if you are the boss or if you work for the boss. As tough as nails as some people can be, they can always have some compassion, whatever the circumstances.

I'm sure all this mess probably could have be avoided if he had said to his boss, "Hey, I'm kinda down and out for a bit,  I'm hoping to be back on track in a few weeks. you mind if i come in after hours or before shift and use the shower?" i'm sure he probably wouldn't have objected...and if he had, you'd know right?

hindsight is always 20/20.

[Zakk]

Lol.

"do you know how much money a bank spends every day?  It doesn't matter that I stole some, the other bank employees saw me taking some after my shift and were okay with it"

[jonnylbluejeans]

This may sound like a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- post, but if I was stuck in the hood with no cash, job, healthcare, food or prospects... KLOV would be the last place I'd be. 

[lilshawn]

KLOV would be the last place I'd be.

 

[jonnylbluejeans]

KLOV would be the last place I'd be.

 

Hahahahaha LOL.... Too funny.  I'm still laughing.  I hate tapatalk right now.  Heheheh "...or this board right here 'twingalaxies'"

[yotsuya]

KLOV would be the last place I'd be.

 

or this board right here 'twingalaxies'

Doublefail!

[jonnylbluejeans]

KLOV would be the last place I'd be.

 

or this board right here 'twingalaxies'

Doublefail!

that second one was for comedic effect... obviously missed the mark.  I'll own the first one though.

[RayB]

TL DR most of this 2nd page...

Positive outlook won't accomplish anything unless it's coupled with a life-plan. Come up with a life-plan, some goals and then break down the steps to accomplishing them. Make the smaller broken down steps your daily focus. It has to be what you think about every day and work towards making progress. And treat every minute as valuable. Every minute wasted on something like this forum is a minute wasted forever.

[dkersten]

TL DR most of this 2nd page...

Positive outlook won't accomplish anything unless it's coupled with a life-plan. Come up with a life-plan, some goals and then break down the steps to accomplishing them. Make the smaller broken down steps your daily focus. It has to be what you think about every day and work towards making progress. And treat every minute as valuable. Every minute wasted on something like this forum is a minute wasted forever.

Actually I think the most important message is if you don't take responsibility for what happens to you in life the same things that get you down today will continue to beat you down the rest of your life.  It is just easier to accept that your decisions got you to where you are in life if you have a positive outlook.

[BadMouth]

My own life sucks.  I got empathy, but no advice.

[eds1275]

My take on this is that xiaou2 is ALWAYS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING and has the analogies to back that up. This is just another girl on a trampoline. He's totally not in the wrong at all.

[ark_ader]

X2 trolling about his bad luck?

I don't think so.  He's had some questionable posts in the past, but has shown time and time again to provide some thought provoking material which had merit.

Trying to ridicule him or kicking him when he is down (in your posts) is a far worse crime than trolling.

And should be reported as such. 

[Xiaou2]

X2 trolling about his bad luck?

I don't think so.  He's had some questionable posts in the past, but has shown time and time again to provide some thought provoking material which had merit.

Trying to ridicule him or kicking him when he is down (in your posts) is a far worse crime than trolling.

And should be reported as such. 

 I didnt expect this post from you, but I Thank you greatly for it.   Also, thanks for those with some compassion and empathy.

 I never said, that I was never  "in-the-wrong".   I did what I Needed to do, to survive... The only decent options I had left, at that time...  and these options were the least impactful on others...  Meaning, I was trying to pull myself out of a hole, rather than to burden others via indirect means (taxes..etc.).

 Furthermore, EDs, Im human, and Ive been wrong more times than I could possibly remember.   And thats exactly how Ive come to be more right than wrong, in Many areas of expertise.  With passion, dedication, lots of effort, and lots of previous failures in the process.  Just because you have not seen all the steps Ive fallen (or been kicked) down, does not mean that I do not have the scars to prove it.  I also tend not to speak on subjects that I do not know much about. But defend heavily, what I believe to be true... and or have vast experience with.   Still, memory has failed me a few times on details..  and Ive still made errors, and probably will again sometime.

 That said...

 Positive thinking is like "Wishing"  for money to fall out of the sky.    It didnt help unmax my locked credit cards.  I didnt help, repair the minivans two bad bearings, blown coolant pump, 2 bad front struts, bad brakes, and now a bad power steering leak, that have all hit within a span of less than a year.

 Its easy to say what you think you could or would have done.  But you have Zero idea about the Reality of the situation.  You dont know what its like to be reeling in pains on a random basis, dealing with stress of abusers,  and not having anyone reliable to help...  including having family with mental illness, that are fully willing to stoop to stealing your most valued belongings.

 This post was merely meant to say, I might not return... and thanks for the fun.   That I was in a dark place, and in real trouble.  Im feeling a little better .. (though still in a really bad situation)  but the reality is that each day is a real struggle for me.   I dont have a family to help me, no current girlfriend, a 13,000$ and climbing debt hole... and a lot of health issues that are going to get even worse as I age.

 Ever wonder why some of my past posts were so coarse?   And frequent?    That happens when you are sick for over 10yrs,  getting sicker and sicker each year  (unknown at the time, was allergic to wheat) ... and barely had the energy to get out of a chair, after work.  (rather than do arcade projects, and or other fun / constructive things)  It also sapped me of nutrients,  that caused my whole brain and body chemistry to shift...  into a  "bad-mood"  state.


 Much of the advice given, was the equivalent of telling a Nazi captured Jew,  to "Think positive",  "Be Happy" ,  and  "Next time... dont get caught in Germany" !!!   Come on people, lets be real.   You cant mood or wish your way out of these things.  And the funny thing that happens when you do get in over your head... is how many people turn and look away,  as you slide off the cliffs edge... rather than to extend a helping hand.  The thing is...one day, you too may be sliding off the edge... and not be able to be saved nor to be able to pull yourself out of the hole that your being sucked into...  and then, what will you think of your previous stance?


 Some people will say.... the glass is half full.   
 The others...  The glass is half empty...   

 But Im a realist...  and the truth is, that the glass is Both half full AND half empty.
I dont "Color" my reality anymore.  I take it "Straight Up"  as it truly is.

 I didnt ask for anyones help, advice, or anything else.   I merely came to say my possible goodbye's... and to vent my situation.


 I realize, that there are always going to be those who do not have much compassion, and or their ideas of it... are very much skewed.
That there are people whom are shallow, judgemental, and make wretched presumptions.
Those whom follow the "System", doing its Deeds... no matter how wrong they may truly be.

 And yet, there remains a faint hope...  that many will follow better examples, from those whom shine bright as the stars.

 Humanity's best qualities, are  Compassion, Empathy, Patience, and Love.

[dkersten]

Soooo.. what you are saying is you wanted people to just feel sorry for you and not to actually get advice on what might help you to get through it and get out of the rut you have been in your whole life?

For someone who has based so many arguments on meditation, self control, and martial arts, you seem to have the exact opposite attitude and demeanor of someone who is at peace with themselves internally. 

You can take the advice given or not, that is up to you, but I can tell you from experience I have been in far more debt than you, and had far more financial responsibility (3 kids and a wife) at the same time.  Having a positive outlook on life and not letting the negative drown me is a big part of the reason I am now financially stable and able to not lose sleep over whether I will have a roof over my head.  It took years of hard work too, but mostly it took having the confidence in myself that I can overcome anything life throws at me.  If you don't believe that then you might as well hang it up now because there is no "ship" that will just come in for you one day.  You make your own fate.  The old saying that good things come to those who wait is wrong, good things come to those who work their asses off for many years and make more right decisions than wrong ones.

Admitting you have made mistakes is good, but if you attach conditions out of your control to it, you might as well not even admit you made mistakes.  If I said, "I made a mistake and drank too much, but I had a bad day and my friends wouldn't stop buying be drinks," then all I am saying is "I couldn't control myself, my friends and my past dictated what I did and it will happen again because I have no control over it."  Instead, just tell yourself, "I made a mistake, and next time I will try not to."  That is owning your mistakes and keeping a positive outlook.

Good luck, I sincerely hope things continue to get better for you.

[BadMouth]

You can take the advice given or not, that is up to you, but I can tell you from experience I have been in far more debt than you, and had far more financial responsibility (3 kids and a wife) at the same time.  Having a positive outlook on life and not letting the negative drown me is a big part of the reason I am now financially stable and able to not lose sleep over whether I will have a roof over my head. 

Ok, now imagine you didn't have a wife or kids as motivation and it's ingrained in you that you aren't deserving of anything because as a child you were treated as worthless.

[pbj]

$13k in debt?  Good lord.  I'd get on my knees right now and blow any of you to only have $13k in debt.

[dkersten]

You can take the advice given or not, that is up to you, but I can tell you from experience I have been in far more debt than you, and had far more financial responsibility (3 kids and a wife) at the same time.  Having a positive outlook on life and not letting the negative drown me is a big part of the reason I am now financially stable and able to not lose sleep over whether I will have a roof over my head. 

Ok, now imagine you didn't have a wife or kids as motivation and it's ingrained in you that you aren't deserving of anything because as a child you were treated as worthless.

I would then have two choices:  curl up in the corner and give up or put my head up and forge ahead and try to make a better life for myself. 

I get it, PTSD is a tough thing to overcome, and just having a positive attitude is not something that will just make it go away.  But if you are actually trying to get over it, nothing will kill your chances faster than waking up and deciding automatically that life is going to ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- on you anyway so why even try.  Your outlook on life is what will determine your success in overcoming obstacles. 

[dkersten]

$13k in debt?  Good lord.  I'd get on my knees right now and blow any of you to only have $13k in debt.

That was my thought, only as it applied to me 20 years ago (about $20k back then, which equates to about $40k today).  Today I am proud of the fact that my only debt would be my house, although seeing a 6 figure debt each month sucks, especially since I would be paid off in 2 more years if it weren't for my divorce.

You want to hear something even more sickening than $13k in debt?  How about having to borrow $65k against your house to give to your ex wife and watch her piss it away in less than 6 months while your kids don't see a single thing from it (and have nothing to show for it whatsoever)... It sucks to be $65k further from ending my mortgage almost as much as it sucks to see equity I worked for 20 years to build up get pissed away. 

But I have it good, because that mortgage is my only debt and I can more than afford the payments.  My ex wife on the other hand.. well, on top of the $65k she pissed away, she wrote another $35k in bad checks that are catching up to her these days.  She tried to get on permanent disability because she is a hypochondriac (officially she claimed she couldn't work because of headaches) and ended up losing a $45k per year (with great benefits) job and now can't find anything better than $9 per hour.  She lost her apartment just before Christmas and is pretty much homeless, living with whatever guy she can convince to let her sleep over, which means my 2 daughters are with me full time and can't spend time with their mother because she doesn't have a place where they can visit.  On top of this, she remarried a few months after our divorce and the guy was abusive and then attempted to kill her (he is in prison for 15 years).  My kids are traumatized over that as well.  Oh, and about the time her new husband was headed to prison, her mother died from Cancer.  As if that wasn't enough weight on her shoulders, her father (who lived in another state with her step mother) died a week later.  She lost both her parents in one week.

I feel for anyone who is going through a rough time, but things can ALWAYS get worse... If you really want tales of hardship, I could go on for hours.  We all could, I imagine.  But when I look at my life I feel nothing but blessed.  Not because I had it easy, but because I could have had it way worse.  Tomorrow could be the worst day of my life for all I know, but I am not going to go to bed worrying about it or believing that will be the case because that won't solve a single thing.

[lilshawn]

$13k in debt?  Good lord.  I'd get on my knees right now and blow any of you to only have $13k in debt.

I just bought a house this month, I'm knocking at half a mil now. I ain't no doctor either.

least i'm paying towards something that is mine instead of someone else's mortgage.

[ark_ader]

$13k in debt?  Good lord.  I'd get on my knees right now and blow any of you to only have $13k in debt.

13K?  Jeepers!  I thought I was bad since I have only 3K in debt (soon to be paid back).  I'm trying to find that credit score sweet spot, so I can also buy a house and be like the rest of you.  Let us hope the economy keeps chugging away.

I've said it before, but let us stop taking the piss out of X2.  He is doing better, and we should applaud him for it.  I've been there on the ropes and I can tell you it is very upsetting. 

It would be quite demoralising to hear such negative remarks.  I do believe there is a rule in here for it.  Any mod wants to chime in?  Just reading these few posts, needs some corrective action.   

[pbj]

He aired it out, got predominantly supportive feedback, and now.... Well, cmon, dude. 

 

We're all rooting for him. 

 

[Zakk]

I'm actually not rooting for him at all.  Just for the record. 

I'm carrying almost 2 million in debt.
I have 4 kids to support (2 of them are vegetarians!)
I have been to prison.
I had to sign the paper to stop my dad's heart when he had catastrophic brain trauma but his body didn't know it.
I was told a year or two ago that I had months to live (was a mistaken prognosis).
I almost died from a caesar salad.
We had to bury my sister in law and help keep her two kids out of psych hospitals because their dad is an ---uvula---.
My mother is a die hard liberal. 

The difference is I'm not in here whining about it, then screaming a hissy fit when someone says "hey, look at the bright side".  I'm actually a very happy person all around. I don't blame anyone for my problems.  I don't look for s scapegoat at every turn, and I don't expect society to carry ---my bottom--- around. 

[Le Chuck]

You know who wins in the contest of who had it worse?  The internet.  And the internet is satisfied with this thread. 

[johnrt]

People are different and handles life situations very different from each other. When living in a conservative country like the US, I believe there's not many systems (is it called "social security scheme"?) for people in this kind of trouble and to help getting their life back on track again (correct me if I'm wrong). (Sometimes I wish this country could be a little stricter when it comes to tossing money to people, because it can be abused as hell, and it is. I know several people that just are too lazy to work, there's nothing wrong with them, but it's too convenient letting the government support them. And they get paid almost equal to those in full job just doing nothing).

In X2's case I think there should be a system like ours to help him get back on track again. People deserves a second chance. Next time it could be you.

[pbj]

You know who wins in the contest of who had it worse?  The internet.  And the internet is satisfied with this thread.

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

[Vigo]

You know who wins in the contest of who had it worse?  The internet.  And the internet is satisfied with this thread.

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I lost my remote yesterday. I found it after an inspection of the couch cushions. Thank God, because I didn't want to have to sit through that infomercial.

[CCM]

You know who wins in the contest of who had it worse?  The internet.  And the internet is satisfied with this thread.

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I'm currently fighting thru a case of poison ivy.   I have been mildly itchy and uncomfortable for a few days, but I'm going to keep my head up, have a positive attitude, and dammit I WILL beat this.

[dkersten]

My mother is a die hard liberal. 

I can't beat that... you win!

[BadMouth]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

After I lost my job, got divorced, and gave up the nice house I designed myself all in the same month, I collected unemployment for two years while the state paid my tuition at a university.  For a couple of the semesters I scheduled all my classes on Tuesday and Thursday so I only had to go two days a week.  The rest of the time I did whatever the hell I wanted and it was glorious.  I was 28, but looked 22 and was in the best shape of my life living in a college town.  They always say "if I could go back to then knowing what I know now".  Well, I did it...and I did....and I did as many as I could.  I blew through 28k in savings and severance pay to maintain my lifestyle.  Although school was paid for I took out a student loan and bought a motorcycle.  I had many great trips on it during my "retirement".
That is how I beat depression (for a few years anyway).

[Zakk]

My mother is a die hard liberal. 

I can't beat that... you win!

I know, right?

[Le Chuck]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

After I lost my job, got divorced, and gave up the nice house I designed myself all in the same month, I collected unemployment for two years while the state paid my tuition at a university.  For a couple of the semesters I scheduled all my classes on Tuesday and Thursday so I only had to go two days a week.  The rest of the time I did whatever the hell I wanted and it was glorious.  I was 28, but looked 22 and was in the best shape of my life living in a college town.  They always say "if I could go back to then knowing what I know now".  Well, I did it...and I did....and I did as many as I could.  I blew through 28k in savings and severance pay to maintain my lifestyle.  Although school was paid for I took out a student loan and bought a motorcycle.  I had many great trips on it during my "retirement".
That is how I beat depression (for a few years anyway).

That's awesome.  I went back to university at 33 but looked 33.  I also maintained my family situation throughout so my college experience was decidedly less fun than yours...aaaaand I don't ride motorbikes.  All that said I'm also not depressed and am happy with my life so #muthafookingwinningbishes

[lilshawn]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I ate too much at lunch and have an upset tummy. I'm going to go for a drive to put toys in a toy machine then go home for a bit.

[pbj]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I ate too much at lunch and have an upset tummy. I'm going to go for a drive to put toys in a toy machine then go home for a bit.

I brought lousy leftovers and ate those and then some conference dumped out and there's a pile of much better food sitting there... but I'm too full to eat it.

[boykster]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I ate too much at lunch and have an upset tummy. I'm going to go for a drive to put toys in a toy machine then go home for a bit.

I brought lousy leftovers and ate those and then some conference dumped out and there's a pile of much better food sitting there... but I'm too full to eat it.

I had to eat my yogurt with a fork because we were all out of spoons....

[Le Chuck]

[Zakk]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I ate too much at lunch and have an upset tummy. I'm going to go for a drive to put toys in a toy machine then go home for a bit.

I brought lousy leftovers and ate those and then some conference dumped out and there's a pile of much better food sitting there... but I'm too full to eat it.

I had to eat my yogurt with a fork because we were all out of spoons....

When I was a kid we dreamed of having forks for our yogurt!

[ark_ader]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I ate too much at lunch and have an upset tummy. I'm going to go for a drive to put toys in a toy machine then go home for a bit.

I brought lousy leftovers and ate those and then some conference dumped out and there's a pile of much better food sitting there... but I'm too full to eat it.

I had to eat my yogurt with a fork because we were all out of spoons....

When I was a kid we dreamed of having forks for our yogurt!

When I was a kid we dreamed of having yogurt!  We had to make do with hot gravel and no forks!

[Zakk]

I, for one, demand more stories of triumphantly defeating minor setbacks and inconveniences.

I ate too much at lunch and have an upset tummy. I'm going to go for a drive to put toys in a toy machine then go home for a bit.

I brought lousy leftovers and ate those and then some conference dumped out and there's a pile of much better food sitting there... but I'm too full to eat it.

I had to eat my yogurt with a fork because we were all out of spoons....

When I was a kid we dreamed of having forks for our yogurt!

When I was a kid we dreamed of having yogurt!  We had to make do with hot gravel and no forks!

hot gravel?!?!?   luxury!!

[pbj]

My wife left me for hot gravel after I lost my house and job.

 

[HanoiBoi]

Hot Gravel sounds like a rock band.  A middle school rock band. A middle school rock band that disbanded after their bass player lost an arm in a horrific moped accident.

But seriously guys..joking's fun but let's have some compassion.  Xiaou spilled some stuff...his stuff..and opened up about some traumatizing occurrences.  Whether others handle it differently is beside the point - he was/is clearly affected.  It couldn't hurt to show more compassion here.

This is a great community..and the only one I visit almost daily. I read much more than I post and I recognize all the names and feel that I somehow know everyone here.  And, 'd like to think that we all have each others backs.  When someone's down, lift them up.  There's really no other option.

[Zakk]

Hot Gravel sounds like a rock band.  A middle school rock band. A middle school rock band that disbanded after their bass player lost an arm in a horrific moped accident.

But seriously guys..joking's fun but let's have some compassion.  Xiaou spilled some stuff...his stuff..and opened up about some traumatizing occurrences.  Whether others handle it differently is beside the point - he was/is clearly affected.  It couldn't hurt to show more compassion here.

Actually, I tried some compassion, and even some helpful tips, but he responded with "useless self serving drivel!!!" or something like that, so kind of hard to take ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- seriously after that.  So no, I think my compassion is about done. Now I just want to add useless self serving drivel.

[HanoiBoi]

Okay, I think I found a disonnect.  Zakk, you thought you were being compassionate, but it must not have come across that way to Xiaou because his actual response was "Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.".  See, he didnt see it as compassionate.

To add to that, his comment was a reply to only a portion of what you wrote.  And that portion offered no advice other than "change everything you're doing because you're doing it all wrong".  And I'll be honest, I thought that was pretty harsh when I first read it too.

If your true intent was compassion, no need to give up on that now.  Dude's having some problems.

Hot Gravel sounds like a rock band.  A middle school rock band. A middle school rock band that disbanded after their bass player lost an arm in a horrific moped accident.

But seriously guys..joking's fun but let's have some compassion.  Xiaou spilled some stuff...his stuff..and opened up about some traumatizing occurrences.  Whether others handle it differently is beside the point - he was/is clearly affected.  It couldn't hurt to show more compassion here.

Actually, I tried some compassion, and even some helpful tips, but he responded with "useless self serving drivel!!!" or something like that, so kind of hard to take ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- seriously after that.  So no, I think my compassion is about done. Now I just want to add useless self serving drivel.

[Le Chuck]

How many pages of back patting is required before I can post frivolous nonsense without the morality police knocking?

[Zakk]

Okay, I think I found a disonnect.  Zakk, you thought you were being compassionate, but it must not have come across that way to Xiaou because his actual response was "Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.".  See, he didnt see it as compassionate.

To add to that, his comment was a reply to only a portion of what you wrote.  And that portion offered no advice other than "change everything you're doing because you're doing it all wrong".  And I'll be honest, I thought that was pretty harsh when I first read it too.

If your true intent was compassion, no need to give up on that now.  Dude's having some problems.

Heh, tell you what, save your advice for him, I don't plan to change a thing. I am being quite serious when I say "change everything", because for literally years now, things have decidedly not going the dude's way.  If you have a different take on it (like keep telling him it's not his fault, and everyone needs to feel bad for him), then great, go with that.  I don't think it does anything except prolong the pain.  But anyway, our methods of compassion are evidently quite different.  So...cheers. 

[leapinlew]

Okay, I think I found a disonnect.  Zakk, you thought you were being compassionate, but it must not have come across that way to Xiaou because his actual response was "Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.".  See, he didnt see it as compassionate.

To add to that, his comment was a reply to only a portion of what you wrote.  And that portion offered no advice other than "change everything you're doing because you're doing it all wrong".  And I'll be honest, I thought that was pretty harsh when I first read it too.

If your true intent was compassion, no need to give up on that now.  Dude's having some problems.

Hot Gravel sounds like a rock band.  A middle school rock band. A middle school rock band that disbanded after their bass player lost an arm in a horrific moped accident.

But seriously guys..joking's fun but let's have some compassion.  Xiaou spilled some stuff...his stuff..and opened up about some traumatizing occurrences.  Whether others handle it differently is beside the point - he was/is clearly affected.  It couldn't hurt to show more compassion here.

Actually, I tried some compassion, and even some helpful tips, but he responded with "useless self serving drivel!!!" or something like that, so kind of hard to take ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- seriously after that.  So no, I think my compassion is about done. Now I just want to add useless self serving drivel.

Sorry dude, but trying to help by offering advice shows compassion. When I have a problem, and I talk about it to others and they offer me advice that is totally off the mark - I don't lash out at them for trying to help.

[dkersten]

It is never easy to hear advice that requires admitting one's failings, particularly when you are down already.  But there are usually only two kinds of people who will still give you that kind of advice - the best kind of friends and anonymous people on the internet who don't have to see the pain in your eyes when you read something like that.  Frankly I am a better person because of both types of people, and I have told both types to go piss up a rope when they laid that kind of advice down.  The good friends are still good friends though because they get it, and the internet people are still there because they know they were right.

Whether self serving or truly compassionate, the advice is sound and X2 opened himself to receiving that kind of advice by posting his story on the internet.

[mr.Curmudgeon]

I'm actually a very happy person all around.

You seem to say this a lot. Not sure who you're trying to convince. Us or yourself? Because, to me, you usually come off as extremely bitter. Maybe you just need more guns? 

[Zakk]

I'm actually a very happy person all around.

You seem to say this a lot. Not sure who you're trying to convince. Us or yourself? Because, to me, you usually come off as extremely bitter. Maybe you just need more guns? 

I come off that way to liberals who think the world owes them something... 

Plus, I have (almost) enough guns, which definitely adds to my merriment.  Not saying there isn't room for a lot more, but almost enough. 






Okay, for you I'll get more guns. 









I'm smiling ear to ear now.

[Zakk]

It is never easy to hear advice that requires admitting one's failings, particularly when you are down already.  But there are usually only two kinds of people who will still give you that kind of advice - the best kind of friends and anonymous people on the internet who don't have to see the pain in your eyes when you read something like that.  Frankly I am a better person because of both types of people, and I have told both types to go piss up a rope when they laid that kind of advice down.  The good friends are still good friends though because they get it, and the internet people are still there because they know they were right.

Whether self serving or truly compassionate, the advice is sound and X2 opened himself to receiving that kind of advice by posting his story on the internet.

[Vigo]

Buhaha! 

[deadmoney5]

It's Obama's fault

[pbj]

Who let the rats out of the Politics n Religion cage?

[yotsuya]

Who let the rats out of the Politics n Religion cage?

Amen, brother.

[Vigo]

I'm pretty sure they had to escape by gnawing off their own arms to fit through the bars. Nobody has been feeding them for years.

[Zakk]

Who let the rats out of the Politics n Religion cage?

Liberals?

[markrvp]

I've been away from here for a few years.  Isn't Xiauo2 the guy with the turtle farm?  Can't he sell a few turtles to make rent?  Just a thought.

[pbj]

Nah, that was sweetest coc guy.  He finally quit picking up 14 year old girls to help with his "token business" and paying them in red eared sliders long enough to settle down and get married.  His dating advise thread is still the greatest nonfiction story I've ever read.

[deadmoney5]

Who let the rats out of the Politics n Religion cage?

That place is still active?

[Vigo]

You need to ask for access from a mod to see it, but it still exists. Not sure how lively it is these days.

[BadMouth]

You need to ask for access from a mod to see it, but it still exists. Not sure how lively it is these days.

Averaging about one post a month, including replies.

I forgot it existed until it was brought up in this thread.

[yotsuya]

I'd just as soon not know people's political leanings, especially if they veer too far in either direction.

[Vigo]

I'll happily share who I am voting for next election

[pbj]

I'd just as soon not know people's political leanings, especially if they veer too far in either direction.

When I haunted it, I was surprised at how many users posted just in that section and no others.  They rarely had any involvement in the hobby whatsoever.  Do what thou wilt but it seemed unusual to seek out political and religious arguments on an arcade related forum that you weren't particularly invested in.

[yotsuya]

I'd just as soon not know people's political leanings, especially if they veer too far in either direction.

When I haunted it, I was surprised at how many users posted just in that section and no others.  They rarely had any involvement in the hobby whatsoever.  Do what thou wilt but it seemed unusual to seek out political and religious arguments on an arcade related forum that you weren't particularly invested in.

I noticed that, too. That stuff just isn't for me. It's bad enough when family members post their nutjob leanings on Facebook. I'm not going to actively seek it out.

[Generic Eric]

I'd just as soon not know people's political leanings, especially if they veer too far in either direction.

When I haunted it, I was surprised at how many users posted just in that section and no others.  They rarely had any involvement in the hobby whatsoever.  Do what thou wilt but it seemed unusual to seek out political and religious arguments on an arcade related forum that you weren't particularly invested in.

I like to watch.  And make snarky comments as well as puns in and out of taste.  It doesn't make for much of thread. 

I'd have just as much success convincing a person to read a Canticle for Lebowitz as I would persuade them to adopt a political view.  That said, everyone should read that book. 

We wouldn't see it here on our political forums, but I hope that everyone is active in their own community.  If you want a library in your town, you have to support the library.  Everyone should read up on municipal internet. 

The last thing I'll say in about politics out in the open is that a person can have whatever ideology they want, but everyone should feel welcome, nay, obligated! to call them on ---That which is odiferous and causeth plants to grow--- when it is presented as fact.



----

As far as OP...  Get help.  If you are savvy enough to get internet in your situation, find yourself some help/peace.

[pbj]

Another odd book along similar themes is The Eleventh Commandment by Lester Del Rey.  You'd probably enjoy it.

[Xiaou2]

Never once when someone asked me for advice.. from a really bad situation,  did I ever, nor would I ever say  "Your doing it wrong".

 That IS elitists, insensitive, and Assumptive.

 Roll a set of dice, and if a 6 pops up... "Your doing it wrong!"   
Now, what if you roll that 6 three times in a row...    Still your fault?

 This is simply random chaos.   You could get hit by lightning, mugged by gunpoint, and get a bad virus.. all in the same week.   You just cant label everything that life lays down, as a "Choice", or Your Fault.    Is it your fault if you have a bad deformity.. and have a hard time getting people to actually Hire you?  (I dont, but its valid example)

 Zakk, you sound like one of those "Perfectionist Elitists"...  whom with very little applied effort, you can pretty much figure out and master things quickly... and probably are rolling your eyes, and calling others "Stupid Idiots"  and laying down harsh criticisms left and right.  Your probably ONLY ever happy when you are getting your way.  And you probably stoop to any means, to get your way.  Because you simple dont have a conscience, nor any empathy. Borderline psychopath?   Probably a Bipolar and ADD mix,  possible phobic tendencies.

 Ahh, thats right...  I just happened to run into such a person, who seemed quite nice.  Moved in.  Helped him with some things...  then quickly found out that he matched that very definition.  Bat Crap Crazy.   Ill be heading back to sleep in the minivan again tomorrow morning.  Yay!

 My fault, for not bringing a professional psychologist to talk to him first ehh?   My bad!

 Well, guess I should never have spilled the Debt figures..  mostly because people dont seem to understand the Relativity to the circumstances.  13k isnt much if your making a steady mid grade income.  Sadly, without a college backing,  only a handful of jellybeans in my head,  jobs tend to be low paying and usually contract / temporary.    Add a 80% food cost increase..  and then, take out the family / wife / GF help factor.   Splitting costs always helps greatly financially.

 Yeah, I did it wrong... mostly in my younger years.  Who could blame me.   I was a kid in poverty, given no love.. only verbal and mental abuses, by family, and outside of school.  I was told I wouldnt amount to anything daily... and threatened to be kicked out every few weeks.  Hated life, myself, my horribly crooked teeth. (Dentists quoted repairs later in life to be over 11k)   My girlish looks (as a kid). That I was thin and weak.. and couldnt put on muscle mass / weight.  Always tired all the time.  Always hungry.  Didnt have any nice clothing to wear.  Almost no toys to speak of.  No personal radio, until I was maybe in 8th grade.  Uncoordinated.. always picked last in gym.    Slow in school... the last one to finish a test.  Poor memory retention.   Horrible with woman...  didnt have a girlfriend until age 20... and she was a user + abuser.   I was neglected and alone most of my early life,  and I constantly felt like there was a hole in my chest that burned in fire pains.  The pain of being completely alone, and unloved, was nearly unbearable.  My desperation for attention and affection, with no self worth or value... would later cause me to accept bad treatment from woman ... as it was all I felt that I deserved.

 With so much hate, abuse, sadness, and depression ... I really didnt care much about life.  Thought about suicide regularly for much of my life.   When I wasnt thinking about suicide, I was often in and out of deep depression states.  Id sit for hours, watching people chat in chatrooms... feeling horrible and in tears, wishing I had what it took to be able to connect, afford, and Deserve a loving relationship.  I had bouts when I was torn up about not having a loving and supportive family...  somehow thinking that if only that were so... Id feel and be a much stronger person...

 As such, a person like this isnt paying much if any attention in school.  Doesnt think he has a future worth investing in.  Only thinks about what he can do... to survive each day.

 It took me more than half of my life to slay all of the demons.   Stopping the recycled negative impressed reactions that both mother and father had subconsciously gifted into me.   Growing a sense of humor (not seen here in words, but yeah, I can laugh at my own expense, when its teasing and not actually meant as aggressive / passive aggressive)   Learning to smile..  (took like 1 yr to get the muscles in my face developed enough to actually show a smile.  Thats how bad I felt back then , almost never had a reason to smile.)    To learn to accept myself and my flaws.  Took martial arts and gained actual grace, strength, skill and power.  Got better with woman... though sadly... always seemed to catch the psychos.  Got myself out from merely washing dishes... into other areas of skills... such as computer repair.   Never would have imagined back then,  that I would have ended up being a store manger, or anything tech related.

  Ive pushed myself hard... but still, I have cranial limitations.   The capable people always say  "Ohh, you can do that... its Easy!".   They have no idea what its like to be missing some wires.   They have a F1 race car up stairs... and I have a rusted out Yugo.

 Turned out that the Allergies to wheat, probably caused such a slow and poorly developed brain... as well as other things.

 FYI:

 In Kindergarten, I missed more than half of it because I was always sick. I also remember the very pictures on the walls were moving and talking at times... I had a runaway imagination or something.  Went away by 1st grade or before.

 Got sent to Pre-first, due to missing so much kindergarten.  It was discovered I had Dyslexia (seeing and writing letters / numbers upside down, backwards..etc),  I also had a speech impediment.  Couldnt make the "S" sound. Funny, being that my name is Steve.  Always slow and last to finish tests. Having a really difficult time.

 They thought I would get injured badly in gym class,  due to my small size and frail nature... so they tried to lump me into the mentally handicapped group.  I was slow... but not like that.  I was pissed.  Fought hard, and got myself back in regular gym, and regular classes.  Dyslexia seemed to correct itself. (I think I still have it.. but brain has developed a decoder routine.. which may limited my brains full potentials)  And overcame the speech issues.

 In 1st grade,  even after being held back a year, and starting late... I was the shortest kid in the class, including the woman.  It would be years before that changed...  and even then, I really didnt get strong and bulk a little but, till I was in my mid twenties.  I was 6ft tall, 145 lbs, with a 31 waist, before age 20.
After the arts I get to something between 150 - 165..  32"  waist.   Older and desk jobs...and Ive hit a slightly gushy midsection of 35- 36" @ 180 lbs.


 Forgot to add...  I did eventually get over my loneliness issues, after meeting a few too many insane woman.   It was fun for a while... but now Im fairly scared to get into any relationship..  and Im quite fine being by myself now.   I also overcame the crappy parent thing... after I realized how messed up they were... and that they never were going to change.  They would always be poison, and I just didnt need them to feel good about myself.  In fact, its was quite the opposite.  They kept me in a bad place...  where as good friends helped support and elevate me.  Ive proudly not spoken to either of them in over 10 yrs.  I also cut myself from all the rest of the family, after seeing that they all had the same toxic mental health issues.  I happened to be the least effected in that manor... luckily.

 Father - A psychopathic narcissist,  with phobias, ADD, and some Bipolarism.   Compulsive gambler,  insanely abusive and criminally crazy ...when drunk.
Mother - Also Bipolar.

 Both experts at manipulation, and abuse.


 I dont tell my story for attention, or sympathy.  I tell it for those it may help.

[dkersten]

Perhaps my biggest flaw is not being able to let something go...

Sometimes things happen out of your control.  Having a crappy and abusive father, for example.  Nothing you could have done would ever have changed that.  But being struck by lightning, that is almost 100% avoidable.  Getting mugged at gunpoint, again, probably 99% avoidable.  When things like this happen, you have a choice, you can wallow in self pity about it or you can admit to yourself that you made the mistake of dancing in the rain under a tall tree during a lightning storm, or taking a shortcut through the alley downtown at 2 am.  My brother got mugged once.. was at a bar on New Years Eve, woke up 6 hours later in the hospital.  After a few weeks he pieced together what happened.  He didn't want to stand in lines at the nicer bars, so he went to a dive bar.  He got money from the ATM inside the bar with shady patrons watching.  He hit on some skanky chick who probably dropped a rufie in his drink while he was getting cash, and then he cut through a dark park instead of sticking to the well lit sidewalks that added 200 feet to his walk home.  They hit him in the head with a crowbar and he faceplanted on the asphalt walkway.  He still has bad scars on his face.  But he admits he was completely at fault.  It was his own stupidity.  What did he do about it?  He stopped going to bars like that, he moved out of downtown after saving for a few years, and never did the things that lead to it.  He learned from his mistakes.

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes.  There is nothing wrong with admitting you made mistakes.  But until you own up to the responsibilities, you will keep making mistakes.  Instead, you hide from them but still make them.  You dated crazy women.. First off, all women are crazy, but some less so.  Instead of learning what attracts women, you just curled up and stopped dating.  So you are lonely now and pretend you love being lonely.  I have been hurt by women a lot, especially in the past 5 years.  I was much like you as a kid, the geek, the nerd, the physically unable, shunned by the guys, ignored by the girls.  Didn't have a real girlfriend until 18 years old and out of high school.  Married the GF I got pregnant (and turned out I wasn't even the one who knocked her up, although I raised the boy as my own and 22 years later he is my son in every way as far as I am concerned).  I got married because I felt it was the easier way to go, and after 17 years I finally couldn't bear it any more.  I have fallen in love since then, had my heart broken so badly I am still cautious.  I am not handsome, I am not rich, and I am not athletic, but I have women banging down the doors to get to me these days.  My steady GF for the last couple years has been a former stripper, crazy in a bottle, but fun as hell to be with.  I keep her at arms length and just enjoy the ride without the roller coaster of emotions.  I have a handful of female friends who would all date me in a second if I allowed it, and some of them are potentially good partners.  The point is, I went from being that guy in high school and even college who didn't know how to talk to a girl, couldn't attract any but the really crazy, fat, and desperate ones, and in general had no idea what I was doing to admitting that I am the one who influences my destiny.  I learned what makes women tick and how to pick them up, then learned what they really are like inside so I am not just playing them, and since then I have been able to find satisfaction in my life in that department.  I would say it isn't rocket science, but really it can be more than rocket science.  I will give you a hint though:  If you don't love yourself and aren't happy, women won't even give you a second glance.

Look, you had some things in your life that sucked growing up, and those are now your crutch.  You need to learn how to be happy with your life, and as long as your past is a crutch you aren't going to find that happiness, and all the things that have gotten you down are going to keep happening until you ask yourself how each one happened.

Nobody is in control of anything, but you have influence over how your life goes.  If you can't figure out how to influence things in your direction then you might as well just give up and curl up in a corner and let the world keep pounding you into nothing.  It will never happen over night, it will never be an easy road, and you WILL have failures.  Failure is just practice for success.  Sure, some of this might sound cliché, but it's because it's the truth.  Start by telling yourself that you are better than all this, because until you believe that you won't ever make it any further in life. 

[deadmoney5]

yes..ALL women worth a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- are crazy.  Hopefully the one you happen to stay with is the kind of crazy you can deal with. (and maybe even like!)

[dkersten]

yes..ALL women worth a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- are crazy.  Hopefully the one you happen to stay with is the kind of crazy you can deal with. (and maybe even like!)

Doesn't get any more true than that.

[Le Chuck]

Roll a set of dice, and if a 6 pops up... "Your doing it wrong!"   
Now, what if you roll that 6 three times in a row...    Still your fault?

 This is simply random chaos.   You could get hit by lightning, mugged by gunpoint, and get a bad virus.. all in the same week.   You just cant label everything that life lays down, as a "Choice", or Your Fault.    Is it your fault if you have a bad deformity.. and have a hard time getting people to actually Hire you?  (I dont, but its valid example)

You're beloved martial arts teaches self discipline and the importance of taking responsibility for your actions, yet you publish justifications and equate your life to a roll of the dice.  Which is it?   

I would say "Man the ---fudgesicle--- up" but that is so gender biased and a bit over rude, so let's go with, "Have some intestinal fortitude and quit making excuses". 

There are a lot of people who have succeeded despite very real disabilities, suffering horrible physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, have parents or parent analogs that are total basket cases.  They just got a lucky roll of the dice?  ---fudgesicle--- that, they were disciplined.  Don't take that away from them with your self serving malarky, don't you dare.  Because when you play the fate card against yourself you're playing it against everyone and belittling their accomplishments to make you feel better about your lack thereof. 

Enjoy your wallow in self pity tho, seems to really be taking you places in life. 

[lilshawn]

I like how everyone says stuff.  This is fun.

Also, by show of hands, how many of us would be SCREWED if they lost their job tomorrow? If their house burned down? If their wife left them/died? Honestly. really think about it.

I wouldn't say I live paycheck to paycheck, (I live quite comfortably) but I also have 3 kids to feed who depend on me... a house and cars to pay for. I currently have no savings. Zero. (just recently spent EVERYTHING I have to put a down payment on a house) If I lost my job and wasn't able to secure another relatively soon, I'd be screwed and living in my car as well. (which would also be repo'd in short order). If my house burned down, luckily I have insurance to cover it...something some people aren't fortunate enough to have. But what if they didn't pay up. how long would it take them to pay it out. Screwed. If my wife up and left me or heaven forbid, died... I would have absolutely no idea what to do next. Hell, I'm not 100% sure what company we buy our natural gas and power from now. I'd have to find someone to take care of my kids while i work. an extra expense that right now, would cripple me.

I believe we can control a great deal of our fate, but there is still the "chaos" or "random chance" or "roll of the dice" as it was put, to it as well. a vast majority of the time it is easy enough to deal with. But those who live "teetering on the edge"... one tiny thing can throw a wrench in the works. a combination of failing health, increasing debt, and troubles with the old lady/man in your life... something small and normally inconsequential is a huge deal throwing the delicate balance that is Xiaou's life, off the pole and onto the floor.

there is no need to place blame here or there, just get up and get back in the running. the longer you delay, the harder it will be to get back. Just sayin'
</soapbox>

[BadMouth]

how many of us would be SCREWED if they lost their job tomorrow?

I'd probably be much better off as far as my physical and mental health go.
The only reason I stay here is because they'll put up with anything I do (such as browsing BYOAC throughout the day) because they know I'm putting up with a lot from them.
I have enough in savings to get by for 3 or 4 months before tapping into retirement.

If their house burned down?

Being that I'm in the middle of renovating a house was shoddily constructed to begin with and hasn't been maintained for decades...... 
Waiting for it to be rebuilt would suck, but I'd have a much better structure. 
There would be a short period of mourning the loss of all the work I've already put into it.

  If their wife left them/died?

Already happened.  The first option.  I hoped for the second option, but it didn't happen.
Damn I miss my old house.

[deadmoney5]

There's always going to be people who were born on 3rd base and think they hit a triple.  Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, Kardashians come to mind.

[BadMouth]

Once upon a time, I was arrogant.  (maybe still am, but nothing like I used to be)

I thought if everyone just did the things I did, made the good decisions I made, and thought like me....then their life would be great like mine.
Then life handed ---my bottom--- to me.

Before that, I'd probably dealt unfairly with depressed coworkers and subordinates who I thought just refused to get their ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- together. 
In retrospect, I see they were dealing with depression and just trying to get through another day.
I was wrong and should have been more empathetic.

The weird part is that before becoming an arrogant ass, I was depressed and dysfunctional.  I thought I had fought my way through, been rewarded for good decisions, and was enjoying the life I built for myself.  I too have come to view life as a crapshoot and I just got a few lucky rolls during that stage of my life.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
.....and always remember to wear sunscreen.

[Le Chuck]

I don't see how self congratulation or self berating adjusts the outcome of one's decisions after the fact, but I certainly see how self pity can keep you from making good decisions in the future.  My brother has spent his life behind bars due to his decisions.  I have worked my way up from the lowest enlisted rank to command formations in the military through mine.  My brother has rarely taken responsibility for his decisions whereas I do my darndest to own up to my decisions both right and wrong (like posting in this thread, which is a wrong decision).  I see that as the defining characteristic between us and one of the characteristics I find prevalent in influential leaders in my life.  My brother was the smarter, better looking, and more athletic of the two of us, hell the guy even has (had?) perfect pitch.  We had nearly identical upbringings so what was the deal?  He got a case of bad luck, a bad roll of the die?  Not buying it.  He his culpable for his life as I am culpable for mine.     

[Vigo]

X, I just have to say you do seem a bit focused on the past here. All things aside, you are in a tough place, but I don't know what your childhood necessarily has to do with your plan to better your situation. Does whether or not you were picked last in gym class going to change your plan to get a new job? Does being sick in Kindergarten mean that you are not going to do everything in your power to to find a real place to live? You can't change your past, but you can choose whether or not to let it eat away at your future.

You shouldn't be bothering with the questions of if an abusive father is what got you here, you should be asking the questions of how to get out of the mess. That is the here and now, and that is what matters. A number of people posted very valuable and practical advice. Welfare, file bankruptcy, go on food stamps, get medicaid, stay at a YMCA or other boarding place, seek help at a church, etc. I am a bit surprised you haven't made a single comment towards any of that advice given. You come back here fight with Zakk because his pill is too bitter to swallow, and point out how your past got you here. You got people doing trying there hardest here to offer you the best of their experiences, knowledge and kindness trying to help you pick yourself up because they care. Maybe converse on the help given with a troubleshooting mindset and you might be able to solve a few problems. 

And I say this all with the sincerest attitude, because I really do care about you.  Good Luck and look towards the future.

[dkersten]

EXCELLENT post Le Chuck

I too believe that if I lost my job, I would have another before my short term savings ran out, and in the worst case scenarios, I would dip into retirement savings which would last me another year or two.  Those savings accounts didn't magically appear, and while I am fortunate that I am doing decently financially, it took many years of sacrifice and work to get what I have.

If my house burned to the ground, as long as nobody was hurt it would be great.  I would still have the property and my insurance would pay for a nicer house and nicer stuff than I have now.  Heck, I would probably add money into it to come up with something better.

I am already divorced, and between the divorce and other stuff with my kids, as well as some failed relationships after divorce, I spiraled to a low point that literally nearly ended my life.  I sought help, the toughest thing I ever did, and between that help and my own will to have a better life, I pulled out of it (took nearly two years) and I am a better person for it.

I don't think I am arrogant for feeling that if others worked as hard as I did that they could be happy in life.  I believe that for everything that is good, something equally bad will come along to balance it out.  No matter how hard you work, how good of a person you are to others, or how much you try to do the right thing, bad stuff is going to happen.  It is simply a fact of life.  Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside.  As soon as you can accept that bad stuff will happen to you and there is nothing you can do to stop it, and the people in your life will most likely let you down at some point, you can just move on from it.  It's life, and if you want to be happy, quit worrying about when you will be hurt by it next time.  It is coming, and how you react and recover is what will determine your future, nothing else.  You may never make as much as I do even if you work twice as hard, but I guarantee if you live beneath your means you will always stay out of debt.  You may never meet someone you will love, but if you keep trying you will find moments of happiness.  You may never have the best health in the world, but if you exercise and don't eat horribly you will be healthier than if you don't.  It isn't about comparing your life with others, it is about finding what you love most about life and working to keep that.

[Zakk]

Never once when someone asked me for advice.. from a really bad situation,  did I ever, nor would I ever say  "Your doing it wrong".

 That IS elitists, insensitive, and Assumptive.

 Roll a set of dice, and if a 6 pops up... "Your doing it wrong!"   
Now, what if you roll that 6 three times in a row...    Still your fault?

 This is simply random chaos.   You could get hit by lightning, mugged by gunpoint, and get a bad virus.. all in the same week.   You just cant label everything that life lays down, as a "Choice", or Your Fault.    Is it your fault if you have a bad deformity.. and have a hard time getting people to actually Hire you?  (I dont, but its valid example)

 Zakk, you sound like one of those "Perfectionist Elitists"...  whom with very little applied effort, you can pretty much figure out and master things quickly... and probably are rolling your eyes, and calling others "Stupid Idiots"  and laying down harsh criticisms left and right.  Your probably ONLY ever happy when you are getting your way.  And you probably stoop to any means, to get your way.  Because you simple dont have a conscience, nor any empathy. Borderline psychopath?   Probably a Bipolar and ADD mix,  possible phobic tendencies.

 Ahh, thats right...  I just happened to run into such a person, who seemed quite nice.  Moved in.  Helped him with some things...  then quickly found out that he matched that very definition.  Bat Crap Crazy.   Ill be heading back to sleep in the minivan again tomorrow morning.  Yay!

 My fault, for not bringing a professional psychologist to talk to him first ehh?   My bad!

 Well, guess I should never have spilled the Debt figures..  mostly because people dont seem to understand the Relativity to the circumstances.  13k isnt much if your making a steady mid grade income.  Sadly, without a college backing,  only a handful of jellybeans in my head,  jobs tend to be low paying and usually contract / temporary.    Add a 80% food cost increase..  and then, take out the family / wife / GF help factor.   Splitting costs always helps greatly financially.

 Yeah, I did it wrong... mostly in my younger years.  Who could blame me.   I was a kid in poverty, given no love.. only verbal and mental abuses, by family, and outside of school.  I was told I wouldnt amount to anything daily... and threatened to be kicked out every few weeks.  Hated life, myself, my horribly crooked teeth. (Dentists quoted repairs later in life to be over 11k)   My girlish looks (as a kid). That I was thin and weak.. and couldnt put on muscle mass / weight.  Always tired all the time.  Always hungry.  Didnt have any nice clothing to wear.  Almost no toys to speak of.  No personal radio, until I was maybe in 8th grade.  Uncoordinated.. always picked last in gym.    Slow in school... the last one to finish a test.  Poor memory retention.   Horrible with woman...  didnt have a girlfriend until age 20... and she was a user + abuser.   I was neglected and alone most of my early life,  and I constantly felt like there was a hole in my chest that burned in fire pains.  The pain of being completely alone, and unloved, was nearly unbearable.  My desperation for attention and affection, with no self worth or value... would later cause me to accept bad treatment from woman ... as it was all I felt that I deserved.

 With so much hate, abuse, sadness, and depression ... I really didnt care much about life.  Thought about suicide regularly for much of my life.   When I wasnt thinking about suicide, I was often in and out of deep depression states.  Id sit for hours, watching people chat in chatrooms... feeling horrible and in tears, wishing I had what it took to be able to connect, afford, and Deserve a loving relationship.  I had bouts when I was torn up about not having a loving and supportive family...  somehow thinking that if only that were so... Id feel and be a much stronger person...

 As such, a person like this isnt paying much if any attention in school.  Doesnt think he has a future worth investing in.  Only thinks about what he can do... to survive each day.

 It took me more than half of my life to slay all of the demons.   Stopping the recycled negative impressed reactions that both mother and father had subconsciously gifted into me.   Growing a sense of humor (not seen here in words, but yeah, I can laugh at my own expense, when its teasing and not actually meant as aggressive / passive aggressive)   Learning to smile..  (took like 1 yr to get the muscles in my face developed enough to actually show a smile.  Thats how bad I felt back then , almost never had a reason to smile.)    To learn to accept myself and my flaws.  Took martial arts and gained actual grace, strength, skill and power.  Got better with woman... though sadly... always seemed to catch the psychos.  Got myself out from merely washing dishes... into other areas of skills... such as computer repair.   Never would have imagined back then,  that I would have ended up being a store manger, or anything tech related.

  Ive pushed myself hard... but still, I have cranial limitations.   The capable people always say  "Ohh, you can do that... its Easy!".   They have no idea what its like to be missing some wires.   They have a F1 race car up stairs... and I have a rusted out Yugo.

 Turned out that the Allergies to wheat, probably caused such a slow and poorly developed brain... as well as other things.

 FYI:

 In Kindergarten, I missed more than half of it because I was always sick. I also remember the very pictures on the walls were moving and talking at times... I had a runaway imagination or something.  Went away by 1st grade or before.

 Got sent to Pre-first, due to missing so much kindergarten.  It was discovered I had Dyslexia (seeing and writing letters / numbers upside down, backwards..etc),  I also had a speech impediment.  Couldnt make the "S" sound. Funny, being that my name is Steve.  Always slow and last to finish tests. Having a really difficult time.

 They thought I would get injured badly in gym class,  due to my small size and frail nature... so they tried to lump me into the mentally handicapped group.  I was slow... but not like that.  I was pissed.  Fought hard, and got myself back in regular gym, and regular classes.  Dyslexia seemed to correct itself. (I think I still have it.. but brain has developed a decoder routine.. which may limited my brains full potentials)  And overcame the speech issues.

 In 1st grade,  even after being held back a year, and starting late... I was the shortest kid in the class, including the woman.  It would be years before that changed...  and even then, I really didnt get strong and bulk a little but, till I was in my mid twenties.  I was 6ft tall, 145 lbs, with a 31 waist, before age 20.
After the arts I get to something between 150 - 165..  32"  waist.   Older and desk jobs...and Ive hit a slightly gushy midsection of 35- 36" @ 180 lbs.


 Forgot to add...  I did eventually get over my loneliness issues, after meeting a few too many insane woman.   It was fun for a while... but now Im fairly scared to get into any relationship..  and Im quite fine being by myself now.   I also overcame the crappy parent thing... after I realized how messed up they were... and that they never were going to change.  They would always be poison, and I just didnt need them to feel good about myself.  In fact, its was quite the opposite.  They kept me in a bad place...  where as good friends helped support and elevate me.  Ive proudly not spoken to either of them in over 10 yrs.  I also cut myself from all the rest of the family, after seeing that they all had the same toxic mental health issues.  I happened to be the least effected in that manor... luckily.

 Father - A psychopathic narcissist,  with phobias, ADD, and some Bipolarism.   Compulsive gambler,  insanely abusive and criminally crazy ...when drunk.
Mother - Also Bipolar.

 Both experts at manipulation, and abuse.


 I dont tell my story for attention, or sympathy.  I tell it for those it may help.

I think you get it all wrong.  I don't dislike you, nor does anybody else on here, why would we, this is a hobby website, a place to come for fun and relax. I may be elitist, and hey who doesn't like getting their own way.

If it helps I have a degree in psychology, it probably doesn't, and I know you think my advice is worthless, but you need to stop assuming everyone is out to get you.  You subconsciously are attracting that negative energy by always looking for and finding the worst in people. 

The fact that you can write a paragraph that is legible shows that you're not stupid, or set with half a working brain, again, if you keep telling yourself that, then you will make it happen.  When someone defines themselves a certain way, they will set things in motion to make it a reality.  From an early age it sounds like you have assumed you're less worthy, and you subconsciously work at proving that true.  I don't think it is, and when I say something like "you're doing it wrong" I mean you are setting yourself up for these setbacks and failures, and yes I believe you are bringing it on yourself by always assuming bad things will happen.  When I say change your outlook I don't mean think of butterflies and moonbeams, but try to assume you will succeed instead of worrying you will fail.  You know what I mean?  I'm not criticizing I'm just pointing out fact.  I have nothing to gain by shooting you down, but I also have nothing invested in seeing you succeed.  You simply have to do it yourself, and I think you can.  Whether I am rooting for you or not, is moot, because you should be rooting for yourself.

[Zakk]

I don't see how self congratulation or self berating adjusts the outcome of one's decisions after the fact, but I certainly see how self pity can keep you from making good decisions in the future.  My brother has spent his life behind bars due to his decisions.  I have worked my way up from the lowest enlisted rank to command formations in the military through mine.  My brother has rarely taken responsibility for his decisions whereas I do my darndest to own up to my decisions both right and wrong (like posting in this thread, which is a wrong decision).  I see that as the defining characteristic between us and one of the characteristics I find prevalent in influential leaders in my life.  My brother was the smarter, better looking, and more athletic of the two of us, hell the guy even has (had?) perfect pitch.  We had nearly identical upbringings so what was the deal?  He got a case of bad luck, a bad roll of the die?  Not buying it.  He his culpable for his life as I am culpable for mine.     

The old story: A reporter came and interviewed myself and my brother.  I, am the CEO of a major shipping company, and my brother is behind bars for murder.  The reporter asked us both the same question, and we both gave identical answers.

Reporter: "how is it you came to be who you are today?"

Both brothers: "My father was an abusive drunk, who beat my mother, my brother and myself all the time, he was a lifelong criminal and ended up serving life in prison for murder.  With a father like that, how else could I have turned out".


That story stuck with me for years and years now.  I don't even know if it's based on a real pair of brothers or not, but WOW food for thought.

[HanoiBoi]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

[Zakk]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

If his logic holds, I must just be all awesome on the inside

[Le Chuck]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

If his logic holds, I must just be all awesome on the inside

And I must be the devil

[deadmoney5]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

I ABSOLUTELY believe this.  Those who preach the loudest usually have the most to hide.  100% true.  Every time I see a religious zealot pointing and ranting about something "evil", I always say "Imagine the crap on that person's computer"

[deadmoney5]

I think you get it all wrong.  I don't dislike you, nor does anybody else on here, why would we, this is a hobby website, a place to come for fun and relax. I may be elitist, and hey who doesn't like getting their own way.

If it helps I have a degree in psychology, it probably doesn't, and I know you think my advice is worthless, but you need to stop assuming everyone is out to get you.  You subconsciously are attracting that negative energy by always looking for and finding the worst in people. 

The fact that you can write a paragraph that is legible shows that you're not stupid, or set with half a working brain, again, if you keep telling yourself that, then you will make it happen.  When someone defines themselves a certain way, they will set things in motion to make it a reality.  From an early age it sounds like you have assumed you're less worthy, and you subconsciously work at proving that true.  I don't think it is, and when I say something like "you're doing it wrong" I mean you are setting yourself up for these setbacks and failures, and yes I believe you are bringing it on yourself by always assuming bad things will happen.  When I say change your outlook I don't mean think of butterflies and moonbeams, but try to assume you will succeed instead of worrying you will fail.  You know what I mean?  I'm not criticizing I'm just pointing out fact.  I have nothing to gain by shooting you down, but I also have nothing invested in seeing you succeed.  You simply have to do it yourself, and I think you can.  Whether I am rooting for you or not, is moot, because you should be rooting for yourself.

 
I can admit when I was wrong.  THAT is good advice.

 

[yotsuya]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

I ABSOLUTELY believe this.  Those who preach the loudest usually have the most to hide.  100% true.  Every time I see a religious zealot pointing and ranting about something "evil", I always say "Imagine the crap on that person's computer"

I tend to disagree with this. Sure, some people are hypocrites, but I don't think it's an automatic, 100% of the time fact that the more "good" you appear, the darker you really are. Is the opposite true? Did Josef Stalin have a secret stash of puppies and kitten he cuddled with?

[Vigo]

Why do you think I have an evil dude as my avatar? So people trust me!

#carpathiankittenloss

[yotsuya]

Why do you think I have an evil dude as my avatar? So people trust me!

#carpathiankittenloss

I mean, I'm a straightforward, easy-going person (ask all the BYOACers who have met me IRL). I like simple pleasures, like butter in ---my bottom---, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. I don't have any deep, dark obsessions or desires I'm suppressing or doing in secret. 

Now HaRuMaN, that dude is f-ed up..... 

[mgb]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

I ABSOLUTELY believe this.  Those who preach the loudest usually have the most to hide.  100% true.  Every time I see a religious zealot pointing and ranting about something "evil", I always say "Imagine the crap on that person's computer"

Nah, not true for everyone.
People tend to believe this only because of the relatively few you hear about on the news

[Vigo]

Nah, not true for everyone.
People tend to believe this only because of the relatively few you hear about on the news

It's a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper page.

[deadmoney5]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

I ABSOLUTELY believe this.  Those who preach the loudest usually have the most to hide.  100% true.  Every time I see a religious zealot pointing and ranting about something "evil", I always say "Imagine the crap on that person's computer"

Nah, not true for everyone.
People tend to believe this only because of the relatively few you hear about on the news

In terms of standing on your soapbox, pointing your finger, and judging how other's act...more true than not that the people doing the pointing have more skeletons in their closet than anyone.

[yotsuya]

Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside. 

@dkersten:  Do you truly believe this?

@Xteve: Generally, people are rooting for you.  Root for yourself too! 

I ABSOLUTELY believe this.  Those who preach the loudest usually have the most to hide.  100% true.  Every time I see a religious zealot pointing and ranting about something "evil", I always say "Imagine the crap on that person's computer"

Nah, not true for everyone.
People tend to believe this only because of the relatively few you hear about on the news

In terms of standing on your soapbox, pointing your finger, and judging how other's act...more true than not that the people doing the pointing have more skeletons in their closet than anyone.

Sure, some do, but that's a pretty broad brush you're painting with.

[HaRuMaN]

Why do you think I have an evil dude as my avatar? So people trust me!

#carpathiankittenloss

I mean, I'm a straightforward, easy-going person (ask all the BYOACers who have met me IRL). I like simple pleasures, like butter in ---my bottom---, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. I don't have any deep, dark obsessions or desires I'm suppressing or doing in secret. 

Now HaRuMaN, that dude is f-ed up..... 

[dkersten]

Yes, I believe it completely and it is a very cynical viewpoint.  However, it holds up.  The "best" people I know are the ones who will admit they are flawed.  I am not saying that the more good you are externally, the more evil you really are on the inside, but rather that the better you "project" a "good" personality, the better you are at hiding your true nature.  Usually people who go overboard to project them being a "good" person are the ones trying to compensate for things they feel on the inside that they feel are bad.

I consider myself a good person.  My intentions are never cruel, I avoid violence, and I have always strived to do good for the people around me.  However, I have dark thoughts, I have skeletons, and I have flaws.  Those things have the potential to hurt anyone close to me.  The more "true" to myself that I am, the more chance that I will end up hurting someone because at some point what I need in my life to be happy will end up stepping on someone else..  This is something I just see as human nature. 

I came to this whole conclusion while dating and trying to find "the one".  Your "soul mate" is the one whose flaws you can live with, not someone without flaws because that person doesn't exist.  If your "type" is the one who is outwardly good, chances are they are not nearly as "good" on the inside.   

[HaRuMaN]

[yotsuya]

Yes, I believe it completely and it is a very cynical viewpoint.  However, it holds up.  The "best" people I know are the ones who will admit they are flawed.  I am not saying that the more good you are externally, the more evil you really are on the inside, but rather that the better you "project" a "good" personality, the better you are at hiding your true nature.  Usually people who go overboard to project them being a "good" person are the ones trying to compensate for things they feel on the inside that they feel are bad.

I consider myself a good person.  My intentions are never cruel, I avoid violence, and I have always strived to do good for the people around me.  However, I have dark thoughts, I have skeletons, and I have flaws.  Those things have the potential to hurt anyone close to me.  The more "true" to myself that I am, the more chance that I will end up hurting someone because at some point what I need in my life to be happy will end up stepping on someone else..  This is something I just see as human nature. 

I came to this whole conclusion while dating and trying to find "the one".  Your "soul mate" is the one whose flaws you can live with, not someone without flaws because that person doesn't exist.  If your "type" is the one who is outwardly good, chances are they are not nearly as "good" on the inside.

Your initial statement was

"Also, everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil, and chances are the more "good" they appear on the outside, the darker they are on the inside." 

You're now saying

"Usually people who go overboard to project them being a "good" person are the ones trying to compensate for things they feel on the inside that they feel are bad."

Which applies to people who are "projecting" how good they are but aren't really good, which are two different things. I can agree with you on the second one. But as to the original statement, I know plenty of truly "good" people who aren't hiding any demons or dark thoughts and aren't "acting" good, they just are. I guess it all depends on what constitutes "dark and evil".

Oh, and for my man Casto, obligatory:

[Zakk]

I think out loud.  Very annoying to most, but I am exactly the same inside as I project outward.  I am definitely opinionated, I do criticise (but am very self critical), but overall I am so awesome I am just about to burst.  I also take pleasure in how many times I can use "I" in a sentence. 

I'm more of an oxymoron (or supermoron), than evil plotter.  I too like to play with kittens and puppies, I mean, come on, who doesn't like kittens and puppies? 

[yotsuya]

I think out loud.  Very annoying to most, but I am exactly the same inside as I project outward.  I am definitely opinionated, I do criticise (but am very self critical), but overall I am so awesome I am just about to burst.  I also take pleasure in how many times I can use "I" in a sentence. 

I think most people are that way. Sure, there are Eddie Haskells out there (look him up, whippersnappers), but I think most people are who they are.

I'm more of an oxymoron (or supermoron), than evil plotter.  I too like to play with kittens and puppies, I mean, come on, who doesn't like kittens and puppies? 

I don't necessarily disagree with Dave that people hide stuff, and sometimes they doth protest too much. I just don't think the "everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil" statement is 100% true. Maybe the "dark and evil" part is throwing me off.

[Zakk]

I think out loud.  Very annoying to most, but I am exactly the same inside as I project outward.  I am definitely opinionated, I do criticise (but am very self critical), but overall I am so awesome I am just about to burst.  I also take pleasure in how many times I can use "I" in a sentence. 

I think most people are that way. Sure, there are Eddie Haskells out there (look him up, whippersnappers), but I think most people are who they are.

I'm more of an oxymoron (or supermoron), than evil plotter.  I too like to play with kittens and puppies, I mean, come on, who doesn't like kittens and puppies? 

I don't necessarily disagree with Dave that people hide stuff, and sometimes they doth protest too much. I just don't think the "everyone has a bad part of their personality, something dark and evil" statement is 100% true. Maybe the "dark and evil" part is throwing me off.

Eva Braun hated blondi the german shepherd.  True story. 

[yotsuya]

Eva Braun hated blondi the german shepherd.  True story.

So you're saying something dark and evil lurked inside Eva Braun, then? 

[dkersten]

"dark and evil" can mean anything to anyone.  Thinking that I enjoy a certain kind of sex could be deemed as evil to some while perfectly normal to others.  Or perhaps something closer to this forum:  wishing someone would just go away and never post here again because their posts annoy the heck out of me might be a "dark" thought even though there are legitimate reasons that the forum would be a better place without them.  (not directed at anyone, just saying.. lol).  Anything selfish can be seen as sinful, evil, or dark.  Just checking out the hot chick next door, or even being envious of their car is "evil" because it is a sin in the eyes of a Christian (covet thy neighbor's wife, possessions, etc.)  Call it what you want, whether it be evil, darkness, negativity, or just anti-cultural behavior, we all have the capacity for it and have all had some thoughts (or actions) that would not be acceptable to society if aired publicly. 

Usually when I see someone who believes they are "holier than thou", I equate it to "evil" in a literal sense.  They project "goodness" so strongly on the outside because they are compensating for evilness on the inside.  A truly good person doesn't judge others, nor do they say they are without sin.  (Not trying to bring religion in, just morality, which draws many parallels) 

The real point is that while you may have been taught to keep certain feelings to yourself, or even that having those feelings is wrong in some way, you still have them.  It is human nature, and that very human nature has the potential to cause other humans pain, even if it isn't intended.  Even saints can sin, nobody is perfect, and nobody has "nothing" to hide.  I brought it up in context to X2's anti-social behavior, particularly with women, and the point is that all people are flawed, so either you accept that and have people in your life you care about, or you separate yourself from the rest of the world and hide in hopes of never being hurt by those flaws. 

[saint]

Ugh.

[pbj]

I have the entire thread backed up to just about when it went full retard.  PDF attached.

[lilshawn]

I have the entire thread backed up to just about when it went full retard.  PDF attached.

 

glad to be a part of history