Bye?

[Xiaou2]

I was sleeping in my minivan when the leased room from hell ran out, until I could save enough money up for the $1200 car repair needed to pass inspection....

 Contractor found out... thought I was stealing due to comming in to eat or use restroom... on non scheduled times.

 Just got my van pass... 2 mo. Past due. Yay.    Then 2 hrs later, get a call saying they dont want me back. =(    Innapropriate behavior + unproven suspicions.

 Im losing my ability to deal with this stuff.

 If I go "dark",  best wishes to you all.

[Slippyblade]

Holy crap, man.  Sorry to hear.

Hope you can work things out.

[Dawgz Rule]

Hang in there man.

[ark_ader]

Look on the bright side.  You have the minivan.

The world is your oyster.

[yotsuya]

Don't be afraid to come around here and blow off steam, brother. 

[Howard_Casto]

Man and I thought my personal life was imploding.... I hope things turn around for you man. 

[BadMouth]

While looking for another job, also take the time to learn what public resources are available.  (probably at a county level)
All of my clients with more than a half dozen rental properties have at least one property where rent is being paid by the county.

My opinion of public assistance changed when I realized that the people who ---smurfette--- about it are the same people who hide their assets in trusts so that Medicaid will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for their nursing home care instead of them using their own money or cashing out the equity in their house.

I say if it's there, take advantage of it.  You're no less deserving than anyone else.

[dkersten]

X2 - Hang in there.  Hope things turn around for you.  Just remember, you make your own luck.

Man and I thought my personal life was imploding.... I hope things turn around for you man.

No matter how bad things get in our own life, there is always someone who has it worse, has lost more, or has a tougher road ahead.  Sometimes it helps to think about that so you can appreciate how good you really have it.  On the other hand, some days just suck so bad that you don't care how bad someone else has it.  Health problems suck and turn your life upside down.  I have been through financial difficulty at times in my life and now I am going through some health issues, and I would rather have my health and be broke and out on ---my bottom--- than have financial security but not be able to enjoy it because of my health.  Of course, I am sure if I were out on ---my bottom--- and not sure where my next meal was going to come from I would probably trade some of my health for a break.  All a matter of perspective I suppose.  Just my 2 cents, but perhaps any of us who are struggling can gain some comfort from it. 

[Well Fed Games]

Sorry to hear about the hard times. I'm with Yots, don't be a stranger. Hope things turn around for you.

[pbj]

Join a month to month gym and shower and poop there.  I'd fire you if you were sneaking into sites after hours, too.

[HanoiBoi]

First, don't go dark.

Secondly, I'm very sorry to hear of the troubles.

Of course I don't fully understand the situation, but if it's at all possible, figure out if there's someone from the job who could be an advocate for you.  Approach them when the time is right and explain your situation and the reason you hadn't previously disclosed.  Ask them to speak to the decision makers.
I realize it might be a slim option, but it can't hurt to try.

Many people that I know have been down low at times, and right now it seems real bad.  But, hang in there, take necessary steps and things will work out.

[lilshawn]

Join a month to month gym and shower and poop there.  I'd fire you if you were sneaking into sites after hours, too.

This.... also, I've also lived out of a van for a few months while I got my ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- straight. Rented a small site at a camp/RV place just outside of the city. Power, Showers, Bathrooms directly adjacent to my site...and laundry facilities and convenience store just down the way.

I don't recall how much it was, but i explained my situation to the owner and he cut me a bit of a deal since i'd need to stay for a few months.

Kept my ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- clean, head down, and gave nobody a reason to even look in my direction. Even spruced up the site a bit rakeing things up and making sure the bathroom was clean. the owner couldn't have been happier.

kept me legit looking enough to get squared away and into a new apartment.

[Slippyblade]

Really depends on where you are.  When the wife and I slummed it for a summer in Oregon, it was easy.  Lots of facilities for homeless folks, campgrounds, etc.  Phoenix, where I've lived most of my life - you're ---fouled up beyond all recognition---.  There is nothing - It's borderline criminal to be homeless here.

[Donkey_Kong]

Most of us have been down and out at one time or another. Things can only get better, hang on brother.

[Zakk]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly).  I always think of that guy.  He would have come to in the hospital bed, and sooner or later would have looked in a mirror.  If he had been suicidal before...what must he have been like after... but he pulled out of it. 

So if you haven't blown your jaw off, life is looking pretty good.  Try it another way, look at it from a different perspective, etc.  When I got locked up for a stint due to UWI I was pretty down, but I look back on it today like a blip on the radar. 

(P.S. I'm not saying anyone is suicidal...just a story of depression)

[pbj]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

[Le Chuck]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

We had a Soldier lean forward when the main gun fired on the M1A1 and the breach recoil removed his bottom jaw...but he died. 

[dkersten]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

I can't speak for the person who posted that, but I can tell you first hand the theme is not uncommon.  I personally know one person who only lost use of his legs and pretty much changed every aspect of his physical life (mostly for the worse) after he hit rock bottom and figured there was only one way out.  Sure, it wasn't his face, but the damage is just as bad as is the impact on his life.  Despite the extreme challenges this added to his life since then (for nearly 20 years now), he leads a pretty full life, and it all came from hard work.

While my uncle was in the hospital for a broken back that led to 3/4 of his body being permanently paralyzed, his roommate was an 18 year old who had a similar injury from snowboarding.. facing his entire adult life without use of any part of his body below his chest.  Every day there are stories like that, whether accidental or self inflicted, and in most cases they move on to live life the best way they can manage.  It doesn't have to be a specific person, the message is the same - No matter how tough you have it, there is someone else who had it worse and managed to pull themselves out of it.

[bertman77]

I thought I was having a terrible day when I had no hot water, found out I needed a new hot water heater, got in crap at work cause I was distracted by my water situation, found out my 7 year old daughter hasn't been eating lunch because another 7 year old is calling her fat, got into an argument with my wife over the son's baseball game and got pooped on by a bird.

Seems like none of that is a big deal now.

[ark_ader]

Well I won $800 on 5c keno  last night and had a horrible time deciding how to spend it.  Stargate or new suit....hmmm...

[bertman77]

Well I won $800 on 5c keno  last night and had a horrible time deciding how to spend it.  Stargate or new suit....hmmm...

Uhh Stargate clearly.

[Howard_Casto]

So x2... I saw you've made a few posts since this.  Have things improved any?  I hope they have.

[Xiaou2]

Thanks,

 I was fortunate that the friend I have at my former place of work,  got me in touch with the mechanic that fixed my van for an affordable price...   and,  he has taken me in as a roomy, for a reduced rate,  so long as I help fix it up.

 Unfortunately, the area is really rough.   Theres a drug dealer across the street... and so cars drive by at all hours of the night, playing bass thumping rap... that goes right through the uninsulated walls.   There also is some kind of bus pickup... and so lots of kids making noises in the morning.   Sleep has not been very good.

 Health wise, its a daily battle.   One day Im Ok... the next... and my body is aching so bad it feels like Ive been lit on fire.  All it takes is a small serving of something that doesnt agree with me... and Im toast for the day.

 Money is getting really tight.   Its making me worry quite a bit.  Have not paid the car payment nor the $13,000 Visa / Chase debts that were largely caused by having surgery, previous half a year out of work, and having the house sold out from under me... in the worst possible time..  then having to spend 2 grand moving myself back to NY, after defending my sister from her abusive narcissist hubby... and being told to move out.

 I filed for unemployment.  Will take a few weeks for things to start rolling.

 Im Feeling slayed.  Having trouble dealing all of this.

 Its doubtful things will improve much, if at all.  In time, as my age progresses further, my allergies will no doubt get even worse..  Making life even more impossible than it has been.

[Xiaou2]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!
 

[leapinlew]

Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks..

FWIW, I don't think anyone was talking down to you Xiaou. To me it looks like attempts to have you look at the bright side and change your outlook. It's much healthier to have a positive outlook.

[adder]

I was living in a very noisy place in the past (the tenants below were animals and would throw plates at each other all night)

this product below was a godsend, it's amazing how much sound they block out - (they are re-usable, you can wash them with warm water/soap, and each pair will last a week or two).

give them a go, they helped me get a proper nights sleep which as we all know is very beneficial to your mood for the next day

[ark_ader]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

Nobody is saying that...well maybe Zakk did, but some people tend to attract the negative side of life.  I'm sure we have all been there, as you have too it seems, but what ever happened to once bitten twice shy?  Some people like to live on the edge, and get all grumpy if life is dealing you a winning hand all the time.  I think Zakk is saying that people out there in the world are having it a lot worse than you, and only know such horror on a daily basis. 

I'm not sure about the Black and Decker Duct tape experience, but if we look at recent events in the media, your scenario is a walk in the park.  Try and take this experience as a lesson, and start learning from it.  Go bankrupt, get on Medicaid, social services etc. As it seems those people who take the benefits offered get the most help.  Other that us poor souls that have to endure worse just to get a pay check, just to buy a cabinet and have someone ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- all over you on the forums for it.  The horror.

[Zakk]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

 Tell me how Im not doing it right.. because I developed severe food allergies, to Wheat, Dairy, Eggs, and possibly other stuff.  (most likely GMO crud)

 Its quite easy to talk down to someone, and quite different to live in their shoes for a few weeks... let alone, experience the lifetime of hell they went through... and continue to go through.

 Ever been Robbed by someone?  How about by your own family?   Ever been 5yrs old.. and had a father duct-tap your hands. feet, and mouth... then start revving power tools centimeters from your head?  Threatening to cut you into little pieces, dump the parts in the ocean... where the sharks would eat them... and nobody would know???  I suppose thats my fault too right?!  Yup, Im doing it wrong man.   You sure got my number!

You see...what you did there...that's what I mean.  Stop blaming people for the ---smurfy--- things they did and move on.  It's done, there's nothing you can do about the past, but duct tape and power tools when you're 5 have no bearing on breaking into your place of work after hours and stealing water and electricity.  For the record, I would have fired you too, and yes I'm sure it would have been all my fault for not being understanding.

But hey, if blaming people and lashing out works for you, then by all means keep at it. I don't plan to offer any more advice, just keep doing what you're doing. For what it's worth I meant it as honest advice.  Seems like you're going down a depressing path, maybe time to try a totally new one..oh jeez, there I go again with my drivel.  Best of luck.

[Zakk]

There was a patient I used to see at the hospital everyday.  He had tried to kill himself with a shotgun, but had only managed to blow his lower jaw off.   Horribly disfigured he is still alive today, and living a relatively normal life (reportedly). 

You are the fourth person I've heard claim this, and unless you're my EMT roommate from 2001, or the nurse neighbor from 2006, or the volunteer fire fighter - this injury is very common or you're all fibbing. 

Let me guess, it wasn't really your patient, it was one you heard about?

Victoria hospital, South street campus, london ontario circa ~2000.  Go ---fudgesicle--- yourself jim. I was the materials managment guy, had to come into the severe trauma ward every morning, looked at the guy in the eye for about 6 months 5 times a week.  He was fed through a tube in his throat, I could draw a picture if you would like.  I remember why I don't come to this place much, oh and jim go ---fudgesicle--- yourself.

[dkersten]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

Frankly I think it is this attitude that will keep you down in life.  I am not saying this to be a dick or to kick you when you are down - I would say the same thing (and have) to my own kids.  You have not made a lot of friends on this forum, yet when you announce that you are going through a rough time there has been nothing but compassion and caring shown.  Rather than stomp on that, embrace it and use it to lift your spirits.

I spent a couple years on a divorce forum after my divorce, and I didn't always like what people had to say, but the fact is they were right most of the time.  It isn't always easy to hear that you have "made your own bed" but sometimes you have to hear it.  You got the shorter end of the stick in many ways, and for that I am sorry for you.  You can spend your life blaming others or you can own your situation and take measures to fix it.  You will never fix it as long as you are wasting your energy pointing fingers and feeling sorry for yourself.

Don't focus on the abuse you suffered as a child, focus on the things that help you get past the PTSD it created in your life.  I needed some counseling when I became depressed after my divorce, so I went to my local church and made use of their pastoral counselors, which was free of charge.  They didn't preach to me or try to convert me, they were properly schooled therapists who were doing an internship.  It helped me get through something I didn't think I could get through.  Don't focus on the fact that you have a food allergy that is dragging you down, focus on what foods are causing it and make efforts to avoid them so you can feel better.  You have access to the internet, start learning about what is causing your issues and how to avoid them.  My daughter was allergic to wheat and apples as a child.  About 95% of all food is made with either wheat or apples (as a sweetener), so it was not easy.  Don't focus on the fact that you are unemployed, focus on where you can go next and how you can use this to make your life better.  Now that you aren't employed you have nothing tying you down for 24 hours each day.  That is a lot of time you could be spending finding a new job.  You have a friend who saw you needed help and held out a hand, and you are focused on how crappy the neighborhood is.  Why not focus on how much better you have it than you would if he hadn't reached out to help?

I have had the privilege of knowing some very successful people in my life.  They will all tell you the same thing: "The harder I work, the luckier I get."  Amazingly, nearly everyone who has worked their ass off and been successful at what they are working on will tell you that focus, dedication, and lots of hard work is what got them there.  It doesn't happen overnight.

I spent the first 10 years of my adult life drowning in debt, fielding collector calls, sometimes dozens each night, not sleeping well because I didn't know if I could pay for daycare, food, or the rent for my trailer.  Then when things first turned around for me and I had $2k in savings for the first time in my life, my wife's transmission failed and it cost me $2k to fix.  I was devastated until my dad asked me where I would have gotten the money if I hadn't had it in savings.  The answer was I would be in more debt, and I realized the difference between being happy and being unhappy was in the way I looked at things, not in my situation.

A positive outlook will do more for you in life than any skill or good fortune.  Instead of facing each day with dread, face it with a positive outlook and a smile.  Wake up and tell yourself that this day is not going to defeat you, you are going to take control of it and master it like you have mastered other things in your life.

Good luck. 

[deadmoney5]

This thread is turning into a right-wing blog site

The dude needs professional help for depression...not simple "pull up your bootstraps" or "quit being the victim" slogans.

[Vigo]

Im Feeling slayed.  Having trouble dealing all of this.

 Its doubtful things will improve much, if at all.  In time, as my age progresses further, my allergies will no doubt get even worse..  Making life even more impossible than it has been.

Are you kidding man? You have some really positive things going for you. You will get the unemployment rolling in soon, and you got a place to stay and your van is fixed. If you have no job income, then you should qualify for state paid medicaid, and if your allergies are incapacitating, then you can go into the hospital as much as you need to get yourself treated and put on a manageable health plan. You should also be able to get food stamps to help you buy food that fits your diet. Enroll for those programs as soon as possible. In my area, there are a ton of jobs to be had. I know for a fact that there is plenty of job openings in the food service management that will more than pay the bills, and to be honest, they need pedantic people like you most of all. This is a fight and a daily struggle, but that is the ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- that makes you a better, stronger person.  We are pulling for you. 

[leapinlew]

Life is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.  If things aren't working for you long term, time to change everything you're doing because you're doing it wrong.  Again and again it's "life isn't fair", well no, it's not.  But it is what it is.

 Insensitive, uncompassionate, worthless drivel.

Frankly I think it is this attitude that will keep you down in life.  I am not saying this to be a dick or to kick you when you are down - I would say the same thing (and have) to my own kids.  You have not made a lot of friends on this forum, yet when you announce that you are going through a rough time there has been nothing but compassion and caring shown.  Rather than stomp on that, embrace it and use it to lift your spirits.

I spent a couple years on a divorce forum after my divorce, and I didn't always like what people had to say, but the fact is they were right most of the time.  It isn't always easy to hear that you have "made your own bed" but sometimes you have to hear it.  You got the shorter end of the stick in many ways, and for that I am sorry for you.  You can spend your life blaming others or you can own your situation and take measures to fix it.  You will never fix it as long as you are wasting your energy pointing fingers and feeling sorry for yourself.

Don't focus on the abuse you suffered as a child, focus on the things that help you get past the PTSD it created in your life.  I needed some counseling when I became depressed after my divorce, so I went to my local church and made use of their pastoral counselors, which was free of charge.  They didn't preach to me or try to convert me, they were properly schooled therapists who were doing an internship.  It helped me get through something I didn't think I could get through.  Don't focus on the fact that you have a food allergy that is dragging you down, focus on what foods are causing it and make efforts to avoid them so you can feel better.  You have access to the internet, start learning about what is causing your issues and how to avoid them.  My daughter was allergic to wheat and apples as a child.  About 95% of all food is made with either wheat or apples (as a sweetener), so it was not easy.  Don't focus on the fact that you are unemployed, focus on where you can go next and how you can use this to make your life better.  Now that you aren't employed you have nothing tying you down for 24 hours each day.  That is a lot of time you could be spending finding a new job.  You have a friend who saw you needed help and held out a hand, and you are focused on how crappy the neighborhood is.  Why not focus on how much better you have it than you would if he hadn't reached out to help?

I have had the privilege of knowing some very successful people in my life.  They will all tell you the same thing: "The harder I work, the luckier I get."  Amazingly, nearly everyone who has worked their ass off and been successful at what they are working on will tell you that focus, dedication, and lots of hard work is what got them there.  It doesn't happen overnight.

I spent the first 10 years of my adult life drowning in debt, fielding collector calls, sometimes dozens each night, not sleeping well because I didn't know if I could pay for daycare, food, or the rent for my trailer.  Then when things first turned around for me and I had $2k in savings for the first time in my life, my wife's transmission failed and it cost me $2k to fix.  I was devastated until my dad asked me where I would have gotten the money if I hadn't had it in savings.  The answer was I would be in more debt, and I realized the difference between being happy and being unhappy was in the way I looked at things, not in my situation.

A positive outlook will do more for you in life than any skill or good fortune.  Instead of facing each day with dread, face it with a positive outlook and a smile.  Wake up and tell yourself that this day is not going to defeat you, you are going to take control of it and master it like you have mastered other things in your life.

Good luck.

 

This is a very well written piece. Good job. I wanted you to know that even if others do not hear what you are saying, it reached me loud and clear. Well done.

[Vigo]

I agree. That was a really, really good post. 



A couple weeks ago a lot a stuff came at me all at once. I was a wreck, then this song came on the radio and it really picked me up. Wouldn't you know it, I went from fearing about losing my job to getting a raise in less than 24 hours.



Edit: Can't seem to embed right now.

[dkersten]

This thread is turning into a right-wing blog site

The dude needs professional help for depression...not simple "pull up your bootstraps" or "quit being the victim" slogans.

A positive attitude is venting about things that suck to get them off your chest and maybe get some feedback, then turning off the internet and going back to working on fixing it.  A negative attitude is venting about it then going on about how it isn't your fault and there is nothing you can do about it except suffer, then using that to justify your negative attitude.  The second one will never end in successfully overcoming your issues.  That is the only message being portrayed here.  If it is "right wing" then I guess that would make "right wing" correct.

You are correct that overcoming depression is not as simple as just "pulling up your panties and getting a job", but X2 has 3 issues right now that all need addressing:  his health, his employment status, and his depression.  If he ignores what is causing the first two, he will never fix the third, and if he doesn't address the third, he will always struggle to do anything about the first two.  He does need to seek help for the depression, it is very difficult to deal with that on your own.  I offered the way that worked for me that didn't cost any money, and since he is unemployed and needs help, I would say it is probably a pretty good option.  Welfare, Medicaid, and most government assistance programs are designed for women with kids, and usually men don't qualify for that kind of help unless they are shacked up with a woman who has a kid.  Getting on permanent disability is nearly impossible, particularly when the medical condition is manageable.  If the fact that some churches have counselors and therapists who can help is too "right wing" for you, then look into non-Christian programs that offer that kind of help.  From what I have seen, they are hard to find and are very difficult to get into and not all that helpful if you do get in.

I lived with a wife who was clinically depressed for nearly 20 years, yet never understood it and figured she just needed to stop feeling sorry for herself.  I found after going through depression myself that it was not even close to that simple to overcome.  Yet feeling sorry for yourself is how you end up being depressed, and no amount of therapy or medication will get and keep you out of the dark hole of depression if you keep having the outlook on life that will put you right back in that place.  People who are chronically depressed have other issues in their life that they won't address that keep the chemicals in their brain unbalanced.  One of the exercises my therapist taught me was whenever I was feeling negative about something to spend no more than 15 minutes feeling miserable and sorry for myself, then stop and look at the facts, not at what I was feeling.  In most cases, the facts were not that the world was against me but rather that I was just feeling sorry for myself and things weren't as bad as I had built them up in my mind.

As for health issues, he isn't the only one dealing with them right now, and I can say first hand that if I had a negative attitude about it I would be deep into a depression by now.  It is nobodies fault that he has health problems, but it is also nobody else's problem to deal with and he is the only one who can do anything about it.  My daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 4 years ago.  She refuses to take her insulin, and if she doesn't it will end up killing her.  The more she fights what she has to change in her life to minimize the damage caused by this disease, the more health problems she will have as she goes down the road.  Her attitude is negative, she is mad that others can eat certain foods and not have to give themselves shots 4-6 times per day, but once she accepts it and embraces that this is just what she has to do, she will prevent things like severe nerve pain, blindness, fingers and toes dying, kidney failure, and of course death.  Instead of looking at his allergies as a weight that is dragging him down and keeping him pinned, he should be taking every possible measure to learn exactly what triggers the problems and avoid them at all costs.  This is the ONLY thing that will get him past this and allow him to take financial care of himself from this day forward.  If he chooses to ignore it then he will never be able to hold a job because nobody will keep an employee who calls in sick once or twice a week, especially when they could avoid being sick with some discipline and self sacrifice.  If this is a "right wing" ideal it is because it is grounded in reality, not based on some fantastical idea that an all powerful government will come to him with a magic wand and make it all go away.  In the real world, workers who are unreliable don't succeed (unless they have government jobs of course).  Fix the health issues and holding a job will be much easier.  Hold a job for a while and the financial issues start to become manageable.  It isn't some easy path but it starts with a positive attitude and a lot of hard work.

[dkersten]

This is a very well written piece. Good job. I wanted you to know that even if others do not hear what you are saying, it reached me loud and clear. Well done.

Thank you. 

[yotsuya]

Well said, Dave. I hope Steve sees your advice for what it is.

Oh, and I take it your wrist is better? 

[Howard_Casto]

I just need to interject here and point out that depression, at least the majority of the time is NOT caused by feeling sorry for yourself and anyone who says that has never been truly depressed.  There are a myriad of physical and psychological causes for clinical depression and the most common one is a chemical imbalance.  Long story short feeling sorry for yourself doesn't cause a chemical imbalance... you have a chemical imbalance, which causes you to feel sorry for yourself, which can often worsen your chemical imbalance and make you feel even more sorry for yourself.  Could emotional or psychological issues have initially caused the imbalance?  That is completely irrelevant.  Once it's a chemical imbalance then it becomes a medical issue, which requires medical treatment. 

So yes, having a positive outlook on life is certainly good advice, but in most cases it has to be coupled with a buttload of drugs, at least initially, to have any real effect. 

I just hope things get better for you man.

[dkersten]

I just need to interject here and point out that depression, at least the majority of the time is NOT caused by feeling sorry for yourself and anyone who says that has never been truly depressed.  There are a myriad of physical and psychological causes for clinical depression and the most common one is a chemical imbalance.  Long story short feeling sorry for yourself doesn't cause a chemical imbalance... you have a chemical imbalance, which causes you to feel sorry for yourself, which can often worsen your chemical imbalance and make you feel even more sorry for yourself.  Could emotional or psychological issues have initially caused the imbalance?  That is completely irrelevant.  Once it's a chemical imbalance then it becomes a medical issue, which requires medical treatment. 

So yes, having a positive outlook on life is certainly good advice, but in most cases it has to be coupled with a buttload of drugs, at least initially, to have any real effect. 

I don't mean to make it sound like everyone with clinical depression got that way from feeling sorry for themselves.  That is not the case at all.  Clinical depression is a chemical issue and not one that can simply be corrected with a change of attitude.  But those chemical imbalances come from many different sources.  You can become chemically imbalanced from being in a constantly depressed state (ie from feeling emotionally down).  Stay in that depressed state long enough and your brain will just not recover back to a "normal" emotional state.  Once in that chemically imbalanced state, it is difficult to get out of it, and your depression just makes you want to sink lower and lower.  It usually takes therapy of some kind.  Antidepressants can help with symptoms, but usually once you go off them you will revert back to being imbalanced, they just help pass the time that is required (along with therapy) to achieve long term relief.

But "feeling sorry for yourself" is when you put yourself in a depressed state over more trivial and avoidable situations, and if you do that enough, the results can be the same - a chemical imbalance that requires therapy and maybe even antidepressants to overcome.  Furthermore, if you are prone to becoming clinically depressed, having a negative outlook on life can make for a higher risk of becoming clinically depressed again.

Yes, I had a breakdown that led to clinical depression.  I have always been someone who could pull myself out of a depressed state, but once I was in that hole, there was no coming out of it without help.  I had always thought psychiatrists were just con artists who preyed on people with depression and other mental illnesses.  I was wrong, and I found myself reaching for help, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I used antidepressants for several months, along with over a year of therapy before I felt normal again.  I get down days like anyone else, and I know there will be more emotionally traumatic times in my life that will push me to the edge, and I just hope that I can keep myself from getting caught in the cycle that leads me down that hole.  I have little doubt that my current physical issues could easily push me over that edge, but I am just pushing forward instead, taking measures to minimize the chronic pain and get my life back to a place where I can function somewhat normally again.

[spoot]

   To be honest I thought you were just gunna spew some crazy ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- and segway into Kung-Fu or sumthing.  However, I see if fact that you’ve opened up a bit.  That first step is a ---smurfette---……took me nearly 30 years to finally do that one myself.
   Do not do what I did.  After the murder of my mother in front of me and the nonstop bullying at school and such my first suicidal thoughts were early teen years and I did nothing about it.  College I discovered booze…..and fell in love with it to where I was awake I was drinking to drown the sorrows so to speak and did this for 20 years.  Of course it just made everything worse…….then I got a phone call one night where a very good friend of mine was arrested for child porn.  The bad stuff…not just 16yo or sumthing…….the little stability I had left in my brain exploded into nothingness and March 21rst of 2013 I woke up with two thoughts in my head.  Walk out to boulevard and shoot myself in the head or go into work and “quit” everything.
   Obviously I chose the second option.  Ended up in the ER for alcoholism and suicide watch.  My liver was ---fouled up beyond all recognition--- into oblivion and my heart was erratic and had to more or less be restarted. Ended up in rehab and kicked the booze…..which helped tremendously but I was still in “whoa is me” mode and everything sucked no matter what.  Even though logic dictated a lot of the bad things were certainly first world issues that really just didn’t matter. Due to the fact I’m a stubborn ---fudgesicle--- it took me another ER visit of my heart freaking out to realize this had to stop.
   I finally broke down and saw a psychologist and got put on some meds to help me get much needed sleep and some anti-anxiety/depression meds. Honestly I saw this as a defeat and not a victory as I should’ve been able to handle it myself.  But I couldn’t.  I’ve been on the meds for awhile now and it’s helped me a lot.  Am I truly happy?  No.  But more importantly I’m not sulking 100% of the time anymore and the whoa is me has quieted down. I made it very clear to the Dr that I didn’t want to take meds and become sumthing that I wasn’t………so I’m on a rather low dosage…..just enough to level me out more or less.  While I’m still the stereotypical AIX admin greybeard who bitches at people to RTFM I don’t totally flip out anymore.
   Ok, I’m babbling……and not sure where I’m going with this anymore cept this……..get professional help.   I hate the fact I had too………but I’m glad I did.