My morning...

[orion]

Exactly.  I'd suggest opening the diaper for a few seconds to let air in, then covering it back up so when he pees it goes all over the soiled diaper. 

Really???  Well whatdaya know.... thanks

They should have told you that at the hospital.  It's pretty basic stuff that the nurses know. 

Um no... we never got that memo. Honestly I have been relying on my wife's expertise since she has already been though this with my step son.... she is claiming that its been a long time and has forgotten a lot of stuff and that this one is totally different from her first... excuses, excuses  Ummmm so the the poo can go airborne to??? I thought only Chimpanzees were capable of doing anything like that.

[ChadTower]

Someone peeing on your face should be incentive to come up with a better strategy.  This isn't an R Kelly video.

 

[2600]

Someone peeing on your face should be incentive to come up with a better strategy.  This isn't an R Kelly video.

 

I'm going to have to go with Chad on this and give your wife a get out of jail free card.  No matter how small you don't let someone keep peeing on your face.


As for the poo, when they are young and haven't started solids the poo is just the right consistency and correct volume that it can shoot out pretty far.  Probably doesn't help that you are grabbing the kids by the ankles and bending them back so that it compresses them slightly.

[orion]

Someone peeing on your face should be incentive to come up with a better strategy.  This isn't an R Kelly video.

 

Ok, I gotta go now, cause I'm lauging so hard I think there is a strong possibility that I might pee in my own face~  

[SavannahLion]

The whole peeing thing stopped pretty quick. It still happens once in a while if he's sick or something but it's not too bad. I still stay out of the way when I'm changing diapers. My GF thinks it's funny when I move my a head out of harms way.

He's reaching the stage where he hides when he goes poop or pee. He's also reaching the stage where he's learning how to take on and off his clothes. He's worked his way to his pants and socks. I'm only waiting for the day to look behind the big screen and see his pants, diaper and a big steaming pile of poo waiting for cleanup.

[Todd H]

I think we scared all of the non-parents into never having children. 

Guys, as bad as all of this sounds I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I love every minute I spend with my son.

[DaOld Man]

I just read this thread again and thought of an interesting story I would share with all you  dads.
When my daughter was about 2 or 3, we went to an annual festival here where they have a parade.
My mom lived about a half mile from the downtime area, so we parked at her house and I took my daughter downtown to watch the parade with her daddy.
We found a pretty decent place by the street and awaited the parade to start.
All of a sudden my daughter said, "Daddy I got to pee."
Well, Im thinking it's a pretty long walk back to my moms house and I didnt know anyone in that area to ask to use the bathroom. Pretty soon ignoring her cries just didnt work for me anymore.
I looked behind us and the crowd and there was a hedgerow between two houses.
So I took her behind the bushes and pulled down her pants and told her to squat and pee.
This was not a good idea. She didnt go along with it anyway, and she started crying and screaming.
I thought, you know, here is a grown man behind the bush with a young girl screaming her head off. I though WTH am I doing??
So I pulled her clothes back up and told her we were going back to granmas to pee.
She was just fine after that.
Luckily nobody heard (or saw) what was going on, or maybe they knew what I was doing because she was getting pretty loud about wanting to pee.
I could imagine being arrested for public child abuse or something worse.
It's funny now, but it sure wasnt then.

[Ginsu Victim]

DirtyOld Man?

[DaOld Man]

I have some candy...

[shardian]

I never got pee'd or pooped on once. I was a ninja with the diaper changes to prevent that exact scene. She did toot once, and that scared me. The wife on the other hand got pee'd and pooped on. She always waited until the diaper was all the way off to get out the wipe.


The funniest thing I ever witnessed though was my the 6 year old cousin. He had fallen asleep on the couch watching TV. I was sitting in the recliner watching a game, when, in his sleep, he pulls down the front of his pants and lets loose. He pissed all over himself! I screamed at him, and he woke up without a clue as to what was going on. That must have been one super realistic dream toilet he was standing at.

[Ginsu Victim]

That must have been one super realistic dream toilet he was standing at.

I had that dream in third grade. Quite embarrassing for someone who was never a bed-wetter.

[ChadTower]

I had that dream in the 8th grade only it wasn't a toilet.  It was Madonna.

[AtomSmasher]

I have a reoccurring dream (maybe once every month or two) semi-similar to that where I have to pee really bad in the dream, so I go to the bathroom, only after I pee I still have to go, so I pee again, and this continues for a while and I can't figure out why I constantly have to pee.  Then I wake up and realize I actually have to pee in real-life and since I was only peeing in the dream it never relieved the pressure on my bladder.  (Just to be clear, this dream never once ended in me peeing on myself)

[Loafmeister]

Oye, I had to quit reading this thread for a bit, my work neighbors were starting to wonder what the hell was going on with all my laughing.


Anyway here’s a true story for you, took place about 13 years ago.  It starts with a Simpson style question:  What is worse than a young kid who both pukes and poops themselves?  Answer:  Two young kids who puke and poop themselves.

So both my kids are about 1 and 3 at the time and my oldest daughter gets this vicious, and I mean VICIOUS stomach virus where she’s got cramps and diarrhea. Unfortunately, she’s at that age where potty training is basically done but she gets through these stubborn periods where she doesn’t want to do a number 2 on the toilet. I’m told you’re never supposed to force the child to poop on the toilet, so we’re trying to be VERY patient.  Then, when the virus hits it seems every 20 minute, poop starts popping out, and I mean out the sides of the pullups, etc.  After about 1 hour, we start insisting she sit on the toilet to at least try. When she does, nothing comes out.  Moment she gets off, poop comes out.

That’s when things took a turn for the worse.

The virus ends up being a full blown puke/poopothon. All of a sudden, my oldest daughter starts to puke.  As my wife is screaming “get the bucket” or something like that, I’m holding on to my youngest 1 year old and she pukes on me.  I answer back “I can’t!!!!” to my wife.  Anyway, we’re starting to be firm and insist to our eldest daughter that she try going on the potty and she starts taking a fit, all I can hear in her yelling is: “I DON’T WANT TO!!!”  As we’re trying to “convince” her, I notice my arm is feeling warm. Yup, in my panic with getting my eldest daughter to use the potty, I fail to notice my youngest daughter has poop coming out the back of HER diaper so for the next several hours it’s a continuous see-saw between Puke and Poop from the two little ones, mixed in with a fit from my oldest daughter. The only good thing that came out that day, I won the battle on the potty training, which means I guess I’m a bad parent.

It was a nasty bug, ended up having to go to the clinic for fear of dehydration. I tell you, it did help later on with other bugs that were bad, where we’d always look back and say “this is nothing, remember when…?”

[ChadTower]

Damn, man.  That's when I would have put them in the tub.  Sometimes you just have to contain the mess until it slows down to a reasonable spew.

[Ginsu Victim]

Should've called a priest.

[Loafmeister]

You know, when you're in the middle of it, you don't think of the little things like a Priest... .  Seriously though, it's true, common sense is the first thing out the window when you're panicking.

[saint]

Damn, man.  That's when I would have put them in the tub.  Sometimes you just have to contain the mess until it slows down to a reasonable spew.

What he said... Ick!

[orion]

You know, when you're in the middle of it, you don't think of the little things like a Priest... .  Seriously though, it's true, common sense is the first thing out the window when you're panicking.

Ain't that the truth!

[Cakemeister]

For my son I just got two diapers out of the bag before taking off his old diaper and covered his junk with the second diaper while cleaning him.

[ahofle]

Your avatar really adds to this thread. 

[SavannahLion]

I think we scared all of the non-parents into never having children. 

That's just as well, I can think of a few that shouldn't be breeding anyways.