Chuck Norris facts

[whatisk]

Here's some facts about Chuck Norris:
 
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
 
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
 
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
 
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.
 
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
 
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
 
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him.
 
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let
him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked
the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl
in the stadium.
 
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
 
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a
list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.
 
If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir."
That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state
down.
 
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
 
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she  was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
 
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.
 
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or
dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He
always makes it to Oregon before you.
 
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
 
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.
 
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
 
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
 
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
"booya".
 
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
 
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
 
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
 
Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.
 
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
 
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.
 
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
Chuck Norris.
 
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity." then you are dead wrong.

[whammoed]

Hilarious.  Reminds me of the SNL Bill Brasky bits.

[JackTucky]

this is a political board.  please don't mess with this fluff.

where's the substance?

Jack

[missioncontrol]

Chuck Noris is a wimp

[danny_galaga]

oh, NORRIS. i was thinking CONNERS for some reason...

[Bones]

That was good value.

[Stingray]

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
Chuck Norris.
 

I nearly fell out of my chair.

-S

[c64rulez]

Chuck Norris is a chipmonk on steroids

[romperwomb]

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Steven Segal had the same idea:  http://www.lightningdrink.com/

[Dartful Dodger]

I met Chuck Norris.  He was at a benefit to support a program to teach martial arts to underprivileged kids.  He said hi to me, shook my hands and talked about the program.

There were posters of his current movie at the time.   A movie with him as a cop and a dog for a partner.  He wasn't pushing the movie at all, he was just pushing this martial arts program.

I think Chuck Norris is a genuinely good person.

[Bones]

I met Chuck Norris.

[quarterback]

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

[quarterback]

this is a political board.  please don't mess with this fluff.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

[quarterback]

Chuck Norris is a chipmonk on steroids

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse . . . horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

[quarterback]

Chuck Noris is a wimp

The X-Men character "Wolverine" is actually based on Chuck Norris, only toned down so as not to upset children.

[quarterback]

I met Chuck Norris. 

There were posters of his current movie at the time.   A movie with him as a cop and a dog for a partner.

Every Chuck Norris film ever made was a documentary film about Chuck Norris.

[cdbrown]

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the &^*% down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. .....At night.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's crap.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win?
Chuck Norris

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.

In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks

Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.

[c64rulez]

Never tell Chuck Norris the odds.
Odds are he'll roundhouse kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris never looks at the mirror.
He knows what the odds are.

If you tell Chuck Norris he's odd
he'll simply get even.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor who slapped his --I'm attempting to get by the auto-censor and should be beaten after I re-read the rules-- had to go through three plastic surgeries and had his kidney removed one hour after the birth took place.

[Harry Potter]

Whow's chuck norris? Doesn't he sell ab-shapers on the informecial channell?

[c64rulez]

If I were you I'd find somwhere very deep and remote to hide.
Chuck Norris sees and hears everything
And when he finds you (and he will) he'll redesign your abs

[Dartful Dodger]

Whow's chuck norris? Doesn't he sell ab-shapers on the informecial channell?

He pushes the Total Gym.

[Harry Potter]

oh Chuck NORRIS. 

Washed up a bit, but Texas Ranger is still good in my books.

[nostrebor]

oh Chuck NORRIS. 

Washed up a bit, ...

*BosssX prepares to die*

[Luxury]

I still say that if you take out all the references to roundhouse kicks, it's a pretty fitting description of your truly. 

Never could master the roundhose kick.  Maybe it's because I don't wear cowboy boots. (Which I hear are the most important part).

[ChadTower]

I want more Chuck Norris facts.

[romperwomb]

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

[Havok]

I met Chuck Norris.

[ChadTower]

In the new version of the standard 8th grade science book, they have removed the roller coasters from the diagrams about potential and kinetic energy.  In their place is a picture of Chuck Norris.

[whammoed]

Hubble recently found new moons and rings aroung Uranus...until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them out of the galaxy.

[ChadTower]

Creationism vs Big Bang is irrelevant.  In the beginning, there was just a big ball of matter.  Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it and caused the Big Bang.  Chuck Norris created the Big Bang.

[whammoed]

Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Steven Seagal all go to a restaurant together.  Chuck orders a burger and when it arrives he roundhouse kicks Jean-Claude and Steven into orbit while exclaiming "I said no cheese!".

[M3talhead]

Once a gentle and harmless creature, the Hawk Moth (Sphingidae Macroglossinae Cizara Ardeniae) inexplicably became extinct after evading one of Chuck Norris's roundhouse kicks.

[romperwomb]

The only reason crumbs fall into Chuck Norris' beard is because it needs to eat too.

Chuck Norris won't allow his children to be taught evolution at school. This wouldn't be a big deal, but he fathered 70% of people in the southern United States.

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

Muhammad Ali does not have Parkinson's. He simply shivers in the fear the Chuck Norris will kill him.

Chuck Norris is not a man; he is the culmination of hundreds of years of black oppression.

In 1997, Chuck achieved a milestone in his life by being the first man ever in the Western Hemisphere to be awarded an 8th degree Black Belt Grand Master recognition in the Tae Kwon Do system. This was a first in 4,500 years of tradition. This one's true folks. Thumbs up Chucky.

[Harry Potter]

Chuck norris sucks....




























...Seph's mum. 

[whammoed]

This one time...at band camp...Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a flute up a girls $%*^*.

[ChadTower]

That's a myth.  Chuck Norris had sex with the girl until her ass made a fluting sound.  Then when he was done he roundhouse kicked her to keep her from talking.

[whammoed]

Chuck Norris wears a size 12 cowboy boot on his pecker.

[Harry Potter]

Chuck norris couldn't get a job as thug #346532 in a D grade korean kung fu movie

[ChadTower]

Chuck Norris taunts Happy Fun Box.

[Sprucemoose]

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Good chuck giveth, and taketh away...I just soiled myself laughing!!!!

[Harry Potter]

chuck is atool.

he rocks in delta force though.

[ChadTower]

The sole reason Christmas exists is to keep Chuck Norris placated enough for a day that he doesn't need to roundhouse kick anyone into history.

[M3talhead]

Chuck Norris always gets what he wants for Christmas. If he didnt, Christmas wouldn't exist.

[missioncontrol]

[missioncontrol]

[M3talhead]

From your personal collection I take it?

[missioncontrol]

From your personal collection I take it?

I hacked Chad's computer and found it among all the half naked wrestler pictures he has

[ChadTower]

They're all gone now.  Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them all.

[Harry Potter]

Or scared them off with his gay antics.

[SithMaster]

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

this is garbage.  some of the jokes are okay or even good but really everyone knows that anakin is lukes father.  though maybe in one of the earlier scripts he was but i dont know for certain.  texas ranger was good but like everything good it wasnt as good in the end.  deltaforce was good.

chuck norris starts every sentence about chuck norris.



chuck norris looks to skinny in this game also in real life he can move in all 12 directions up, down, left, right, back, forward, slightly left, slightly right, top, bottom, up 1, and down 2

[ChadTower]

Chuck Norris is funnier than SithMaster.

[SithMaster]

Posted by: ChadTower  Posted on: Yesterday at 08:54:39 PM 
Insert Quote 

Chuck Norris is funnier than SithMaster. 

Who isnt?

[Harry Potter]

C64 would come close.

[AtomSmasher]

Chuck on dating:

[SithMaster]

What no roundhouse kick?  Or is that for foreplay?

[ChadTower]

Even Chuck Norris can't roundhouse kick and drive a stickshift at the same time.

[Havok]

Even Chuck Norris can't roundhouse kick and drive a stickshift at the same time.

Nonsense! He does a roundhouse kick when he shifts.

He was just giving that chick a love tap...

[AtomSmasher]

What no roundhouse kick?

[Ed_McCarron]

Since I've missed something here...

What started the Chuck Norris fascination?  Is Chuck Norris the new Bacon?

[whammoed]

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a pig into the air and it started raining bacon.

[Ed_McCarron]

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a pig into the air and it started raining bacon.

Sounds like Chuck subscribes to the cartoon laws:

"If you punch an alligator hard enough, he will fly into the air and come down luggage."

Recommended Reading:

http://www.gshotts.com/HUMOR/cartoonphysics.htm

[ChadTower]

Since I've missed something here...

What started the Chuck Norris fascination?  Is Chuck Norris the new Bacon?

Chuck Norris will not explain himself to you.

[DarkKobold]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

[ChadTower]

Peale's Mother in Law says nothing when Chuck Norris talks about the undead Jesus.

[GGKoul]

He is a real American Hero...

[Thenasty]

He is the reason why SHE (C.B.) divorce BILLY JOEL 

[Ed_McCarron]

He is a real American Hero...

So now I know.

[Havok]

He is a real American Hero...

So now I know.

You better be careful with that attitude: Chuck Norris may roundhouse kick you in the face.

Prostrate yourself before the almighty Chuck, lest he be displeased...

[Harry Potter]

We were at the pub when the bouncers told us to finish our drinks. I imagined the bouncers got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and they all fell to the floor.

[SithMaster]

so wait they told you to finish your drinks?

[missioncontrol]

so wait they told you to finish your drinks?  are they stupid?  what else would you do with them but finish them.  its like those warning labels-warning paint is not for consumption.

but paint chips are still o.k. right?

[c64rulez]

Chuck Norris built is own i-Pod.
He stared at 10,000 country bands until they turned into a white square plastic.

[c64rulez]

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

[romperwomb]

I kept wondering if Chuck had heard about these random internet facts...looks like he has.

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

[ChadTower]

That's some hardcore plugging.

[Dartful Dodger]

Welcome to Chuck's Chat Room.

Because of abuse the the chat room is now for
scheduled appearances ONLY!

NOTICE!

The chat room is closed unless a scheduled chat has been posted below, please check back for future appearances. If you have questions you would like posted to a Q & A please Email.


Scheduled Chats: NONE (as of 3-10-2005)

I wanted to chat with Chuck.
 

[Ed_McCarron]

He is a real American Hero...

So now I know.

I hate when noone picks up a dangling setup line...

The correct next line SHOULD have been:

And knowing is half the battle.

[Otraotaku]

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

isnt that the NES cheat for Contra, um for infinite lives or sumthin?... Godly

[mr.Curmudgeon]

"Walker told me I have AIDS."

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1638127/



mrC

[walls83]

When Chuck Norris jumps in water Chuck doesnt get wet,

[thebrownshow]

Chuck Norris video recently on SNL:

[SirPeale]

Peale's Mother in Law says nothing when Chuck Norris talks about the undead Jesus.

OMG OMG LMFAO.

[psik0tik]

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 and a half
asian men in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.

[Stingray]

That's some hardcore plugging.

It was roundhouse plugging if I've ever seen it.

-S

[AtomSmasher]

[JeepMonkey]

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

BYO Chuck Norris T-Shirt.

[HaRuMaN]

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

isnt that the NES cheat for Contra, um for infinite lives or sumthin?... Godly

You should be banned for that comment.  That's the Konami Code...  break yo'self, foo'!

[AtomSmasher]

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

isnt that the NES cheat for Contra, um for infinite lives or sumthin?... Godly

You should be banned for that comment.  That's the Konami Code...  break yo'self, foo'!

and yes it was a cheat for contra, which is why its also known as the contra code.

[thebrownshow]

Originally used for Gradius, but more widely known for Contra.

[bishmasterb]

Chuck Norris' MAME cabinet has nothing more than a 4 way joystick and one button...yet he holds the world record high scores for Marble Madness, Sinistar and Tron.

[Havok]

Chuck Norris' MAME cabinet has nothing more than a 4 way joystick and one button...yet he holds the world record high scores for Marble Madness, Sinistar and Tron.

That was his first cab: the next one he built doesn't even have a control panel - he just stares real mean at the screen and he then beat all his previous scores...

[Harry Potter]

Chuck Norris had all the high scores on my MAME cab before I even built it.

[bishmasterb]

Okay, I'm bored:

Chuck Norris does not need a four player control panel. That would imply that there are three people worthy of playing against Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris preferred method of interfacing is a roundhouse kick, unfortunately MAME does not yet support this.

The Earth did not used to rotate...until Chuck Norris turned his spinner a little too hard one day during a game of Tron.

Q*Bert arcade cabinets don't actually make a klunk when Q*Bert jumps off the game board, what you are hearing is the echo from when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Q*Bert machine in 1978.

I know what you're thinking, Q*Bert didn't come out until 1982...not for Chuck Norris it didn't.

When Chuck Norris presses the start button on a Gauntlet machine, it says "Welcome Chuck Norris."

When Chuck Norris plays a game of Journey, the music actually sounds good!

Whenever Chuck Norris plays a game with a life-meter, the game always displays an infinity symbol next to it.

Do you know who would win a battle between the USS Enterprise and the Death Star? Chuck Norris.

To Chuck Norris MAME isn't an acronym, it's a verb...and yes Chuck knows that it's misspelled.

When Chuck Norris plays PacMan the bonus fruit are always cherries.

[Pi]

Do you know who would win a battle between the USS Enterprise and the Death Star? Chuck Norris.