I've got both problems fixed now!

first I checked the system log and there was nothing worthwhile in there. I intentionally ran mame to make the system crash, rechecked the log and still nothing on either the application or the system log. just a bunch of notifications for windows services initializing during boot no errors or even warnings.
I decided to recheck the bios setting to see if there was anything I might have missed in there. I started playing around with stuff disabling more things that I decided I didn't need and then though "maybe I should just reset the defaults and start fresh" ... so I did.
I had bought this MOBO used and didn't touch the bios except to change the boot order and disable internal graphics, but thinking about it I realized it could have had some wacky settings from the previous owner. After resetting the defaults I tweaked the boot order and disabled the floppy and CD drives (since I don't have any) and left everything else as default... including the graphics card settings which are (by default) set to auto detect a secondary device and disable the internal graphics if one is found...
after rebooting MAME no longer crashed... YAY! not sure what it was that was causing it to crash but I'm not touching the bios again since it's working now.
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I started to play around with getting mame to display games properly and even weirder stuff was happening... some games were playing squished horizontally now and other games that worked fine before were now rotated wrong, burgertime was now playing upside down....
I started to make some weird changes to individual game setting to make it display right when I decided I should take a similar approach to what I did in the bios. I renamed my mame.ini file and generated a fresh one. went in and changed d3d to ddraw and turned on vsync (the one option I actually care about) and wouldn't you know it... all the game started to play as they should!
I actually had to undo the "fixes" I made to 2 games since those were the only ones playing wrong now

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One more problem popped up and somehow my controls.ini file got reset I'm not sure how this happened since I downloaded it and didn't think that mame even looked at it. I need this file because I'm running a servo stick and LEDBlinky needs it to determine the right setting for each game. so I had to add back in the dummy profile for fix it felix and set Qbert and a couple of other diagonal games to 8-way so I can use the diagonals.
Now the software side of my build is done and I can wrap up the hardware side (which is really just wiring in the Monitor and sound at this point). I'll post a build thread once I'm done.
Thanks for the help everyone
