I was always under the impression that the point of Mame originated as a way to emulate a game you owned that no longer functioned. You buy a galaga that doesn't work, and after fiddling for hours you figure out the board is fried. You own it, so you have every right in the world to play it, but you have no idea how to do that. So you download mame, and then get a dump of the version of the game you own, and emulate it with a PC.
I have a lot of respect for what people are doing because it is keeping alive a bunch of games that are probably no longer a revenue stream for the original manufacturers, and certainly no longer worth trying to manufacture hardware that can run it. Without projects like mame, these games would be more or less lost forever.
Personally I can see how when you are trying to make use of all the cool software out there it can be frustrating, but like it has been pointed out multiple times, most of this software is free, so how can anyone complain about a lack of support for something you aren't paying anyone to support? Besides, if you can muster some patience and be friendly, there is enough support out there to get you through just about anything.
One thing I can say that pertains directly to the OP's subject is that as time goes on, I find myself wanting to build my own set of roms, one at a time and as completely as I can, rather than try to download a set. It may be more time consuming this way, and I will NEVER end up with a complete set of every game on one machine, but each game will work and I will be familiar with it.
That being said, it would be nice to have a piece of software that can take the rom, any chd's or bios files, the artwork (bezel, marquee, snap, video, flyer, cabinet, control panel, and instruction card), a control.ini file, a history.dat file, a color.ini file (for RGB LEDs), and a config file and package it all together in one zip and keep a nice clean mame.xml file for just the stuff you have. It would make life so much easier. I can find all the pieces, I just want them to get put together into a nice, neat package so if I decide to add that to my brother's machine, or my mom's, or my friends', I can just grab the one file, copy it over, and add it to the FE's gamelist. Instead I have to do it all manually, then edit each ini, dat, or xml file manually, and it can be a real pain in the butt. But then who is going to take the time to put it all together and get all the various programmers of different emulators and front ends on board with it?
Point is, I can wish for something all day long, but until there is a viable economic model out there, the chances of things being that simple are pretty much zero.