She may just hate the feel of the J, 4-way mode or not. They're nice sticks, but they certainly don't feel like the sticks that came in the old early 80s games.
People that have never driven a car made before power steering freak out if you put them into one. "It's too hard to turn the wheel, I'll crash!". The problem isn't the steering, it's with the learned skil set of the driver. Plenty of people drove non-power steering cars for a long time, with no trouble. But once you've spent your adult life learning to drive with one type of control, it's difficult to adapt, and you stink at first, and you blame the new control.
Of course, it could also be that your wife just plain stinks.
