the story, of the worst time in my life

[danny_galaga]

well i signed up at the gym today.. felt really good working out and stuff. i think im gonna start going 3 times a week, it took my mind off things..

and im not calling until she calls me..

that's the spirit!!

[pointdablame]

Ok, well I didn't read the ENTIRE post, but...

First off, I'm sorry.  I just turned 21 yesterday, been with my gf for about 4 years now, and would not know what to do in your situation.  At the very least, know that I am at a very similar part of my life, and agree it would be hard.

One thing though.... don't keep calling and talking to her.  She wanted to break it off. She wanted space. She wants to "be friends."  You'll only push her farther away.  If it's meant to be, she'll come back.  If not, you'll get over it... eventually.  That idea must suck.. I know, but it IS true.

and PS (not directed at Seph) - there is NOTHING wrong with Jersey girls.. in fact... there are no comparisons.  If you don't like them, it's cuz you can't handle them

[shmokes]

well i signed up at the gym today.. felt really good working out and stuff. i think im gonna start going 3 times a week, it took my mind off things..

and im not calling until she calls me..

Oh yeah...be careful with that, too.  I think we have a tendency, as humans, to interpret things how we want to interpret them.  She WILL call you.  Even if all the bad stuff that we're suggesting is true, this will sting for her as well.  When she doesn't have other plans and she's bored and lonely, she'll call you.  You might be tempted to think that she is having a change of heart, when in reality she might think about it the next day and be mad at herself for giving in.  If that's the case she will probably give in less and less as time goes by.  I would seriously prepare yourself for that possibility.

Most importantly, try to convince yourself (mainly because it's true) that this is likely a good thing.  It doesn't just go for relationships.  It goes for all kinds of fate stuff.  I was working for a coffee shop and the owner up and closed shop, left town and stiffed me for more than $500.  We were really good friends too.  It was horrible.  I was living paycheck to paycheck.  Suddenly I was unemployed AND I wasn't even going to get the next check that was supposed to be coming in just a couple days.  It was horrible.  If it hadn't happened I would not have the job I have now, which I love, and get paid nearly triple what I made at the coffee shop. 

What's that saying about "when god closes a door she opens a window....?"   Oftentimes it's closer to, "When god closes a window she waits a couple months and then busts down the wall." 

Anyway...yeah.  The gym's a good idea.  Confidence is important and anything like this is a major blow to the self-esteem.  Nothing like getting nice and cut to bounce that back up.

[Bones]

I read some of this stuff and I can

[danny_galaga]

I just can't imagine getting hung up on a girl these days who was jerking me around. I just simply wouldn't tolerate any crap.

its called being in love. does that too ya. thats why i dont fall in love anymore. my hearts been ripped out and jammed back in once too often. something got broke...

[DrewKaree]

No, danny, they just forgot, when jamming it back in, to be careful, your conscience is attached there, and it's a frail connection....it prolly got caught on something and fell off. 

Maybe retrace your steps and you'll find it....if'n you want to, that is 


Oh, and I was wondering, seeing all the action and advice this thread is getting, if you girls would all like to get together for a cookie exchange or mebbe we could start a sewing circle 


Here's the advice we should be giving a fellow brudda:
     Toughen up Sally, rub some dirt on it and you'll be fine.

That should cover EVERYTHING, from a broken heart to Broken Bones

[Bones]

its called being in love. does that too ya. thats why i dont fall in love anymore. my hearts been ripped out and jammed back in once too often. something got broke...

Ahhh love.... Well I had my heart broke once when I was 17. She was soooo pretty and ummm, perky.

At the time it wasn't a nice feeling but now that I am wiser older, I would never fall so hard again I am sure. Emotions always seem stronger when you are younger.

[Sephroth57]

i have a feeling if this doesnt work out... im going to hate women for a long time...

[danny_galaga]

yep, that feeling should last a good six months or so 

[rampy]

i have a feeling if this doesnt work out... im going to hate women for a long time...

I admit I didn't read the whole post, but will at some point when i'm not at work... so i'm inferring or guessing a lot...

have you seen "swingers"? 

Have you been to the ta-ta club since the breakup?

Just my underinformed two quick hit, generic upset about woman problem thoughts... 

*shrug*

rampy

[Sephroth57]

i have a feeling if this doesnt work out... im going to hate women for a long time...

I admit I didn't read the whole post, but will at some point when i'm not at work... so i'm inferring or guessing a lot...

have you seen "swingers"?

[Shape D.]

never bring in more than you want to spend

correct, don't bring your time card eaither.

[GGKoul]

i have a feeling if this doesnt work out... im going to hate women for a long time...

I admit I didn't read the whole post, but will at some point when i'm not at work... so i'm inferring or guessing a lot...

have you seen "swingers"?

[Shape D.]

Going to a strip club is a bad idea for you.  Because your going to see girls that you can't touch.  And then you going to go home and have nothing TOO TOUCH.

[Sephroth57]

i have a feeling if this doesnt work out... im going to hate women for a long time...

I admit I didn't read the whole post, but will at some point when i'm not at work... so i'm inferring or guessing a lot...

have you seen "swingers"?

[Bones]

I disagree. There is nothing a fine stripper can't fix. 

[GGKoul]

I disagree. There is nothing a fine stripper can't fix.

[Sephroth57]

nah the one near me is full nude =)

20$ for a 5 min lapdance.. not bad really. then ya know the usual 1$ when the chick comes around if ur sitting right at the stage

the really sleezy cheap guys just sit in the 2nd row so they dont have to put the 1$ up for when the girls come around, they just watch lol. i hate those guys

[CCM]

Going to a strip club is a bad idea for you.  Because your going to see girls that you can't touch.  And then you going to go home and have nothing TOO TOUCH.

well, there's one thing he can touch, unless he doesn't have any arms..   

[Jabba]

Not having read the whole post, only broad segments, I think this stuff hits you harder when you are younger. You may be less developed emotionally likle us older guys (although if my wife of 12 years split, I'd be toast!).

This happened to me (break-up with a "true-love") in my early twenties and I took it pretty hard. Time heals all wounds. I know its a cliche but its true. I think it would be best to move on. Let her go. It won't feel the same anyways now that you've been hurt sooo bad. Someone got it right before. When you meet the one, you won't have to really try that hard. It just comes natually. GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!! Very important in this day and age unless you're independantly wealthy and/or have a rich Uncle...!

Does she have a friend you've ever flirted with? That WOULD be sweet

[Bones]

well, there's one thing he can touch, unless he doesn't have any arms..

[Jabba]

[Been there done that. I can confirm masturbating with your toes does not work.

That's a pretty strong statement BB...

[Bones]

[Been there done that. I can confirm masturbating with your toes does not work.

That's a pretty strong statement BB...

It's kind of like trying to kiss your own elbow. You think you can do it and you keep trying, but it's just impossible.   

[danny_galaga]

nah the one near me is full nude =)

20$ for a 5 min lapdance.. not bad really. then ya know the usual 1$ when the chick comes around if ur sitting right at the stage

the really sleezy cheap guys just sit in the 2nd row so they dont have to put the 1$ up for when the girls come around, they just watch lol. i hate those guys

don't do it! the first and only time i went to a lap dance joint was in vancouver. got a 'free' pass for a dance. of course that lasts about 5 minutes and then you are mesmerised into paying for more. with what i spent i coulda got the whole enchilada at the 'penthouse' club downtown...

[nipsmg]

Sep:

Here's the deal man:

I've been in your situation.   I know how bad heartache can be, and no matter how many times people tell you what I'm going to tell you, you don't want to hear it, because you think noone else can possibly know what you feel.  I've been in your EXACT situation.


A) Trust me, you will get over this and move on.
B) You WILL look back at some point in your life, and see all the crap you dealt with because you were blinded by love.  YOu'll then thank god you have your current girlfriend and that you're not back with that girl who gave you so much crap. 
C) You'll get your heart broken again, and repeat steps A and B, a few times.
D) This is VERY IMPORTANT: 
    What the girl wants, to still "have you in her life" is rediculous and selfish.  She wants you to be the boyfriend.. the same boyfriend, The guy who does everything for her, is sweet to her, etc, but she wants ABSOLUTELY NO PHYSICAL OR EMMOTIONAL OBLIGATION TO YOU SO SHE CAN SCREW AROUND WITH WHOEVER SHE WANTS AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.  I know it's harsh, but trust me, it's true.

    SAY OUT of that situation for a while.  IF you find out a year from now you run into each other and catch up on old times, and can still remain friends, cool.  It's happened with 2 of my ex's, and we're still pretty good friends.


Until then GO DO STUFF. Seriously.  Go to the gym and work out your anger.  Actually, use your anger and hurt to sculpt yourself into a more desireable person, then use it to your advantage and get another girl... and watch your old one squirm .. lol  ( I know a kid who was overweight who did that.. it was kind of amazing to see the transformation after 6 months, and his ex was a wreck for losing him).  Throw yourself into some project.  Do SOMETHING.


Turn your negative energy into a positive result.

--NipsMG

[DrewKaree]

never bring in more than you want to spend

correct, don't bring your time card eaither.

Although when she bent over in front of you, swiping your time card there might be the funniest thing you ever do in life, and she may even get the joke and like ya fer it...solving yer problem....unless you have a problem with yer woman showing her bod fer a buncha preverts.....and it sounds like Seph WOULD have issues with that.

I disagree. There is nothing a fine stripper can't fix. 

I have a bad starter from my Suburban sitting downstairs.  I'm betting she can't fix THAT!  (although she CAN get my starter working!  )

[Bones]

I disagree. There is nothing a fine stripper can't fix.

[GameOver]

S57 - Hang in there.  Keep a good attitude.  Things will turn around for you.  Promise.  Watch some re-runs of 'The Man Show' or somethin.  That'll help.

Here's what I've learned from this thread;

1)  Dr. Phil's got nuthin' on BYOAC members!
2)  Girls can make guya crazy! (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!)
3)  Best strip clubs are in Canada (been there, know that!)
4)  Drew is one funny sum beach! (p.s. where's my tax report?)

I bet you'll find a fair skinned strawberry blonde that can whoop your ass in Pac-Man before ya know it.

[Sephroth57]

well im not in the mood right now to type up all the information thats happened between my last large post and now.. but i think things are looking up a little bit. Once she saw i started doing my own thing, hitting the gym , being with friends goin out a little more, i took a lot of pressure off her and gave her time to think without feeling really guilty for making me miserable. Also I already had a girl at a party try to get me to come to her house when she was half drunk at 1am... so she knows that if she doesnt act pretty soon I have options.. (btw i turned down the chick)

lately there has been decent progress, i didnt call her for a full day and a half, a lot of the time she was busy with classes and stuff but there were times when shes usually in the room and i didnt call. so she finally called me and was like oh you didnt call, been busy lately? im like yeah kinda, yah know. so i think that kind of concerned her, not getting the daily call. lately shes been calling me the past couple days.

also, she initiated the hand holding today in the mall..

also, some other good stuff.. just like little things. and she pecked me on the lips today. first time she kissed me not on the cheek since this whole thing happened. and i looked at her suprised, and im like damn thats it? and she goes, we need to take baby steps, and smiled. and im like ok...


i dunno you guys are prolly gonna be like dont get excited blah blah. but im not taking this as like signs from god, but i just had a good day and im in a happy mood so. yeah...

[DrewKaree]

Given enough time and seeing the roller coaster that would put any theme park to shame that this has/is/was becoming, I'm thinking you're glad this guy's not on regular anymore 

[Sephroth57]

Given enough time and seeing the roller coaster that would put any theme park to shame that this has/is/was becoming, I'm thinking you're glad this guy's not on regular anymore

[Grasshopper]

well im not in the mood right now to type up all the information thats happened between my last large post and now.. but i think things are looking up a little bit. Once she saw i started doing my own thing, hitting the gym , being with friends goin out a little more, i took a lot of pressure off her and gave her time to think without feeling really guilty for making me miserable. Also I already had a girl at a party try to get me to come to her house when she was half drunk at 1am... so she knows that if she doesnt act pretty soon I have options.. (btw i turned down the chick)

lately there has been decent progress, i didnt call her for a full day and a half, a lot of the time she was busy with classes and stuff but there were times when shes usually in the room and i didnt call. so she finally called me and was like oh you didnt call, been busy lately? im like yeah kinda, yah know. so i think that kind of concerned her, not getting the daily call. lately shes been calling me the past couple days.

also, she initiated the hand holding today in the mall..

also, some other good stuff.. just like little things. and she pecked me on the lips today. first time she kissed me not on the cheek since this whole thing happened. and i looked at her suprised, and im like damn thats it? and she goes, we need to take baby steps, and smiled. and im like ok...


i dunno you guys are prolly gonna be like dont get excited blah blah. but im not taking this as like signs from god, but i just had a good day and im in a happy mood so. yeah...

Sounds promising. Keep playing it cool.....

[Grasshopper]

Given enough time and seeing the roller coaster that would put any theme park to shame that this has/is/was becoming, I'm thinking you're glad this guy's not on regular anymore 

i read that about 3 times.. and i still dont get what youre takling about lol

Lol. I gave up trying to decipher Drew's posts a long time ago.

[Silver]

Hope things are looking up for you, assuming its what you and her want....

Reading this thread reminded me of times when I split up with my current gf (we got back together after a long break).  The situation was different to yours, but I remember feeling absolutely crap for a while.

One thing that did happen was that I realised I had been - at times - bending over backwards to suit her - and I ended up resenting her for it. While we were split up, I got on with a bunch of other stuff in my life - other friends, other hobbies, spending time doing stuff I wanted to do. When we started getting back together I realised I did not want to stop doing a lot of this stuff, so just kinda said so. Completely upfront - "I've been enjoying this two nights a week or whatever, I wanna keep doing it - how do you feel about that?"
Anyway, worked out really well. Feel my life is much more balanced now.

If you've enjoyed going down the gym or doing some more stuff than you used to, then try and keep on it no matter what happens with this girl.
Hey - maybe she even likes you going down the gym... 
I'm not saying be all "I am doing this, you gotta lump it"  - but try and work with her on it.


Oh and save some cash and go travelling. Ask her if she fancies joining you. But go see some other countries anyway. Its a LOT easier when you're young. This I strongly recommend whatever happens.

[Sephroth57]

yeah actually ive been wanting to go to japan for a really long time... weve talked about going together before but spending like 2-3K each isnt in either of our budgets right now.

her cousin that were both good friends with is going down to florida for like 5 days right after easter, we were thinking about going with them if things are more "normal" by then. i think a vacation together would be awesome, but not until shes comfortable with it

[DrewKaree]

i read that about 3 times.. and i still dont get what youre takling about lol

It wouldn't let me insert it into the sentence, so I posted the attachment.....and it's in light of your most recent "things are now GOOD" post.

Here, for you, and for Grasshopper, although I think he's got issues even a repost won't fix 

"Given enough time (to screw itself up) and seeing the roller coaster that would put any theme park to shame that this has/is/was becoming, (i.e. the ups and downs you are taking yourself through with this facking relationship)  I'm thinking you're glad this guy's (Jerry Springer) not on regular anymore (on Television, where we can all see your life go down the drain in less than a half hour) 

   Stop taking your helmet off once you get inside the house 

[Sephroth57]

thank you drew, i needed that dumbed down explanation. its way too early in the morning... only reason im awake is cause me and kristen are going out to breakfast in a few min 

[Silver]

yeah actually ive been wanting to go to japan for a really long time... weve talked about going together before but spending like 2-3K each isnt in either of our budgets right now.

Sounds good - you don't have to spend $$$ to go travelling. Do it on a budget - stay cheap and see some fun stuff. Makes it more interesting that way too, IMHO.

I also think half of it is seeing really different cultures in the world. It really opened up my eyes....


Good luck.

[Tiger-Heli]

Sephroth57,

Glad things seem to be looking up for you.  I've resisted saying anything b/c I didn't have much constuctive to share, but from an outside view, you are in way too deep here.

Let me give you an outside perspective - The thread is less than a week old.  You basically said that the girl wanted some space and then I saw five posts of different statuses of the relationship from you (I tried this, she did that) - I came into this late and thought maybe this is what happened over a few weeks and then realized this was what happened between the 8th and the 9th. . .

To summarize, it was kinda like "She needed some space, so I only called her five times yesterday instead of eight."  <okay, I'm exaggerating, but you get my drift. . .">

Girls want to be wanted, but they don't want you to be following them around like a puppy dog waiting on their every move.  They also don't want anything in your life to be more important than them, so you really can't win.

If she says she wants time to sort things out, then try to wait AT LEAST a couple of days without calling her.  (And I know that's tough to do when she's the only thing you think about, but . . .)

Anyway, glad things seem to be improving.

BTW, I think whoever gave the advice to show her this thread was a BAD suggestion.  She might read it and think "Awww, he cares enough to ask all these guys about what to do. . ." but that's about the only positive outcome.  She might be PISSED about you sharing all these personal details.  She might think it's a sign of immaturity <not saying I do, but she might> that you weren't able to suck it up and figure it out yourself.  And worse, if she feels that way, and the two of you don't work things out, she might mention this thread to any of her friends that you might be interested in (which might not be a bad thing, depending how the friend feels about it) . . .

[Sephroth57]

lol yeah i get your point tiger, but its not like ive really been doing anything for her though its just like we will hang out or something, and ill analyze everything when i get home and post here cause like, its all i can think about. She has been calling me more often than i call her now, and shes home all this week from school so i will probably be seeing her a lot this week..

but yeah it seems like things are going decent, so im just gonna keep doin what im doin and see what happens..