Home Depot story I never want to experience!

[DrewKaree]

http://tinyurl.com/97v7j

After reading this, I've gotta wonder....who EVER goes into a public bathroom and DOESN'T look at the seat?  I mean, seriously, just how much faith does this guy put in the hygene habits of his fellow man?

[RetroJames]

My favorite are the dudes that wash their hands vigorously after using the facilities, then open the door to get out of the bathroom with their bare hands.

Do they think the guys that DON'T wash up use a towel over the handle to get out?  lol

[AtomSmasher]

http://tinyurl.com/97v7j

After reading this, I've gotta wonder....who EVER goes into a public bathroom and DOESN'T look at the seat?

[Bones]

I had a mate who went to China a few years back. He told me you go into public toilets (which do not have doors), and all the locals stand up on the toilets and assume the squat position facing towards you. They apparently just ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- in this position and in front of everyone.

[shmokes]

My favorite are the dudes that wash their hands vigorously after using the facilities, then open the door to get out of the bathroom with their bare hands.

Do they think the guys that DON'T wash up use a towel over the handle to get out?  lol

Opening the door with a paper towel is just based on goofy superstition.  It makes you look like you suffer from a mental disorder.  Public restrooms are relatively clean.  WTF, you think that as soon as those same people walk out of the bathroom their hands are suddenly clean?  Do you go find a paper towel before you open the door to get into your bank?  How about to use the drinking fountain?  How about to get into your local McDonalds or Subway?  The exact same people who don't wash their hands before they leave the bathroom, walk through nearly every other door you walk through.  They use the public drinking fountains.  They pay for items with money that is then given to you in change.  It sucks that they don't wash their hands, but going out of your way to try to avoid their germs is useless and just makes you look like a pansy-ass.

I remember reading a study that showed that the average office phone has about 25,000 bacteria per square inch, and the average keyboard over 3,000 bacteria per square inch, while the average toilet seat has 47 bacteria per square inch.  Do you grab a paper towel to pick up the phone?  Seriously, public restrooms are bleached on a regular, usually daily, basis.  When was the last time the phone at your work was sprayed with bleach?  How about your keyboard, mouse or desktop?  How often do you bleach your steering wheel?  For that matter, how often do you eat hamburgers in the car?  Steering wheel, burger, mouth, wheel, fries, mouth, wheel, burger, mouth, wheel, fries, etc.

Life is too short to worry about unimportant/inevitable unpleasantries.

[Bones]

This problem can be easily solved by replacing your steering wheel with a toilet seat.

[missioncontrol]

"This is not Home Depot's fault," he said. "But I am blaming them for letting me hang in there and just ignoring me."

In other words "yeah I now found a way to make a quick buck, I'll be rich, rich I tells ya"

[JackTucky]

I follow the George Carlin rule for washing my hands after using a bathroom.

"I wash my hands when I ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- on them"

Art

[missioncontrol]

A sailor and a marine were both in the bathroom taking a leak. The sailor gets done and heads out the door. The marine stops him and says "in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after we pee." The sailor looks at him and says " In the Navy they teach us not to piss on our hands"




thank you, thank you
I'll be here all week.
try the fish.
and don't forget to tip the waitress.......

[RetroJames]

A sailor and a marine were both in the bathroom taking a leak. The sailor gets done and heads out the door. The marine stops him and says "in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after we pee." The sailor looks at him and says " In the Navy they teach us not to piss on our hands"




thank you, thank you
I'll be here all week.
try the fish.
and don't forget to tip the waitress.......

*Anchor Clankin' Porthole Parrots*

[RetroJames]

My favorite are the dudes that wash their hands vigorously after using the facilities, then open the door to get out of the bathroom with their bare hands.

Do they think the guys that DON'T wash up use a towel over the handle to get out?

[Stingray]

"They left me there, going through all that stress," Dougherty told The (Boulder) Daily Camera. "They just let me rot."

He was in there for 15 minutes. What a class-A wussy.

-S

[Harry Potter]

"They left me there, going through all that stress," Dougherty told The (Boulder) Daily Camera. "They just let me rot."

He was in there for 15 minutes. What a class-A wussy.

-S

Takes me that long to do the doo anyway. Americans are wimps. (present company included  )

[Stingray]

Americans are wimps. (present company included  )

No argument here.

-S

[missioncontrol]

and you point is?

[ChadTower]

Gotta agree with shmokes, and I'll add that money is the worst germ collector ever.  It is absorbent, people put it in their socks and any other place they feel like, it gets passed around multiple times a day.  Money is FILTHY and carries huge huge amounts of germs.

[missioncontrol]

Gotta agree with shmokes, and I'll add that money is the worst germ collector ever.

[ChadTower]

I had a friend in high school who used to think it was funny to wipe his ass with every monetary bill he had.  Half of them ended with brown stains and he'd just hand it to a cashier like nothing was amiss.

[allroy1975]

I had a friend in high school who used to think it was funny to wipe his ass with every monetary bill he had.  Half of them ended with brown stains and he'd just hand it to a cashier like nothing was amiss.

I just put all my $ bills in the trash can.

They get cleaned when you put money in g-strings though, right? 

[Jabba]

Yep, I saw the show shmokes was talking about....Bathroom was the cleanest place in the office. Now mind you, if you've ever gone to Mexico and uses a public washroom, I'd be putting on a full body condom (which reminds me, wonder how Zakk is doing?)

I read a book about Howard Hughes. Brilliant man but BOY was he paranoid... In the end, he would not touch anything unless he had a fresh, new kleenex in his hand...

Edited: So that CC does not get any more funny ideas...

[Crazy Cooter]

I read a book about Howard Hughes. Brilliant man but BOY was he paranoid... In the end, he would not touch anything unless he had a fresh, new kleenes in his hand...

Kleenes huh?  Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter  .

[mr.Curmudgeon]

I like George Carlin's take on bathroom hygiene:

"You know when I wash my hands? When I sh!t on them! And that happens, tops...TOPS, once, maybe twice a week."

[Shape D.]

That story is either bogus,  or the guy who got glued to the seat glued himself, or he is an idiot.

I don't know of many glues that would bond instantly to skin when touched. If it was superglue it would have had to be placed on the seat seconds before he sat on it. wood glue, liquid nails and the like don't set that fast, and I'm sure most people would notice Sitting on that kind of glue.

[ChadTower]

Look at it this way:

You're a Home Depot employee, part time second job on the weekend, making $6.75/hr.  You just want to go home to your wife and kids but have to make sure there's heating oil in the tank.

You're at work and some guy is screaming for help from a bathroom stall that his ass is glued to the seat, someone please come in and help him, just grab him and pull him.  His pants are around his ankles.

Would you go help him or would you go sort fuses in Electrical?

[missioncontrol]

hmmmm reminds me of the Wendy's finger story.

[ChadTower]

I bet the guy was trying to get someone to yank his weiner like George Michael, then had to come up with a cover story when the cops came.

And seriously... a freakin heart attack?  How is it so stressful to be sitting on a toilet that you're heart is going to fail?  What is so scary, was it on fire?

[Jabba]

I've heard of a lot of people keeling over dead from pushing too had while going for a dump. In fact, I remember watching a show where this happened. Can't quite remember the movie/show though....

Ahhh! Was it a Sopranos episode?

[Stingray]

I don't know of many glues that would bond instantly to skin when touched. If it was superglue it would have had to be placed on the seat seconds before he sat on it.

Actually if they used a lot of superglue, like the whole tube, it would have stayed liquid for longer than you think. Since ti sets up when it encounters moisture, it would have bonded instantly when the guys sweaty hiney came in contact with it.

-S

[ChadTower]

Dude, if you have to push so hard to take a dump that you're going to die from it, maybe you should have just taken a laxative.

[Dartful Dodger]

I like George Carlin's take on bathroom hygiene:

"You know when I wash my hands? When I sh!t on them! And that happens, tops...TOPS, once, maybe twice a week."

Don King: "I wash my hands before I touch my d!ck."

[MameJunkie]

I had a friend in high school who used to think it was funny to wipe his ass with every monetary bill he had.  Half of them ended with brown stains and he'd just hand it to a cashier like nothing was amiss.

Thats another reason to just use credit cards 

[MameJunkie]

hmmmm reminds me of the Wendy's finger story.

At least the Wendy's gal was smart enought to use someone elses finger.  I dont know if I would glue ---my bottom--- to the can for $$$.  But since the US economy is in the crapper, people will do anything for a buck.

[ChadTower]

[missioncontrol]

hmmmm reminds me of the Wendy's finger story.

At least the Wendy's gal was smart enought to use someone elses finger.

[Stingray]

Heck I'd be willing to cut off my own finger for 10 million.

I'd also be willing to cut off your finger for $10 million.

-S

[ChadTower]

How are you going to convince a jury you found your own finger in a bowl of chili?

[missioncontrol]

How are you going to convince a jury you found your own finger in a bowl of chili?

I wasn't expecting the plasic spoon they gave me to be that sharp

[ChadTower]

Last week, I went back to my car, and discovered that my finger had been stolen.  I was about to file a police report but couldn't dial a phone without my finger.

Now, I find it in a bowl of chili!  Wendy's stole my finger and tried to feed it to me!

[missioncontrol]

sounds like a full proof plan to me Chad

[DarkKobold]

What I can not figure out for the life of me is, with the American OCD culture the way it is, why have they not made self cleaning toilets? It seems like it would be simple to do.

[missioncontrol]

What I can not figure out for the life of me is, with the American OCD culture the way it is, why have they not made self cleaning toilets? It seems like it would be simple to do.

then where would the illegals find work then?

[ChadTower]

Fixing automated toilet cleaners.

[missioncontrol]

Fixing automated toilet cleaners.

missioncontrol slaps hand on forehead

of course what was I thing

[DarkKobold]

There will always be tasks that require illegal immigrants. Such as counting the number of posts that chad tower makes. You think that ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- is automatic?

[missioncontrol]

Such as counting the number of posts that chad tower makes. You think that ---Cleveland steamer--- is automatic?

shhhh

if Saint finds out he can hire someone else to do that cheaper I'll be out of a job

[Stingray]

Such as counting the number of posts that chad tower makes. You think that ---Cleveland steamer--- is automatic?

shhhh

if Saint finds out he can hire someone else to do that cheaper I'll be out of a job

Nah, the real tragedy will be if you ever find out that Saint should be paying you with money instead of fried pickles.

-S

[missioncontrol]

but me likes fried pickels

[ChadTower]

His direct deposit of those pickles is a scary process.

[Stingray]

I request no further details.

-S

[missioncontrol]

eeewwwwwww

[saint]

You should see my vaseline bill . . .

I request no further details.

-S

[DrewKaree]

Life is too short to worry about unimportant/inevitable unpleasantries.

I dunno.  I think you'd be expressing a little consternation at being glued ass-first to a public restroom toilet seat.  Of course, I'm just guessing.  I could be wrong and you just simply refuse to let stuff like that get to you

This problem can be easily solved by replacing your steering wheel with a toilet seat.

I had this mental image of Michael Knight's hands wrapped around a toilet seat in K.I.T.T.

Takes me that long to do the doo anyway.

The preferred term is "droppin' a deuce".  Please make a note of it.

I've heard of a lot of people keeling over dead from pushing too had while going for a dump.

I don't want to know the class of people you hang out with that go FOR a dump.  Oh, and if/when we ever meet in RL, please know I WON'T be shaking your hand!

[DrewKaree]

You should see my vaseline bill . . .

[missioncontrol]

* missioncontrol attempts to get the thread bck on track


MORE BREAKING NEWS
http://kutv.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_308132654.html

-

[DrewKaree]

* missioncontrol attempts to get the thread bck on track

MORE BREAKING NEWS
http://kutv.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_308132654.html

"It was a pretty ugly moment," Dougherty said. "It's difficult to express terror."

Yeah, pretty difficult, since he can't crap himself. 

The guy didn't deserve to get glued to a toilet seat, but like I said before, I can't believe there are people out there that DON'T look at the toilet seat in a public restroom before sitting down.  Since it appears to be his standard operating procedure, how many times has he had pee-butt, and why is this something that Home Depot should be paying him anything more than the 2 grand they offered him? 

The better question is:
     How did he know he was speaking to a Home Depot employee, or that a Home Depot employee actually HEARD him, since OBVIOUSLY he wasn't able to get up and check for certain

[missioncontrol]

"The money issue aside, an apology would be nice," Dougherty said.

His attorney said Home Depot offered a settlement of $2,000.

Dougherty called it an insult.

 

[missioncontrol]

also notice the date of the incident

http://kutv.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_306215526.html

Bob Dougherty, 57, of Nederland, said he became stuck to a bathroom toilet seat on which somebody had smeared glue on Oct. 30, 2003, and felt "tremendous panic" when he realized he was stuck.

yet it's just now being reported

I tell you I think somethings fishy about this.....

[DrewKaree]

If we were talking aboot this happening in the women's bathroom, I'd say you're right

[Jabba]

I don't want to know the class of people you hang out with that go FOR a dump.

[missioncontrol]

What's the guy complaining about, It could have been worst

[duffjr]

how bad is having your ass peeled off compared to that?

[duffjr]

i was taking a piss with my friend when i saw someone i knew, so i shook his hand.  my friend said he didn't shake his hand because he didn't wash.

[ChadTower]

George Thorogood says it best:


cause I piss alone
yeah, yeah, with nobody else
you know when I piss alone
I prefer to be by myself

[ChadTower]

After watching the guy talk, I'm convinced there is missing info.  I bet someone smeared it on his ass while he was in the glue section, not on the toilet seat.

Or maybe the KY all over his ass from his rest stop romance solidified as he was sitting there, forming an adhesive bond to the toilet seat.

Either way, he needs to stop saying that being stuck on the toilet is a terrifying experience.  Now, if the building is burning down, maybe, but there doesn't appear to have been much terror.  I mean, seriously, dude is talking about how they had to put him on a stretcher and he was in extreme pain.  Oooooooooookay, then.

[Stingray]

Give me two grand and I'll be happy to glue my a$s to a toilet seat for you. Consider this an open offer.

-S

[ChadTower]

After taxes, Stringray ends up with $76 and a free toilet seat.

[Stingray]

Woo-Hoo! Free toilet seat!



-S

[ChadTower]

Homer would approve of the toilet seat being permanently attached to your butt.  It would make things simpler.

[Goz]

If the guy wins and gets $$$ for gluing himself. Can you just imagine the disclaimers that will end up on toilet seats arround the world? Bad enough they have to put on the hot cup of coffee that it is hot. If they dont come out with disclaimers its just a matter of time before someone sues Levi's for not noting that the teeth on a zipper can castrate you. 

[ChadTower]

Someone needs to put a label on the zipper for toddler one piece footy jammies... THOSE are the zippers that can castrate.

[CCM]

Apparently this guy has really bad luck in bathrooms..   

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/11/08/toilet.man.ap/index.html

[Goz]

Apparently this guy has really bad luck in bathrooms..   

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/11/08/toilet.man.ap/index.html

Maybe his ass is made of glue.... 

[Stingray]

He sweats superglue. It's the only explanation.

-S

[missioncontrol]

The lawsuit claims he suffered pain, humiliation and financial loss. It seeks $3 million.

I'd glue myself to a toilet for half that.

I told you all you nay sayers it was a scam

[ChadTower]

"It's not about the money. I want my health back. I want to be back to normal," Dougherty said. "I want to make sure this doesn't happen to anybody ever, ever again."

So, how does the money get him his health back?

And how exactly does some glue on your ass damage your overall health?

Dude, we all KNEW it was a scam.

[missioncontrol]

sure you did 

[Dartful Dodger]

Apparently this guy has really bad luck in bathrooms..

[Stingray]

...the guy didn't expect to be glued to a toilet...

-S

[MameJunkie]

The lawsuit claims he suffered pain, humiliation and financial loss. It seeks $3 million.

"It's not about the money. I want my health back. I want to be back to normal," Dougherty said

If its not about the money why the phuck sue for that much?

[ChadTower]

Yeah, he's such a good guy he thinks being glued to a toilet entitles him to three million dollars.

[MameJunkie]

Wonder if its like the Wendy's chick...

I think he glued his own ass to the toilet.

[Dartful Dodger]

He sat on a toilet seat without looking, he trusts people to much. In the interview his lawyer was doing all the talking.

[ChadTower]

He glued his own ass to the seat.

Incompetence should not equal $3mil.

[missioncontrol]

Wonder if its like the Wendy's chick...

I think he glued his own ass to the toilet.

I thought I allready established that 

[Stingray]

Wonder if its like the Wendy's chick...

I think he glued his own ass to the toilet.

I thought I allready established that 

Not until you can produce the smoking superglue tube.

-S

[MameJunkie]

At least its not like "American Pie" where the guy glue his hand to you know what.

[duffjr]

yea, he was interviewed over satellite on jimmy kimmel lat night.  jimmy was making fun of him the whole time, and the laywer was holding up pictures of his redass at the hospital.  he said there weren't any seat covers, and he really had to go.  in the reenactment video, the guy was doing somersaults with his ass stuck to the toilet while the employee in the restroom tried to notify the manager.  the manager thought it was a joke, so the man went into shock after a 6-way bypass recently.

[MameJunkie]

dang I missed it.

the only thing I really watch with jimmy kimmel in it was "The Man Show".

[ChadTower]

Yeah, now he is all sold out sanitized asskissing please keep me in my cushy network gig sir.

[missioncontrol]

Not until you can produce the smoking superglue tube.

-S

maybe he flushed the evidence

[MameJunkie]

Did the police perform a body cavity search?
Maybe he hid it.

[Crazy Cooter]

What kind of glue was it?  Just how long was he sitting there?  For $3 million, I'll have my brother smear ---my bottom--- with glue.  He can walk out of the can with all the evidence and I'll pay off his house.  I wonder if Menards or Lowes carry that glue... 

[DrewKaree]

He glued his own ass to the seat.

Incompetence should not equal $3mil.

If he indeed DID glue his own ass to the seat, didn't he then accomplish what he set out to do?  That doesn't sound like incompetence to me, it sounds like not thinking out the feasibility of his plan


I was at HD today, and had to use the can.  As always, like most any other normal person, I checked the seat before sitting down.  After leaving, I turn the corner to look for my buddy, who has me almost falling down laughing holding a toilet seat to his ass and a tube of liquid nails and telling me "go get the damn manager, I've got a complaint.....I need a nitroglycerin pill too"

[ChadTower]

If he indeed DID glue his own ass to the seat, didn't he then accomplish what he set out to do?

[MameJunkie]

If he wins 3 million $$$, they should have him go back and re-glue his ass back down to get their monies worth.

[DrewKaree]

If he wins 3 million $$$, they should have him go back and re-glue his ass back down to get their monies worth.

If I were Home Depot, I'd offer him double that.  The only condition would be that he has to glue the seat back on, and has to leave it on for as long as it takes for it to fall off.

[jbox]

Maybe get the super-glue company to chip in the other half? How about: "Don't waste time farting about with those inferior glues, use Super Gluey to get that end stuck down no matter how big it is!" 

No, toilet humour is not my strong suite.

[ChadTower]

Then they flip the toilet seat upside down and raise him with a crane.

[Stingray]

That commercial would surely sell a lot of glue. You guys need to pitch your idea to the makers of superglue.

-S

[ChadTower]

They won't listen to me since I pitched the idea with the glue trap and tommy's nuts.

[Stingray]

That would tend to lower your credibility somewhat.

-S

[ChadTower]

It was the storyboard that really did me in.

[Stingray]

The mental image of you holding up a piece of posterboard with a badly drawn picture of Tommy with his speedbags glued to the floor was too much to bear. I laughed and I laughed loud, which was followed up by a puzzled visit from the receptionist, asking me if I'm okay. I thought about sharing the joke with her, but somehow I doubt that she'd appreciate it as much as I did.

-S

[ChadTower]

Picture that scene from Joe Dirt, but with tommy rather than the dog.

[missioncontrol]

you guys are too funny