Things You'd Love To Say At Work

[DrewKaree]

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shite
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

[TA Pilot]

41.    Oh.   That.   Dont worry about it.   Yes, its supposed to tick.
42.    Stupidity isnt a crime.   You're free to go.

[Floyd10]

Ive always wanted to say (at my job, which is being a food vendor at a soirts stadium) "You're not effing funny, so shut the eff up."

[Mameotron]

43.  If we don't take care of the customers, maybe they will stop bothering us.
44.  Screw you guys, I'm going home!!

[TOK]

I quit!

[danny_galaga]

Ive always wanted to say (at my job, which is being a food vendor at a soirts stadium) "You're not effing funny, so shut the eff up."

hey, i say that every day!! so whats the problem...
 

[danny_galaga]

wait a minute....
have you EVER seen this guy

[danny_galaga]

and THIS guy in the same room together  


hmmmmm....

[DrewKaree]

*quietly goes over and pokes danny in the ribs with a fireplace poker and whispers "IXNAY on the ARTY-PAY" *

it is quickly getting to be more trouble than it is worth to keep tabs on you, my friend....I may soon start spilling the truth about YOU if you don't shutty in   THAT area!  

[Thenasty]

Calling in SICK and the reason is "I'm SICK of working"  

[GGKoul]

Sorry about that time in the closet...

[patrickl]

Heh Drew, those were really funny.

Mine is perhaps not of the same grandeur, but here goes:

I like to point at my face and ask: "Does this look like the face of someone who cares?". If you train people well enough, after a while, all you need to do is point at your face  

[Dartful Dodger]

--"This might be a stupid question..."

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.