Wow I don't know where to start except by saying you have found the right website, be prepared to do a ton of reading.
1st things first, you need to know the exact make and model of your monitor. if it's 25 only I know of no good solution to run mame on it. A 15 khz monitor will run 97% oif the games mame has., so find out what you have in there, some are switchable from 25 to 15khz, some are digital and switch automatically some are single resolution only.
here is a site that will help you identify what you have
http://www.therealbobroberts.net/monitor.html49 ways can work and work well, 8 ways work well, and the u360 are great.
Plenty of opinions for all of the mentioned.
You have to decide what type of games you will be playing before anyone can answer your joystick questions.
If you are going for the broadest range of application u360's perform great.
If you like fighters and only play those 8 way sanwas's
play only the classic's 8 way leaf wico's
you see your questions are broad difficult to answer.
Baby steps, is your best approach.
remember leave the control panel for last, cause once you have that built and start playing games, it is very difficult to finish your cab.