you still haven't said how miss tinkles is?
she cries at the door terribly every few days....and every time I grab a pencil, she gets this "I KNOW that thin, tiny shape! Mi amore!" look in her eye....why don't you at least write, you cad?!? Her appetite has decreased, but her coat has taken on a nice gloss...did you put some sort of "conditioner" on it during your visit? "goodonya" mate!
I was also going to ask you...I heard a rumor that you got to go backstage at the Korn concert....are YOU the impetus behind "Freak on a Leash"? I found an extra one left behind after your visit and....
I've been outed!!! 
UDDER LOVER! I bet you're going to fight for the right to marry your cow, now. This is headed down the slipperiest slope I've ever seen....sheer (udder?) nonsense, the whole mess of ya.