The stupidity of arcade games

[Smeghead]

Didnt want to hijack the other thread we started this in so made a new one.
The game - question the stupidity of arcade games.
What we have so far.......

How can you kick balloons while on a unicycle?

How can you have a never-ending supply of burning torch fireballs (or axes for that matter) in a diaper?

What was the frog doing across the street in the first place?

Wouldnt it be easier for the Space Harrier guy to just walk on the ground and shoot instead of picking the toughest route through the oncoming things?

Bomberman World - International terrorist?

Why doesnt Donkey Kong just go and kill Mario instead of running away? hes like 5 times his size and 10 times stronger!
That little hammer aint gonna do crap to the big guy

Just how frikkin big IS that asteroid field? Surely if you keep going in one direction you'll get out of it eventually!

Missile Command, just put everyone from the other cities in one city then its easy to defend

Galaxians! Bad tactics dudes! All of you come down at once and drop bombs, that little ship wouldnt stand a chance!

Good job the real odds in 1942 were slightly better than 3  vs 3000!

Paperboy! Get off your damn bike you lazy sod! The street is like 20 houses long for gods sake

[Epyx]

Games are about escapism at their core and not necessarily emulations of reality...the real World War II was for that

Games are about experiencing the impossible, battling against all odds, puzzle solving, pattern recognition.

Let me kick my balloons from unicycles or take on an entire alien fleet with my pea shooter of a ship on my screen while you live out a repeat of the mundane reality of your day on your screen

And yes I know your posting was tongue in cheek but wanted to point it out all the same because it is those very implausible and ridiculous scenarios that make some of these classics so great...

 

[BadMouth]

Is it really a good idea to eat food found under a trash can, barrel, or mailbox that you just smashed?

I watched the documentary Chasing Ghosts over the weekend.
The part where they were knocking newer (90's+) game characters for being stupid irked me.
C'mon.  An astronaught inflating dragons with a bicycle pump?  
Space men on giant birds with lances? (they can make space suits, but don't have the technology to make a gun?)
WTF is Q-Bert anyway?!?

I'm not knocking those games.  I revel in absurdity.
The more absurd and removed from reality the better.

We need Q-Bert Vs Street Fighter.  He could blow fireballs out that snout. 
Not sure what sound he would make, maybe just @!#?@! above his head when he fires one off.

[ids]

If I had boulders, trees, swarms of bees, witches, etc chasing me, I'd bail.  Just how much are those gems worth?  I guess that's why they sent a jumping bear - they are a dime a dozen.


And guys, we landed on the lunar surface once already, we're running out of fuel, how 'bout we head home?  Anyone?



          best thread ever

[Smeghead]

haha these are great keep em coming

You think thats Qberts nose? IT ISNT

None of these tough street fighting guys have a gun?

Space Invaders! You do realize that that is THE MOST longest route you could possibly take to where you are going right???

Dont spiders eat centipedes?

[ahofle]

Pacman -- don't you ever have to take a dump?

[ids]

Pacman -- don't you ever have to take a dump?

You'd think his wife would tell him to stop eating so much!  But I hear she like to eat a lot too.

[Smeghead]

Isnt Final Lap 2 a contradiction of itself?

Can you even IMAGINE a 'Monkey Donkey' ?

Load Runner? Sounds like someone who badly needs to find a toilet

[leapinlew]

Really? A Frog can't swim?

Galaga: So, you want me to get captured... on purpose?!

Why would you wear red Mikey?

[markronz]

Sort of related....but last week, after my wife made me toast, I punched her in the arm and said "Toasty!".  She then hit me in the nuts.

Next time she's getting the uppercut.

[DaveMMR]

Sort of related....but last week, after my wife made me toast, I punched her in the arm and said "Toasty!".  She then hit me in the nuts.

Next time she's getting the uppercut.

That all sounds perfectly healthy.   

But while we're on the subject, why are the only people capable of saving the president two juice-heads who yelp a lot?   Or the fact that any ninja you control is so easily visible?  Or the fact that Journey travels around the universe to get back instruments instead of buying new ones.    Games just don't make sense, what can I say?

[markronz]

Why does Michael Jackson turn into a robot when he touches a monkey.  And more over, why is he in such a rush to save those kids anyway?

...

Too soon?   Nah.

[markronz]

Also, where did Mario get his phD?  And why does he think that drugs are the solution to all his problems?

[WhereEaglesDare]

What kind of pill can you eat that allows you to eat ghosts?

[nitz]

Also, where did Mario get his phD?  And why does he think that drugs are the solution to all his problems?

I'm pretty sure Nintendo called those "vitamins" rather than pills or drugs so they wouldn't upset anybody. To this day that makes me laugh!

[Mario]

Why do invaders, possibly from space, think they can defeat earth by increasing speed, dropping down, and reversing direction?

Mario

[Rick]

What the Hell is a "Qix", anyway?

[WhereEaglesDare]

Why doesn't the princess get a body guard?  She needs one.

[jimmy2x2x]

Scramble ship needs fuel, we should bomb the fuel silo!

[Dervacumen]

This is lame.  Luckily I can fly my ostrich outta here.

[newmanfamilyvlogs]

Also, where did Mario get his phD?  And why does he think that drugs are the solution to all his problems?

dr Mario is not a real doctor! Do not let him touch you!

[BadMouth]

Some characters throw fireballs, some fly through the air.....

Johnny Cage's special move = punching his opponent in the nuts.   Really???  
That's a special move?
and why does it work just as well on Sonya?  

[Turnarcades]

and why does it work just as well on Sonya? 

It didn't on many versions/platforms, for the record.

Who voted Mike Haggar to be Mayor? Then again, this is a country that votes actors into presidents. Spooky thought - did they foresee the tough guy/politics uprising of Arnie? If I were living in California, I'd be on the look out for backflipping punk bitches, big dudes abducting you to cage fight, and nutcases who go boxing armed with swords.

[Edwards80]

I love scrolling shooters, but can't help but wonder why they send you alone? You usually launch from some gargantuan battle cruiser that could deal with everything you see with ease.

I'd be on the phone to the union.

[jennifer]

      CHANGE......[gals panic]

[Blanka]

I went nuts over this topic and removed my verbal crap.
Streetfighter equals hitting 6 buttons randomly hard! You win the first round, Blanka wins the second. That is just fun. I love it.

[mark shaker]

Why do invaders, possibly from space, think they can defeat earth by increasing speed, dropping down, and reversing direction?

Because you may win the battle, but they always win the war.

[bkenobi]

Why do invaders, possibly from space, think they can defeat earth by increasing speed, dropping down, and reversing direction?

Because you may win the battle, but they always win the war.

Maybe they read a guide on how to conduct war that was written by the British back in the day?

[jimmy2x2x]

Why do invaders, possibly from space, think they can defeat earth by increasing speed, dropping down, and reversing direction?

Because you may win the battle, but they always win the war.

Maybe they read a guide on how to conduct war that was written by the British back in the day?

hahaha losers! errr..

[RayB]

I was looking for a video clip of that Futurama episode that Mario quoted, and found a video of a Space Invaders remake themed to Futurama!!



Freeware download from here, along with a few other classic remakes:
http://www.shinobis-place.de//Page_neu/index.html

[Generic Eric]

Freeware download from here, along with a few other classic remakes:
http://www.shinobis-place.de//Page_neu/index.html

Thanks for posting...Downloaded 

The most frustrating game I ever played was reactor.  Am I supposed to go into the reactor?  Doesn't seem very safe to me...

[Gray_Area]

Load Runner? Sounds like someone who badly needs to find a toilet

I had something more obscene in mind....

What the Hell is a "Qix", anyway?

I think they were desperate to make it sound cool, because it sure didn't look it.

If I were living in California, I'd be on the look out for backflipping punk bitches...

This reminds me of a song from a recent Fishbone album I just heard last night called, Let dem hoes fight....

The most frustrating game I ever played was reactor.  Am I supposed to go into the reactor?  Doesn't seem very safe to me...

I like Reactor. It's just....different.

[danny_galaga]

Space Invaders! You do realize that that is THE MOST longest route you could possibly take to where you are going right???

[danny_galaga]

Why do invaders, possibly from space, think they can defeat earth by increasing speed, dropping down, and reversing direction?

Because you may win the battle, but they always win the war.

Maybe they read a guide on how to conduct war that was written by the British back in the day?

1812, nuff said 

[bradx]

in time pilot you must be really high up in the air because you can fly straight down forever and not crash. 

[UberCade]

Wouldn't it be much easier to just step on the centipede and spider to destroy them? Why go through the trouble of sending a micro-sized gunship with a pea shooter to pick them off little by little?

Why is it ok to beat up women in the arcade world? (Chun-Li and Sonya anyone?) And how come there are no fat women in arcade games? They're always slim and sexy. I can't remember ever seeing a beautiful woman go looking for a fight, especially with a sumo wrestler.

How come the white side has to win 2 rounds, but the red side only has to win one? It's a white thing ain't it.

What's the point of hiding your tank behind a transparent wire frame object? And how does empty space stop a bullet?

How can the enemy agents still see perfectly even though you shot out the lights? How come if one light falls from the ceiling all the lights in the building go out? They're not Christmas lights. And how come the red door is just as bright in the dark, but the blue doors disappear?

[JustMichael]

Is it just me or does Anteater have a winch for a tongue?

Don't spiders kill flies?  In Black Widow if the flies touch the spider, the spider dies.

[BadMouth]

In Frogger, the frog is the same size as the cars.  Don't you think cars would swerve to avoid a 2000 lb frog?
I bet those giant flies do a number on windshields.

[broberg]

Why does a leaf give you ears and tails from a raccoon? And why would waving your raccoon tail make you fly?


Love this thread!
Going epic ^^

[Smeghead]

In Frogger, the frog is the same size as the cars.  Don't you think cars would swerve to avoid a 2000 lb frog?

 
HAHAHAH!

Does the guy in Hypersports really hit himself in the nuts continually when he loses?

And if he can do a quadruple backflip on the winners podium on his own why does he need your help to do a triple on the vault?

Slightly off-topic but equally stupid:



and I mean this is dumb.......but the cat in the toilet?
http://www.youtube.com/v/yQNKRDFanQE?fs=1&hl=en_US

[JustMichael]

and I mean this is dumb.......but the cat in the toilet?
http://www.youtube.com/v/yQNKRDFanQE?fs=1&hl=en_US

Apparently the game can have 2 players so I wonder if it is bad to cross the streams?  

[lilshawn]

and I mean this is dumb.......but the cat in the toilet?

Apparently the game can have 2 players so I wonder if it is bad to cross the streams?   

hey, keep your eyes on your own junk!

[Gray_Area]

and I mean this is dumb.......but the cat in the toilet?

Apparently the game can have 2 players so I wonder if it is bad to cross the streams?   

That's hilarious. Kind of slow moving, though.

[abispac]

mrdo: A clow digin into ground to kill giant monsters with a ball?
toki: a giant gorilla that spits balls or fire?
and hows posible that mario dosnt complains about being under water on super mario brothers 1, but on smb3 as soon as he gets on the water, he dies....

[RandyT]

If your girlfriend is being held captive by a giant gorilla, and you have to pick up her hat, purse and umbrella while trying to rescue her in order to get "extra points", is she really worth the effort?

[JustMichael]

If your girlfriend is being held captive by a giant gorilla, and you have to pick up her hat, purse and umbrella while trying to rescue her in order to get "extra points", is she really worth the effort?

You sure can tell it isn't realistic!  If it was you would slow way down from how heavy the purse is!

[broberg]

and hows posible that mario dosnt complains about being under water on super mario brothers 1, but on smb3 as soon as he gets on the water, he dies....

He developed an allergy to water? 

[Edwards80]

If your girlfriend is being held captive by a giant gorilla, and you have to pick up her hat, purse and umbrella while trying to rescue her in order to get "extra points", is she really worth the effort?

I have been thoroughly enjoying Donkey Kong the gameboy recently, all the while wondering, "Ok, that's an umbrella. What on earth are the other things?"

Thanks for clearing that up

[Smeghead]

even if you saved her from being ravaged and eaten by a 40ft high gorilla she'd still beeyach at you for not grabbing her stuff on the way    

[Otifrank]

ZooKeeper;

Because it's so much more efficient to round up free-running, dangerous, wild animals by jumping back and forth over them until a "magic" net appears! 

[lilshawn]

paperboy: toss the newspaper through the window? naw keep going... they'll never know. get that dog too.

beserk: how did the one human get surrounded by the evil robots in the first place?? okay forget that, lets go... oh and don't touch the walls they are poison (er something) lookie here a smiley face maybe he can help..... waaaaaait a minute....

Legend of the mystical ninja: okay in know this isn't arcade but hellooo stupidest weapons ever?? a yo-yo?? a "tobacco" pipe???  talk about bringing a knife to a gunfight!

various puzzle type action games (resident evil tomb raider etc) so we need a key to open the door... this same person who later punches a half ton boulder down a hill? why not kick down the door or shoot off the lock?? i have a huge sword can i not pry open this door instead?


various RPG's :  how may bottles of potion can i stuff into my impossibly large pocket. i can only carry 255 or some other ridiculously small amount of  gold pieces but can carry 99 bottles of potion? how can this ring boost my intelligence??? why can i only wear one? how stupid am i? don't i have 9 more fingers??? if i could wear 10 of these would i be smart enough to realize it's stupid to only wear one?

[RayB]

Why are gatekeepers leaving their keys lying around within vicinty of their locked doors? If you don't want anyone going in, keep the keys in your pockets!

[jennifer]

   Quick everybody to the weapons van, I've got some magic mushrooms-you'll soon be twice your size and bulletproof

[Smeghead]

When did anyone in TRON ever have a gun?

How did baby PacMan ever come about when Ms PacMan takes all those pills?

[Harakiri]

I never got to know how is it possible to beat mobsters and eat meatloaf or chicken to treat wounds...