Awkward situation

[myntik1]

For those that don't know I'm black, and my wife is white and my son is biracial.  I'm not using the race card here I'm just setting the table.  Earlier today I went to the park at the end of my street with my 3 yr old son.  There was a dad there who was playing with his daughter who appeared to be about the same age as my son.  On top of not wanting to play with my son she was downright mean.  Sometimes my son can be a brat and I'll let him know it. This girl was rude and her dad wasn't saying anything.  I tried to strike up a conversation which was quickly shutdown.  I then took a look at some of the ink on the guy's arms and he has a couple of jailhouse SS tattoos.  Before I had a child I would have asked him about his beliefs.  Now that I'm a dad I let bs like that slide.  So we leave the park and the whole way home my son is asking me why the girl was mean to him and didn't want to play.  I guess I didn't expect someone with those beliefs would be living in my neighborhood.

[Ed_McCarron]

Theres going to be morons no matter where you look.  Ignore them - theres more important things to worry about.

[protokatie]

Until the guy starts walking around in Neo-Nazi uniform, or joins a KKK rally/march, I wouldnt worry too much about it. From docu's I have seen, prison can turn someone who wasn't racist before into a racist (There is a huge prisoner set-up segregation "policy" in many of the prisons in the US, and if you (meaning the newB prisoner) doesnt follow suit you get no protection). Hell, the prisoner run segregation system in the documentary I saw was so well organized that the leaders of the different racial groups even have meetings to mitigate a race war... Sad really that it even has to happen.

Ignoring it may not be the best thing to do, but then again, speaking up to this guy about it might have been worse. I guess sometimes you have to let morons be morons.

For those that don't know I'm black,

Im SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED! How could you be a member here! You use Apostrophies! I call for the immediate banning of anyone who uses  such grammar-correct text! (Its "dont" not "don't"! And you call yourself a BYOAC member!)

[CheffoJeffo]

For those that don't know I'm black,

Im SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED! How could you be a member here! You use Apostrophies! I call for the immediate banning of anyone who uses  such grammar-correct text! (Its "dont" not "don't"! And you call yourself a BYOAC member!)

OK, katie, give it a rest and settle down ... he missed a comma ... he's OK for grammar ... he's no MC, but he's OK ... wait until he start abusing the ellipsis ...

As far as the original post goes, I can't comment on the racial component, but I understand the issue of kids being singled out by other kids. I have two children with Autism and, yep, sometimes kids are mean and, yep, sometimes kids ask the hard question (My 5YO asked my wife the other night -- "Mommy -- am I stupid?").

And, nope I don't have a clue how to answer those questions.

Let the other guy and his tats fade away, love your son and engage his dialogue ... although I still don't have a good answer to the specific question, the discussion will be well worth it.

[JackTucky]

Lying to kids to protect them from the truth is a bad idea IMO, but telling a young child someone hates them because they are black, well, that's a big enchilada. 

At some point your kid has to know people hate.  Figuring out when is the big question.

[Ed_McCarron]

So why lie?

So we leave the park and the whole way home my son is asking me why the girl was mean to him and didn't want to play

Because shes female, son.  Get used to it.

[SithMaster]

So why lie?

So we leave the park and the whole way home my son is asking me why the girl was mean to him and didn't want to play

Because shes female, son.  Get used to it.

This is true.

Lying to kids to protect them from the truth is a bad idea IMO, but telling a young child someone hates them because they are black, well, that's a big enchilada. 

At some point your kid has to know people hate.  Figuring out when is the big question.

Just say that the girl doesn't like you because her father is a bad influence on her.

I guess I didn't expect someone with those beliefs would be living in my neighborhood.

Well as long as your son isn't rude towards her perhaps in time she will learn that her father is full of lies.

[Malenko]

I'm a cracker white; all my nephews are hybrids mixed; anytime anything like that has happened I tell them that it's easier to hate then anything else and that they should worry more about the important things in life.

[Ummon]

Actually, you don't know why she was mean. And it doesn't matter. I suggest telling your boy that if someone's mean, then stay away from them. If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down. I also suggest, if another kid's parents can't keep reign of them (/teach them ignorance), for you to tell the kid to go and play by themself. If the father has a problem with that, the police can be very handy. If he  doesn't like that and corners you, kick him down, and keep him down. (If it's a female parent, slightly different physical effort is required.)

[AtomSmasher]

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games   

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

[mpm32]

I don't think you should hide the truth from him -



Girls are mean.

Then you have to tell him that once a month, when the get older, they get even meaner.


Then, some have a week of pre-crankiness, the week of during crankiness, and the week of after crankiness.  So if he's lucky he'll have a good 4 or 5 days a month.

[SithMaster]

If he  doesn't like that and corners you, kick him down, and keep him down. (If it's a female parent, slightly different physical effort is required.)

I don't think you should hide the truth from him -



Girls are mean.

Then you have to tell him that once a month, when the get older, they get even meaner.


Then, some have a week of pre-crankiness, the week of during crankiness, and the week of after crankiness.  So if he's lucky he'll have a good 4 or 5 days a month.

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games   

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I see a correlation between these three.

[Dartful Dodger]

If she was 3 I'd assume she doesn't fully understand her father's hate. If the father has a prison tat I'd say his social skills are skewed and that's what she's emulating.

Like CheffoJeffo says kids are mean, no point in your son losing his innocence over it.

[RayB]

Ignorance is bliss. It's why we teach kids to believe in stupid crap like Santa Claus. There will be a time to explain the more intricate "why" behind things, but that time isn't now. Won't be until at least school where they teach tolerance anyways. No sense in giving him reasons to be insecure or doubtful of people at such a young age.

[ChadTower]

Yep... all you need to say now is that "not everyone is nice."  It's true and he'll probably accept it at face value.  If he doesn't just tell him that's just how it is. 

[myntik1]

Thankfully he hasn't brought it up again and it's fallen by the wayside.   Once again I just find it hard to fathom that in a couple of years these kids will be in the same class

[Ummon]

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games  

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I don't play any of those kinds of games.

Thankfully he hasn't brought it up again and it's fallen by the wayside.   Once again I just find it hard to fathom that in a couple of years these kids will be in the same class

I disagree about the innocence thing, that's really more a situation of naivete, however the real issue here is bigger than your kid's experience, or his curiosity. It's a matter of the situations you encounter, how you work in and develop from them, and then how your kid (and ultimately your family) does also. You were very 'enabling', making such things possible of happening again, perhaps worse, as well as things when you're not there.

If he  doesn't like that and corners you, kick him down, and keep him down. (If it's a female parent, slightly different physical effort is required.)

I don't think you should hide the truth from him -



Girls are mean.

Then you have to tell him that once a month, when the get older, they get even meaner.


Then, some have a week of pre-crankiness, the week of during crankiness, and the week of after crankiness.  So if he's lucky he'll have a good 4 or 5 days a month.

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games   

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I see a correlation between these three.

Really? Do tell.

[AtomSmasher]

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games  

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I don't play any of those kinds of games.

I guess that helps prove the point that violent people often don't play violent games 

Just to be clear since you seemed to respond to my original post seriously, I am only joking.  I don't believe you are a violent person from your posts.

[FrizzleFried]

At 3 she likely was just having a bad day or was socially immature.  My ole' man was a racist pig (how's this for irony - my mom left my ole man for a black man)...he'd have me saying the "N" word by the time I was 2...way before I knew better.   He thought it was a kick.

I've not seen that son-of-a----smurfette--- since I was 19 (I am 36 now)...

Anyway,  while pop taught me bad words,  mom taught me tolerance and well,  I'd like to think I am a pretty good guy now a days.

BTW: Did you go to CAX?

[myntik1]

Ummon how was I enabling? 

[Ummon]

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games  

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I don't play any of those kinds of games.

I guess that helps prove the point that violent people often don't play violent games 

Just to be clear since you seemed to respond to my original post seriously, I am only joking.  I don't believe you are a violent person from your posts.

Heh, yeah I missed it.

Ummon how was I enabling? 

I think it's helpful for people to have firm boundaries. In this case it means not letting others step all over your son (the girl, or anybody behaving similarly), nor yourself (the intimidating father) by being assertive in the situation. Specifically, I would've talked to the kid. If the kid didn't listen, I would've (whether they actively listened) talked to the father. If the father wouldn't listen, I would've said I can talk to the police if this happens further or happens again. And gone from there.

[myntik1]

so in your world this could ultimately lead to me calling the cops and saying that this girl is being mean to my son.  I've given and recieved my share of lumps.  I'm not about to get into a fight in front of my child unless I'm provoked.  That has nothing to do with being intimidated. 

[bigdog1977]

I have had this happen to me at the park. But im the big white guy with the tats! im half sleeved. I dont have racial tattoos but I still get the weird looks from people! It can go both ways amigo! My 4 year old daughter was being punked by some asian 4 year old boy and his daddy didnt do anything about it! His dad was half my size. I bench press 3 times what the Dad must have weighed!  I thought to myself either this guy is bruce Lees brother or hes just really clueless! Later I told my girl to never let anyone push you around. And to always treat other people the way you want to be treated! To many people wish to pull the racist card these days. By 2042 there will be no blacks, whites, mexicans, asians. We will all be mutts! LOL

[shmokes]

She's just a kid.  Maybe she didn't want to play with the brown kid, or maybe she just didn't want to play.  I go to this splash and play playground where there are all these cool little fountains and water toys to play in.  Sometimes my two year old is walking up to kids and trying to play with them, and mimicking them, etc.   Sometimes she doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them and if any other kids pick up one of her toys she insists on getting it back or she starts crying.  So who knows.

myntik1 handled the situation properly.  Unless the girl was bullying his kid, what's he gonna say?  "Hey, I demand that you play with my son!"  And getting in a fight with the girl's dad or calling the cops?  Are you kidding me?  I can just imagine that 911 call.  "Operator?  Yes, this is an emergency.  A little girl on the playground is not playing nice.  It's even possible that she's a racist!  But that's not all ma'am.  I tried talking to her dad and he rolled his eyes and turned away!"

[TOK]

I think it's helpful for people to have firm boundaries. In this case it means not letting others step all over your son (the girl, or anybody behaving similarly), nor yourself (the intimidating father) by being assertive in the situation. Specifically, I would've talked to the kid. If the kid didn't listen, I would've (whether they actively listened) talked to the father. If the father wouldn't listen, I would've said I can talk to the police if this happens further or happens again. And gone from there.

Reading this post made me think of the lady that called the cops from Burger Kings drivethrough and said they made her hamburger wrong. I'd expect a similar reaction from the operator.

[Singapura]

Racism can be found in any country and within any community. I'm white and my wife is Chinese but has an Austrian passport. In the Netherlands we encountered far less prejudice then in Singapore. Locals automatically assume that I'm rich and that my wife is a gold digger based only on the color of our skin. Then there's the different religions, subgroups etc. The only way the Singaporean government keeps a lid on things is to come down hard on discrimination. The onlything that should never be tolerated is intolerance.

[ChadTower]

Gotta remember their age... it is entirely possible either of them smelled like poo.  No one wants to play with the poo kid.

[bigdog1977]

Gotta remember their age... it is entirely possible either of them smelled like poo.  No one wants to play with the poo kid.

LOL.......

[Ummon]

I think you're all misunderstanding. It was my impression that mystik wasn't a dumbass and by 'rude' he meant being necessarily unkind. However, maybe he's just overly sensitive. In that case, why talk about it?

[SithMaster]

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games   

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I don't play any of those kinds of games.

Thankfully he hasn't brought it up again and it's fallen by the wayside.   Once again I just find it hard to fathom that in a couple of years these kids will be in the same class

I disagree about the innocence thing, that's really more a situation of naivete, however the real issue here is bigger than your kid's experience, or his curiosity. It's a matter of the situations you encounter, how you work in and develop from them, and then how your kid (and ultimately your family) does also. You were very 'enabling', making such things possible of happening again, perhaps worse, as well as things when you're not there.

If he  doesn't like that and corners you, kick him down, and keep him down. (If it's a female parent, slightly different physical effort is required.)

I don't think you should hide the truth from him -



Girls are mean.

Then you have to tell him that once a month, when the get older, they get even meaner.


Then, some have a week of pre-crankiness, the week of during crankiness, and the week of after crankiness.  So if he's lucky he'll have a good 4 or 5 days a month.

If they corner you, kick 'em down and keep 'em down.

I think someones been playing too many violent video games   

(for those who don't know, it's a reference to another thread)

I see a correlation between these three.

Really? Do tell.

When women piss you off you treat them like you would in Grand Theft Auto.

[DaOld Man]

Kids will be kids...

I grew up with some of the meanest kids in the world. of course I had to fall in with the group.

As far as prison: If they worked those guys sun up to sundown (and I mean crushing rocks type work), take away their weight lifting rooms and cable TV, and all the other livables they get, you probably wouldnt see too many gangs forming, and you probably would see very few repeat offenders. I dont think prison should be a retreat.
 

[WunderCade]

This little girl could be an only child or simply has no brothers and so she shies away from playing with boys. My little girl is 5 now, is an only child, and doesn't like playing around boys at all. She does everything possible to avoid them....she says there too loud and rough. IMO...It's because she doesn't have a brother or a little boy around to become accustomed to it.

Are you sure the tattoos didn't lead you to draw a conclusion, perhaps?

[myntik1]

I might be jumping to conclusions.  What do you think a swastika and Odin SS tattoos mean?  I know kids will be kids.  But most people would say something if your kid is blatantly being rude to another kid right in front of you. I didn't mean to get anyone's panties in a bunch over this. 

[AtomSmasher]

I might be jumping to conclusions.  What do you think a swastika and Odin SS tattoos mean?  I know kids will be kids.  But most people would say something if your kid is blatantly being rude to another kid right in front of you. I didn't mean to get anyone's panties in a bunch over this. 

I don't think anyone was questioning whether the guy was racist and is most likely the reason he didn't stop his kid from being rude, but it is difficult to say the exact reason why the girl was being rude since she was so young.

[WunderCade]

I agree that those tattoos indicate white supremacist affiliation, and also that he should have corrected her behavior.

But, as far as the little girl, at that age it's just hard to characterize a kids social skills and actions the same as we do adults. When you say she was rude, what specifically did she do or say?

[fjl]

Probably not a good question to ask and you dont have to answer it if you don't want but does your kid look like he's of mixed race? And if so, does he look more white or black?

If your kid does look more black than white it can be a reason why the little girl was mean to him and yes the father could be the one who influenced her. Of course she's only three years old and she could have just been mean not for racial reasons but simply because she was having a bad day or again because of the way her parents raised her and she just acts mean with everybody.

I really dunno

[ChadTower]

I agree that those tattoos indicate white supremacist affiliation, and also that he should have corrected her behavior.

Just to play Devil's Advocate, they could also mean only that he didn't want to get gangraped in jail so he accepted their invitation.

[myntik1]

my son went over to ask her if she wanted to play and she screamed leave me alone.  He came over to me and I said let's go play on something else.  He wanted to play on the giant slide/castle thing that she was on.  Everytime they tried to go up the steps she would cut my son off.  Again it's not like she hit my son with racial slurs, but me and this clown were both watching our children play.  I would think any adult would step in and tell their child to play nice at the very least.

I have a buddy that has full sleeves and does tatts for a living so I wasn't put off by the tatts on his arms until I saw what they were.

And I did tell my son that the girl was being a Grumpy McStuffins (our word for someone with a bad attitude) and left it at that.

[shardian]

I would think any adult would step in and tell their child to play nice at the very least.

You expect too much from society. 

In my experience, parents who actually pay attention to their kids in public and/or take responsibility for their kids actions are quite rare.

[WunderCade]

And I did tell my son that the girl was being a Grumpy McStuffins (our word for someone with a bad attitude) and left it at that.

I think you did the right thing here. I would just explain to him that some kids maybe don't like playing with other kids because maybe she isn't used to having other kids around so she is shy, but that she shouldn't shout, that's not right. You'd be surprised kids' level of comprehension, even at your son's age.

If you make the situation more generalized like that, then your son won't think it was him personally that she had problem with.

It sounds like this guy is just a bad parent, permitting his kid to be abrasive like that, perhaps that is how he perceives that his daughter protects herself in general. Probably a tactic from his prison experiences. It's unfortunate, because her attitude is a total product of his lack of intelligence.