I've decided I NEED to quit my job

[shardian]

The time has come that I NEED to move on.

I've been miserably suffering thru this job the last 2 years. My work productivity is a joke, I should have never stayed here as long as I have. I cannot even force myself to concentrate on my work. As some of you know, I went thru spell a few months ago similar, but I just know in my gut I have to get out of here, take a break, and work on getting another job in my field. I am scared senseless about this decision. I have enough emergency savings to cover expenses for more than 6 months easy. That is not my concern. I am concerned most about insurance for my wife and child. I have been taking a look at the field for new jobs, but things "seemed" to be getting better here, so I wasn't aggressively pursuing anything. The fact that I already have a good job, insurance, etc, kept me from doing anything.

Has anyone else just quit a job and took time off to re-evaluate things? My gut is telling me that a break to get my head screwed on straight would be just the thing. I feel that if I just hopped onto another job, my burnout would just follow me and ruin that job too. I jumped straight from school to marriage, full-time work, house buying, children having, child loss...the whole shebang.

This month is also a tough one for me, because our son was born 2 years ago tommorrow. You could say I am extra emotional right now, but that doesn't change the fact about how I feel.

[ChadTower]

I jumped straight from school to marriage, full-time work, house buying, children having, child loss...the whole shebang.

I did the same thing... I'd say look for a new job while keeping this one, at least in the short term.  Takes so damn long to build up a 6 month cushion that I wouldn't want to blow it away.  That would only put a different stress on my head once I found the new job.

[myntik1]

I agree with Pinball and Chad.  Find a new gig and then push out the start date as far as you can.  This is a tough time of the year to quit a gig w/o a backup.  I don't know what type of job you have, but in a little over a month there will be a ton of kids willing to work their arses off for a lot less loot. I don't know how many colleges/tech schools/etc are in your area, but where I live there has to be 20-30 within a half hour.  While some are small D2 and D3 schools, my company gets flooded this time of year with resumes from Mt. Holyoke, UCONN, UMASS, and Amherst.

[sirwoogie]

I agree with the other sentiments expressed here as well. Don't quit the job you have current until you have a firm hold on another one. As other above have said, I don't know what you do. But there are not many job sectors out there that are not experiencing downturn as well as increased pressure to bring in lower-paid (e.g. college students getting out of Winter semester). When faced with a frustrating job and no job, go with the former. The alternative is to ugly to think about.

[ahofle]

Keep the current job while looking for a new one.  If you get an offer at a new one, get it all signed and squared away with a start date 2-3 weeks down the road.  Then immediately quit your current one and enjoy the vacation.

Quoted for truth, but I'd make it a month.  You can use COBRA to extend your health coverage for an extra month and enjoy some relaxing stress-free time off with your family.

I really regret not having more time off between school and my first job, first job to 2nd job, etc.  I can't even imagine what it's like to have a month off with no worries about my job, or burning all my vacation reserves.

EDIT: And sorry to hear about the loss of your child.  I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must be.

[shardian]

I know I shouldn't just quit. I had a long conversation with the wife during lunch about how I felt. I know that getting out of here is the right thing to do. I just can't take this ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- any more. I was more than ready to walk out the door right before lunch.

And besides, I know that if I quit you all would pitch in 10% of your income for me.

(Humor always makes me feel better)

[HaRuMaN]

Keep dreamin, bub...   

[ChadTower]

Triple check the COBRA suggestion... they may not be required to offer it to you if you leave voluntarily.

[Dartful Dodger]

You mentioned freelancing in another thread.

I think I'm in the same boat as you.  A job I interviewed for a month ago was paying 20 grand more than what  I get now for 50% less the work. After the interview I realized how much I’m worth and how much I’m being screwed.  This new job was mind numbingly simple I figured I was a sure in, but they turned me down.  The buddy who got me the interview at the company said his boss thought I was way over qualified and they were afraid I’d get bored and leave.

The job was just simple asp programming, but I've said this before, if I could get paid as much as I do now for shoveling poop, I'd shovel poop.  For 20 grand more I would use my hands.

But for every door that closes another one opens.  Freelancing was an option I wasn't considering, but another buddy of mine that freelances, does simple html programming.  he works 3 months a year and makes 30 grand.  He’s 25 and lives with his mother so that's all he has to/wants to do.  He's been doing this for three years.  If I work all year around I could make almost double what I get now.  And that's just with html.  He says he has trouble finding work but if he had my skills the work would be looking for him.

I'm going to have a serious talk with him this weekend.  He's working on a project that's over his head and he wants me to help him on it.  If this works out I might be leaving a steady 9-5(9-9) job I don’t like for working freelance, without a safety net.

I'll hold on to my 'real' job to make sure he wasn't talking out of his butt.  But if he was right its good bye 9-5. 

I'd say if you can find freelance work you should get the heck out of Dodge.

[ahofle]

Triple check the COBRA suggestion... they may not be required to offer it to you if you leave voluntarily.

He should be OK:

http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/faqs/faq_consumer_cobra.html

"Qualifying Events for Employees:
      Voluntary or involuntary termination of employment for reasons other than gross misconduct "

As long as he doesn't give the boss a jizz shower on the way out the door, he should be fine. 

[shardian]

The COBRA info was a good refresher. I wasn't too familiar with it. So that is good to know I can keep medical benefits. Paying the whole premium will suck though in that case.

As long as he doesn't give the boss a jizz shower on the way out the door, he should be fine.

That would take too much effort. I'll stick with pee.

[ChadTower]

Expect the premium for a family to be $1500 or more.  How much would that reduce your time-off window?

[CCM]

Expect the premium for a family to be $1500 or more.  How much would that reduce your time-off window?

The premium will depend on where you live, the coverage level you have, deductibles, etc...

The most they can legally charge you for COBRA is 102% of the employer cost of coverage.  I do alot of work with COBRA/HIPAA coverages and I've seen COBRA rates range from $200 to $2000.  I would think that $1500 would be on the high-side.

One of the clients I deal with has over 30 different medical plans and the highest COBRA rate for any of them is $1052, which is family coverage with medical, dental, vision, and Rx.

[ChadTower]

When I was on COBRA I was told that you have one option - continuation of existing coverage.  He has a wife and child on the plan.  I'm guessing he doesn't have the cheapjack PPO plan, either, given some of the medical challenges he has talked about in the recent past.

I was paying $1300/month 3-4 years ago.  I don't want to guess what it is now but it won't be close to that.

[ChadTower]

n/m stupid double post net hiccup

[ChadTower]

EDIT:  okay, wtf, that's the first triple post I've seen.

[CCM]

I've read a few articles that quoted the average cost of COBRA was $9914 per year or $826.17 per month in 2006.  I haven't seen any 2007 numbers yet.

[knave]

5 years ago I paid $500-$600 for my health plan.  It was for my whole family of four. It had kinda high co-pays but it was fine overall.

[shardian]

Yeah, if I have to pay $1000 a month I'd be hurting. I pay $40/week for insurance. I'm not positive, but I am thinking my out of pocket would be around $400-$500 per month for COBRA.

I am taking tommorrow off, mainly because I know I will be a mess - it would have been our sons second Birthday. My boss tried to give me hell for it, but I just told him I could NOT be there tommorrow. He knew in advance, but pretends it was a huge surprise - did the same thing last year on this day. I am positive I'll get a chew out on Friday, blah blah blah. Ah hell, maybe they'll threaten to fire me. I really don't care at this point. I see how my supervisor has turned out. He is run ragged by them, puts his work before family because they overload him, etc. I am NOT going to be like him.

[shmokes]

I really don't care at this point.

If this was true, you would not be such a mess.  Make it true and you'll stop hating it.  This is VERY VERY difficult.  Respect for and unquestioning compliance with authority is programmed into our bones. We let people treat us like ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---, so long as they're a pay-grade above us.  Most of us will do almost anything we're told, so long as we believe the person telling us has the authority to do so.  I'm serious.  Germans are not born mass-murderers.  This basic human character-flaw made the holocaust possible.  A few evil people could not have pulled something like that off without thousands upon thousands of people who do what they're told. 

Okay . . . Jesus . . . Sorry about that. [/rant]

Anyway, don't bail on your job and start eating through your six-month safety-net.  Just really and truly force yourself to stop caring.  Don't just say it.  Mean it.  Now go to work, and start doing the amount of work you think you should be doing, rather than the amount you are being assigned.  Set alarms to go off on your cell phone every half-hour to remind yourself that you don't care.  Tell your boss flatly when you are unwilling to do something.  Tell him you have too much on your plate and he's going to have to find someone else to do it.  Stand your ground.  Absolutely refuse to back down.  Say, "I'm sorry, but I've got too much to do.  I'm not going to lie to you and say I can do it when I can't.  If you want me to do that you're going to have to take X, Y and Z off my plate and find someone else to do those."  When he says that there is no one else, tell him, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you.  You're going to have to find someone."

If you do this, you will feel so great.  What is he going to do?  Fire you?  You don't care.  You might even prefer he fire you.  So why not?  Not to mention that if he fires you, the company is going to end up paying for your unemployment, which means you get to stick it to them a little, and you won't eat through so much of your six-month safety net while you find something new. Don't quit.  You have better alternatives.

[ChadTower]

Watch that last bit... a lot of companies won't fire someone for underperformance.  They'll manufacture a reason based on conduct just so they don't have to pay unemployment.

[ahofle]

I thought unemployment is basically insurance paid by the company while you are employed?  The insurance then kicks in when you are terminated.  At least that's how I understood it to work.  I guess it's also a state thing so it probably varies by state.

[shmokes]

Watch that last bit... a lot of companies won't fire someone for underperformance.  They'll manufacture a reason based on conduct just so they don't have to pay unemployment.

Even in a worst-case-scenario, where the company successfully manufactures a way to get around unemployment (and if he gets the idea that they might have designs to do this, he should look into the state laws regarding recording conversations -- some states only require that one-party know that the conversation is being recorded), the absolute worst thing that can happen is that he gets fired.  That's not 100% meaningless, I suppose, if he wants a good reference.  But if he truly doesn't care whether he gets fired, then it's no skin off his nose.  He's in the same place he'd be if he quit.

[ChadTower]

Meh.  I'm not a fan at all of careless bridge burning.  It is short sighted.  Reps really do get around - people move companies and remember you - and you never know he may need that job back in 18 months.

[shardian]

Anyway, don't bail on your job and start eating through your six-month safety-net.  Just really and truly force yourself to stop caring.  Don't just say it.  Mean it.  Now go to work, and start doing the amount of work you think you should be doing, rather than the amount you are being assigned.  Set alarms to go off on your cell phone every half-hour to remind yourself that you don't care.  Tell your boss flatly when you are unwilling to do something.  Tell him you have too much on your plate and he's going to have to find someone else to do it.  Stand your ground.  Absolutely refuse to back down.  Say, "I'm sorry, but I've got too much to do.  I'm not going to lie to you and say I can do it when I can't.  If you want me to do that you're going to have to take X, Y and Z off my plate and find someone else to do those."  When he says that there is no one else, tell him, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you.  You're going to have to find someone."

If you do this, you will feel so great.  What is he going to do?  Fire you?  You don't care.  You might even prefer he fire you.  So why not?  Not to mention that if he fires you, the company is going to end up paying for your unemployment, which means you get to stick it to them a little, and you won't eat through so much of your six-month safety net while you find something new. Don't quit.  You have better alternatives.

I've already been doing the "not care" thing for 6 months. The only thing I really care about is side work. They need those last minute jobs done, and I do them on the side for mucho cash. If I had a job that paid well, I wouldn't have to do side work to supplement my income though.

[shardian]

The way I understood unemployment, you can't get it if you quit or are fired - only if you are laid off, your job eliminated, hours cut back, etc. Man, I would LOVE it if I got unemployment after getting fired! I could get paid while looking for a new job. That would be sweet.

[shardian]

And on bridge burning - I've thought alot about that. I hate doing it too. I've never quit on anything before. Any time I've left a job, it has been on good terms - no matter the job.
We'll see how tommorrow goes on if I'll burn the bridge.

[myntik1]

check your state regs.  I've never needed to collect before, but I felt the need to google it. 
Here are some general rules, but don't hold my feet to the fire on this since I can't afford to support your fam along with my clan.

If you are fired or suspended, you may be disqualified for benefits if the employer can prove one of the following: 

 
 Wilful misconduct in the course of your employment. The term wilful misconduct means deliberate misconduct in wilful disregard of the employer's interest, or a single knowing violation of a reasonable and uniformly-enforced rule or policy of the employer, when reasonably applied, provided such violation is not a result of the employee's incompetence. In the case of absence from work, an employee must be absent without notice or good cause on three separate instances within a 12-month period

 Conduct which is a felony under the law and occurred in the course of your employment

 Larceny of property or service whose value exceeds $25 in the course of your employment

 Participation in a strike which is illegal under law or regulations

 You were sentenced to a term of imprisonment of 30 days or longer and had begun serving that sentence

 You were discharged or suspended because you were disqualified by law from performing the job for which you were hired as a result of a drug or alcohol testing program mandated by law

 If you are discharged, it is the employer's burden to prove that there was wilful misconduct. When applying for benefits after being discharged or suspended from a job you will be scheduled to attend a pre-determination hearing to determine eligibility. Your employer will be notified of this hearing and will be invited to attend or to send in a written statement. 

 

[ChadTower]

That hearing is probably a state thing - I've been on unemployment twice after layoffs and didn't have any hearings of any sort.

[shmokes]

I'm not talking about careless bridge burning.  I'm talking about insisting on being treated properly, with dignity, at work.  I didn't say that he should just go to work and do nothing.  I said that he should stand his ground instead of being pissed on.  If that leads to being fired, than so be it.  Refusing to be pissed on is not careless bridge burning.  It may lead to a burned bridge, but not without good reason.  And if Shardian is representing the situation accurately, there's no reason that he should have to quit to escape inappropriate behavior on the part of his employers.  He has every reason to stick around, politely demand respect, and if it leads to being fired, collect unemployment while he finds a more suitable job.  That's my opinion.

I have never been in a situation like the one Shardian describes.  Employers tend to love me.  But I have had supervisors here and there who have treated me inappropriately, and in my experience it usually takes only one time of setting them straight.  Most bullies don't even want to go after someone who isn't easy.  Even if they think they can win, they usually can't be bothered with someone who will fight back.  My 2 cents.

[ChadTower]

I have never been in a situation like the one Shardian describes. 

That's very obvious.  There is no amount of logic or reason you can apply to set a bad boss straight.  There are bosses that will ride you too hard and not care - there are bosses you don't know what they are doing and leave everything to you to fix - there are bosses that steal credit for your work without shame.  I've been in his situation a couple of times and, frankly, he's not an idiot.  If it were that simple he'd have done it by now.

[SithMaster]

Triple check the COBRA suggestion... they may not be required to offer it to you if you leave voluntarily.

Nah its not as glamorous as it sounds read here link

[shmokes]

 

Yes, Chad, I'm aware that you have seen everything and done everything.  But that's just nonsense.  IIRC, even your position was that he should stay at his current job while he looks for another -- that he shouldn't eat into his safety net unless he absolutely has to.  As is commonly the case, you're arguing for the sake of arguing.  Is your position that he should stay at his job and, even if he honestly doesn't care one way or the other whether he gets fired, he should continue putting up with inappropriate behavior by his boss?  Just because I haven't been in a position where I've hated my job so badly that I was at my wit's end, doesn't mean, as I pointed out, that I haven't had individual supervisors attempt to treat me inappropriately.  And in at least one case it was certainly something that would have turned into the situation Shardian describes if I'd allowed it.

It's not like I'm telling him that all he has to do is stand up for himself and his problems will magically go away.  That his employers won't respect him until he learns to respect himself.  I'm not suggesting anything like that.  I'm saying that he should stay at his job (just like you're saying), and continue to collect a check while he is actively searching for a job that he won't hate.  And while he's staying at said job, he should stop taking ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- with a smile.  That if he doesn't care whether or not he gets fired (and for unemployment purposes might even prefer it), his remaining time at the company won't be half so hard to tolerate if he overtly stands up for himself.

[ChadTower]

  And while he's staying at said job, he should stop taking ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- with a smile. 

You have to have been working for people like that to get it, apparently.  You take the ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- with a smile or you take your ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- and pack it in a box with security standing there watching you.  Bosses like that aren't interested in common good or anything resembling it.  Give shardian some credit - if there were a way for him to make his bosses see reason let's just assume he'd have done it by now. 

[shmokes]

And then he collects unemployment, which is preferable to the alternative.  He said himself that he doesn't care if he gets fired.  So why would he let the fear of being fired dictate his behavior?  I assure you that I harbor no delusions that Shardian is going to shake off his chains and his oppressors will all have a moment of clarity and everything will be for the best in the best of all possible worlds.  What I think is that regardless of what Shardian's boss thinks, Shardian will be happier, much happier, if he truly approaches his job as though he REALLY does not care if they fire him.  I'm not talking about insubordination.  I'm talking about what I said.  Thinks like, "I'm sorry, I can't do that.  I simply do not have time.  If you want me to do that then I can't do X, Y, and Z.  You'll have to choose because I cannot do both."  And, while it's possible, and even probable that Shardian would actually just get away with this behavior, with virtually no repercussions, save for a more pleasant work environment, the worst thing that can happen is that he will no longer work there any more.  Which is his ultimate goal.  Except now he gets unemployment while he looks for new work.

[vader]

I'll be the first to say, you do not have to take any BS from a manager.  Yes, you will have to take criticism and deal with a attitude every now and then, but will not be degraded in any way.

I have had two jobs in the past in which I have stuck up to the owner and manager and I'll it has gained me is respect.  You just can't cross the line and show disrespect.

[newkillergenius]

Just keep one thing in mind;

The only thing worse than having a job is looking for one. 

[shardian]

Nobody is bugging me this morning. I was expecting to get a butt chewing for missing yesterday. I turned off my phone all day, and there were apparently there were several field issues that needed my attention too.

I get the feeling that up on my floor, everyone can tell where I stand, and how I feel. I feel like I should at least tell my supervisor that I am looking for a new job and will quit when I get it - in a confidential manner of course. I really like and respect him. Me leaving unexpectedly would end up with the extra load falling on him. I feel I could trust him with that, but probably it isn't such a good idea.

And yeah, I think I'll just keep riding this out until something else pops up. That little voice in my head was freaking me out about quitting. You know, the voice that says "What if you never find another job, and end up a worthless, homeless, Walmart cashier"...that voice sucks and keeps me from doing many things!

[myntik1]

do not, I repeat do not give your boss a heads up.  It may seem like the sensible/honest/good samiritan thing to do,  but in today's world loyalty ain't what it used to be. He may be your buddy, your homey, your compadre but at the end of the day they wouldn't give you a heads up if they're looking to replace you. Let's assume your boss is a good guy. You tell him that you're looking.  He keeps it under his hat.  When assignments that could lead to outside work/better opportunities arise he can't give it to you because you might be beatin feet soon.  When it comes times for raises he can't give you what you're due.  He may have to throw a few extra bones somewhere else.  He might say Shar's on his way out, I have to compensate Jim because I can't afford to lose him too.

[ChadTower]

You know, the voice that says "What if you never find another job, and end up a worthless, homeless, Walmart cashier"...that voice sucks and keeps me from doing many things!

...which is only half as loud as the voice that says "what if you never find a job and your kid has to experience living in your car for a while".  That's the one that drives me to constantly take the conservative route even when I want to start cockpunching stupid coworkers.  I do have to say, though, that my current employer is pretty reasonable for the most part, even when the work cycle swings to long hours.