Ass Hats need not apply

[DrewKaree]

although I believe they're gonna be the only ones who post in this thread

Meh.  I VOLUNTEERED to build a raised stone-walled bed LAST year for my mom.  My dad, who doesn't need to apply in this thread, "didn't want to mess up the yard anymore this year".  (I had just completed 6" material removal of a 3 foot wide bed around 3 sides of their house FOR FREE, with 8 yards of compost/topsoil mix amended back into the bed topped by 3" of mulch - a $2200 job if I billed for it). 

At the beginning of this year, I was specific in telling my mom my year was planned pretty far in advance, and if I got free time, it would probably be due to rain, which would mean I was telling her I'd get the bed done IF it were possible, and reminded her I wanted to do it LAST year, and that THEY were the ones who wanted to wait.

I have the bed laid out and dug.  I have one pallet of stones at their house.  Evidently, their friggen son doing the job for free hasn't been making progress fast enough for them, and my free time is now SERIOUSLY tied up until December (which I could STILL finish the job).  I've had 3 funerals in the past month and a half, kidney stones, and whatever the heck I've got now.  I told them they won't hurt my feelings if they hire someone to finish the job sooner than I can.  They are, which works well for both of us.

EXCEPT.

My son does odd jobs for their neighbor.  I found out that when he went over there today, the neighbor lady told him my mom has been bitching about the job I've done, how long it's taking, and that "I promised her I'd get this done for her, and now she's got to hire someone to finish the job in time".  I also got to hear this, which is what's REALLY pissed me off, and I'm venting my spleen here so that I don't call her on the phone and rip her a new one and get her a matching ass hat to go with it.  It was told TO THE FRIGGEN NEIGHBOR "well, all that it means is that the money I spend to finish this up won't be there for Christmas presents".

First, tell that crap to ME, not the damn neighbors.  Second, if that's what Christmas means to you, stuff your presents, we've lived without them and won't notice if we don't get them AT ALL.  Third, if that's the way you REALLY feel, then don't give anything to my wife or I, but WHY would you say something like that and let it be thought that you'd punish my kids for your "problem" with my job?  Fourth, now that you've hired someone to FINISH the job I started, how are you so damn ungrateful for the free work I'm doing FOR you? 

I swear, I feel like getting a skidsteer for the day and putting their yard back into the condition it was before I did them a favor.  At the very least, I feel like giving them back the dirt I removed for the bed.  At the end of their driveway

My father-in-law shows more appreciation to me for the easy computer crap I do for him than my own parents for the friggen labor I've put in at their house.  Mebbe I should schedule a fertilization application for next week.  With RoundUp.  MAN I'm pissed I gotta hear about this in this way!

[Bones]

Your own parents are probably treating you poorly because they are extremely disappointed in the man you have become.




Ummm... that was supposed to be a light hearted comment edging on humour but I am now refusing to use those grinning and winking little ---daisies--- so I thought I should clarify my superior Australian humour.

[Harry Potter]

The man he's become where instead of confronting the problem, he takes it out on a bunch of arcade dorks enthusiasts. I'd be proud too. 

[DrewKaree]

Your own parents are probably treating you poorly because they are extremely disappointed in the man you have become.

I'm an American.  That makes it their fault.  They have no one to blame for their disappointment except themselves.  They can't blame their parents for their problems, as they are of a different generation that took responsibility for their actions. 

I deny your claim.  No soup for you.

[HAWKXP]

hi mate

the only advise i can give you is , dont offer to do anything else again for your parents.

your not on your own mate , mine are the same.

i left home at 15 or 16 years old and iv never ask them for anything nor have they offered , but the way i see it iv managed well enough with out them.

but it does bug me though when i see them doing all sorts for my sister , and they visit her quite often but never come visit me nor do they send me a card at birthdays and christmas or phone me.

familys mate what can i say.

[Bones]

Dude, for some reason when I look at your avatar I see a muffin and it is making me hungry.

However, due to the nature of the image I am finding myself significantly disturbed that it is in fact motivating my desire to eat.

Please remove it at your earliest convenience.

[HAWKXP]

nope cope with the power of my sig


the reason you have the desire to eat at the sight of my sig is because your american.

[Bones]

Firstly, your avatar is some type of gay bird. I see no muffin resemblance.
Secondly, I was talking to Drew.
Thirdly, I am not American.


No wonder your parents don't like you.

[DrewKaree]

Well, it STARTS with an A.  At least you got that part right.

He's Australian.  He's more full of ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- than Americans! 



I stopped doing things for my dad a while ago.  He's screwed me over more times than I care to count, and a not-so-subtle hint for money has been sent my way by him numerous times for something that was GIVEN to him by my grandmother, which was simply gravy on top of everything else she did for him before her death.

My mom.....I get the distinct feeling this has something to do with my dad, but the fact that she's done what she's done....that's her repsonsibility to own up for.  We'll DEFINITELY be talking in the next few days about this.

[cdbrown]

He's Australian.  He's more full of ---Cleveland steamer--- than Americans! 

I find the latter highly improbable and unrealistic

[HAWKXP]

Firstly, your avatar is some type of gay bird. I see no muffin resemblance.
Secondly, I was talking to Drew.
Thirdly, I am not American.


No wonder your parents don't like you.

  sorry dude i thought you meant my sig , oh and my parents do like me , its just to do with the fav daughter thing.

[DrewKaree]

Secondly, I was talking to Drew.

So that means all this was for me.

Dude, for some reason when I look at your avatar I see a muffin and it is making me hungry.

However, due to the nature of the image I am finding myself significantly disturbed that it is in fact motivating my desire to eat.

My  Ass Hat award makes you hungry and want to eat it.  You want to eat my  Ass Hat.  Ass Hat eater. 

I knew you secretly loved me in some sick fetishistic way.

You may not shake hands with me.  Ever.  Wait, that means you might have something sicker as a greeting. 

ahem....You may ONLY shake hands with me upon meeting.  DOH!

Oh, I'm so torn here. 

He's Australian. He's more full of ---Cleveland steamer--- than Americans!

I find the latter highly improbable and unrealistic

Yah, but you're from Oz too, so you're just as bat ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- as him.

Not improbable, but likely.

[HAWKXP]

 

[Bones]

Believe me, I take the cake (muffin) for my ---uvula--- dad. I will take the Pepsi challenge against all you people who think your dad is a ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---.

To quote a famous comedian, ---fudgesicle--- my dads a bastard.

[cdbrown]

oh and my parents do like me , its just to do with the fav daughter thing.

Does that make you the unfav daughter?

[HAWKXP]

oh and my parents do like me , its just to do with the fav daughter thing.

Does that make you the unfav daughter?

  noop the unfav son of a gun

[DrewKaree]

Mebbe that's why the interest in arcades and recapturing our youth.  We were trying to get away from ass hat dads and in the process, found something we'd like to think is worthwhile.  Something to pass along to the kids, and the ass hat part doesn't seem like something they'd be interested in

[HAWKXP]

Mebbe that's why the interest in arcades and recapturing our youth.  We were trying to get away from ass hat dads and in the process, found something we'd like to think is worthwhile.  Something to pass along to the kids, and the ass hat part doesn't seem like something they'd be interested in

yep thats why im interested in arcades and always have been i recreated my arcade youth in my kitchen not much room to cook now.

[missioncontrol]

Oh great I can see the clown is back...... 

[whammoed]

You can pick your nose but you can't pick your family.
Seriously though, will talking about it even do any good, or just cause more anamosity?  The only sure fire way to take something positive away may be to just make sure you don't do the same ass hat things to your own children.

[Stingray]

I got cornered into visiting the folks last night. That's probably my least favorite place in the world to be, and they never ask me to do anything. I have no idea why, but I'm more uncomfortable around my dad & my sisters than I am around complete strangers.

I say finish your job with a bulldozer.

-S

[CCM]

although I believe they're gonna be the only ones who post in this thread

Meh.  I VOLUNTEERED to build a raised stone-walled bed LAST year for my mom.  My dad, who doesn't need to apply in this thread, "didn't want to mess up the yard anymore this year".  (I had just completed 6" material removal of a 3 foot wide bed around 3 sides of their house FOR FREE, with 8 yards of compost/topsoil mix amended back into the bed topped by 3" of mulch - a $2200 job if I billed for it). 

No wonder your mom is so uptight, she sleeps in a dirt and mulch bed in the yard!

[Harry Potter]

Oh great I can see the clown is back...... 

maybe he'll juggle something instead of posting.

[Goz]

I'm willing to bet what attracted Pigeon to the thread was the word ass. 

[Shape D.]

Your own parents are probably treating you poorly because they are extremely disappointed in the man you have become.

I'm an American.  That makes it their fault.

Here let me fix your quote for you Drew.

I'm a Republican.  That makes it their fault.

OK, I'll quit with the funnies.

Their your parents, that's what they do. They lie, they lie right to your face.

 

Seriously though, parents suck. Mine ask me to come over for dinner all the time and then my mom will toss in.

do you think you could get this heavy stuff out of the basement/change my oil/help your dad move this while I finish making dinner?

I think all parents are under the impression that you will do whatever they ask you to and be snappy about it just because they are you're parents.

As for the talking to you neighbor. That's just lame, that's the kind of stuff you do in Junior high. I'd just tell her If she has a problem with something to tell you. And if she feels like being disrespectful to you, when you're trying to help her out, you can always charge her for the work you've done. Which will of course insure it gets done right away if she's a paying client.

[saint]

Someday your mother will be dead, and all this will be small potatos, and it will be too late to realize it then. I'd let it go, what does it really matter?

[Harry Potter]

Quit being the voice of reason and go lock some threads. 

[ChadTower]

I've done similar things for people, including my mother, in the past.  They usually don't even wait until you're done with the work before they start crapping on you about how long it took, or that it wasn't free enough, or that it was too far to walk to the house from their parking spot while you had thousands of pounds of material on their driveway.

I used to constantly go out of my way to help people out when I saw they needed help.  I'd offer up before they asked, pay for things myself if needed, do days worth of work.

I no longer do these things except in very specific circumstances.  I had always assumed that when one did such things for other people, the logical thing is that other people will do such things for you.  Experienced proved this assumption incorrect, and it also proved several other things on the negative side.

[Stingray]

I'm actually quite indebted to my in-laws. After the house fire last year, they were at our house all the time helping with the rebuilding. I'd never done anything on that scale to help them out. Now when they need help with a project of any sort, I'm over there without being asked. As far as I'm concerned, they have an unending supply of favors coming to them. Note that no one in my family helped us out during that time at all.

-S

[ChadTower]

My inlaws did help us move across the state when we bought our house.  That saved me some cash and a lot of effort.

When my wife was in her car accident they made our lives far, far harder than they had to be in the following weeks.  That more than balanced it out.

[Shape D.]

Quit being the voice of reason and go lock some threads. 

If you're telling him to take use of his executive power you should try and get him to take full use of that power. Like banning someone, anyone but Shape D.

[Jabba]

Happy to say, my parents and I are very resepectful to each other. Both on my side, and on the In-Law side. I'd do ANYTHING for my Mom and Dad. They brought me up, clothed me, fed me, helped me through school, yadda, yadda, yadda.

We redid the roof for them this fall, and they are so grateful. If I need anything mechanical fixed, Dad is over in a heartbeat (he was a repairman when he was working)...

I know not everyone has great parents like I do...

But if they ever did complain, I'd definately want them to complain to me and not the next door neighbour...I'd prolly bring it up with Mom and let her know it p@ssed me off!

[markrvp]

I'm more uncomfortable around my dad & my sisters than I am around complete strangers.

Is it because they voted for Bush?   

[Stingray]

I'm more uncomfortable around my dad & my sisters than I am around complete strangers.

Is it because they voted for Bush?   

Don't know, I don't mention politics & religion in the real world. It only pisses people off. Better to keep the conversation light.

-S

[markrvp]

I'm more uncomfortable around my dad & my sisters than I am around complete strangers.

Is it because they voted for Bush?

[Stingray]

Probably just the fact that we have next to nothing in common. There's not much to talk about. My dad is a car guy (which is where I caught the bug) so when we're together that's pretty much all we ever talk about.

-S

[RayB]

Im jumping in this thread late, but my two cents:

1. Yeah it a crappy situtation, but...

2. You shouldn't have accepted to do it in the first place. Learn to say no. You obviously don't have time, knew that ahead of time, yet still accepted with all these conditions of "if" this, "if" that.

[Dartful Dodger]

Have you actually talked to your mom?

You are going by what your son said about what your neighbor said about what your mom said.

On these boards you've seen how people love to twist things just to make trouble.

[Zakk]

Have you actually talked to your mom?

You are going by what your son said about what your neighbor said about what your mom said.

On these boards you've seen how people love to twist things just to make trouble.

Yes, we have.

[DrewKaree]

Have you actually talked to your mom?

You are going by what your son said about what your neighbor said about what your mom said.

I have today.  My son also spoke with her yesterday about things she had said to the neighbor about HIM and work he was supposed to do for her.  She misrepresented his side of the situation, knowing the reason the work he hadn't completed was the result of her having almost identical issues to why I couldn't finish her work in the time she wanted it to be done.  She had to get materials for him, get the proper tools for him to do it, and had to be home for him to do it (their stipulation, not his), and they couldn't lock down a date they could all meet up and complete the job.  After speaking with her, my son was 100% accurate in relaying her problems with my work, as was the neighbor.  I was in disbelief about what he was telling me because of his situation with her, but didn't doubt him in the least.

Someday your mother will be dead, and all this will be small potatos, and it will be too late to realize it then. I'd let it go, what does it really matter?

Indeed, it is small in the grand scheme of things.  That, however, doesn't make it easier to swallow.  The whole issue boils down to "don't tell someone else these things when it quite likely will get back to my KIDS about what you are NOT going to do for them as "repayment" due to issues between us".

Learning to say no isn't a problem, and the flip side of the situation was that she ALSO knew ahead of time the problems that may or may not be encountered.  There were no conditions, it was explained the manner in which the work would get done.  There have been projects of a similar nature that have been flat refused.  You may be reading the description of all that's been done as not being able to say no, it was given as background leading up to the main problem, boiled down above.

I had the discussion with her today about telling the neighbor instead of me, and why I didn't appreciate the concept of "penalizing" my kids being brought up, even if she were talking to me.  The discussion went well, and had I "let it go", she'd have NEVER known it mattered, and perhaps repeated the mistake. 

I simply can't accept "letting it go" as a healthy way to deal with something that bothers a person.  It's a recipe for making the behavior a continual issue and allows the other person to think what they have done is the right way to deal with people, and may lead to problems with others when it REALLY matters, which may end up costing them far more than possibly some hurt feelings or embarrassment between us.

I do, however, appreciate the advice and the perspective lesson.  It helps to see a different outlook from another party.  The jokes also helped....although I might have to be borrowing Chad's kicking boot and taking a trip to Madison to see a man in a dress playing a gee-tar.