Likely to be out for a while

[drventure]

I hate to say it, because this has been a really great group and the projects I've started because of this board have been some of the most fun I've ever done.

Unfortunately, my arcade building time will likely be taking a back seat for the foreseeable future. I just won't have the space, time, or money anymore.

I will hopefully be lurking about, and I'll certainly still get private messages.

and once i get all this behind me, I hope to get a shop set back up and get some good build time in once again.

Maybe in the meantime, I can get to some of those Mala plugins I've been scheming about....

[ChadTower]

Is everything okay?  Hopefully it's just a good life change.  Let us know either way.

[javeryh]

I hope everything is OK.  Unless you are giving up internet access you can still post!

I'm on an extended break as well due to not having a workshop for the next year or so (but I still poke my head in here once in a while).

[GibsonRiddler]

First pbj now you are disappearing what has the world come to....

Best of luck. Now maybe I'll have time to catch up on your build threads to get ideas for when I get started.

[drventure]

Hey Guys

Thanks for the kind words.

I'll still have Inet so I hope to keep at least a little involved.

I can't go into a ton of details, but in a nutshell, it's a divorce. Out of the blue. It's completely blindsided me. Kicked out of the house. 14 years of marriage.

I'm in a tiny apt, no tools, no space even if I had tools.

I suppose it's just one of those things you move past. But still....

[lilshawn]

dude that seriously sucks. i couldn't imagine what that's like, so i wont even pretend i know.


you don't have to go away. you can still visit us.

[Le Chuck]

I'm sorry to hear that.  A sudden change like that is certainly a hard pill to swallow.  You should stick around as much as you can, the sense of community will do you good. If you need to chat about anything you have friends here who can listen. 

[jmike]

Wow. Sorry to hear that.
Just hang in there and take care of yourself.

 

[drventure]

Thanks guys.

I really appreciate it.

[yotsuya]

Like Chuck says, we're a community here. If you need to chat, we're here for you.

[jmike]

Like Chuck says, we're a community here. If you need to chat, we're here for you.

I've been in this forum for a couple of years now and I've come to realize that this community is much more than just "hey look what I'm building". I've had the pleasure of getting to know some veteran members here through public forum and PMs. It's like a brotherhood.
Don't feel like you're alone drventure, we're here for you brother.

[amendonz]

Dam really sorry to hear dude. Stay strong man, we're here if you need us.

[BC_Jeffro]

so sorry bud
stay strong

[ChadTower]

Ouch... I feel for you, man.  I'm glad to hear it's not something like "I'm going to spend the next 6 months in chemo", though. 

[TopJimmyCooks]

A bad situation, especially to be forced into unexpectedly.  If I remember right you've got kids which adds to the pain a lot I'm sure.  I know you'll do the best you can to keep them on an even keel. 

I'm sending some psychic energy your way.  Come around whenever you can. 

[JMB]

Very sorry to hear about your situation. I went through the whole divorce thing about 4 years ago. I understand how you are feeling now. The key is to put the kids first no matter what (assuming you have them of course). I have seen so many couples put their kids through hell. I know it is impossible to see it now , but things will get better. One of the biggest keys for you is talk to people. Reach out to family, others that have gone through what you are, even therapists. If there are questions I can help with feel free to PM. I have two daughters that are 12 and 10. They live with me 50% of the time and my ex and I are able to always do what is best for them regardless of what happened with us.

[jennifer]

      Some old game can be your best friend right now, It wont talk back, and It will wait for you to come home....

[TheChairmanH2K]

same thing happened to me 4 1/2 years ago.  only advice i will give is lean on your friends and family.  they will be the rocks that get you through this with most of your sanity.

[mcseforsale]

Wow.  Sorry to hear that.  I went through something similar a few years ago.  Just stay off social media and monitor hers.  It'll work out in the end no matter what the eventuality.

Good luck to you!
AJ

[ChadTower]

Wow.  Sorry to hear that.  I went through something similar a few years ago.  Just stay off social media and monitor hers.  It'll work out in the end no matter what the eventuality.

Good luck to you!
AJ

That's a good point.  Social media is now a divorce attorney's best weapon.  You might want to close yours off until this is all over.

[mcseforsale]

Yes.  Even unsolicited remarks on a wall from a 3rd party can be used.  FB is usually the FIRST thing that is subpoenaed in a divorce case.  I'd send a message on your "walls" and shut any FB or Myspace accounts off for now. 

I know it's a tough time.  Fortunately, I fought and fought and fought and we eventually worked stuff out, but I learned a lot in the process.

AJ

[jennifer]

     I would think little could be obtained from a media outlet that a judge would find useful, unless your just an idiot....My concern with the monitoring someones
 status would be the high probability of social engineering, Whether its true or not, Its still going to hurt, and add insult to injury.

[hypernova]

     I would think little could be obtained from a media outlet that a judge would find useful, unless your just an idiot....My concern with the monitoring someones
 status would be the high probability of social engineering, Whether its true or not, Its still going to hurt, and add insult to injury.

Awww, your innocence and naivete!

Most people ARE idiots, remember?   Someone just posted a youtube video that they robbed a bank.  (And they did.)  So many comments can be made on social media sites because of the high emotions, and many of them end up being regrettable, either morally or legally.

[mcseforsale]

And beer.  Don't forget beer.  Loose lips sink ships and I must say, during times of trouble, I was guilty of it, too.

Just round-file the FB accounts and rely on safe, stable relationships for venting.  Even beered up and calling at 2am to a good bud with no stake or claim is better than jumping on a social media site and spewing it all for everyone to read.

Just remember, one day at a time.  It'll get better.  Promise.

AJ

[flashiv]

Went through an out of the blue divorce too, it was tough, but I echo the sentiments of everyone here, lean on friend and family both real and virtual.  They will make it as easy as it can be.  Good luck.

[Well Fed Games]

Hey, that sucks. I have no wisdom to share but I hope the best for you, and that these next few weeks in particular provide some clarity for the future. 

[drventure]

Thanks everyone.

Yeah, I'm not big on FB etc anyway, but I definitely wouldn't air dirty laundry out there (now or afterwards, that crap can bite you years later, plus, it's just not worth it). I like Scott Hanselman's thoughts on that... "Don't blog bile" 

In the end, it probably would have ended this way, regardless of anything I could have done, so it's probably best.

The hardest thing is seeing my daughter have to go through it. 50% here, 50% there, splitting her stuff up and not having something here or at the house. The only thing I ever wanted was to give her a stable home, and a solid family.

Didn't happen.

But I tried.

[drventure]

Ouch... I feel for you, man.  I'm glad to hear it's not something like "I'm going to spend the next 6 months in chemo", though.

Too true. My situation might be bad, but "there but for the grace of God....."

[JMB]

The hardest thing is seeing my daughter have to go through it. 50% here, 50% there, splitting her stuff up and not having something here or at the house. The only thing I ever wanted was to give her a stable home, and a solid family.

Didn't happen.

But I tried.

It is definitely the hardest part. Kids adapt though. All you can do is make it the best that you can.

[DNA Dan]

Hang in there man. I have a co-worker going through a divorce right now and his wife is such an idiot. Basically rather than sit down and divide up their assets she thinks he's hiding money so got a bunch of lawyers involved. This has gone on now for over a year in lawyer fees on both sides totaling more than 35K. The costs have now exceeded the money in question. They blew through all the college money they saved for their children and now they are eating at 401ks and IRAs.

So best advice I could give you is let her have whatever she wants. If lawyers get involved you'll pay for those items ten-fold in legal fees. Hopefully she's at least cooperating with separating your assets. Good luck man.

[TopJimmyCooks]

..... let her have whatever she wants. 

****Except the engine 18 mame rig. 

[drventure]

..... let her have whatever she wants. 

****Except the engine 18 mame rig.

 

[ark_ader]

Ouch!  14 years?  Out of the blue? No warning signs?

Sorry to hear it.  I'm finding out that my old man was right: Don't get married.

[drventure]

I'm beginning to believe that was well.

We'd had out differences, sure, but nothing that would indicated a divorce was imminent.

[mcseforsale]

Hate to say it, holmes, but that's what kinda happened to me.  2 divergent paths and eventually, someone else peaked her interest.  Maybe not physically...maybe not even at all.  But with me, my wife was around chix who collected divorces like bracelet charms.  And, eventually, it sunk in with her. 

There's really nothing you can do if she's not willing to fight.  I had to fight and fight and fight.  And, eventually, reality took hold and she remembered.  I didn't promise anything, I didn't ask for anything other than to hear me out.  And, that was enough.  Just remember that feelings aren't wrong.  That's the mistake I made.  Her feelings were right.  My feelings were right.  They were just different.  And, if those 2 tracks can't re-connect, that's OK.

Yer still a dude.  Be one with your dude-ness.  Either way, there's plenty of crazy out there for all of us!

AJ

[emphatic]

Really sorry to hear this, man. Hope you land on your feet.

[drventure]

Thanks guys.

Hopefully, we can just work through this quickly and walk away. That's what we've both said we want anyway.

Anyone in the Dallas Ft Worth area that feels like grabbing a beer (or a coffee) and talking games, feel free to pm me. I know there was a meetup started, but I didn't see that it actually went anywhere.

Really looking forward to the next PinballFest in Grapevine, although I hope that have better shirts next time round.

[DaOld Man]

Hang in there man. I have been divorced twice and it aint no picnic, but it can, in the long run, be the best thing for you.
Just always (and I say ALWAYS) put your kids first. You can find another woman. (Trust me there are plenty out there.) You are a grown up. You know these things happen.
But its a different ballgame for the kids. You should make sure your wife understands this too.
Try not to hate your wife, especially in front of the kids. And see the kids as often as you can, and learn right off that you cannot say anything bad at all about her in front of them, in other words, learn to ignore your true feelings and pretend when you are in front of them, and do not slip up when you are talking to a friend on the phone while they can overhear you.
Their eyes are on both of you, and they are watching and needing you now more than ever.
Again, hang in there, and know that this is probably best for you, but it may take some time to fully realize that, and that's ok too.
Time is your friend.
But if you and the wife decide to work things out, then go for it.
BTW, my kids have grown into wonderful adults. My son from the first marriage is now 29 and a minister. He has given me my first grandchild with another on the way. My daughter from the second marriage is a beautiful young lady of 21. She is currently going to college and wants to get into the medical field. I am very proud of both of them.
So there is always a silver lining and things usually work out for the best.
Best of luck to you man!

[BobA]

Sorry to hear about your situation.   Hang in there and as long as you can get to the internet everyone here is with you.  All the best.

[kahlid74]

I grew up in a divorced family and where I, as a boy found strength in my mother, my sister looked to my father and he basically distanced himself from us.  My sister was never the same and I see it in her relationships today.  Her scars are clearly visible by the way she acts.   If she comes to you asking for something her mother told he no, even if you despise her mother, you have to say no too.  My sister played ping pong between my parents and it all went to hell.

Be strong and above all else put your daughter first.  Be firm but ALWAYS be loving.  You can do this, but she's got to come first.

[drventure]

All good advice.

Yeah, My daughter definitely comes first. I know plenty of children can come through a divorce fine. But from what I've read, the odds are stacked against them. Hopefully, that won't be the case here.

The funny thing is, I don't really hate my wife. Don't have much anger there at all. Hurt, sure, but not really anger. I understand her position. I don't agree with it. Probably never will. But I can understand it. We just spent too long growing apart before either of us realized we needed to do something about it. By the time we did, it was too late.

[ChadTower]

Obviously the appropriate action here is to wait until the divorce is final...

...and then start banging all of her friends. 

[drventure]

 

[dextercf]

Sure sounds you got your feet on soil, not going to repeat all the good advice allready here..

Just wanted to put out there that My Own childhood might have been better (and My younger sisters) if our parents separated. It was hell in our house for plenty of years. I think for us, as kids, we wouldve had a better childhood if that was the case.
Better to have a 50/50 situation than two parents arguing and making life difficult for the kids.

On the other hand, they are happy now though. When we all have moved out and got our Own family. 😁

---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- Will turn out great, I'm sure!

[dextercf]

And yeah...
I got divorced in 2004. Getting married to My kids mother next february.

[stu33]

All good advice.

Yeah, My daughter definitely comes first. I know plenty of children can come through a divorce fine. But from what I've read, the odds are stacked against them. Hopefully, that won't be the case here.

The funny thing is, I don't really hate my wife. Don't have much anger there at all. Hurt, sure, but not really anger. I understand her position. I don't agree with it. Probably never will. But I can understand it. We just spent too long growing apart before either of us realized we needed to do something about it. By the time we did, it was too late.

I'm going through this exact same thing.  I was completely blindsided too.  She just one day told me she didn't love me anymore and that was that.  She refused to try anything, no counseling, nothing.  I had no clue.  It's been almost two years, and I still love her, unfortunately.  She had 'grown apart', I never had.  You're not alone, man.  The only difference was that she left, instead of pushing me out.  She did, though, stick me with all the bills, and the bankruptcy for that is almost completed...