Ya gotta change the summer air... and other left handed advice

[Le Chuck]

So PBJ's recent bit of microwave advice and an earlier kanooter valve post got me thinking about all the terrible advice I've given... or occasionally executed.  Being an Army guy a lot of these may be a bit jargon-y but we've all done this... may as well share some for - uh - future use 

"Go get me a box of grid squares"
"Go ask the Platoon Sergeant if he's seen the Prik-E7" (I did... he helped me find him  )

"Drain the air from those HMMWV tires and put in winter air... we can't drive on summer air in January!"

"Tell the CO we're out of chemlight batteries"

"Tell tell the LT we're out of blinker fluid for his truck"

"I need you to go down to the motorpool and get me some spark plugs for the CO's HMMWV"

"The flux capacitor is faulty, as 1SG if we can use his"

"I don't understand this order, go ask the CO what's a Bhyutfour"
 

[knave]

"Go get me a box of grid squares"

Heh...we did this one on a field training excercize at Ft. Benning a couple years ago. Our poor victim went and asked at the operations center...we laughed for hours...

[wp34]

My dad used to tell me to get him a left-handed monkey wrench. Although I assume that is what you were alluding to in your title.

I may use "summer air" on my kids. That's pretty good.

[HaRuMaN]

We sent people to the gear locker looking for cans of A-I-R.

[amendonz]

Heh 'hey boy, run down the parts shop and ask for a long weight'

[Turvey]

"Go down to the paint shop and get some tartan paint" was one I've heard 

[Le Chuck]

Compass oil, left handed wrench, non conductive cardboard, ball-peen hammer and a kevlar with engineer tape makes you an official armor inspector, and stripped paint... and my personal favorite ever from this very site:

"Dude, your CP buttons don't line up and it looks like updahg"

[Nephasth]

As a mechanic, I would tell people:

"Have you checked your blinker fluid?"

"It's gotta be the muffler bearings."

Changed the spark plugs on a coworker of the old lady's SUV. When I was done, she asked if I was able to find anything else wrong. I told her that her Flux Capacitor was on it's way out and I haven't seen one of those around since the mid 80s. Oh man, that was a good one.

For you welders, a lead man of mine once had one of our not so smart assemblers running around the whole manufacturing facility asking people for 80 degree temp sticks. This was in Dallas during 100 degree days... Best part is, everyone he asked played along.

[Hoopz]

I ask for left handed monkey wrenches or sky hooks.  Keeps em busy for hours.

[wp34]

Order me that Yoke from Ram Controls would you?

[Samstag]

Get me a metric crescent wrench, please.

[Mikezilla]

When I was in auto in high school, the teacher would say that to test to see if an air filter was good, drop it on the ground, if it bounced, throw it out and get a new one.

[wp34]

I had a professor in college that would ask us what the Abend Code" "02G" meant.

Hint - it is a hexidecimal code.

[Louis Tully]

.

[EightBySix]

I once worked at an office where new starters were told they had to shout their name as the lift doors opened onto the large open plan office, for security reasons.

[Fordman]

I once worked on an old girlfriend's car and told her her 710 cap was on upside down. She asked where she could get a new one, told her at the auto parts store where they sell left handed brooms.

[Howard_Casto]

When I work on computers and people keep pestering me about what caused the problem (even though you sometimes can't determine the cause)  I always tell em it's a "1 D 10 T"  error.       Learned that one from when I used to work at my college. 

Snipe hunts are big around here.  You have to send your kids out into the woods with a pillow case to catch some snipes at least once.



PBJ: 

I know you were making a joke, but there might be a grain of truth to that.    Genetic sampling has confirmed that we are ALL of African descent... it wouldn't be too far of a leap to think that most plants and animals could be as well. 

[BadMouth]

When I worked in a grocery store as a kid, I saw another kid holding a bucket upside down over the mop sink and running hot water.
We asked him what he was doing.  His boss in the meat dept had told him to go get a bucket of steam.

My cousin had his wife conviced for years that deer climb trees and that's where you look for them when you go hunting. 

[Le Chuck]

When I worked in a grocery store as a kid, I saw another kid holding a bucket upside down over the mop sink and running hot water.
We asked him what he was doing.  His boss in the meat dept had told him to go get a bucket of steam.

My cousin had his wife conviced for years that deer climb trees and that's where you look for them when you go hunting. 

That's why you need the deer stand, so you are on the level to tell the difference between horns and branches 

[stu33]

When I worked at a grocery store while going through college, we always used to send new people to all the departments looking for either elbow grease or shelf stretchers.  All the department (deli/meat/bakery/produce/seafood) people would play along.  We could string kids along for an hour sometimes sending them all over the store.

[lilshawn]

get people phoning around looking for a radiator cap for a 1938 volkswagon beetle. being first year run, they are REALLY hard to find. 

also computer errors are caused by the PBCAK interface (problem between chair and keyboard)