POLL: Kids

[Chris G]

We've been wrestling with this decision for quite a while, so just curious about you all.  Feel free to write or just vote... whateva.

And I know families are complicated these days (step kids, adopted, separate houses, etc) so define your answer however you choose (but pets don't count).

Also, I set it up so you can vote twice in case you already have kids + more on the way.

[boykster]

None and I'm happy with none, but the wife occasionally gets the itch...35yrs old (both of us)

[MustardTent]

I always used to think that it was weird to ask "are you trying?" because it boils down to: "are you having sex?".  But, my wife and I have been trying for a year now, and I've learned that when you start dealing with fertility issues, any subject is fair game.

So, I can say without embarrassment: We're trying!

[ChadTower]

Maybe you need Congress to authorize your invasion forces.

[nostrebor]

I've got two. Both were conceived while we were on a trip away from home.  I have since vowed to never have vacation sex again.

[ChadTower]

Does your wife know?

[nostrebor]

Shhhhhhh!

[bleargh]

We've been wrestling with this decision for quite a while, so just curious about you all.  Feel free to write or just vote... whateva.

Got two boys, and although they're a handful at times they're also waaayyy more fun then I'd ever imagined.  Had I known it was going to be this much fun I'd have had kids years ago.

Sure, its a complete total absolute disruption to your life and everything you think you wanted to be doing (for several years), but they're also a blast.  Now, if only I could convince my wife that we should have a third...

[Chris G]

Chad, stop harrassing the customers.  

[ChadTower]

Sure, its a complete total absolute disruption to your life and everything you think you wanted to be doing (for several years), but they're also a blast.

It's not a disruption, it's a change.  It's not like you're going to go back to having no kids.

[Glaine]

Sure, its a complete total absolute disruption to your life and everything you think you wanted to be doing (for several years), but they're also a blast.

It's not a disruption, it's a change.  It's not like you're going to go back to having no kids.

Well, you can't keep chasing them around with a coat hanger but you can always setup a camping accident or something. Think possitive!

[(+_+)]

I've got 3. 2 boys and 1 girl. For those of you that don't have any children, be prepared to start sacrificing on the toys you love. Don't get me wrong kids are great, but boy are they expensive. I used to upgrade at least once a year and now it's once every 2-3 years. My big screen 1080P TV keeps being moved to the back of the queue. You've got to love em though. 

[ClubNinja]

I used to upgrade at least once a year and now it's once every 2-3 years.

Say it isn't so.

[CheffoJeffo]

I've got 3. 2 boys and 1 girl. For those of you that don't have any children, be prepared to start sacrificing on the toys you love. Don't get me wrong kids are great, but boy are they expensive. I used to upgrade at least once a year and now it's once every 2-3 years. My big screen 1080P TV keeps being moved to the back of the queue. You've got to love em though. 

Definitely sacrificing, sometimes literally.

About 3 years ago, my now 7YO son wanted to watch a DVD. He put it in, changed the video to DVD, but somehow managed to switch the audio to something else (with no active signal). He turned up the volume. Then he turned it up a little more. Repeat until volume is at infinity. Then he looked at the receiver and saw that the audio setting was not on DVD, so he pressed DVD ... at least it was loud enough that he won't ever do it again.

The next week, I replaced that nice receiver (which survived and is safely tucked away downstairs) with a cheap unit geared for stupid abuse (I traded an old microwave for it, so nothing out of pocket) and his twin sister did exactly the same thing.

The third kid never got a chance ... audio through TV only until I upgrade once I get my HD ... hey, Father's Day is coming ...

Cheers.

Oh ... that was 3 kids ... 7YO B/G and 4YO B.

[ChadTower]

I used to upgrade at least once a year and now it's once every 2-3 years.

Say it isn't so.

Seriously, upgrading kids gets expensive.

[Apollo]

I'm 38 as is my wife. We have been married 12 years. We have no children and never will. This is a choice not something that has been forced on us. I got married to spend time with the woman I love not a whole bunch of other people and frankly I have better things to do with my time and money than raise a bunch of kids (quite apart from the fact that it is extremely environmentally unfriendly to be breeding so much given the earths limited resources). In my opinion the people I see having kids don't really think about it too much they seem to think 'well ok now I'm married I guess the next thing to do is have kids' like it's some sort of law.
Glad to see you are putting some thought in to this decision.

[CheffoJeffo]

I'm 38 as is my wife. We have been married 12 years. We have no children and never will. This is a choice not something that has been forced on us. I got married to spend time with the woman I love not a whole bunch of other people and frankly I have better things to do with my time and money than raise a bunch of kids (quite apart from the fact that it is extremely environmentally unfriendly to be breeding so much given the earths limited resources). In my opinion the people I see having kids don't really think about it too much they seem to think 'well ok now I'm married I guess the next thing to do is have kids' like it's some sort of law.

While I certainly respect the choice (a number of my friends and family have made the same choice), I find the rest of your statement ridiculous.

I didn't get married to have kids  ... we had kids to have kids. You speak as if those with kids can't understand the connection you have with your wife. Lots of us probably do (hey, that's why I married her).

You, OTOH, can't understand the connection that we have with our kids. I DON'T have anything better to do with my time and money than care for my kids. I bet I'm not alone.

I don't expect everybody to feel the way that I do, but please spare us the 'extreme environmental' stupidity -- kids are more environmentally friendly than a car and I bet you have more than one of those ...

[bleargh]

I DON'T have anything better to do with my time and money than care for my kids. I bet I'm not alone.

Awww, you're such a nice dad Cheffo. 

I'm with ya, though.... wouldn't trade them for the world, and everything takes second place to the kids.

[CheffoJeffo]

Awww, you're such a nice dad Cheffo. 

Well, they DO love to play in the arcade (and they can't break the cabinets) ... 

[nostrebor]

Kids are awesome! I enjoy them more than anything else life has thrown at me. I chose to have them and when to have them. I chose to stop at two. It was not a prerequisite of marriage, presumed or otherwise.

[bleargh]

Awww, you're such a nice dad Cheffo. 

Well, they DO love to play in the arcade (and they can't break the cabinets) ... 

Mine haven't quite figured out what the big thing is in the basement yet, other than its got "dads whizzy ball" in the middle of the panel.  I still laugh at my 3yr olds first words when we brought the cabinet home.... "Dad! Dad! Plug it in! Plug it in!".  Had no idea what it was, but ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---, its gotta be cool if its that big...

[Naru]

None and Happy!
Watched all my friends get married
and have kids right out of High School.
That was years ago, but it showed
me a life I didn't want.
Sex carries a price tag I can't afford,
not when there's so many arcade games
I haven't got yet.

[shorthair]

Maybe you need Congress to authorize your invasion forces.

HAHAHAH.

nostrebor: when I was in my Humanities I class, we were learning about the greeks and all. At one point I said, '...so, since they were really big on chastity, how did they preserve it?' He said they were big into a-...um, alternative sex. I said, 'Oh Really?' I think that made various impressions with the females in the class.

naru: I re-emphasise what I just said to nostrebor.

Nun fo meee. Same for the marriage and living together thing. I enjoy being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. (...even that last is something difficult cos my way of house-keeping, though attempted by those I've been in relationship with, hasn't quite been succesfully adhered to.) People of any age can be fascinating and enjoyable, but it's better they have their own space to mill in.

[saint]

Having kids is the best thing I've ever done with my life, best decision I ever made.

[pointdablame]

None and happy, but I'm only 23 so I think that's the way I should be right now regardless of my "choice"

[Apollo]

While I certainly respect the choice (a number of my friends and family have made the same choice), I find the rest of your statement ridiculous.

I didn't get married to have kids  ... we had kids to have kids. You speak as if those with kids can't understand the connection you have with your wife. Lots of us probably do (hey, that's why I married her).

You, OTOH, can't understand the connection that we have with our kids. I DON'T have anything better to do with my time and money than care for my kids. I bet I'm not alone.

I don't expect everybody to feel the way that I do, but please spare us the 'extreme environmental' stupidity -- kids are more environmentally friendly than a car and I bet you have more than one of those ...

Maybe I should have said that I got married to spend time alone with the woman I love?
I actually said 'the people I see having kids' I did not refer to anyone on this board. The people I see having kids are my friends and aquaintances in New Zealand and what I said is true, most of them have just had kids as a matter of course with very little if any thought as to the alternatives, believe me I have spoken with them about it often.
Oh and by the way I do have only one car it has a 1.6 litre engine and is used infrequently.

[saint]

23 is a fine age to be childless - IMHO people who get married should enjoy some time being just the two of them before they jump into a family, though it's not a bad thing if they don't wait. The thing to think of though is the age thing. If you think you might want kids, you want to have them so you're young enough to enjoy them and keep up with them while they grow up.

[CheffoJeffo]

The people I see having kids are my friends and aquaintances in New Zealand and what I said is true, most of them have just had kids as a matter of course with very little if any thought as to the alternatives, believe me I have spoken with them about it often.

In that case, then I say .... Go NZL 92!

Even though you completely stole any thunder from my "you have cars" line (although I am still baffled by the extreme environmental comment) ... damn you for not being the average North American DINK couple with 3 or more cars! 

[Apollo]

lol, I was just feeling feisty 

GO THE BLACK BOAT!

[Chris G]

23 is a fine age to be childless - IMHO people who get married should enjoy some time being just the two of them before they jump into a family, though it's not a bad thing if they don't wait. The thing to think of though is the age thing. If you think you might want kids, you want to have them so you're young enough to enjoy them and keep up with them while they grow up.

This is exactly the dilemma.  Still really enjoying the freedom, but understanding how great having a family could be.  Unfortunately the clock continues to tick.  And we're mid-30's, not 23.    Even though it's a tough decision, I do appreciate the fact that we have a choice.

[Donkey_Kong]

Time for a little Donkey_Kong & Princess history...

Melissa and I were married at 19 (me) & 17 (her). We had our first child at 17 & 15. Everyone one thought that we were crazy. Seems like we almost did it (pun, had kids & got married) at such a  young age out of rebellion. We both grew up on the other side of the tracks and our ages at the time of our life cycles will show that. We had the typical nay sayers that knew this thing could not last and that it would all blow up in smoke in no time.

Well, turns out that here we are at the ripe old age of 32 & 30 & we just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. We have 2 healthy boys at the age of 11 & 13. We are so close to our kids in age that a generation gap is almost non existent. We speak our kids language and they speak ours. We hang out with them and have fun with them at all opportunities. We have been able to enjoy hundreds unforgettable moments with our kids. A lot of times we feel that being this close to our kids is directly related to having them at such a young age.

This is just my 2 cents. Most 'normal' people would probably not have such an opportunity, or would have a different result. However, from my personal experience...I would not recommend waiting too long to have the kids if kids are what your wanting...

 

[saint]

Nicely put!

[Naru]

Maybe you need Congress to authorize your invasion forces.

HAHAHAH.

nostrebor: when I was in my Humanities I class, we were learning about the greeks and all. At one point I said, '...so, since they were really big on chastity, how did they preserve it?' He said they were big into a-...um, alternative sex. I said, 'Oh Really?' I think that made various impressions with the females in the class.

naru: I re-emphasise what I just said to nostrebor.

Nun fo meee. Same for the marriage and living together thing. I enjoy being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. (...even that last is something difficult cos my way of house-keeping, though attempted by those I've been in relationship with, hasn't quite been succesfully adhered to.) People of any age can be fascinating and enjoyable, but it's better they have their own space to mill in.

Ha, ha.
Holy cow, I think I've been slammed
by the Super space mentalist.
It's cool, I'll think of a way
to get you back...right after I shave
my palms.

[boykster]

Don't go to the dark side.....being DINKS is WAY more fun....

And no Cheffo, we're not the typical DINKs with 3 or more cars, but we do have 2 and a boat...and I'm probably going to buy a motorcycle soon.....does that count?

 

[Joystick Jerk]

28 years old, girlfriend is 26, no children and were very happy. Probably won't ever have kids, as neither of us are really "kid people". I do feel bad that I won't ever give my parents grandchildren, but hey, I gotta think of myself first. Maybe my sister will give them grandchildren, but she's never expressed an interest in marriage or children so far with any of her boyfriends.

[pointdablame]

23 is a fine age to be childless - IMHO people who get married should enjoy some time being just the two of them before they jump into a family, though it's not a bad thing if they don't wait. The thing to think of though is the age thing. If you think you might want kids, you want to have them so you're young enough to enjoy them and keep up with them while they grow up.

I am definitely of the belief that I am far too young for kids. Up until recently, I still said I was too young for marriage, but I guess that's really not the case.  I just always said that since a few of my close friends got married very early on, and most of those relationships have not ended well.

For me personally, I really have no desire to have children.  Others around me say that will change once I get a bit older, but who knows.  Even just the discussion of kids caused problems in my last relationship though, so who knows.  It's certainly not an easy decision, and I don't envy you Chris G, even though you are in a situation that I'd say is much more "normal" for having kids (married and 30s)

[missioncontrol]

I have two, a boy and a girl and I wouldn't trade anything for them they are awesome....

[danny_galaga]

you dont have an 'apparently' option...

[ChadTower]

My first son was born when we were 23.  Looking back, I'm glad we did it at that age.  I sure as hell wouldn't want to be 40 trying to do this.  We're going to have a lot of time left when our two boys leave home.

[Glaine]

I'm still reluctant to think about marriage too much. I think I would really enjoy it, but since it's a for-life thing (at least it used to be), it's scary to think that you have to make a choice that you hope works out in the long run when it seems like you really don't have enough information to make a good prediction except that you get along well currently.

As for having kids, it's not all that much up to the guy is it? The most you can do is pick someone who also doesn't want kids. And if either of you changes your minds, things get complicated. And like with so many couples, the gall usually wants kids and so the guy doesn't have much choice - have kids with her or get divorced so she can go have kids elsewhere.

I could really go either way. I don't want kids all that much, but if it became a deal breaker I suppose I could change my mind.

@Donkey_Kong: I just feel that people around that age should still be having fun being kids, and that it's too young to be having kids (but then again my folks did the same thing). It's just that at that age, you not only don't know enough about what you want or who you are, much less have any kind of financial backing to support anyone. I get upset at how short the marriages last of people around their 20's, but just the same, there are people who manage to make things work out and for them - not only did they put in a lot of work, but I'm sure they got a lot out of it. I'm reluctant to post this part at all, because I'm so mixed on it - I'm proud of you and don't want to start anything but I certainly don't think it's good advise for most people to jump into parenthood when they haven't finished growing up themselves (heck, I'll probably still be growing up at 28).