Since I wrote that open letter to everyone several months ago I figured it was only fair to give you all an update on things. It's taken me all week to be calm enough to write this and unfortunately it looks like this is going to be posted right before Easter, so I'm sorry for that.
My grandmother's Dementia worsened over the past couple of months to where she couldn't even move or speak. She passed away Tuesday. She suffered a lot those last few days... it seemed like even touching her caused her pain, so it was time. I don't think there's such a thing as a good death in her condition, but it was as good as we could make it. She died in her own bed, at home, in my arms with mom holding her hand. I kept my promise and kept her out of a nursing home even though it about killed me and I took every opportunity to spend time with her when she was more at herself, so I have zero regrets.
For better or for worse, she's probably the reason I'm here on this forum. She bought me my NES. At the time I was a bit isolated from the other children, but that Nintendo lured them in. She realized this and made sure I always had some money when the weekend cam around to rent a game. She is also responsible for my love of arcade games. I was a sickly child so for several years in my life I had to get allergy shots every week. The place where I got them closed early so she had to get me out of school a few minutes early. The other kids picked on me because of this so she just decided to make it special for me. We'd go get my shot and then head to the local arcade to play. I think if a lot of us were honest with ourselves we'd realize that we got in this hobby not just for the games, but to try and recapture some sort of happy memory. For me it was spending time with her.
My feelings about her being gone are complicated. The thing is, people with Dementia don't get better and her mind was so far gone that for her to live in that state would have been cruel. I couldn't have taken care of her either. My back has been in almost constant pain for the last year or so from lifting her and as bad as it had been, she was like a rag doll that last month... I just couldn't do it much longer. So as cold-hearted as this sounds it was time. Mostly I'm just glad she isn't suffering anymore.
So this is going to be a period of transition for me. Having not worked for 10 years I am in the unenviable position of looking for a job during the worst recession in 40 years. So yeah, that'll be fun. I've got enough money squirreled away for a few months though, so I'll be ok. I've also got a lot of work to do. Mom wants me to take the house, so for now I'm going to try and live there. Honestly the past year or so I've been letting stuff go, so the house needs some tlc. The main thing is to try and get the smell out of the living room carpet from her cat and dog (both dead) peeing on it during their last days. It'll probably have to be ripped up and replaced, but I'm going to try and get Stanley Steamer in there after the lockdown. On the bight side the house is a lot bigger than my white trash trailer. Assuming I can get it livable, there should be plenty of room to have a proper arcade room. The main living room is frikkin huge as well... like I might need an 80 inch tv huge. Right now it feels weird being in there... it's like she's out somewhere and she'll be back any time. I keep turning corners expecting to run into her. I've lost people before though, so I know how this works. I've already started cleaning out the house.. it's like a band-aid, you have to get it over with or it'll be harder later, or at least that's how it works for me. It turns out the animal shelter will take a lot of her remaining meds and medical supplies and seeing as how she loved animals so much I figure she'd get a kick out of that. I think the woman had enough clothes to stock an entire goodwill... she didn't really throw stuff out.
So yeah that's where I'm at. I'm not sure what kind of a presence I'll be around these forums for a while. Obviously I'll still chat, but I'm not really working on any projects. I don't have the time and honestly I'm just not in the mood. Hopefully that will change. Sorry to be a Debbie downer around Easter.... I don't know I just felt like I needed to say something.
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Topic: An Update.... (Read 2630 times)
