Gaming Parents - Children are sore loser's

[Chevron]

So i have built my first arcade machine 1/2 sized cab/bartop.
I have 2 girls 4 and 6 years old and im introducing them to the wonderful world of arcade games.
They have there DS's but i want them to learn and enjoy arcade games.

They have been playing Simpsons and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and love the co-op aspect.
They also love pacman and frogger single player games
and they enjoy fighting games like bloody roar because they can change into animals and samurai showdown
but when they lose against each other they go off in a screaming fit and what to change the game

so the question to the parents of Arcade Controls is.
What is your best way to to teach the fundamentals of being a gracious loser and trying again.

[edekoning]

From my experience it differs greatly between kids how they react to loosing. The kids who think that everything revolves around them are usually bad losers. I do notice that the fastest way to kill their interest is to consecutively beat them and be verbal about about it. Letting them win or loose, but just barely, keeps them interested much longer. When there are kids playing against each other I usually let the winner play me and lose or let the loser play me and win. Whatever happens just don't make winning/losing a big deal. It also helps to let each kid pick a different game after x games or after someone has a winning/losing streak. That said there are kids that will never take loosing gracefully. My 6 year old son being one of them, but only with board games, not video games. For these kids I tend to step in and tell them to play nicely or go play alone with something else. I then continue to play with whoever still wants to play. After a few min the other kid will most likely have cooled down and wants to continue gaming. Tell them they can but only if they 'behave'. If not I will never let that one kid spoil it for the rest!

[Chevron]

i try not make winning or losing a big deal, i always say well your up next to play again or you have more lives its ok.
they do end up finding a game with a character that they just cant be beaten with and get on a roll with, this does help but then they don't like it when it doesn't happen in every game.

I guess il just keep doing what im doing as it appears to be the same style as you.

Id like to hear more peoples thoughts on this.

[Dervacumen]

I tried several head to head games until I found one that my daughter could beat me at by button mashing - then we played it several times and I legitimately lost.  By not making a big deal out of it, she learned how to lose gracefully.  Many kids learn by example (not all -I know a few of those, too).  Same thing with my niece.  She's only been beaten twice on Wii Sports boxing.  Nobody can beat her and nobody knows why.  She just flails about in perfect timing with the game animations I guess. 

[jammin0]

I think this is pretty common.  I have noticed that with my oldest son, he didn't always get the most realistic experience when playing games.  I would always let him win, my wife would always let him win, grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles always let him win and I think he had a false inflated sense of self-esteem.  My twin daughters have had a much easier time since they have each other to occasionally lose out to, not to mention an older brother.  I think I've been better about modeling how to lose and they are way more laid back.

The fact that you're concerned about it and trying things probably means they will soon come around.

[Chevron]

thanks for that.

the reason im concerned is that i don't want them to be sore losers out in the real world.
This is just a baby step to more grand things, a life lesson if you will, to better prepare them for not giving up or crying if at first you don't succeed.

I like to try include these in fun games were it doesn't actually feel like a lesson or lecture but they naturally pick up on it.

[BadMouth]

I don't agree with much of my sister's parenting.  I live 3 hours away.  Everyone there lets my nephew win, and pretends they don't see him cheat.
I think that is especially bad.  This past thanksgiving I had him cornered at checkers and he moved my pieces as soon as I looked away.

The kid now refuses to do anything that he can't easily do/win.  He refuses to ride a bike because he couldn't do it without training wheels the first time and gave up.  Now he's old enough that the training wheels are an embarassment, so he just doesn't ride bikes. 


He loves the 3/4 scale arcade machine I built him because it doesn't save high scores.
He gets the high score every time he restarts the game.   

[lordnacho]

One of the many tough lessons for parents.  I think it's ok for them to be upset with a loss, that shows a competitive spirit.  And we should praise them on a win.  Nothing like seeing my kids smile when they know they did something to make me proud. 
It's the extremes that I worry about, rubbing it in people's faces or crying.  I think just confronting these when they happen is all we can do.  Which sounds like you are doing that.

[yotsuya]

I think this is pretty common.  I have noticed that with my oldest son, he didn't always get the most realistic experience when playing games.  I would always let him win, my wife would always let him win, grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles always let him win and I think he had a false inflated sense of self-esteem.  My twin daughters have had a much easier time since they have each other to occasionally lose out to, not to mention an older brother.  I think I've been better about modeling how to lose and they are way more laid back.

The fact that you're concerned about it and trying things probably means they will soon come around.

Funny you say that. I was the opposite. My wife would get mad at me when I would play games with our kids because I never let them win. I reminded her that in life no one just lets you win, and that when they did win, it would be that much sweeter for them because they knew it was legitimate.

[ChadTower]

Obviously the problem is that they never got their "Second Best Trier" ribbon when the game ended.

[DeLuSioNal29]

I would also add:  Be consistent in whatever approach that you choose.  The losing lesson may not work the first time around, or the second, etc.  But eventually your child will "get" it.  Don't give up!  It will be worth the final result!

D

[paigeoliver]

You might want to avoid VS. titles altogether for a while because it will probably get a lot worse next year when the oldest one really figures out how to play some of those VS. titles at that point her sister will never win another match by anything other than luck.

[harveybirdman]

Hat Trick seems to be the great equalizer.... my 5 year old can beat me pretty handily at that at times.

[matt4949]

To each his own but I don't let my lil ones play the fight games (age 8 and 10). I also don't let them hit continue when they die on a MAME game. I would like them them to pay to play $.25 but alas I'm not that big of a hard ass. I really think there is some value in knowing that a game costs money to play. That it is a luxury and not a privilige.   

[CoryBee]

Hat Trick seems to be the great equalizer.... my 5 year old can beat me pretty handily at that at times.

Oh my god, I fricken love hat trick. Many resent drunken' battles between me and my brother on this game.

My nephew (3) was a bit difficult to teach that he had to wait his turn when his dad and I were going at it on "Marvel vs Capcom 2", but it finally stuck this last time I was over. Now after either character dies, even though you get two characters a match, he thinks it is his turn.

[opt2not]

I'm not yet a parent, but I have a lot of nieces that I try to play games with.

When we play games, I let them win a few times (not obviously if I can) and act disappointed from losing. But immediately afterwards I congratulate the winner on a good-game, and tell them that next time I'll beat them!  Again, I have no basis of real parenting experience, as an Uncle I'm the fun one, but that's how approach it with my nieces. By example rather than telling them straight out.  They are of the ages of 3-8, and I notice they tend to copy the actions of adults more-so than listening to them.
 

[dgame]

I find the best way is to lead by example. Teach them how to congratulate the winner. Also teach them how to win graciously. When a kid beats me I always say something like 'Good game, I'm getting better, maybe I will win next time' and when I win its 'Good game, you're getting better, maybe you will win next time.'

If they have a game they are better than me at I will play it for as long as they want and always keep a positive attitude.

Then I break out the Street Fighter 2 and work on my 'you're getting better' shtick.

Eventually they become better at winning and losing.

[jennifer]

     Am I hearing you guys right?...Teaching a kid its ok to be a loser?...OMG, This is NOT going to help her/him in life, they will only half
try, and grow up being pathetic adults.

[opt2not]

You completely missed the mark. It's not teaching them to be losers, it's teaching them to understand the spirit of competition.

If you ever played on a sports team, you'd understand this.

[CoryBee]

You completely missed the mark. It's not teaching them to be losers, it's teaching them to understand the spirit of competition.

If you ever played on a sports team, you'd understand this.

I think jennifer's remark was that of sarcasim.... he does that sometimes

[edekoning]

     Am I hearing you guys right?...Teaching a kid its ok to be a loser?...OMG, This is NOT going to help her/him in life, they will only half
try, and grow up being pathetic adults.

OMG you are one of those annoying 'winning is everything' type of persons. We are talking about video games being played by (small) kids. It should be about having fun.

[opt2not]

You completely missed the mark. It's not teaching them to be losers, it's teaching them to understand the spirit of competition.

If you ever played on a sports team, you'd understand this.

I think jennifer's remark was that of sarcasim.... he does that sometimes

I miss pbj. 

[CoryBee]

You completely missed the mark. It's not teaching them to be losers, it's teaching them to understand the spirit of competition.

If you ever played on a sports team, you'd understand this.

I think jennifer's remark was that of sarcasim.... he does that sometimes

I miss pbj. 

 

[Chevron]

Wow guy and gals,

Thanks for all the replies, i very much enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts on how they deal with this.
looks like i'm on the right track.

just need to remember never to  scream LOSER LOSER LOSER at them when they lose lol
j/k i would never do that.

[Dervacumen]

just need to remember never to  scream LOSER LOSER LOSER at them when they lose lol
j/k i would never do that.

The best part is now that my daughter and niece understand it's all in good fun (5 years of training) I can freely slam them when I win.  Because they can always load up a game they can beat me in a return the lashing.  Nothing beats telling a little girl she fights like a little girl.

[jennifer]

You completely missed the mark. It's not teaching them to be losers, it's teaching them to understand the spirit of competition.

If you ever played on a sports team, you'd understand this.

   I do play on a team, Well coach T ball for 5yr olds... I am not sposed to keep score (parents rules) because it promotes competitiion.
(and makes jennifer quite angry), These kids are not stupid, they know there is a winning team and a losing team. They should be tought like you said "To understand the spirit of competition" To win and lose with grace... That calling Jen a boy thing worked before on me only because
it was said by someones whos veiws and opinions on arcade matters I trusted (You CoryBee dont fit that template)
I am ALL woman, I fight like a big girl...And Ill scratch your friggen eyes out.

[jammin0]

     Am I hearing you guys right?...Teaching a kid its ok to be a loser?...OMG, This is NOT going to help her/him in life, they will only half
try, and grow up being pathetic adults.

My kid played 5-year-old T Ball last year.  Most of the games were spent watching someone in outfield pick their nose while the ball rolled by them.  They start keeping score with the 6-year-olds don't they?

I think it's more about teaching kids that there are going to be things that they're not good at but that's ok.  In the spirit of good competition or whatever other motivation they need to learn that hard work pays off in the end.  Just because you really want something doesn't mean you'll get it.  Rather, when you work really hard at something you are more likely to achieve.  Most poor sports give up because they can't stand losing, how many times have you heard a little kid lose and then say, "I'm not playing that ever again, I hate that game."

The world has become a pretty competitive place but too many people are taking the easy way out and trying to cheat, lie, and steal their way to success which in my opinion is a pretty low thing to do.  Why would you need to cheat if you were a real winner?  I take a  certain amount of pride at seeing my son beat his friends at anything, whether it is sports or academics, however, I always welcome the opportunity for him to be humbled and realize that not everything in life is easy.

[opt2not]

One other thing I like to tell the nieces is that even if you lose, don't just give up. Keep at it!
I tell them about chameleons, and how they adapt to their environment. I try to teach them to think about how they lost, then adapt!  This is harder to teach the younger girls, because their recognition of the game-play isn't quite there, but the older ones get it and they surprise the heck out of you on how fast they adapt.

I find when you get them thinking, rather than knee-jerk reactions, they get very creative with how they play. Especially with the versus fighters.   I remember one of my nieces asking me what would be a good character to fight against Blanka (cause on of the girls like to mash the buttons for electricity all the time). I showed her the fireball for ryu, and she got it right away!  She can't fire it all the time, but she knows the concept, and makes a good competitive try at it now.  Pretty amazing for a 6 year old!

[rCadeGaming]

Not a parent, but I'd agree with Badmouth's comments.

On the value of winning and losing, I don't entirely think you should teach them that the results don't matter.  They won't do well in adult life if they expect an "A for effort."  That won't effect them for many years, but attitudes are developed early.  How early to think about this... I don't know.

I guess you should let them know you're very proud when they win, but don't let them hold it over others.  If they lose, you can tell them you're still proud for their effort, but show them how to improve.  It's good to instill work ethic and demonstrate the benefits of practice early.  I guess it could be a fine line between a good coach and an overbearing one though.

The other thing is that it's hard to set up even matches between children of different ages.  In fighting games you could try getting into the service menu and handicapping one player's health to even things out.  Maybe where that's not possible you could give more tokens to the player that needs help; if you have a real coin mech.