When it rains, it pours....and dammit, I need a good umbrella and some sunshine

[RTSDaddy2]

- Dad died on June 19th, 2009

- The school I was at went to a DVD driven classroom, downsized from 15 to 5, and I lost my job the same week we buried him, June 26, 2009 (I was also one of the last ones hired prior to downsizing, so I'm sure that didn't help).

- Two weeks later we learn that my wife's father, who had prostate surgery to remove a cancerous growth 11 years ago is now going to have to have 12 rounds of chemo.  The damn stuff has mestatized (sp?) / spread to who knows where.  I am trying to be the optimist, but of course it's got my wife scared - all the research she's read on situations like his give him six to fifteen months at best.

- I have not been able to find work ANYWHERE ...waiting to hear from a school about possibly being their new choral teacher, but no word yet.

- Bankruptcy looms like a wolf at our door if things do not pick up.

Blast it y'all, I sound like a crybaby / martyr / something, and I don't mean to.  Those of you here who know me well though know we've been through hell as a family the last several years....can't lie, I'm fighting back tears as I write this.

Last night, wife and I laid down in bed and began to talk about this again, what all we should do and need to do.  During the course of the conversation, it came up that she will probably take our daughter and go home to Kansas to be with her father for a while....it has nothing to do with us, or the relationship, etc.  I believe her for two reasons: 1) she's her daddy's girl, and 2) I would have wanted to be home with my dad when he was near death's door as well.

It just seems like a horrible time to me for them to have to leave....I'll miss them horribly while they're gone.  Can't imagine this house without them during a time when I'm trying to find a job and provide for them again - but again, I won't stop her from going, because it is her family, and there is always that chance that her dad really doesn't have long to live.  It breaks my heart to think of them leaving; but I could never ask her to stay if she needs to go take care of him - if something happened to him and she wasn't there I could never forgive myself.

Pardon my ranting and raving.  Just needed to get all this off my chest.

I know there are people in worse shape than us....but I'd really like to see the sun shine on our family again soon....really I would.

[ChadTower]

Wow.  Let us know if there's anything we can do.  The best part of this forum is how we take care of our own.

[Dartful Dodger]

Yeah, things are tough all over, but that doesn't lessen your burdens.  Rant as much as you need to.

Where do you live?
While you're waiting to see if the teacher position opens up, what else can or do you want to do?

Like Chad said there are plenty of eyes and ears on this forum that can help.


Even if everything was perfect with your situation staying with him would be the best thing she could do, for her and him.
Her being happy = you being happy.

Try and use this time away from the family to organize your portfolio and socialize with friends and professionals who can help you find another job.  If you have time you can also try bringing the mountain to Mohamed, by taking a look in Kansas for work.
 
Good luck.

[Malenko]

got paypal? I have a little extra cheddar I could send your way.

[Fordman]

RTS,

Sorry to hear about your family's painful and trying times.

On the emploment front, as a former school teacher myself, you need to broaden your horizons a little. What you want to teach vs. what you will have to teach. I didnt like what I was teaching. It wasnt the way I wanted to teach it. I did teach the courses their way, then some dumb luck and an opportunity came my way, so I was able to resign as a teacher. If you have to, substitute teach for a while. Teach adult education if need be. I still have my certification if I ever need to teach again.

On a personal front, have yourself & wife examined now for any possible medical issues. You may feel fine now, but later in life, you may not fare so well and you could leave your child in this position your in now.

Financialy, your family needs necessities in this order:
1) Home
2) Food
3) Auto
4) Clothing

If you have creditors calling on you about credit cards, let them go. If you pay the credit card companies, but skip house payments, you cant live in the credit card. Pay the house payment first! If the payment is beyond your means, contact your lender and ask for 6 months worth of payments to be deferred to the back end of the loan. This may cost you a paperwork fee but the bank doesnt want your home, they want the interest, they feel they can get it at the back end of the loan vs forclosure now. Just about all mortgage lenders are letting home owners add 6 months worth of payments to the end of the loan now.

If you have car payment(s) that cant be met, put one of the cars up for sale. Only sell for what you owe on it! Buy a beater that has no payment!

Shop for your food a a deep discounter (Sav-A-Lot) food stores. COUPONS COUPONS COUPONS! Store brand vs national brand. chances are the store brand is made by a national brand, just with the store label on it!

Clothing, only if you NEED it! Chances are, you will be fine here. Stay out of the specialty stores in the malls and shop the Goodwill and second hand shops. You'll pay pennies on the dollar for decent clothing.

While you wife is gone, work an extra job. Deliver pizzas, bag groceries, cut lawns. This is the perfect time to do so. This also helps with the financial and psychological aspects of your situation. Save some of the extra cash from the 2nd job and surprise the wife with a weekend visit to her at her parents place. She will be thrilled and so will her parents!

Make a plan of action, stick to it, become the 'Superman' to your wife and child! If you accomplish you action plan, your wife and child will be by your side every step without hesitation!

I hope this helps! 

Fordman

[RTSDaddy2]

Chad,

I couldn't respond to you while ago, I was just too emotional....but that's exactly why I ranted here....I know how good this board is at taking care of their own.

Malenko, I honestly don't know what to say, except thank you....right now I'm not sure yet what else to tell you.  Caught me offguard man...totally.

For those that have asked, I am in the great state of Georgia.  I am certainly open to work in neighboring states, if you know or hear of a school that needs a middle school choral instructor and / or math/english / social studies teacher, or volleyball coach, contact me!  Anything with music or volleyball would be ideal (ie assistant coach at a division 3 school,  choir director full time).  I have a  BS in Computer Science, but it's from 1990 - probably not worth much to peole these days, but could at least do data entry and some light programming / installation, etc.


To some degree, I have thought about pursuing work in Kansas for a while, but that would mean leaving mom here to grieve basically alone.  Yes, I have a sister, but she's about as useful as a fart in the wind.  She's "married" to this guy, yet they live apart now for 8 years.

You see how intelligent THEY both are.

Primary goal is to keep the house, definitely. We have plenty of clothing and food; our families will not let us go hungry, so no worries there.  The only credit card I have is Best Buy, and they will be happy with minimum payments for a while. The other line of credit I took out, I (smartly, I suppose) have also been paying unemployment insurance on...so as soon as we get the paperwork done there, that one will take care of itself.  Our Auto insurance plus our life insurance does not run us much per month, so we're ok there too I think.

As for a second and third job, I am actually / have been working two jobs - I teach piano on the weekends. Problem? I have only managed to pick up two students.  But hey $100 every two weeks is STILL $100 every two weeks.   Ford, I could not resist this....I got no trouble being Superman to the wife and kid....it's just this damn kryptonite (see? haven't lost my sense of humor yet - and as the wife put it, "We still have our health!"...true, both of us went for physicals recently and we're fine. )

Back to the Kansas thing - I haven't ruled it out, in spite of what I just said. It isn't so much that I've tapped it all dry here though as it is that my previous school did not make final decisions until early July.  I was counting on being back there but didn't know until around July 3rd that I would not be.  By that time, all the schools in the area had filled their slots (and yes, I am blaming it partly on my former school's dilly-dallying).  I was horribly frustrated yesterday in that I found a choral director position for a gospel choir at a small college in Birmingham.  Problem?  The job was only part time....no way to move my family that far for part - time work, unless they'd pay me 40K or better (and I doubt it for a choir director).  Yet, if I can find the job again, I may still apply for it.

If I sound confused, it's because I am.   

Wife and I talked some more about her going home to Kansas, and I don't think she's planning on staying more than 2 - 3 weeks at a a time, if that long....so working in Kansas might not be best option overall....and she has promised to come back to me, which is the biggest thing in my book.

I appreciate all of the advice and input....quite seriously, it's done me good to hear voices of logic and reason the rest of the afternoon.  Rainy days get me down, and I suppose the storms here today managed to do it to me again....Mom said she'd been a bit sad today also.

One thing for sure, though, I've learned never to "assume."  You know what happens when you "assume" right?

[ChadTower]

Dude, there are a lot of things you can still do with that BS in cmpsci.  There are tons of jobs in IS that require a lot less than what you have and pay good money.  Hell some of the people I work with I wouldn't trust to open a can of sardines that was already open.  Still they make good money and survive.  It's not the most rewarding path, but sometimes, getting a boring job in a large company is at least security enough to keep things rolling along until the circumstances improve.

[RTSDaddy2]

Chad, honestly that's good to know - I hate to sound stupid, but what sort of work should I be looking for within that field with my degree.

Furthermore, do you know if there are like adult education classes I could do as well? Why not? Hadn't thought of it, but maybe I need to try that side of things for a bit.

Didn't get the choral director job.  Have applied for another at a small college in Birmingham, where I might also get to work with the volleyball team in some form (in my dreams that would be what would happen, at least!)!

Wife and daughter will probably leave at the end of August for Kansas to see her dad, so I've got a little time still to find work before she goes off.  Her parents will help pay for the flight out and back, and it's only $300 for both if they book AirTran 3 weeks ahead.  Not bad, really, I guess.

I have applied to substitute teach as well y'all, so all ain't totally lost. We did the numbers tonight, and if I worked every day in a month as a sub, I'd make MORE money that one month than I did in one month at my previous job by anywhere from 300 to 500 dollars...and that's figuring in taxes.  SO, there's always a way out, I suppose....I just don't want to be subbing longer than a year.  Did it for 5 years from 1991 - 1996.  Not bad money, but it gets old wondering who's going to call for you / who you'll be every single day.

In other words, with the exception of sticking my SD card in the wrong slot (see new post today), I'm feeling a bit better tonight than I was yesterday.

[ChadTower]

Chad, honestly that's good to know - I hate to sound stupid, but what sort of work should I be looking for within that field with my degree.

Go to your local corporate entity, doesn't really matter what the company is, and ask at the front desk how you can get a listing of openings.  These days it's likely they have some sort of website that lists their open positions.  Spend some time perusing them to get a feel for what is out there and compare it with your base skills.  Not your specific skills, such as programming languages, but your base knowledge of computer science.  If your degree is worth anything that foundation of networking, OS, and programming styles should give you more than enough to do entry QA or any number of other jobs right off the bat.  Configuration Management / Release Engineering is a great place for a guy with outdated specific skills but a strong foundation to end up and good CM/RE people are ridiculously hard to find.  The IS world outside of the tech sector is full of people who have a far worse foundation than an old cmpsci degree doing jobs they basically got through long service and narrow specific training.  You can do better than they can if you hit the ground running.

[RTSDaddy2]

I appreciate the encouragement as much as I do the info Chad. Thanks!

I had not thoght about entry QA, but allow me to pat myself on the back a sec, and agree with you...you're probably right about that.  I have kept busy installing and uninstalling programs on my own PC, plus I have a local doctor who's a long-time friend of the family who ALWAYS has to have my help adding programs to his PC.  Perhaps he could help me network in this area to others who have the same problem (computer phobia).

I feel like I do know enough to get by....and I'm also smart enough to know when I've gotten in WAY over my head and seek someone else's help.  I'll look into that.  Thanks!

[ChadTower]

What you just described, in the corporate world, is entry help desk rather than QA.  QA does involve a much deeper methodology but that can be learned on the fly by someone with a good technical foundation.  I know a lot of QA folks who know QA techniques cold but couldn't diagnose a network layer issue if it dropped a duplicated socket on their head.

[Dr Zero]

Depending on where you are in GA you might check out Valdosta I know they are needing help at the hospital there. I have a friend who retired and they called him to come help out part time getting their ER worked out and it has turned into a unwanted full time job.
I know nursing is not your forte but they need other types usually also.

Check out http://www.usajobs.gov/ there you will find some ideas also from several different parts of the .gov

http://jobsearch.usajobs.gov/search.aspx?sort=rv&vw=d&brd=3876&ss=0&FedEmp=N&FedPub=Y&q=georgia

I know about getting laid off or let go however they want to put it I was the last one hired so no matter how good I was first they let go since others has seniority.  Being let go though helped me much more in the long run it forced me to re evaluate my life and my goals and gave me the push I needed.

Hang in there.

[hypernova]

Any luck with the umbrellas or sunshine?

[RTSDaddy2]

Finally, a ray of sunshine! (btw hyper, the guinea pirate always puts a smile on our faces....he's too cute!).

My wife's father has been going through several pre-chemo tests....basically they've been trying to figure out where the cancer had spread to.

He had a stint put in, somewhere between the bladder and one of the kidneys, as I understand it...and lo and behold, this very small area is the ONLY place to which it had spread.  It is NOT in the lymph nodes, not in his bone marrow, apparently as was initially feared.

What this means is, praise God, NO CHEMO for her dad!  They are going to treat this by simply removing / replacing the stint every two months.  Don't sound like fun,  BUT the doctor told them the chemo would eat the wiring out of his pacemaker, and put him at severe risk for infections where they did the heart valve replacement about 2 years ago.  And for an area as small as what we're talking about, the doctor also told them that they can treat that with drugs to slow the growth and do the same thing the chemo would have done without the potential side effects.

Basically he's going to be with us for several more years to come.  We are celebrating in Georgia tonight.  God, we needed this SO badly.  I'm still job searching, but perhaps this is a sign that the clouds are breaking.  Either way, I can't thank you all enough for the good thoughts and well wishes / prayers sent his way.

Kid starts 1st grade on Monday, and seeing HER excitement has gotten Mom and I excited too, and taken our minds a bit off our problems.  I cannot believe my little girl is old enough to start school.  We finished school shopping (material wise) today; the kid knew EXACTLY what she wanted and what she had to have to the last detail. I dread tomorrow night, because I know it's going to be hard to get her to go to bed...and please pray for us Monday morning because I bet you a dollar to a stale donut my wife cries ALL THE WAY HOME from dropping her off.

Rafiki from "The Lion King," is quoted as saying "Ah yes. Change is good." Don't know about all of it, but we've been through some in the last 3 months.  Like I said, may this news about my wife's dad be the first of many POSITIVE changes in our favor during the last half of 2009.

[ChadTower]

Damn, that's great news on the dad, great to hear and better to be able to tell us!

[Cakemeister]

Great news.

Enjoy your daughter while you can. You'll blink and she'll turn into a bundle of raging hormones. Then you'll blink again and you'll be sending her off to college.

I dropped my daughter off at Oklahoma State this past weekend. It seems I was just watching The Lion King with her.