Suck movies

[SavannahLion]

I'm not sure what it is, but I find myself enjoying films less and less. Not so much recent movies like Star Trek or Up (in theaters now  ) but the kind of movies one might rent, or through Comcast OnDemand, or through other means, on a Friday night when looking forward to a weekend of vegetating. For instance, last weekend, one such major suck film I came across is the 2007 release, "Kickin' It Old School." WTF is this crap? I'm one for suspending belief during a film, but this one really pushed my patience. It bills itself as a comedy, but the jokes are so lame, brain dead or cliched, it might as well be billed as a low budget horror flick. I got about fifteen minutes into the film before I turned it off (right about when he throws a ---Cleveland steamer--- fit and starts moving around like a defective wax mannequin during an Earthquake).

This weekend, I came across the horror flick, "Bruiser," by George Romero (of * of the Dead fame). Now for George Romeros stuff, I can suspend a lot of belief when watching his films. I mean, seriously, as much training I pick up playing zombie games, the chances of a full scale zombie invasion is pretty much slim to none. I didn't even get five minutes into this film. As soon as the damn dog stepped on a floor mounted switch to a table saw in a kitchen the protagonist just happens to be eating breakfast on, I had to switch the film off. What kind of retarded dumb ---Cleveland steamer--- buys a table saw with a floor mount switch that a dog is capable of powering on? Even using a standard light switch mounted on the table saw doesn't hold a candle to that kind of stupidity. 

Oh well.... At least Crank was entertaining and someone else convinced me Memento is worth watching. Got Bolt for the kids, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to watch any Disney. I just recently discovered that MASH is actually a film and not just a TV show, I think that might be an interesting watch on cable.

Anybody got some interesting films to recommend that don't suck?

[Hoopz]

I just recently discovered that MASH is actually a film and not just a TV show, I think that might be an interesting watch on cable.

Be prepared for this to be different, much different in some regards, than the TV show.  Just an FYI...   

[Ginsu Victim]

I'm a huge Romero fan, and I agree that Bruiser is pretty bad. You should've gave it more than five minutes, though. It's not THAT bad.

[Ummon]

Crank looks pretty lame. Memento was GREAT.

M.A.S.H. was a book, then a film (which I think was far closer to the likeness of the book), and then a TV series. Haven't read the book, and haven't seen the movie in an age, and I don't think all the way through. I grew up on the show and even though I like the 'second era' episodes more, especially with their more serious themes, the movie I didn't 'get'. Have to go back an see it, maybe.

[Paul Olson]

I watched the latest, and hopefully last, Steven Segal movie this weekend. It is Against the Dark, and I am pretty sure it will finish off his career. He is so out of shape, he couldn't do any fight scenes; they just showed him , then cut away, then went back to him when he was just standing there again. He was never much of an actor, but the fight scenes where great in his older movies. It was actually really sad to watch. Since I made my girlfriend start the movie, she made me finish it - torture!

[LLUncoolJ]

I watched the latest, and hopefully last, Steven Segal movie this weekend. It is Against the Dark, and I am pretty sure it will finish off his career. He is so out of shape, he couldn't do any fight scenes; they just showed him , then cut away, then went back to him when he was just standing there again. He was never much of an actor, but the fight scenes where great in his older movies. It was actually really sad to watch. Since I made my girlfriend start the movie, she made me finish it - torture!

Do his movies go straight to video now? I haven't even seen a traielr with him in a long time. They ought to have Chuck Norris throw him a beatin' in a movie. That may actually get it into a theatre.

My wife once rented a shitshingle called 'Be Cool' because it had most of the cast from Pulp Fiction and various other acters that are usually entertaining. Well, you can't polish a turd. I watched that whole thing and let me tell you, I bet they make terror suspects watch it in Gitmo.

Another torturous movie was this one a friend brought over called 'Spear'. I wish I had spent those 2 hours doing something more productive...like raking my knuckles across a cheese grater.

[Ginsu Victim]

My wife once rented a shitshingle called 'Be Cool' because it had most of the cast from Pulp Fiction and various other acters that are usually entertaining. Well, you can't polish a turd. I watched that whole thing and let me tell you, I bet they make terror suspects watch it in Gitmo.

We had free tickets. We didn't laugh even once, and when the Black Eyed Peas came on-screen, we got up and left. Once of the few times we've walked out on a movie.

[LLUncoolJ]

One of my sister's best friends actually "stars" in this turd:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI8omyZbfeE[/youtube]

The original was touted as one of the worst movies of all time, I can only imagine how crappy the sequel is.

[Dartful Dodger]

JCVD had great potential and could have been a cute movie, but the director tried to make it into a artsy film with depth. It’s edited like Point of View and Pulp Fiction.

That kind of editing added an interesting effect to the Pulp Fiction story, and in Point of View it was more or less the whole movie, but for JCVD it just made the movie frustrating to watch and only added time in the length of the movie by replaying scenes from different points of view and the random jumping around in the time line didn't make any sense either.

Here's a tip to the director/producers of the movie.  If you're going to have a surprise twist to the movie , don't print it on the DVD.

10 minute into the movie my gf paused the movie and said "That's not what’s supposed to be happening"  then she reread the DVD cover and then read it aloud.

What I liked most about this movie was that I got to explain to my gf that this is a foreign film, and since the French are easily confused the plot needed to be explained to them before they could watch it.

What I hated most about this movie was it could have been great.  I liked the acting and the story, even all the nonsense going on in the subplots, but the way it was edited made the movie painful to watch.

Along that same story line, My Name Is Bruce, was awful.  No amount of editing could have saved that movie.

[drventure]

Second the My Name is Bruce comment.

Sheesh. I really like Bruce Campbell (Burn Notice is a fave of both my wife and I), but jeez, that movie was really awful. I figured it'd be bad but in a fun way.

Boy, I was wrong.

[david656]

How does one even watch 'My Name Is Bruce'? I've been wanting to watch it ever since Bubba Ho-Tep (AWSOME) - has to have the best opening line EVER.

The latest Saw V wasn't the best, me and my mate just chatted through most of it, although it did tie in with the other 4 amazingly! although after the first one it grew old.

[Dartful Dodger]

Sheesh. I really like Bruce Campbell (Burn Notice is a fave of both my wife and I), but jeez, that movie was really awful. I figured it'd be bad but in a fun way.

Yeah, he's a funny guy I thought the movie was going to be a little entertaining, it's not.

But when it couldn't even get 3 stars on Netflix I was sort of prepared for it to stink.

Netflix ratings can get skewed when diehard fans or haters vote up/down a movie. I doubt Bruce has a lot of haters so the only people that would rate that movie would be his fans and they couldn't justify giving it 3 stars*. 

Heck, even Tom Cruise's scientologists were able to up Valkyrie to 3.6.



*Sort of a funny fact:
I went to Netflix to compare the ratings of Valkyrie and My Name Is Bruce. 
I watched My Name Is Bruce instantly last night, it had less than 2.5 stars, today it's at 3 stars. Congratulation to Bruce's followers!  Not as numerous or loyal as Tom’s but you guys are catching up.

[mountain]

We were bored this weekend and went to the movie store to rent some good old 80's flicks for a change. We picked up the following and thoroughly enjoyed them all.

The Outsiders (1983)
The Wraith (1987)
Streets of Fire (1984)

The Outsiders was an obvious choice and fun to watch after 25 years. The others are favorites of mine probably more for nostalgia more thank anything else.

[Ginsu Victim]

One of my sister's best friends actually "stars" in this turd:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI8omyZbfeE[/youtube]

The original was touted as one of the worst movies of all time, I can only imagine how crappy the sequel is.

The original is great.....if you watch the MST3k version



As for My Name is Bruce, I liked it. It was intentionally awful, which a lot of people didn't seem to get.

[ChadTower]

Yeah, he's a funny guy I thought the movie was going to be a little entertaining, it's not.

I liked it, but then again, I expected what I got.  A near remake of the last Elvira movie.