euro english

[danny_galaga]

Euro-English:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has  accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords   kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

[Blanka]

ROFL! Does remind me of Herr Flick in Allo Allo.
If you make english like that, we could also make Dutch the European language.

[Ginsu Victim]

Bounder: Anyway you're interested in one of our adventure holidays?

Tourist: Yes I saw your advert in the bolour supplement

Bounder: The what?

Tourist: The bolour supplement

Bounder: The colour supplement?

Tourist: Yes I'm sorry I can't say the letter 'B'

Bounder: C?

Tourist: Yes that's right. It's all due to a trauma I suffered when I was a spoolboy. I was attacked by a bat

Bounder: A cat?

Tourist: No a bat

Bounder: Can you say the letter 'K'

Tourist: Oh yes, Khaki, king, kettle, Kuwait, Keble Bollege Oxford

Bounder: Why don't you say the letter 'K' instead of the letter 'C'

Tourist: what you mean.....spell bolour with a K

Bounder: Yes

Tourist: Kolour. Oh that's very good, I never thought of that what a silly bunt

[BORIStheBLADE]

WTF.

[ark_ader]

Jeepers we will have three versions of English.

Euro English

Queen's English

American.

What's next?  Chinese English?

No ticki no washi.   

[Ginsu Victim]

WTF.

You're not up on your Python. Shame on you...

[Samstag]

Jeepers we will have three versions of English.

Euro English

Queen's English

American.

What's next?  Chinese English?

No ticki no washi.   

You say "American" as if you've never been there.  I can speak a little Texan, and I'm starting to learn some New Yorker for a future business trip.  I grew up speaking Pittsburghese, but I've forgotten most of it, other than the basics like "dahntahn" and "sowside".

[ark_ader]

Jeepers we will have three versions of English.

Euro English

Queen's English

American.

What's next?  Chinese English?

No ticki no washi.   

You say "American" as if you've never been there.  I can speak a little Texan, and I'm starting to learn some New Yorker for a future business trip.  I grew up speaking Pittsburghese, but I've forgotten most of it, other than the basics like "dahntahn" and "sowside".

Don't forget Southern California, which where I was born but now I verse in the Queen's English, but if things turned out differently, the sentence: "My goodness I like that pretty, young woman walking down the street" would translate to "Whoa dude check out that bodacious babe".

[Dartful Dodger]

English sux.

I'm against the metric system coming to America, butt Eye'd bee all four an eazer waye too spel.

[Jdurg]

I would love for the metric system to become the only acceptable weights and measures system out there.  It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier to convert units in metric (They're all based on ten) than in the English system.

[tk_42_1]

I would love for the metric system to become the only acceptable weights and measures system out there.  It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier to convert units in metric (They're all based on ten) than in the English system.

But its so much harder to read the small metric measures on the inside of my speedometer. 

[Blanka]

But its so much harder to read the small metric measures on the inside of my speedometer. 

A true man knows the speed of his car by the gear its in (obviously it drives no automatic), and the sound of the engine. 

[danny_galaga]

I would love for the metric system to become the only acceptable weights and measures system out there.  It is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier to convert units in metric (They're all based on ten) than in the English system.

But its so much harder to read the small metric measures on the inside of my speedometer. 

 

of course, my car is so slow, i use a log and line...

[BORIStheBLADE]

WTF.

You're not up on your Python. Shame on you...

WTH?