Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

[DrewKaree]

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press-no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

[grantspain]

YES,11233478890099999

[RTSDaddy2]

Wondered where Drew'd been - been missing you posts!  You definitely knocked this one out of the park...I'm still trying to stop laughing so I can copy it and send it to a few friends (if you don't mind)!      

[USSEnterprise]

ebaumsworld?

[Shape D.]

Umm, i pressed the pound key.

[Stingray]

Wondered where Drew'd been

We keep him in a pit down in the basement.

-S

[DeLong20]

It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!

[DrewKaree]

It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!

Dave warned me about the hose.  Methinks he doesn't find it as detestable as you believe it is.  He keeps giving me his lotion bottle for some reason

[DeLong20]

I always get an autotrader magazine for my troubles.

[nostrebor]

Mmmmmm! Lotion.