Prior to trying to use my $20 pawn shop plunge router for only the second time, (both using this specific device and also total number of uses of a router - period), I made sure to put on safety glasses. I made sure that the debris guard was on. I made sure I was wearing pants.
So, I start the thing up and begin testing it out on scrap wood to determine how well I'll be able to work this thing when I use it on the wood for the actual control panel top.
Fast forward ten minutes. I've now determined that I can effectively follow a traced out pattern on the wood and set the device to cut to the appropriate depth.
I AM ALSO DEAF NOW!

I GUESS I NEED EAR PLUGS!
WHAT!?
Ugh.
I have a headache.