Funny expressions

[lordtodd75]

I was just laughing at one of my co workers funny responses to a question and it made me want to start a thread about funny expressions. These are probably 2 of my favorites:

"poops mcgee"=a screw up="man you pulled a poops mcgee"

"five on the eyes"=slapping someone acrossed the head, face, eyes="bit*h, don't make me give you five on the eyes."

Anyone?

[TOK]

Its old and stupid, but still makes me laugh every time I hear it... "Shut your pie-hole!".

[sez]

"Shut up you big fat stupid head."

[Pi]

"Shut up you big fat stupid head."

I didn't know that Your Highness was around here. As always, showing class and pouring elegance.

[PCtech]

"Sh1t or get off the pot"
"Crooked as a bar-room pool que"
"stop your crying, or I'll give you a reason to cry"
"Where's my present?, 'cause you must think I was born yesterday"

My new favorite ......fuktard...

[lordtodd75]

You say this about someone with a big head:
"would you rather have a million dollars, or that guys head full of nickels?"

No matter how many times I hear it I still chuckle. 

[AtomSmasher]

"Well slap me around and call me Susan." = I can't believe I was wrong.

[lharles]

"...dumber than a box of hair."

Never understood the origin of that one but it always makes me laugh.

[Jabba]

One legged man in an ass kickin contest 

[brack]

"Put a quarter in the time machine"

The always funny retort to the person who isn't paying attention to a conversation and pipes in with something that has been discussed 5 minutes earlier.

[danny_galaga]

some (maybe) aussie ones:

* couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag

* couldn't drive a stick into a bucket of mud

* going off like a frog in a sock

[thebrownshow]

Buddy of mine cracks me up every time with "[blank] is so good it'll make you want to smack your mother."

[MYX]

Several years back, a guy I worked with saw this really hot woman and blurted out..."I'd drink a cup of her piss just to see where it came from." I choked on my drink and I am sure most of it came out my nose when I heard that.

[MinerAl]

colorful friend used to say "I'd eat a yard of her -poop- just to get to that ass"

[allroy1975]

wow...a lot of these are good....
for the one legged man in an ass kicking contest here are some alternates:
busier than a one armed paper hanger
busier than a long tailed tomcat in a room full of rocking chairs

....dumber than a box of hair is a lot of fun because it's got 2 variables for example:
dumber than a sack of hammers.  you can change the recepticle and what's in it!  FUN!

remember in redneck rampage?  that hillbilly used to say "I'm on you like stank on ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---"

this thread reminds me of a buddy I used to work with..he was full of them
he used to say:
I'd eat a MILE of her ---steaming pile of meadow muffin---, just to see where it came from.
it's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

good stuff all around...

Allroy

[reptilehead]

A great one for anything that looks totally out of place (think 300 pound guy on a moped) "it's like a monkey fu :censored:ng a football"
 First time I heard that one I laughed so hard I ended up (in this order) spitting out my beer, hitting my head on the brass bar rail, getting knocked the     out, and waking up still laughing about it, but all my buddies were more concerned about the hospital visit to get the 27 stitches in my head!

[sez]

"Shut up you big fat stupid head."

I didn't know that Your Highness was around here. As always, showing class and pouring elegance.

Surprise! 

[Bones]

Ugly
-Uglier than a hat full of arseholes.

Hunger
-So hungry I could eat the crotch out of a low flying duck.
-So hungry I could eat a horse and chase the jockey.

Sickness
-As crook as Rookwood.

[JeepMonkey]

"If I wanted any lip out of you I would pull it out of my zipper."

[sez]

Ugly
-Uglier than a hat full of arseholes.

Hunger
-So hungry I could eat the crotch out of a low flying duck.
-So hungry I could eat a horse and chase the jockey.

Sickness
-As crook as Rookwood.

And another ugly one:

"He/she is so ugly it looks like they were set on fire and put out with a bike chain!"

[crashwg]

"Dragged through a forest of ugly trees"
A funny take on  "Were you hit with the ugly stick?"

Oh, and not an insult but...  When building something and there's a gap of sorts
"You could throw a cat through that"

[AtomSmasher]

heres an ugly one my dad often uses - "looks like they were hit in the face with a sack of nickels."

how about a classic about a good looking girl - "must be jam because jelly don't shake like that"

[cdbrown]

You've got a face like a bashed crab
Fell out of the ugly tree- and hit every branch on the way down
Crooked as a dog's hind leg

[lordtodd75]

to people with big heads:
"That aint no forehead, thats a fivehead"
"Why the long face"

oldie but a goodie:
"save the whales, harpoon a fat chick"

to someone that says something stupid:
"Sorry, I dont speak stupid"

[Harry Potter]

Thirsty:

Dry as a dead Dingo's donger

[saint]

My favorite:

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

[grantspain]

british ones,
gay as a bay window
so hungry i could eat a scabby donkey
face like a back end of a bus
face like a bag of spanners
a stinking pile of manchester united