Memo to all freedom fighters

[Bones]

From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: All Al Qaeda Fighters
Subject: The Cave


Do Not Distribute Outside The Organization.


Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a
jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly, I have a few
concerns:


First: While it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be
even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive
dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we need to sweep the cave
daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ..have you?
I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal
toaster).


Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare the s**t out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that
while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.


Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.


Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant "Ossy,
Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.


Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
at the edge of the mountain.


Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that
the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a
grey area.)


Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.


Love you lots,
Group Hug.
Os.


PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag..
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.

[DrewKaree]

Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet
wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that
the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a
grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,
Group Hug.
Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag..
Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.

That right there is funny, I don't care who y'are!   

erah....I mean....don't feed the Bones!

[Bones]

Osama's Bed Linen is my favourite. 

[mr.Curmudgeon]

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Sh!t, they're on to me.



mrC
(AKA: Dave)

[DrewKaree]

No WONDER Dave's not here, man!

[ChadTower]

Everybody's dead, Dave.

[mr.Curmudgeon]

Wait, Are you trying to tell me that everybody's dead?

Petersen isn't, is he?


mrC

[ChadTower]

Gordon Bennett, yes, everybody's dead Dave.

[Otraotaku]

Advice: dont try to do any of that Civil protesting in That country cause they wont stop their vehicles... 

[ChadTower]

I'm not afraid to get hit by a camel.

[Dartful Dodger]

Memo to all freedom fighters.

To improve relationships with Europe we will be changing back to our original name, french fighters.

Although to keep some dignity we should still refrain from writing out the definition of a french fighter.

[ChadTower]

There is no such thing as a French fighter, only a French prisoner.

[shmokes]

Not if the French Revolution is any indication....what good are prisoners when you've got a guillotine?

[More Cowbell]

The scooter riding and Wassap part kills me. 

[ChadTower]

Not if the French Revolution is any indication....what good are prisoners when you've got a guillotine?

Not if the French Revolution is any indication....what good are prisoners when you've got a guillotine trebuchet?

[Dartful Dodger]

Not if the French Revolution is any indication....what good are prisoners when you've got a guillotine?

The key to the French winning a fight is that they keep the fight against other French people ie: French Revolution or the recent riots.

[ChadTower]

Besides, the French revolution was prisoners OF the French, not French prisoners.

[shmokes]

Not if the French Revolution is any indication....what good are prisoners when you've got a guillotine?

The key to the French winning a fight is that they keep the fight against other French people ie: French Revolution or the recent riots.

Because, of course, race riots and civil wars are foreign concepts to the United States.   

[shmokes]

Besides, the French revolution was prisoners OF the French, not French prisoners.

That's a bit vague.  If I'm convicted of a felony do I become an American prisoner or a prisoner of America?

[ChadTower]

Seeing as you are American, and in an American prison, you are both.

Now up against the wall.

[PCtech]

Seeing as you are American, and in an American prison, you are both.

Now up against the wall.

Relax....
If they put a black hooded cape on you, stick wires to your fingers, and make you stand on a crate....dont worry, it's just your tax $ at work.   

[ChadTower]

That would be a better use than where most of the tax money goes.

[shmokes]

During the reign of terror period of the French Revolution the french prisons were emptied out and the prisoners were executed at mass executions as revolutionaries (though most were just regular criminals -- thieves, murderers, etc.).  I think this was actually done with mass hangings, IIRC.  It might just predate the guillotine, which was a product of the French Revolution if I'm not mistaken.

[ChadTower]

Mass executions... guillotine is faster and more efficient.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

[Dartful Dodger]

That's a bit vague.  If I'm convicted of a felony do I become an American prisoner or a prisoner of America?

If YOU'RE convicted of a felony YOU will become someone's girl friend.

[c64rulez]

The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
at the edge of the mountain.

The only perversion here is that actually Osama is known to be more fond of camels.

[ChadTower]

One hump or two, Osama?

[c64rulez]

He really cant tell the difference crouched in front as he is.