I just can't stop insulting my mother-in-law!

[SirPeale]

I had the 'pleasure' of staying with my in-laws over the Christmas holiday.  I swear, every word out of my mouth insulted my MIL.

Who watches Family Guy?  Silly, stupid and funny, IMO.  In one episode (the one where Lois goes crazy at Christmas) Peter says a line...something like "Ah, Christmas...that magical time of year when Jesus comes back from the dead to eat the flesh of the living."

At Some point I quote this to my wife and brother in law.  Whoop-de-do.  It's said, it's done with.  Finito.

Some time later, BIL tries to say the quote, and butchers it.  So I say "you got it wrong, it goes like this:" and proceed to quote.

The blood just sort of drains from my MIL's face.  You see storm clouds gathering behind her.  "Thanks.  That's the kind of things I want to hear in MY HOME this time of year."

"Sharon, I didn't even say it!"

Next day, we're all having a discussion about religion and faith, and she says how hurt and offended she was by what I said.  That I was belittling her faith.  Oh, come on!  It's a quote from a stupid cartoon about a zombie Jesus.  Yeah, that's over the top all right. 

Got to get ready for work now, more stories later.

[markrvp]

I'm getting popcorn as we speak.

[missioncontrol]

I got the perfect in-laws.... They are on the other side of the globe

[ChadTower]

We got there late this year and my inlaws were all hammered by that point.  It was more quiet than usual.  Plus they got a 40 something inch HDTV this year and they were all staring at it like a car accident.

[shmokes]

My in-laws are great.  I couldn't ask for better in-laws.  It's my wife I feel sorry for.  She's the one with a wacko mother in law.

[ErikRuud]

My in-laws are great.

[Grasshopper]

I love that cartoon especially the baby who sounds like Noel Coward. Funnier than The Simpsons IMHO.

[TMS]

I had two great in-law moments this weekend the first was my future FIL telling his sisters new husband to "Shut the F up and don't get on my nerves" when the guy asked him to pick up his socks off the floor. The second was even better when her Aunts new husband, same guy that got owned by FIL, was about to say grace. He is trying to become a minister by taking internet classes and feels the need to say like 15 minute sermons and crying. Anyways he gets up to say grace and was like " I'm going to read from matthew and luke" and the fiance's 82 year old grandmother goes "Just make it quick i'm hungry", you should have seen his face, priceless lol

[DrewKaree]

I had two great in-law moments this weekend the first was my future FIL telling his sisters new husband to "Shut the F up and don't get on my nerves" when the guy asked him to pick up his socks off the floor. The second was even better when her Aunts new husband, same guy that got owned by FIL

If anyone else followed any of that, please interpret for the rest of the population of BYOAC.  I'm still waiting for the program that tells who the cast of characters of that story are and how they fit in.

[Bones]

My MIL is scared of me.  I thinks it's the shaved head, tats and motorbike bad boy reputation.

I have never had any problems.

[Zakk]

I had two great in-law moments this weekend the first was my future FIL telling his sisters new husband to "Shut the F up and don't get on my nerves" when the guy asked him to pick up his socks off the floor. The second was even better when her Aunts new husband, same guy that got owned by FIL

If anyone else followed any of that, please interpret for the rest of the population of BYOAC.

[DrewKaree]

My in-laws are great.  I couldn't ask for better in-laws.  It's my wife I feel sorry for.  She's the one with a wacko mother in law.

Hey Shmokes,

You and I are in the same situation! My mother-in-law is practically a saint. My mother is a disaster.

I'd like to know why they separated us at birth, and why they shipped the 2 ugly ones to places other than Wisconsin

I love my in-laws.  My dad's certifiably batshit, and has had years to work on my mom.  I still love 'em, it just means I have to keep my clan close by when we head over to my parent's house so I can protect 'em.  They just don't realize the stick they're poking the bear with has many branches.

[DrewKaree]

The butler did it.  The tricky part was THE BUTLER WAS A WOMAN!!!

Next you'll be telling me men are doing laundry and housework   You Canadians and your crazy notions.  If it weren't for your beer, we'd take a Sawzall to the border and shove you guys off into the ocean

[shmokes]

I had two great in-law moments this weekend the first was my future FIL telling his sisters new husband to "Shut the F up and don't get on my nerves" when the guy asked him to pick up his socks off the floor. The second was even better when her Aunts new husband, same guy that got owned by FIL

If anyone else followed any of that, please interpret for the rest of the population of BYOAC.  I'm still waiting for the program that tells who the cast of characters of that story are and how they fit in.

In the first instance he refers to the obnoxious guy as his wife's father's sister's husband, probably because his wife's father was part of the story.

In the second, since his father-in-law was not part of the story, he refers to the same guy as his his wife's aunt's new husband because it was more economical (however confusing and ill-advised) to say "aunt's" rather than "father's sister's".

Glad I could help.

[DrewKaree]

Yeah but you're from Utah.  That means that CAN'T be right. 

I'm waiting for the program

[SithMaster]

forget the program im waiting for the live action movie.

[markrvp]

PEALE:  COLD POPCORN SUCKS.  Where are the stories you promised?

[clanggedin]

I yelled at my MIL pretty hard the first year my wife and I were married. Now, I am the only son-in-law she doesn't yell at. My wife says she's scared that I will yell at her like that again.

If you don't keeo your in-laws in check then they'll start telling you how to raise

[SithMaster]

maybe hes getting it published or better yet that movie is in the works-better not be made for tv

[DrewKaree]

I yelled at my MIL pretty hard the first year my wife and I were married. Now, I am the only son-in-law she doesn't yell at. My wife says she's scared that I will yell at her like that again.

If you don't keeo your in-laws in check then they'll start telling you how to raise  yhour kids and live your life.

I would like my in-laws alot more if I didn't work for them.

MIL:  Yackety yack nag nag whinge ass hat comment yack yack nag

clangeddin:  I'm Rick James, beeyotch!  SLAP!

[Buddabing]

I got the perfect in-laws.... They are on the other side of the globe

I've got you beat. My in-laws are deceased.

[AtomSmasher]

This kind of reminds me of an old story I was told about my dad and my grandma (his mother-in-law).

[SirPeale]

PEALE:  COLD POPCORN SUCKS.  Where are the stories you promised?

Sorry, dude!  I've been busy.  Family just came home.

So I got mostly clothes from my in-laws.  Among these clothes were two pair of pants.  These pants came in a box: a pair of blue jeans, and a pair of black jeans.

On the day I'm due to leave, MIL suggests I try pants on to make sure they fit, and thus if they don't she can get pants that do.  I say 'sure' and go find the box they came in, grab what's inside, and go try them on.

Blue jeans fit fine.  Hold up the black jeans and...whoa...they seem a little...big.  Oh hey, there's the tag...size 18?!?  When did they start selling mens jeans in woman's sizes?  I realize then that these can't be mine.  I figure a little "humor" would be used for my discovery, and we'd have a laugh.

Her: "So, how'd they fit?"

Me: "Well, the blue ones fit okay, but the black ones...small issue."

"What size are they?"

"Heh...they're size 18.  (laughing) Either you're trying to send me a subtle message, or the wrong pants got wrapped."

(storm clouds gather) (ah, crap)

"The pants I got you were Carhartt.  And they most certainly were MENS pants.  Those must be your wifes.  She must have put them in your box."

"Okay, I didn't realize someone else was putting their clothes in my box.  I'll go check it out."

Sure enough, under some wrapping tissue I find the pair of pants in question.  But jeeze...

More later...

[DrewKaree]

This kind of reminds me of an old story I was told about my dad and my grandma (his mother-in-law).  When I was a baby my grandma used to smoke all the time and even smoked around me (this was shortly after I was born), so my dad put up a no smoking sign in our house.  When my grandma saw it she got extremely mad and yelled at my dad why he would possibly put up that sign.  Instead of explaining what should be obvious to her about not smoking around babies he yelled back "I don't fart in your house, so don't smoke in mine"

This reminds me of another story of my dad when he told Bob Barker that he learned that the Price is Right is the number one game show in America from the back of a cereal box, on live tv....but thats a story for another time.  Or maybe I should tell the story of how he threatened to take a flamethrower to a place because they wouldn't serve him breakfast at 10:35 (they stopped serving it at 10:30) even though he'd been waiting in line to order for 20 minutes...again a story for another time I suppose.  Needless to say my dad is my hero

*edit*just thought I'd comment on the last one, he didn't actually have a flamethrower, he just comes up with crazy ---Cleveland steamer--- when he's pissed off.

.....and then this one time, at band camp......

[danny_galaga]

I got the perfect in-laws.... They are on the other side of the globe

I've got you beat. My in-laws are deceased.

i've never had any (",)

[DrewKaree]

I got the perfect in-laws.... They are on the other side of the globe

I've got you beat. My in-laws are deceased.

i've never had any (",)

Sounds like there's lots of guys willing to give you theirs.

[danny_galaga]

I got the perfect in-laws.... They are on the other side of the globe

I've got you beat. My in-laws are deceased.

i've never had any (",)

Sounds like there's lots of guys willing to give you theirs.

so long as theyre under 50 yo and under 100kg 

[TMS]

In the first instance he refers to the obnoxious guy as his wife's father's sister's husband, probably because his wife's father was part of the story.

In the second, since his father-in-law was not part of the story, he refers to the same guy as his his wife's aunt's new husband because it was more economical (however confusing and ill-advised) to say "aunt's" rather than "father's sister's".

Glad I could help.

Thank you schmokes I was somewhat lit when I composed that

[ChadTower]

(storm clouds gather) (ah, crap)

"The pants I got you were Carhartt.  And they most certainly were MENS pants.  Those must be your wifes.  She must have put them in your box."

"Okay, I didn't realize someone else was putting their clothes in my box.  I'll go check it out."

Sure enough, under some wrapping tissue I find the pair of pants in question.  But jeeze...

Dude, either you're only telling part of the story (intentionally or unintentionally) or she just sucks.  I suspect that her dislike for you is so pervasive that she steams about it the whole time you're there and only vents when you actually talk to her.

[RayB]

Actually, the more Peale tells us stories of his life, the more it sounds like he's the type of person people feel comfortable copping an attitude with.

I'm not saying the MIL isn't a ---smurfette---, but you know, some people make it too easy.

"Nice guy" syndrome ?

[DrewKaree]

so long as theyre under 50 yo and under 100kg 

C'mon danny, fess up.  You're traversing the countryside of Oz in search of a GILF

[More Cowbell]

My MIL (visiting from Cali) got the flu and I had to call 911 Christmas Eve when she literally exploded from both ends in my bathroom and passed out. Thank God my wife went in there with her to help. I let them clean it up when they got back from the hospital later that night. Have a nice lunch!

[markrvp]

My MIL (visiting from Cali) got the flu and I had to call 911 Christmas Eve when she literally exploded from both ends in my bathroom and passed out. Thank God my wife went in there with her to help. I let them clean it up when they got back from the hospital later that night. Have a nice lunch!

That's the best laugh I've had in a long while.

[SirPoonga]

Peale:  Your MIL related to Mumbles?

[Zakk]

My MIL (visiting from Cali) got the flu and I had to call 911 Christmas Eve when she literally exploded from both ends in my bathroom and passed out. Thank God my wife went in there with her to help. I let them clean it up when they got back from the hospital later that night. Have a nice lunch!

Oddly enough, she ran into the can right after she ate a big chunk of the gingerbread house, decorated with Mentos candies of course, and washed it all down with the diet Coke he gave her.

[markrvp]

My MIL (visiting from Cali) got the flu and I had to call 911 Christmas Eve when she literally exploded from both ends in my bathroom and passed out. Thank God my wife went in there with her to help. I let them clean it up when they got back from the hospital later that night. Have a nice lunch!

Oddly enough, she ran into the can right after she ate a big chunk of the gingerbread house, decorated with Mentos candies of course, and washed it all down with the diet Coke he gave her.

Stop it, ya'll are killing me.   

[More Cowbell]

My MIL (visiting from Cali) got the flu and I had to call 911 Christmas Eve when she literally exploded from both ends in my bathroom and passed out. Thank God my wife went in there with her to help. I let them clean it up when they got back from the hospital later that night. Have a nice lunch!

Oddly enough, she ran into the can right after she ate a big chunk of the gingerbread house, decorated with Mentos candies of course, and washed it all down with the diet Coke he gave her.

Yep, Coke kills people. It's a fact. Please don't let the fact that I work for PepsiCo detract from my previous statement. Over and out.

[clanggedin]

Peale, hey at least ouy got pants for x-mas from your in-laws. For nearly every year since I've been married (8 years). My MIL has given me a brown sweater for x-mas. The sad thing is this year she bought me a borwn sweater to wear for a family photo taken during Thanksgiving and then she goes right around and gives me another brown sweater for x-mas. The funny thing was that I was wearing the other brown sweater when I opened up the present she gave me this year. My wife about died of laughter!

[Bones]

Yep, Coke kills people. It's a fact. Please don't let the fact that I work for PepsiCo detract from my previous statement. Over and out.

Pepsi sux.

[DrewKaree]

Bones, I'm with you on this one.  All for one and something for something and all that jazz.