Whoops! I posted too soon!
I figured out what you meant, pointdablame, shortly after I posted my last post. I found the old RCA cables, hooked them up, it worked (!!), and then I changed the system config from "RGB" to "Yb Yp something something" (I forget now exactly what) and now it works! Holy crap!
And of course I just bought six GameCube games yesterday at a used game sale because it was the only working system I had

Thanks so much!! Again, I'm amazed at this response... I called the Sony PS2 helpline and after 45 minutes of nothing they suggested I mail it in to them with a check for like $45 of $50 and they'd send me a refurbished one.
God bless BYOAC!