Finally realized something about myself.

[Goz]

Think maybe there is a personality type associated with this hobby?

[danny_galaga]

Maybe you shouldn't wear the tuxedo everywhere.

drinking on the job doesnt help either. and if youre gonna do it, drink beer! looks more manly 

[paigeoliver]

As far as nightmare co-workers like that go. I never get into confrontations with them, but I DO make my best effort to make them feel as stupid as possible every time THEY get confrontational. Being able to hold a calm voice while stating things like "We can talk about this later when you are able to get your emotions under control." Never raise your voice, stay completely calm. Another favorite one of mine is "You don't appear to be able to handle this situation like an adult right now, why don't we put this off until you are able to speak in a normal tone of voice."

In my experience there is nothing confrontational people like that hate more than having the REAL problem tossed back at them with a calm voice. Keep this up and they will start leaving you alone because you will give a terrible blow to their ego every time they try to boost it by attacking you. Note, they will HATE you, but they will leave you alone.

In my younger days I would even be so bold as to use said technique on supervisors, and other higher ups as well. Haven't had to use it in a professional setting in years though. Probably due to the fact that I work alone most of the time, and my only manager isn't the type that would work on.

[ChadTower]

Well, to rule out at least one of them, Peale doesn't blurt out offensive things.  He doesn't actually say as much as most people until he has something specific to say.  He's a to the point guy.

For coworkers like that jerk, I usually just tell them that I don't feel I am doing anything wrong, and if they have an issue they are welcome to take it directly to my supervisor.  This guy, though, seems like he wants to keep Peale under some type of control, though, because Peale could be a threat to jerk's job in that when you have one good tech and two newbies, two good techs do the job a lot better and the third newbie usually hits the unemployment line.

[DrewKaree]

Well, to rule out at least one of them, Peale doesn't blurt out offensive things.  He doesn't actually say as much as most people until he has something specific to say.  He's a to the point guy.

Exactly as my friend sees herself.  A lot of times being "to the point" is interpreted as being insensitive or having no tact, not necessarily offensive.  It's off-putting in a way I can't describe fully....it's kind of like you say to yourself "did they just say what I think they just said?"

How about throwing in a "we're inside and you're standing right next to me, so I don't understand why you feel the need to yell as if you were across the room.  Perhaps you'd like to use your inside voice and state your point again nicely" 

[danny_galaga]

i'm guessing the co-worker doesn't visit this forum?

[SirPeale]

i'm guessing the co-worker doesn't visit this forum?

No, he spends his nights playing online poker.

Had a chat with the boss.  He says that technically, Jerk *is* my supervisor due to seniority.  That's fine, he does know more than I do, so...

Aparently he'd gone off the deep end that particular day because he thought I was messing with one of his projects.  I told him I hadn't touched it, but I knew he didn't believe me.  It ust ate at him and ate at him, and he began looking for things that I was doing wrong.

Finally, after Cool Guy and the boss man *both* told him that I hadn't touched his project, he was (not to me, but to the boss) like "yeah, I could have handled things differently."

*shrug*

Day by day, guys.  Day by day, that's all.

[ChadTower]

That is a ---smurfy--- way for your real boss to handle it... dude has a small amount of seniority so he is a superior.

I will send you stuff that can help you, you keep studying all the while, and outperform jackoff until he's gone.  This is the job we all want, have it for us.

[DreamArcades]

Maybe you should try, How to Win Friends & Influence People. I know the title sounds
self centered, but it's a great book.

Even if there is something about you that turns people off, it just means you'll have to try harder to overcome it.
I think everyone who reads the formus knows that you are an intelligent guy. And the fact that you are taking the time to examine yourself is impressive.

Just a thought,
Mike

[SirPeale]

That is a ---auto-censored--- way for your real boss to handle it... dude has a small amount of seniority so he is a superior.

Actually, I agree with my boss on this one.  Jerk has twelve years of experience in coin-op, and has been with the company for six of those years.  Despite his attitude toward me, he shows up early every morning, works until everything that needs to be done is done, and *knows* what needs to be done, and how to do it.

Believe me, it's not his work skill as it is his people skills, as much as I hate to admit it!

But I still won't turn down materials that will help my knowledge base grow.

[ChadTower]

You said jerk didn't know much about what he was doing, that he wasn't picking stuff up and that he just didn't get it...?

[DrewKaree]

You said jerk didn't know much about what he was doing, that he wasn't picking stuff up and that he just didn't get it...?

about monitors

[TOK]

People who feel happy, usually give off a friendlier vibe. If you don't smile, don't expect people to smile back. If you think sarcasm is funny, it's not. If you have no patience for anything, chances are you snap at people without realizing it. The list could go on... But I think the main thing is that whole cliche: Smile at the world and the world will smile back. It's actually very true.

Peale, you seem OK to me. I have a couple issues in social situations, and one of them can kind of be traced back to this hobby. I'm not into a lot of mainstream type stuff -I don't watch popular TV shows like 24 (I prefer documentary stuff like the History Channel), I'm not much into "stick and ball" sports or NASCAR (I like motorcycle racing), and I'm really bad at small talk.

This makes it tough for me to relate to a lot of people, in that I'm not rude, but if I don't have some common ground with someone, I usually just clam up. It can be a little awkward. As I get older, I find my time more and more valuable, and this personality quirk has become worse in that if I don't feel I have common ground with someone right away, I don't go out of my way to find it. I'm sure this winds up making me look like an a-hole to a lot of people.

I came to this realization through my wifes co-workers. I'm kind of trapped into meeting them through company functions like Christmas parties and weddings. As I go to them and meet people over and over, they get to know me a little and a couple have mentioned I seemed a little uptight at first. I usually just say I'm shy and don't confess to not really caring to meet people without my same whacked common interests. Since I'm aware of it, I can usually drink a couple beers and just try to smile through lots of talk about work, shows I don't watch and sports I don't care about for my wifes sake. She has stayed with me for years, and Peale, I don't think you could really be considered a truly dysfuntional person if you can maintain a relationship with a woman.

I have a buddy who is lots of fun, but he burns through at least one girlfriend a year. It always starts the same "she's different", and I know it's started because he stops calling me for about two months. After that, the calls start back up, and he's suddenly available to hang out at a moments notice because he's sent another broad running! 
Maybe your one good buddy just lost his taste for dumpster diving and you're reading to much into it. I can tell you that I wouldn't be into doing that. People change.

I quoted Ray because I disagree with one of his comments. I find sarcasm and self-depricating humor hilarious. I typically find that "talky-smilers" become tiresome real fast, usually because you seem them using the same act on everyone, saying the same things, and it gets old quick. I end up liking someone a bit reserved with a darker sense of humor a lot more. Someone who is cynical, but can be cynical but laugh at the whole thing is awesome.

Edit for horrible grammar.

[Zapper]

Peale, I also have red hair. I think people do judge us different just because of the hair color, I've always felt like I'm supposed to play the part of Bozo the clown or an evil villain. Or in other words I feel like people think I'm an idiot or take myself too serious when I'm just trying to be myself. From your pic you look pretty normal to me.

[Daniel270]

Tok

I agree with you...  I'm also the kind of guy who's more closed lipped when it comes to meeting new people.  If finding the common thing shared doesn't happen fairly quickly after meeting someone, I usually just shut up and listen without putting much more effort into getting to know them.  Alot of it tho relates to how the new person I'm meeting acts and (I absolutely swear by this) how I feel about the person after the first 5 minutes...   If ANYTHING negative comes off the person within that time, I quickly find a way to end the conversation and move on... they're usually not worth my time.

I've always been the quiet and shy type... always by myself in a crowded room.  It's taken a large portion of my adult life to change that a little bit.... I AM a bit more outgoing now and usually will be the first to say hi and shake a hand or two now.  It all boils down to how much of yourself you want to change and being able to follow through with it, once you've identified what it is that you want to change.....

[NY_in_TX]

Peale,

I consider myself a real good judge of of character.  Let's meet up and you can buy me a beer and I'll let you know if you are an a$$shole.   

Actually I can relate.  I consider myself a really nice outgoing person who has a ton of friends.  However I found out from some of the extended friendships that I can be a little abrasive, and if you caught me at the wrong time...a real jerk.  Which, can happen to anyone.  I think any real friend has to know your ins and outs and know when you're gonna pop-off about something.  Some of my friends it's sports, some it's politics, and some it's classic arcade games  (okay well just me) 

In any case I'm a little serious about a meet up (not about telling you that your an a-hole though).  I have to run to Boston and Hartford this coming Tues and Wednesday.  Since I'm Texan I consider all the North East only  to be as big as one of our cattle ranchs down here so either one of those cities should only be 30 minutes away.   

I wanna hit Foxwoods and throw away some of my hard earned money.  I hear they have some nice restaurants.  might be a good place to a meet-up (again I got no idea where any of these places are) .  Ask me about my job and I can expense it.   

I fly into Boston Tues afternoon and got nothing to do until Wed morning.


Neil

[Jabba]

I think facial expressions (as expressed previously in this thread (pardon the pun))  are things we do that people pick up real quick and make judgements on even before we've spoken to them. They say the first ten seconds of a job interview typically determine if you're gonna get hired or not... I had an experience in a previous job that illustrates this perfectly...

I worked for a project manager who always scowled. I took this immediately as "this dude is definalely not a nice guy". As time went on on the project, we got closer. One day I said "Doug, mind if I ask you a question....Why are you always scowling? You always look pissed off". He replies, "Oh that, the light really bothers my eyes and I'm actually squinting..."

Just a thought. But like the others have said, you're posts are always very professional and to the point.

As to the "jerk", I would steer clear of him when possible. With six years at the same company and all, he could be trouble...

[SirPeale]

You said jerk didn't know much about what he was doing, that he wasn't picking stuff up and that he just didn't get it...?

about monitors

Yeah, about monitors and general electronic repair.

[Bones]

Very weird dream last night.......

Peale came to my house. He didn

[quarterback]

I quoted Ray because I disagree with one of his comments. I find sarcasm and self-depricating humor hilarious.

Being sarastic and being self-depricating are two completely different things... and besides, where does RayB say anything about being self-depricating?

Basically RayB is telling that if you're nice then people will treat you different than if your curt, rude or an a-hole.

[Bones]

You may find comments like these funny, but many people do not, particularly if you just met them and they're forming an opinion about what kind of person you are and if they want to spend their time even dealing with you.

Funny you say this, I am quite reserved around people I just meet and tend to tippie-toe until the waters have been well tested, but that's just me.

But.... I have met people who on a first meeting come out with some of the most sarcastic stuff intended as a joke, and not only does it work for them but it works very well.

I think it boils down to the type of person you are and your delivery. Some can pull it off and some can't. Most of the time I think it's a great ice breaker though.

Having said this I am referring to sarcasm that is not intended as deliberate rudeness or comments of a hurtful nature.....

[DrewKaree]

You may find comments like these funny, but many people do not, particularly if you just met them and they're forming an opinion about what kind of person you are and if they want to spend their time even dealing with you.

Funny you say this, I am quite reserved around people I just meet and tend to tippie-toe until the waters have been well tested, but that's just me.

But.... I have met people who on a first meeting come out with some of the most sarcastic stuff intended as a joke, and not only does it work for them but it works very well.

I think it boils down to the type of person you are and your delivery. Some can pull it off and some can't. Most of the time I think it's a great ice breaker though.

Having said this I am referring to sarcasm that is not intended as deliberate rudeness or comments of a hurtful nature.....

You suck.

Did I say that out loud?  Well, certainly he took it as the icebreaker it was meant to be, right?

Well then he DOES suck!

[Bones]

Damn, what would you know Karee? You wouldn't know if somebody was up you.

[DrewKaree]

Damn, what would you know Karee? You wouldn't know if somebody was up you.

Are you coming on to me?   

[Bones]

Are you coming on to me?

No!

Very weird dream last night.......

Peale came to my house. He didn

[fredster]

I'm personally glad to see you actually got a job.  That's good.

I think you are making progress. 

[TOK]

I quoted Ray because I disagree with one of his comments. I find sarcasm and self-depricating humor hilarious.

Being sarastic and being self-depricating are two completely different things... and besides, where does RayB say anything about being self-depricating?

Basically RayB is telling that if you're nice then people will treat you different than if your curt, rude or an a-hole.  Whether you're aware of it or not, being sarcastic to somebody (particularly if you've just met them) frequently makes you come off as an a-hole.  If you snap at people, you come off as an a-hole.  If you don't smile at anybody, people are going to think you're all pissy.  He's just describing things that people do that turn other people off even if you're not be aware of why they're being turned off.

"Pfft, yeah, really really nice meeting you too! What-ever"
"Gee Max Smart, nice tie!"
"Oh yeah, I LOOOOVE the way you've decorated your house.  No really it looks GREAT for an outhouse."

You may find comments like these funny, but many people do not, particularly if you just met them and they're forming an opinion about what kind of person you are and if they want to spend their time even dealing with you.

No, I don't I find them funny, but they're also not like anything I'd say or anyone else I've ever known has said. I don't want anyone around me that comments on decorating or uses "pfft" in a sentence. Sounds like something from Queer Eye For The Queer Guy.