Finally realized something about myself.

[SirPeale]

For the longest time I've believed that I just attracted disagreeable people.  I seem to find them no matter where I go.

At my new job as an arcade tech, I have the 'pleasure' of working with a real jerk.  He is, in his own words, an absolute ---tallywhacker---.

I have no doubts to this claim.  He's about as nice as rubbing fiberglass on a newborn baby's buttocks.

After yet *another* altercation with this guy today (over nothing important, as these things usually are) I got to thinking: maybe it's not the other people, maybe it's me!

I mean, really...people actually avoid me.  I used to have a dumpster diving partner, who actually flat-out told me that he didn't want to dive with me any more.  Couldn't figure it out at the time, but now it makes sense.  Supposed friends of mine, some that I've had for years, won't return phone calls or emails.

Heck, the public in general (say, when I go to a store, or whatever) always seems to give me that "gah...I really don't like the looks of this guy" look.  When I drive down the street, people actually *stare*.  I don't drive an outlandish car, and I'm not a bad looking guy (not rip-your-eyes-out ugly, anyway) so there's got to be something there.

Some vibe, that I put out.  Something that says "don't like me".

It gets lonely.  My only close friend is visiting her parents right now, and she took the kids with her.  So the only people I have to vent to is you guys!

Who, if you met me in person, would hate me too. 

[Bones]

Do you have a mono-brow? They always annoy me.....

[SirPeale]

Not a mono-brow, but it is a little fuzzy there.  But see?  You don't like me, either!   

[paigeoliver]

Not a mono-brow, but it is a little fuzzy there.  But see?  You don't like me, either!   

Post a picture.

[fastredpacman]

dont worry Peale as long as you keep those interesting avatar's coming youll always be my friend!

[SirPeale]

Not a mono-brow, but it is a little fuzzy there.  But see?  You don't like me, either!   

Post a picture.

[daywane]

Its the red.
Mother and oldest Brther are red heads. Quick tempers. ( People have you in a group before they know you.)

you have always seemed cool to me. 

[SirPeale]

Nah, man, it's not the red.  I'm actually pretty cool headed.  I can walk right up to someone with a smile (a genuine smile, not a fake one) and still get a cold shoulder.

[paigeoliver]

Well the picture doesn't show anything creepy or off-putting, so I would have to say it must be something that requires seeing you in person.

[pointdablame]

Well I'm the exact opposite.  I very rarely like people, and often have people ask why I don't like them heh.  I'm not exactly antisocial... I just find a lot of people aggravating and choose not to deal with them   

So.. I probably wouldn't like you... but that's only cuz I hate everyone   j/k

[SirPeale]

Well the picture doesn't show anything creepy or off-putting, so I would have to say it must be something that requires seeing you in person.

Yeah, I've got an aura around me.

Genetic bad luck with people, but I do have another power...the power of good parking spots!  More often than not I can find an excellent spot, right up front from where I want to go.

But I'd give it up in a second to cancel the other out!

[Bones]

Perhaps you smell?

[Scott84]

What does your wife think?

[monkeybomb]

Perhaps you smell?

My thoughts exactly.  There was this episode of spongebob squarepants where he thought he was so ugly that everyone was running from him.  He couldn't understand it at all.  Well it turned out to be his breath.

Ahh, spongebob...so true to life.

[tommy]

Could be the red, i know i personaly try to make "them reds" feel like crap whenever i can. 

But really i'm sure this is all in your mind, if not, this is not something you should go on feeling for along time without getting to the bottom of, brave man for this thread though IMO.

Is it mid life crisis time?

[Bones]

Maybe you shouldn't wear the tuxedo everywhere.

[SirPeale]

What does your wife think?

Dunno....maybe she's immune.

[jhanson]

I think it's because they all know about that deep, dark secret you've been trying to keep.  You thought no one knew.  You thought you were alone.  But no, there was someone else there that night, and he's been telling all the people who now look at you funny.

[ChadTower]

At the risk of being perceived as a bigger ---tallywhacker--- than usual, I'll actually confirm to a certain extent what he said.  Peale is a friend of mine.  I am REALLY good at making an initial reading of people but I had trouble putting a finger on the vibe he puts forth.  It wasn't negative, or suspect, it was just hard to read.  He's absolutely a good guy and someone worth having as a friend but he has hit something when he mentions the vibe he gives off initially.

Dude, do you have a lot of pent up anger issues?  If so, that may well be what leaks out, unintentionally.  My initial impression was that you're very tense about something, a Bruce Banner "you won't like me when I'm angry" deal.  The red hair and goatee do add to the effect (that pic doesn't show how red his hair actually is). 

A lot of people simply don't deal with that well.  That's probably what you're running into, and you remember more the people who dealt with it poorly than the people who disregarded it.

[Matthew Anderson]

Reminds me of something i read on a despair calendar http://www.despair.com

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature in all of your disappointing relationships is you.

When I first read that, I laughed, then I stopped and really considered it. I won't say I changed my life or anything but it did make me think.

They say that the first step in fixing anything is acknowledging there is a problem.

Of course the second step is figuring out what the cause of the problem is....

Now you could be a jackhole
or
You are surrounded by jackholes
or
You have no patience for people
or
....

We could go on for days.

Good luck

[ChadTower]

We're all surrounded by jackholes.

[pointdablame]

We're all surrounded by jackholes.

and how.

[mr.Curmudgeon]

* mrC reads thread*
* mrC looks at New England BYOAC meetup schedule *
* mrC makes correction *

People who should attend:
----------------------------------
JoyMonkey
Ed ONeill
Recycled-Past
Screaming
crashwg
xonix_digital
shodokan123
Teknique
#1Chad
telengard
Peale
ChadTower



* mrC slowly backs away * 

mrC
"I kid, I kid!" 

[ChadTower]

Perhaps you smell?

Oh, I missed this one.  He doesn't smell.

[RayB]

People who feel happy, usually give off a friendlier vibe. If you don't smile, don't expect people to smile back. If you think sarcasm is funny, it's not. If you have no patience for anything, chances are you snap at people without realizing it. The list could go on... But I think the main thing is that whole cliche: Smile at the world and the world will smile back. It's actually very true.

[2600]

Hmm..Just when I was about to start a "Raise your hand if you miss Peale" thread?

[missioncontrol]

you seem allright to me............

[Santoro]

I am somewhat quiet around new people and difficult to get to know.  People ofteen misinterpret that as somehow being snobby or aloof.  Really outgoing people often think I don't like them because I am not able to do the hyperactive bubbly personality thing with them.   

Generally speaking, the more people know me the more they seem to like me though, luckily.

Could it be similar to that? 

[Clonedsheep]

Ackkkk!

[ChadTower]

I am somewhat quiet around new people and difficult to get to know.

[mr.Curmudgeon]

At my new job as an arcade tech...

That's the key...I've notice that people of a certain temperament gravitate towards being arcade techs. Either that or being an arcade tech turns people into ---daisies---. Figure that out and you'll have your answer!! 

Seriously though, it's harder to meet people as we get older, or least meet them and form a relationship. People have responsibilities, and/or are just skiddish introducing new folks into their lives. They've got their patterns down and they're not comfortable bringing new people into the fold. I've got a circle of about 7-8 friends back "home" in Michigan, whom I've been hanging around with since High School...we've never broken the circle, and BARELY anyone has been able to join it. They either don't get our humor, can't entertain us effectively, or just plain ole' never fit in.

It takes a LOT of effort to get past the point of formality with new people, and sometimes it ends up not being worth it in the end anyhow.

If you think you're freaking people out, maybe you should just ask one or two of them if you did something that drove them away. (The ones you were closer with, mind you...not mere acquaintances). Not that that is easy, but it's worth a shot. The alternative is a possible continued spiral away from people.

Next thing you know, you'll be buying a motorhome and living out on the road!  Oh, wait...sorry, that's paigeoliver.   

[quarterback]

A lot of people seem to be mentioning things that might make people not like you initially, but that's totally different than having one-time-friends actively cut-off their ties with you.

If that's true, and they're not just busy with the rest of their lives, growing up, having kids etc, then there's probably something else going on.

[MameMaster!]

....um, I only "know" you from this site...and your posts seem awfully "normal".

But, if you feel that you've had an epiphany about your perceived people issues, have you seriously considered seeking professional help to work through it?

You may be much happier if you take that first (very difficult) step.

My wife suffers from clinical depression, BUT with mediciation and therapy she just graduated law school and is making friends (something she's always had trouble with historically). She's a totally different person than she was only a year ago.

Just a thought.

It's not easy, but you may be a lot happier before you know it!

Good Luck. You'll live a longer and happier life too!!!!...more game playing time!!!!

MameMaster!

[SirPeale]

The thing is, I don't have any people issues that I'm aware of.  I'm almost always smiling, I'm quite polite (please and thank you and whatnot).

But see?  Even Chad senses...something.  It seems to effect different people in different ways.

Do I have a lot of repressed anger?  Mmmmmm...no.  More like when someone does something I don't like, I bite my tounge and don't say anything.  Most of the time it's little stuff that doesn't matter, and it blows over.

Then there's people who *constantly* get on my nerves.  I still bite my tounge, but eventually it spills out.

Coworker is a prime example.  He seems to think he's my boss.  He's not even close.  Yesterday it came to a head, but not a total blow-out (which, funnily enough, I kind of wish it had).

As I'm still in the 'learning' stages of stuff, I really want to learn about monitor repair.  This guy?  He's not so good at it, and it irks him to no end.  I'm picking it up fairly quickly.

I brought in an old VGA monitor to pretty much rape for it's chassis, and get the other guy (who's about as cool as they come) to show me how to pull off a yoke, a whole three minute job.

We're in the stages of cleaning the shop out, and a lot of stuff is going in the trash, or being organized.  Big job.

Prior to this, the cool guy took five VGA monitors that were just taking up space, and did what I described above.

My monitor was under the bench.  Cool guy grabs it, was about to toss it (it was worthless, all ginged up, realized it was mine, and asked if I wanted to see how the yoke pulls off real quick.  Of course I say sure!  Learning time!

So I pull the case, Jerk guy comes over, says "what are you doing?  Throw that thing in the trash" and starts walking away.  I say "Didn't you hear me?  Cool guy is going to show me how to remove a yoke, and I'm going to toss this."  He turns around and yells "Didn't you hear me?  It's a waste of time!  THROW IT OUT."

I ignore him.  Cool guy shows me the first screw to take the magnets off.  Jerk comes back over, sees that I'm still looking at this monitor, starts mouthing off.  "I don't know who you think you are, doing this kind of thing on shop time"  and I'm like "Hey, if you've got something to say, just say it, man!  This *is* job related!"  He goes off, ranting and raving.

Finally, I'm so ticked off, I can't concentrate, my eyes are crossed, and I'm seeing red.  I just pitch the darn monitor in the trash. (later cool guy showed me how after jerk had left).  And he was fine after that.  Why?  Because I did things *his* way.

I guarantee it'll happen again, too.  I'll do *something* he doesn't like, and I'll either have to hear about it for hours, or he'll get on me for something else that's not related, but worth complaining about (to him, anyway).

[DrewKaree]

Well the picture doesn't show anything creepy or off-putting, so I would have to say it must be something that requires seeing you in person.

Are you KIDDING ME?!?  Look into those black, soul-less eyes!  You can almost tell he's got the serial-killer gene in him!  And just check this out - others have hit upon it:

I think it's because they all know about that deep, dark secret you've been trying to keep.  You thought no one knew.  You thought you were alone.  But no, there was someone else there that night, and he's been telling all the people who now look at you funny.

Dude, do you have a lot of pent up anger issues?  If so, that may well be what leaks out, unintentionally.  My initial impression was that you're very tense about something, a Bruce Banner "you won't like me when I'm angry" deal.  The red hair and goatee do add to the effect (that pic doesn't show how red his hair actually is).

He's a powderkeg waiting to blow.  Watch for a "made-for-TV" spree to go down very soon on the east coast with an "unidentified red-haired man in a tuxedo who smiles almost all the time".  Of course, now that I've outed him, mebbe the spree will start in Wisconsin - to shut up the guy who knows "the secret"

  <---- heh  heh...um....heh Peal, please see the wink smiley....heh....PLEASE see the wink smily....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN, PLEASE SEE TH.......AAAAAAARRRGGHHHHHHH!

[DrewKaree]

The thing is, I don't have any people issues that I'm aware of.  I'm almost always smiling, I'm quite polite (please and thank you and whatnot).

But see?  Even Chad senses...something.  It seems to effect different people in different ways.

Do I have a lot of repressed anger?  Mmmmmm...no.  More like when someone does something I don't like, I bite my tounge and don't say anything.  Most of the time it's little stuff that doesn't matter, and it blows over.

Then there's people who *constantly* get on my nerves.  I still bite my tounge, but eventually it spills out.

Coworker is a prime example.  He seems to think he's my boss.  He's not even close.  Yesterday it came to a head, but not a total blow-out (which, funnily enough, I kind of wish it had).

As I'm still in the 'learning' stages of stuff, I really want to learn about monitor repair.  This guy?  He's not so good at it, and it irks him to no end.  I'm picking it up fairly quickly.

I brought in an old VGA monitor to pretty much rape for it's chassis, and get the other guy (who's about as cool as they come) to show me how to pull off a yoke, a whole three minute job.

We're in the stages of cleaning the shop out, and a lot of stuff is going in the trash, or being organized.  Big job.

Prior to this, the cool guy took five VGA monitors that were just taking up space, and did what I described above.

My monitor was under the bench.  Cool guy grabs it, was about to toss it (it was worthless, all ginged up, realized it was mine, and asked if I wanted to see how the yoke pulls off real quick.  Of course I say sure!  Learning time!

So I pull the case, Jerk guy comes over, says "what are you doing?  Throw that thing in the trash" and starts walking away.  I say "Didn't you hear me?  Cool guy is going to show me how to remove a yoke, and I'm going to toss this."  He turns around and yells "Didn't you hear me?  It's a waste of time!  THROW IT OUT."

I ignore him.  Cool guy shows me the first screw to take the magnets off.  Jerk comes back over, sees that I'm still looking at this monitor, starts mouthing off.  "I don't know who you think you are, doing this kind of thing on shop time"  and I'm like "Hey, if you've got something to say, just say it, man!  This *is* job related!"  He goes off, ranting and raving.

Finally, I'm so ticked off, I can't concentrate, my eyes are crossed, and I'm seeing red.  I just pitch the darn monitor in the trash. (later cool guy showed me how after jerk had left).  And he was fine after that.  Why?  Because I did things *his* way.

I guarantee it'll happen again, too.  I'll do *something* he doesn't like, and I'll either have to hear about it for hours, or he'll get on me for something else that's not related, but worth complaining about (to him, anyway).

That whole episode reads to me like "I'm not comfortable with myself and am easily coerced/shoved/manipulated into doing things I don't want to do".  In person, stuff like that comes across somehow, and while I don't understand HOW it does, people usually like at least a LITTLE "comfortable in your own skin" vibe.

But what do I know?

Something that I DO know about, and I'm not certain why I get the feeling you may be like this, but my wife has a friend who is seemingly normal in all other aspects OTHER than....sometimes the stuff that DOES come out of her mouth, while not intended to be so forthright and ignorant of how it may come across - is downright offensive at times.  I dunno what it is that she has, but she's on medication for it, and you can SERIOUSLY tell when she's NOT on it, or when it's getting time for the next pill.  She has the EXACT same issues you speak of.  Few to no friends (my wife is her ONLY friend, to my knowledge, and even my wife intensely dislikes her at times) and on meeting new folks, they tend to gravitate to ANYONE in the group other than her, or shy away from her at the first chance they get.

I used to be someone she would talk to all the time, but we don't talk like we used to because I would point these things out to her and it would SOMETIMES cause big rifts between her and us, and like you, she's very terrible at saying if something bothers her, which is odd to ME because she's not terrible about saying ANYTHING else to you but that.

I believe her problem is psychiatric in some form or another.  If I can get some more details about what she's got, would you like to know, or are those kinds of things something you'd rather not deal with?  Drop me a PM if you would like to know, and I'll get you as much information as I can. 

[Goz]

The thing is, I don't have any people issues that I'm aware of.  I'm almost always smiling, I'm quite polite (please and thank you and whatnot).

Maybe they think you are nucking futs...

I learned recently that the way you look at people plays a big role on how people percieve you. Apparently I give a certain look to people when I feel they are saying something of little substance or are making no sense. I learned this a few months ago when I caught my wife appologizing for me. I believe the line that rings in my head is "Don't mind him, it's nothing personal... I don't think he even knows he looks at you that way". See I've always considered myself a generally happy person who likes to help people and diffuses awkward situations with sarcasm and humor... Little did I know that this in conjunction with my manorisms and how i look at people makes some think of me as uber ---tallywhacker---.

-Goz

[DrewKaree]

Little did I know that this in conjunction with my manorisms and how i look at people makes some think of me as uber ---tallywhacker---.

-Goz

So how exactly have I been giving MrC that look?

[paigeoliver]

I also have a bit of a problem actually putting any new people into my life, when I do they tend to be quite a bit younger than me, and are mostly completely separate from my main group of friends (who never add ANYONE new other than spouses/girlfriends).

[pointdablame]

Maybe they think you are nucking futs...

I learned recently that the way you look at people plays a big role on how people percieve you. Apparently I give a certain look to people when I feel they are saying something of little substance or are making no sense. I learned this a few months ago when I caught my wife appologizing for me. I believe the line that rings in my head is "Don't mind him, it's nothing personal... I don't think he even knows he looks at you that way". See I've always considered myself a generally happy person who likes to help people and diffuses awkward situations with sarcasm and humor... Little did I know that this in conjunction with my manorisms and how i look at people makes some think of me as uber ---tallywhacker---.

-Goz

Wow... this one is striking a little close to home 

My girlfriend actually says I have an "uh oh.. moron alert" face.  Those are her words, not mine.  She says that when someone is saying something that is completely assinine or of no value, I make a face that she can only read as "uh oh.. he/she is a moron"

Like Goz said.. I have NO IDEA I'm making this face.  Yes, its what I am feeling, but I'll be damned if I ever once thought I was giving that away.  Now she points it out whenever it happens.  I'll often get a "you really gave him the moron look before" after a conversation.

Maybe you are doing something similar to people that irk you... thus making them anxious to be around you?