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Author Topic: Zen for those who take life too seriously  (Read 874 times)

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Bones

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Zen for those who take life too seriously
« on: May 10, 2005, 02:53:00 am »
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

23. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just do not have film.

29. If barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

34.. I couldn't repair your brakes, so i made your horn louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

37. Just remember

Living the delusional lifestyle.

danny_galaga

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Re: Zen for those who take life too seriously
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2005, 08:37:39 pm »
what did the zen buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"make me one with everything"

when the buddhist got his hot dog he said

"hey, where's my change?"

and the vendor replied

"ah, but change must come from within"

ha! i kill me... i used to tell this to people when i actually WAS a hot dog vendor (",)


ROUGHING UP THE SUSPECT SINCE 1981

Floyd10

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Re: Zen for those who take life too seriously
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2005, 09:19:28 pm »
dude those rule! (even if some of them are rehashes :p)

DrewKaree

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Re: Zen for those who take life too seriously
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2005, 11:51:38 pm »
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.


and my favorite I like to use all the time:


How can we miss you if you won't go away?
You’re always in control of your behavior. Sometimes you just control yourself
in ways that you later wish you hadn’t

danny_galaga

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Re: Zen for those who take life too seriously
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2005, 07:55:38 pm »
ok, i've said this one before on here too, but this IS zen (",)


'A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "why the gary coleman t-shirt?" '

(sagely chanting and gong sounds ring out as applause)


ROUGHING UP THE SUSPECT SINCE 1981