The higher the contrast in the image, the more the lights will do for it. That's one reason I always liked Atari's early 80's marquees. I'd try to brighten up the lettering. It'll be kind of like the Zaxxon marquee.
Is it possible to move the ships? It seems like they should be less obscured. Maybe if they were in an area to the left or right of the lettering, or maybe (big maybe) in between.
Like the "insert coin to continue". Maybe leave it in blue to keep it a bit more subdued. The "GAME ^not OVER" is definitely overused. That said, It's on my list of generic marquees I'm putting together.