Quotable Quotes

[DrewKaree]

I came upon these elsewhere, and decided to plagarize it and post it for your edification.  Add to it if you must, read it if you wish, disregard it if you just don't care - it will still live on, here to bug you with a "new" next to it




Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Misdirection is the key for survival. Never attack when the enemy defends, never behave as the enemy suspects, and never reveal your true strength

Peace is just the phase where people are preparing for another war

Ripping off one author is Plagerism, but ripping off many articles is a research

My theory is computers are women. I say this because mostly its men that are attracted to computers, and what attracts men the most? Women!

While I cannot help you with your I.Q., I hope I have furthered your education

Knowledge is power. There is no limit to Knowledge. So you can't be the most powerful

An optimist takes every difficulty as an opportunity, while a pessimist takes every opportunity as a difficulty

Quitters never win and winners never quit but those that never win and never quit are idiots

No matter how great and descructive your problems seem.....you've probably only seen the tip of them

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly

Procrastination is the art of keeping-up with yesterday

Opportunity doesn't knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door

The best thing about the future is it comes one day at a time

 Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets .

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

The pessimist says the cup is half empty. The optimist says it's half full. The Starbucks employee says it's so you have room for cream. The psychoanalyst says the cup is your mother. The punk sitting next to you also says the cup is your mother.  I just see the cup as too friggen big

It's the drinking song, it's the drinking song, and if you don't like drinking you can sing along. And if you do like drinking, well it can't be wrong. Everybody loves the drinking song!

Nothing is illegal until you get caught

The only common link in all your bad relationships is you

There is nothing greater than flying high on the wings of your imagination except watching a dreamer who had no where left to land but in the sea of reality

[paigeoliver]

sig

[danny_galaga]

here's one:

"biogeny recapitulates phylogeny"

nuff said

[Tiger-Heli]

If a man speaks in a forest and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

[danny_galaga]

"pons assinorum"

[crashwg]

There is nothing greater than flying high on the wings of your imagination expect for watching a dreamer who had no where left to land but in the sea of reality

...except for watching... would make more sense.

[JackTucky]

"The glass is round, the jar is round, why don't they call it Roundtine?"

[DrewKaree]

...except for watching... would make more sense.

Fixed.  I just copied and pasted 99.9% of 'em....I tried to spell check, even, but it doesn't find stupidity!

Wait, there's one!

Someone needs to make a spell check for stupidity

[shmokes]

Pretty much every sentence Oscar Wilde ever uttered is quotable.

[Luxury]

- or every single line from Office Space

[Mameotron]

Save the whales... collect the whole set!

[Floyd10]

"I wasn't born with enough middle fingers."
-Marilyn Manson

(on hitchiking)
"Carrying dope is not advisable, and although searching you is illegal, few pigs can read the Constitution."
-Abbie Hoffman

"It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful."
"There is no heaven of glory bright, and no hell where sinners roast. Here and now is our day of torment! Here and now is our day of joy! here and now is our opportunity! choose ye, this day, this hour, for no redeemer liveth!"
"Equality for all just translates to mediocrity for all"
-Anton Szandor LaVey

"Life, like poker has an element of risk. It shouldn't be avoided. It should be faced."
-Edward Norton

"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything"
"We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world"
"We are gods unwanted children. F*** Redemption, F*** Damnation"
-Tyler Durden

"Rock 'n Roll is the most brutal, ugly, desperate, vicious form of expression that has been my misfortune to hear."
-Frank Sinatra

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
"I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position."
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it."
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
"The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them."
-Mark Twain


Ok, thats all for now kiddies

[DrewKaree]

Love, friendship, respect do not unite people as much as common hatred for something.

winning isn't everything its just the only thing that matters

My account was banned for being under the IQ limit

The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones

Never pee into a headwind

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive

 Everyone says "Life's a bi@tch." but that's not true...Life's not a bi@tch, Life's a virgin; If it were a bi@tch, it would be easy

Life sucks.  Get a helmet

Never pet a burning dog

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living

 I think I'm deaf, i think you're dumb, but you tell me

What is common to many is least taken care of, for all men have greater regard for what is their own than what they possess in common with others.

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

If formatting is an enema, then reinstalling Windows is putting the crap back in.

If a woman was a O/S, they would be Linux.  Impossible to understand and never satisfied with their build.

Boss, I'm sorry but i will not be able to come to work today. i cannot find my clothes...well I appreciate your concern but i think if i find my house they'll be near there.
 - Jeff Foxworthy

[danny_galaga]

Pretty much every sentence Oscar Wilde ever uttered is quotable.

i have nothing to declare but my genius 

[danny_galaga]

never sit down with a pocket full of caterpillars

[Floyd10]

I forget who said this:

Some people goto strip bars. I don't. It never made sense to me. Its like someone puting a nice juicy turkey in front of you, and all you can do is yell at it. "I bet you go good with gravy!" then you shove a dollar up its ass.

[DrewKaree]

Pretty much every sentence Oscar Wilde ever uttered is quotable.

i have nothing to declare but my genius 

Hey genius, try taking your helmet off before typing.  It's apparent it's pressing too tightly on areas that need more blood in that area 

Oh, my addition:

Some people should be required to wear their helmet when leaving the house

[Shape D.]

Wheres the beef

[Mameotron]

A day without sunshine is like... night.

[danny_galaga]

Pretty much every sentence Oscar Wilde ever uttered is quotable.

i have nothing to declare but my genius

[locash]

How about this one?

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."

-- P.J. O'Rourke

[DrewKaree]

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

[DYNAGOD]

the only way to start a new life is...to kill the old one

[DrewKaree]

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ...'Wow! What a ride!'"

 "I'm known to locate certain things from time to time."
-Red (Morgan Freeman) Shawshank Redemption.

Id rather die like a man, than live like a coward

A coward dies a thousand deaths; A soldier dies but once

The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams

My Mama used to tell me if u can't find somethin to live for, you best find somethin to die for

Americans are under the assumption that they are 20 years ahead of the British but it is a matter of actual verifiable fact that they are 8 hours behind

I am specialized on hacking female systems.  Once I got root, I keep on logging in and out until the system admin returns.

If knowlege is power than to be unknown is to be unconquerable.

Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows.

You and I both know that there is a n00b out there somewhere who could start a fire with a cup of water and a Q-tip.

The one that describes me:
     I know you said you understood it, but i just feel like typing   


and prolly the one I've found that I like the most so far

"Get busy living or get busy dying."

[DrewKaree]

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Remember: half the people you know are below average.

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

All generalizations are false

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional of the ability to reach it.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.

There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy -
When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Sooner or later, EVERYONE stops smoking.

Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

It may be that your sole purpose is to serve as a warning to others.

Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Wrong numbers are never busy.

Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the
right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Two's company, Three's an orgy.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,and he will sit in a
boat and drink beer all day.

An 18 year old man forgets to close his fly, an 80 year old man forgets to open it.

Psychiatrists say that one out of five people are mentally ill. If four of your friends are
OK, then you're the one.

[DrewKaree]

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Do witches run spell checkers?

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

So what's the speed of dark?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you
transport something by ship, its called cargo?

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I think, therefore I am overqualified.

I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Some days you're the dog, some days the hydrant.

It was all so different before everything changed.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

What's another word for synonym?

Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.

Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand ...

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you

[IceCold]

Favorite Ralph Wiggum(The Simpsons) Quotes

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

I bent my wookie.

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life

I found a moonrock in my nose!

That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!

[Mameotron]

From Ren & Stimpy:

Little Kid:  Why do I have to go to school every day?

Stimpy:  Because.... Your parents are aliens!  And while you're at school, they shed their human skins and breathe dryer lint!