Software Problems: Wife1.0

[Shape D.]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Beer Drinking 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Golf 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks
______________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem about which men are complaining.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under"Warnings-Alimony/Child-Support". I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Pay Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstance, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,

Tech Support

[GGKoul]

Ahh.. the Sims!

[DYNAGOD]

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Pay Bills 4.2.

really,that wasnt included in my bundle. 

[RetroJames]

My OS spawned Baby Daughter Beta v.01 and since then I am unable to run Free Time 2.3 or Nekkid Wife 4.5, and the system fails to recognize any of my plug and play connectors. 

Also, the OS keeps initiating multiple threads from the Home Repair Task Scheduler that are filling up my buffer causing repeated system crashes and slow response times.

Baby Daughter Beta v.01 is also sending out multiple notifications at all hours of the night requesting additional system resources.

Lastly, none of my games appear to load anymore, they just give me an access denied error and fail to run or allow input.  Anyone else seeing this?

[missioncontrol]

lmao that is funny

good post

[patrickl]

I always liked the spec sheet for wifes:

LOOKING FOR A WIFE   ?
 

Hardware Requirements:

1.Pleasant screen and chassis.
2.Moderate size disk drives.
3.Must come with original manufacturer write-protect tab.
4.Must be easily interconnectable to accessories such as
  vacuum cleaners, ovens, brooms, washing machines, etc.

Software Requirements:

1.Compiler for IOHL (International Obedient Housewife Language)
  basic command subset (e.g. clean, wash, cook, "of course dear").
2.Single-user mode ONLY.
3.Very-user-friendly interface.
4.Word "no" must not appear in /usr/dict/words.

[ChadTower]

It should also have an optional add on to replace single user mode with like model compatibility upon request.

[stevejt]

I had a similar problem with the wife program.  Aparrently my version was a beta, v0.24.  It should never have been released.  I finally realized that wife 0.24 monitored all system activity, and also began installing itself into all other programs I tried to run.  I too, unsucessfully tried to run the uninstall program.  It's worthless...  Then it realized it! wife 0.24 was a VIRUS!!!!!!!!!!  I tried to manually uninstall it...  No luck.  I unfortunately, had to run a very expensive VIRUS REMOVAL PROGRAM-  Lawyer v4500.00   When I installed my lawyer program, I immadiately ran the divorce command.  That's when the version of your lawyer, virus removal program really matters.   When I ran the divorce command, the wife virus responded by trying to DELETE my CUSTODY file.  Can you beleive that!  Luckily the wife program could only respond with a pirated copy of Lawyer v1500, which is no match for v4500.  It took a while, but the divorce command was finally completed.  Though i now seem to think that the wife program might be part worm...  Remnants of the program show up here and there.  But it''s not a problem anymore, just an inconvience. 

Be careful...  I was tricked into upgrading.  I had no idea at the time that letting the girlfriend program run the nekkid command, (and a few others) IMMEDIATELY SHUT DOWN MY COMMON SENSE APPLICATION!!!!!!!!!  Apparently it diverts all system resources from the common sense program to your hardware.  Everyone knows you can't let your hardware run your system...

[danny_galaga]

i did once use someone elses wife 1.0 software. in this instance it was easy to retro back to (a different) girlfriend 7.0. very easy once he found out about it 

[geomartin]

Attention Wife  1.0 users:

Several flaws have been found in the Wife 1.0 program.  Several users have complained about malfunctioning communications ports on thier system once Wife 1.0 is installed, including loss of Bi-directional communication.  USB joysticks cannot be plugged into communications ports in most cases.  Standard Game Port Joysticks often have invalid or incorrect inputs after installing Wife 1.0, and attempting calibration forces Wife 1.0 into sleep mode.  Users also should not attempt accessing Girlfriend 7.0 on other systems, as this usually leaves behind cookies that are easily detected by the Wife 1.0 Firewall, triggering its anti-virus software which attempts a complete hard drive format to remove the cookies left behind by Girlfriend 7.0.  A patch can be downloaded that upgrades Wife 1.0 to Ex-Wife 1.0, which will allow users to attempt to load Girlfriend 7.0 once more.  However it is hard to get Girlfriend 7.0 to become stable because Ex-Wife 1.0 requires at least half of the systems resources.  Older system may not have enough resources to run Girlfriend 7.0.

[Floyd10]

I wish we could read the source code. I uess we have to wait for version 1.2

[Crazy Cooter]

Be sure to monitor for spyware and add-ins with both wife 1.0 & girlfriend 7.0.  The spyware "private investigator 2.3" is not that common, and usually indicates other system malfunctions, but "annoying friend 10.0" is very common and can not be uninstalled.  Also beware of the "Jekyll & Hyde" add-in.  Most users report the Jekyll & Hyde add-in is scheduled monthly, however, it can run at any time.

Advanced users may want to try running multiple installs of girlfriend 7.0 on removable USB media.  Caution should be used with trying to run more than one instance of this program simultaneously because serious USB conflicts can occur, potentially leading to permanant system damage.  If done correctly however, no other programs are needed and the system will experience extended uptimes.  Do not attempt this method without a good anti-virus program.

[Dexter]

Wife 1.0 left me after I came home with a virus on my 3 1/2 inch floppy!

[DarkKobold]

Is there a single person on this board who enjoys their install of Wife 1.0??? Jeez.

I'd like to get girlfriend .9.0.3.2  Always in the process of upgrading and getting better. Never reaching the 1.0  Wife status.

Granted, Currently my operating system has no programs installed, and hasn't even seen any downloadable content since I uninstalled the last version of girlfriend .7.0

[RetroJames]

Is there a single person on this board who enjoys their install of Wife 1.0??? Jeez.

I'd like to get girlfriend .9.0.3.2

[danny_galaga]

girlfriend and wife suffix's are incorrectly marked. darkcolbald is almost right. girlfriend suffix's continue upward infinitely. The last version i had was v18.0. it is the very ACT of marrying that automatically nulifies all previous suffix's and reverts to 1.0. a bit like Pol Pots year zero. And NEARLY as terrifying i hear...

i'm aiming for v100 before i reach 40 . variety is the spice of life 

[geomartin]

Attention Girfriend 7.0 users:

Once Girlfriend 7.0 has exceeded it's one year trial period it will attempt automatic upgrade to Wife 1.0 everytime you are connected online.  To avoid this problem we recommend a fresh install of Girlfriend 7.0 every 10 months.

[Pacific Ripper]

Some applications can be used to optimize systems like Alcohol 1.2b ( may affect memory). Erectile_Pill 1.0 is used to optimize plug-and play for older systems although nowadays it is being used on new healthy systems. You can always try warez like Crack 1.0 but depending on Wife 1.0's operating environment, it can crash the system irrevocably and also can cause the sytem to be busy and unstable for no apparent reason.

[Daniel270]

A Must Have for those using Girlfriend 7.x and up...

Be sure to buy and use Condom 3.0 on all your Plug and Play applications or you'll discover that Baby 1.0 has been accidentally installed...

[Gunstar Hero]

Hmmmm, this all sounds very interesting. 

Is there a wrapper so I can set it up with MAMEwah? 

[walls83]

Great post Shape D.

[danny_galaga]

A Must Have for those using Girlfriend 7.x and up...

Be sure to buy and use Condom 3.0 on all your Plug and Play applications or you'll discover that Baby 1.0 has been accidentally installed...

yes, a firewall like condom 3.0 9or the even more drastic abstinence 0.0)  is a must if you want to stop viruses infiltrating your system...

[DarkKobold]

No one answered my original question...

Does anyone have an install of Wife 1.0 that they enjoy?

[patrickl]

Mine is fine, but then I used the right specs.

[Apollo]

I had some serious incompatibility problems between wife1.0 and mother1.0. However after the recommended uninstalling of mother1.0 ( which was freeware after all ) I have had no further problems.
I have found it particularly helpful to have not fallen for the clever marketing strategies of the baby1.0 baby2.0 and baby3.0 software manufacturers. Not installing these seemingly harmless and quite small programs has meant that my entire system has run relatively smoothly for almost 10 years now. I have noticed that the wife1.0 software can become bloated and slow with extra un-needed and frankly unwanted files over time but hey whay are ya gunna do.

[Floyd10]

beware tho... If you keep girlfriend 7.0 for a long time without upgrading, it can uninstall itself.

[Harry Potter]

A friend is about to have kid 0.1, which by his reckoning makes me babysitter 1.1 

[danny_galaga]

No one answered my original question...

Does anyone have an install of Wife 1.0 that they enjoy?

i answered. like i said, i enjoyed someone elses install of wife 1.0 once 

[mcdo15]

Dear Abby,

  I'm currently 3 months away from completing upgrade of girlfriend 7.0 to wife 1.0.  I'm worried that I will lose my function and ability to hang out with the software, bestfriend 4.5 optimized.  Bestfriend 4.5 optimized is a great program.  It has Playstation2, XBOX and MAME add-ins.  Every once in a while, Bestfriend 4.5 optimized even buys different variations of Food 10.1 by running a subroutine called Chicken and Beer .99.  This is one of the best tools that Ive used and CTRL-ALT-DEL is disabled while it's running. 
 
  Should i abort this upgrade?  I've heard great things about this update dealing with Kid 1.0 but i heard many bad things like MakeMoreMoneySoWife1.0CanSpendIT.EXE.
Please Help

                                                         Confused Upgrader
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Confused Upgrader

  Wife 1.0 will be a great program.  do you know with the right configuration, Wife 1.0 will perform these great commands; FeedMe 1.5 (includes making pie support and buying takeout from previous FeedMe 1.0), BackMassage 2.0, GroceryShop 1 and most importantly WatchPorn .5 Beta (please contact support for any assistance with this first release beta - Wife1.0 may get the BSOD)

  Wife 1.0 will make you a happy man and after a few months of the upgrade and a year before Kid 1.0 is executed, you still get BestFriend 4.5 optimized unless of course, BestFriend 4.5 optimized it's upgraded to the all new 5.0 at which point, he will move within 3 minutes of your house, so you can see him all the time. 

Go Get Upgraded.  Don't hit abort.  I may cause irreversible and physiological damage of course until you meet HotChick 2.0 at the club.   

                                                    You Wife1.0 Expert
                                                                    Abby

[Amra]

Some countries allow multi-boot of many different versions of the Wife 1.0 software, many have version 5.0 or higher.
---------------------
I had a problem with my software not too long ago, After finally purchasing the program Diamond 1.0 and installing it into the Hard Drive that was running Girlfriend 7.x, the program started giving me more and more errors.  Appearently the incompatibilies with those two programs and various other TSR's, the application Girlfriend 7.x finally uninstalled itself, and now I cant some of my other software, Diamond 1.0 is missing, So is Clothing 8.4, Electronics 12.9 and various Kitchen applications...

Please make sure that you keep a backup of your software, and put those in a safe place, or at least make sure they are not in your shared files folder. 

Also, I find that my new OS, Bacholer 1.0, runs extremely well, but while Im running program College 4.0, there are absolutely no system resources left....