controls.xml merely augments the available data in MAME's listxml datafile, so if there is an entry or two (or a hundred!) missing from controls, romlister will still be able to do a pretty good job at making your lists.
This
http://controls.arcadecontrols.com/ is the latest available version of controls and the official homepage.
I just created a merged file with the above controls.xml and mame 167's listXML and it appears to be able to make a list just fine for me.
MESS info is still a bit of a problem. The best way to exclude MESS data is to append by hand (there is no button or checkbox for this yet) the following text at the end of your -find: window after you have clicked all the buttons and massaged all the checkboxes you want.
& !slotoption
"slotoption" appears to be a common element in the majority of MESS devices. A few may still slip into your lists, but it's the best we've come up with so far.
Good luck!