Depending on how powerful your hardware is, you might not want to stay up to date. Newer versions of MAME tend to have higher hardware requirements due to improvements in emulation accuracy. Better emulation usually requires more power. Case in point, the discrete audio in games like Asteroids, Phoenix, and Donkey Kong.
As for how people do it, most people use CLRMAMEPRO to manage their MAME ROM collection.
It's very powerful, and it's not the easiest piece of software to use, but once you understand how it works, it's not bad.
As for getting the ROMs, they either download ROM update packs off of [redacted].