If you want easy context sensitive lighting, LED-Wiz and LEDBlinky software will do that for you.
Anyone please feel free to correct me if I am missing something, but AFAIK your specific goal falls into the category of "where no man has gone before". Anything is possible though. I don't think MAME has any built-in signaling, so you'd be looking at adding custom code to MAME to signal the LED-Wiz that a player is active/inactive. Good thing the source code is readily available

Edit: come to think of it, MAME is emulating the hardware that the games run on. It doesn't really know what is going on inside the game. So I'm not sure how you could do this. It'd be tricky to pull off, IMO. That said, some games had a feature built in to flash player start buttons when credits were available. For those games MAME already provides the feature to signal the player start buttons to turn on/off. But this was a very small list, if I remember right. I'll see if I can dig the list up.