Exactly what the title says. I want to learn how to weld, but the variety of techniques is head spinning. TIG, MIG, Stick, AC, DC, reverse flow.

Every time I start reading about something, I find references to another technique. Then I get all mixed up. Jesus, it's like studying how to fly an airplane and having to learn every aspect of the airplane all at the same time. Where do I start.

It's easier to learn about plastics than it is to try and start with welding metals. Probably cheaper too. Welders on Craigs aren't any lower than Grover's face. Ultimately I would like to end up welding aluminum. But I'll start where I need to start.
I know there's at least one welder here. Maybe a couple of others. Any advice on where to start and with what metals? I'm guessing steel. Any suggested reading?