This sucks

[shateredsoul]

Man.. I'm stressed. I have my graduate school work which includes doing my research, taking classes, attending about 5 to 6 hours of meetings a week, I work a job where I am managing another prof's research project which entails reading a bunch of articles, managing 7 undergraduates, checking over their work, preparing biweekly meetings for those meetings...

I swear I've been staying up late every night and waking up early.  I used to love jogging and now I don't even have time for that. And worst of all, lately me and the misses have been fighting. I love her, but I do need some me time every now and then and I don't know how to believe that this does not in any way mean I don't want to spend time with her.  I know she must feel we don't spend much time together, but when I'm really tense I need both spending time with her and on my own doing my own thing whether it be jogging, a game,  etc..

This is not me wife bashing, because I know how she feels.  I felt the same way when she was finishing her masters degree. We were living about 6 hours apart then and I hardly ever spoke with her. But still... man this sucks 

[shateredsoul]

I feel bad about complaining... I know a lot of people are in a much less fortunate situation. I just need to learn to handle the stress.

[darcyp]

i hear you man, when i get busy with school things with me and my girlfriend tend to go downhill. when we get some free time and see each other things always get better.
good luck working through it, school ends here at the end of april, so you always have something to look forward to.

[Vanguard]

I've got some advice for you.   Don't graduate.   It only gets worse when you start your professional career.  When I was in the Army I though, man, life couldn't get any hectic than this.  Then I went college.  In college I felt like, man, life can't get any more hectic than this.   Then I graduated...  It just keeps getting more hectic, more responsibility, more obligations, etc...

[Ed_McCarron]

Ah, yes.  Most of us refer to this as 'life.'

Hang in there.  It has its perks.  You just need to take steps to maximize the good stuff and minimize the bad stuff.

[RayB]

Solution: interns

[shateredsoul]

yup. life can be hectic. I do have interns, but we call them RAs (Research Assistants).. I have 6 of them 0_O

[pinballwizard79]

drink

[HanoiBoi]

Ah, yes.  Most of us refer to this as 'life.'

Hang in there.  It has its perks.  You just need to take steps to maximize the good stuff and minimize the bad stuff.

We call that 'work hard, play hard'. 

Remind your wife that everything you do is for your (plural) future.  Also let her know that you appreciate her understanding and that you, of course, wish it were different.

[shmokes]

I'm in the same boat.  18 credit hours at law school and I'm a research assistant for one of the profs.  I'm averaging maybe 5 hours sleep per night.  It'll all be over soon, though, and frankly I'm not looking forward to it.  This is a helluva semester, but all in all I love school.  And once I graduate I can say goodbye to a month off in the winter, a week off in the spring and three months off in the summer--on top of all the normal holidays.  I can say goodbye to starting completely new projects with brand new people every five months.  I can say hello to 70-hour workweeks, working with the same people day-in-day-out year after year.  I know you're stressed, but try not to miss the forest for the trees.  You probably have it pretty good right now.

[shateredsoul]

I'm in the same boat.  18 credit hours at law school and I'm a research assistant for one of the profs.  I'm averaging maybe 5 hours sleep per night.  It'll all be over soon, though, and frankly I'm not looking forward to it.  This is a helluva semester, but all in all I love school.  And once I graduate I can say goodbye to a month off in the winter, a week off in the spring and three months off in the summer--on top of all the normal holidays.  I can say goodbye to starting completely new projects with brand new people every five months.  I can say hello to 70-hour workweeks, working with the same people day-in-day-out year after year.  I know you're stressed, but try not to miss the forest for the trees.  You probably have it pretty good right now.

Yeah good point... I get winter break for about 3 or 4 weeks, summer's I'm usually doing research but it's a lot more laid back than the normal quarter. I stick to the same project throughout, because they push us to get stuff published.  If I become a professor.. I'll still have the same sort of schedule though, but the thing is I would still have to keep bringing work home or stay home at the office.  If I work at a research firm I'll get paid way more and have the standard 8 to 5 hour schedule.. but I won't be doing research that interests me, but research that the firm wants me to do. As a professor, I could focus on my interests. If I'm a prof I'll get new grad students to work with as often as I accept them, but most likely to be a prof I'd have to move to the midwest (that's where all the jobs are). I don't want to leave Cali =/

Just went for a jog, that helps a lot, gonna practice my guitar, then go to a coffee shop and get some work done.  I love the slower days... even though I'm doing work on a Sunday.  I'm also looking at slim arcade builds.

[Blanka]

I've got some advice for you.   Don't graduate. 

Do Graduate!
The time after graduating was the easiest in my life ever! Continue living like a student, no expenses, still learning, but getting a crapload of money for doing it in a strict rhythm from 9-5. Never had more money and time for fun stuff.

[shateredsoul]

ha ha.. but I've been a student so long, I bet I'll miss it.

[shateredsoul]

Whoa,

My work days are usually 10 hours a day 6 days a week.  Some weekends I work all one day, others I spread it out across both days (like this weekend). I'm doing Developmental Psych with a focus on research, but even my wife who finished a 2 year masters program in 1 year for Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics didn't have it that bad. The PhD students who I met in engineering, physics, social sciences,  humanities.. none of them have it that bad.  But, it also depends on your advisor.  The thing is, many of the students in the "hard" sciences don't ever have to worry about working outside of their research because of how well those areas are funded. Whereas I have to work another job along side my program and it's requirements.

Then again the average number years of completion for my program is 6 years.. you can technically do it in 4 years (I know one person who has done this), and I can see how my life would be more like your wife's life if I tried to do it in 4. I Still have to schedule in the free time though or pay for it later.

I would say that I do get xmas off, but should work through it.. I do pay for it later but oh well.  My summers are pretty laid back, even if I'm working the same wours it just feels different because of the longer days.

Anyways, I'm finishing up my last class this quarter, so I'm pretty happy about that, now I can just focus on research

[CheffoJeffo]

What is up with the boo----smurfing----hoo-it's-tough-to-be-in-school ---That which is odiferous and causeth plants to grow--- ? Really, spare us the crap about how tough it is to be a double-income-with-no-kids family with one of you "working" in academia. 

C'mon people ... saint fell though a ceiling and broke his freaking foot ... can't you think about anybody other than yourselves ?

[shmokes]

C'mon people ... saint fell though a ceiling and broke his freaking foot ... ?

That, while technically true, is a bit misleading . . . 

I'm with you, though.  A person could hardly have a more difficult school schedule than mine.  I have one more credit than is allowed.  And my 4-credit course is Federal Income Tax, which everyone thinks of as a 6-credit course because the tax code is such a PITA.  But I wouldn't even think of trading school for real life if I had another option. 

[shateredsoul]

Very true.. I have it pretty good. Like any person I have stress in my life, but like my dad said (who comes form very humble beginnings), just be happy you have work and stop complaining.

Although I must say that the stress of being so in debt before I even have my own house isn't too much fun

Didn't know about Saint's situation (i'm rather new here and still learning who's who), but I do hope you get better Saint.

*edit* wait, did  I miss something? did he really fall through his ceiling?

[CheffoJeffo]

FWIW, most of that was a shot at my brother who is coming to visit this week ... at only 2 university degrees, I am the least educated member of my family. My brother has more degrees than me, my mother and my father combined ... and I've been listening to him whine like you guys for years. Obviously, nobody goes looking to him for help or money.

Just wait until those 7 people that you "supervise" actually rely upon you for the money that they use to pay rent and buy food and, if you screw up, you put them, their wives and their kids out on the street to starve.

Then come to talk to me about stress ... just make sure to stay offa my lawn.

 

[shateredsoul]

Actually...

we had a lot of cuts recently which means a lot of us didn't get TA positions. A lot of profs told their grad students, "well, maybe you should take a quarter off.. and keep working" which means.. they wouldn't have the income they usually received from TAing a course which means no income at all.  So, unfortunately, not all people that are doing the type of job I would like to do someday are as considerate as you.  I'm glad you do think about those things... we need more people like that in those type of positions.

The humanities have it even worse, it's normal for them to have a full time job in addition to being a full time student. And their second job is often not related to what they are studying. 

Now I know someone who is studying for a phd degree, has 3 kids, gets 3 hours of sleep a night if lucky, and does not complain ever (even when you can tell she's stressed). Luckily the husband helps out a lot at home and is very supportive. 

[CheffoJeffo]

*** ARGH *** I really wanted to come up with a witty rant chastising you for even thinking that the stuff that goes on at school is even close to the real world, but I couldn't find anything clever to say.

Suffice it to say, I am not, by any stretch, some great considerate boss (ask people who work for me and ask why their contracts specify that they report to somebody else!) ... it is my experience that the vast majority of folks in positions of "power" over others lose more sleep worrying about those under their aegeis that those under their aegeis.

[shateredsoul]

lol, well I do agree with you that I'm whining. But, would also add that even if being a student is not as stressful as "the real world", it is stressful nonetheless.  It may be relative.. maybe grad school is the most stress I have experience so it does seem overwhelming.  When I start working I'm sure i'll look back to these days and realize how good I had it.

[t3design]

One of the fantastic things about life is that there is a path that one must follow to reach something. Crawling prepares one for walking, walking for running, and so on.

School is "real life" for those who are in school. I did that 20+ years ago and it seemed pretty real at the time. I would not have been able to handle what I do now at that point in my life, but that time in life was part of what prepared me to be able to do what I do now.

Telling anyone that they don't know what stress is, or hard work, or long hours or whatever, is as silly as telling your children "just wait until you are a parent, then you'll understand." OF COURSE THEY'LL UNDERSTAND. They understand being a kid now, and they will understand the next part of life when it is time for that part.

The people I really feel for are those who through no choice of their own (or even if they did make a poor decision) find themselves thrown far down the path without the benefit of all the time and experience that should have come before. Like teenage mothers, orphans, children and young people fighting terminal illnesses, etc. Those people can teach us a lot about what someone can do if they have to.

From what I can surmise from the posts here, we all are doing what we chose to do and should be over-joyed that we have choices and opportunity.

[shateredsoul]

nicely put

[shmokes]

I disagree to a large extent.  I think many many people are chronically focused on the future.  They are stressed out and utterly devoted in high school because for now they need to think about college.  And in college they miss out on all the immense opportunities to have the greatest time of their lives because they must stay totally focused because they need to be in the best position possible to get a job after school.  And once they get the job they've got their foot in the door, but the ladder is right there and there's only one way to climb it and that is through devotion and discipline.

Of course everyone is living in real life for them, but it is too easy to focus all your energy on the future (when you will finally have time to be happy) and discount the importance of the now.  But future prospects will ALWAYS be better.  There will ALWAYS be something to look forward to.  Degrees, promotions, kids getting scholarships, etc.  If you can't carpe diem and all that rot right now, it's unlikely you'll be able to in the future.  And if you ever do learn how, you will look back and kick yourself for not doing it earlier.

People in college are living in real life, but most of them will look back on it years down the road and think, "God I had it easy back then, and for the most part I wasted it.  What I wouldn't give to go back and make the most of it."

[saint]

My undergraduate degree was one of the best 9 year periods of my life  

[Vanguard]

I'm starting to understand how saint fell through his ceiling.

[RayB]

Stress is all relative to what stresses you.

AHAHAhaahAHahahaahah!!

[orion]

I disagree to a large extent.  I think many many people are chronically focused on the future.  They are stressed out and utterly devoted in high school because for now they need to think about college.  And in college they miss out on all the immense opportunities to have the greatest time of their lives because they must stay totally focused because they need to be in the best position possible to get a job after school.  And once they get the job they've got their foot in the door, but the ladder is right there and there's only one way to climb it and that is through devotion and discipline.

Of course everyone is living in real life for them, but it is too easy to focus all your energy on the future (when you will finally have time to be happy) and discount the importance of the now.  But future prospects will ALWAYS be better.  There will ALWAYS be something to look forward to.  Degrees, promotions, kids getting scholarships, etc.  If you can't carpe diem and all that rot right now, it's unlikely you'll be able to in the future.  And if you ever do learn how, you will look back and kick yourself for not doing it earlier.

People in college are living in real life, but most of them will look back on it years down the road and think, "God I had it easy back then, and for the most part I wasted it.  What I wouldn't give to go back and make the most of it."

"What makes people take death so lightly? People taking life so seriously"
Tao te ching

No offence to anyone, but all you guys seem to be describing to me are the situations that you have chosen for yourselves being a pain in the ass! Finding youself in a situation, where you litterally don't know if your going to live to see another sunrise? That's stress. When your child stops breathing on you one day, that's stress (he's ok btw). I have found that the truely stressful situations I have faced in life have been the very things that have taught me to put the proper prospective on all things in life. ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- sounds to me that all you guys need to do is learn how to say no to a few things, learn better time management skills and above all else make getting a good nights rest your number one priority.
 

[ark_ader]

Man.. I'm stressed. I have my graduate school work which includes doing my research, taking classes, attending about 5 to 6 hours of meetings a week, I work a job where I am managing another prof's research project which entails reading a bunch of articles, managing 7 undergraduates, checking over their work, preparing biweekly meetings for those meetings...

I swear I've been staying up late every night and waking up early.  I used to love jogging and now I don't even have time for that. And worst of all, lately me and the misses have been fighting. I love her, but I do need some me time every now and then and I don't know how to believe that this does not in any way mean I don't want to spend time with her.  I know she must feel we don't spend much time together, but when I'm really tense I need both spending time with her and on my own doing my own thing whether it be jogging, a game,  etc..

This is not me wife bashing, because I know how she feels.  I felt the same way when she was finishing her masters degree. We were living about 6 hours apart then and I hardly ever spoke with her. But still... man this sucks  

 

Just deal with it.  I have to do the very same thing, plus take care of an elderly parent.

You have it much better than I.  

Switch on the news.  There is 1000s of people out there, who would swap with you in an instant.  

[Dartful Dodger]

Get her pregnant, this way she'll be busy with the baby and you'll get more free time than you'll know what to do with.

[shateredsoul]

I'll be helping out with the baby when we have one.


Anyways... it's funny how I'm no longer stressed (still busy), but this thread is still here to remind me of that day

hah! 

[shmokes]

When your child stops breathing on you one day, that's stress (he's ok btw). . . . .  taught me to put the proper prospective on all things in life . . . . make getting a good nights rest your number one priority.
 

Let me get this straight . . . you have kids, one of whom, for one reason or another stopped breathing.  And that's the sort of things that got you all sorted out.  And the end result is that your number one priority is getting a good night's sleep?  I don't know.  I think you could do better.  Maybe you should look again.

[Ed_McCarron]

Who's saint?

[Vanguard]

They guy with the blackbelt who perfected the, "flying ceiling kick".

[Ed_McCarron]

Ah.  I thought he was the guy from Police Academy.

[orion]

When your child stops breathing on you one day, that's stress (he's ok btw). . . . .  taught me to put the proper prospective on all things in life . . . . make getting a good nights rest your number one priority.
  

Let me get this straight . . . you have kids, one of whom, for one reason or another stopped breathing.  And that's the sort of things that got you all sorted out.  And the end result is that your number one priority is getting a good night's sleep?  I don't know.  I think you could do better.  Maybe you should look again.

I never said that was what got me "sorted out". Going though all that though and being in the hospital was the single most terifing thing that has ever happened to me. I'm saying that that is stress.... real stress as opossed to "Woe is me, how about throwing me a pity party". In my experince getting a good nights rest is the best thing to keeping a rational head on your shoulders. Things just don't phase me as much when I'm clear headed. You should try it sometime.

EDIT: Not to say that I don't ever get "stressed out" it's just I don't see what good it has ever done for me. Most things just turn out to be not as big a deal as I make them out to be. The lawyer in you never takes a day off does it:) Thats OK, you make good points most of the time, my fault for
not making myself clear.

[danny_galaga]

My undergraduate degree was one of the best 9 year periods of my life  

Grade one was the best five years of MY life