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Quotable Quotes
DrewKaree:
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Do witches run spell checkers?
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
So what's the speed of dark?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you
transport something by ship, its called cargo?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I think, therefore I am overqualified.
I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Some days you're the dog, some days the hydrant.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
What's another word for synonym?
Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Nostalgia isn't what is used to be.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand ...
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you
IceCold:
Favorite Ralph Wiggum(The Simpsons) Quotes
Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!
I bent my wookie.
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there
Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."
I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant
And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life
I found a moonrock in my nose!
That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!
Mameotron:
From Ren & Stimpy:
Little Kid: Why do I have to go to school every day?
Stimpy: Because.... Your parents are aliens! And while you're at school, they shed their human skins and breathe dryer lint!