About two hours ago, I had to kill her pet rat. I would like to say euthanize, but I'm not sure that's the best term, because of the way I had to do it.
Sophie (though I nicknamed her Giblet) was a great pet. As far as I know, she only truly bit each of my daughters once each. Never bit my wife or me. She had developed a tumor in the last two or so months. When we noticed it, it was already about the size of a quarter. It'd grown to about the size of a very oversized golf ball. (I suppose about the volume of two golf balls combined.) It was a common mammary tumor, affecting anywhere from 20-75% of rats (females most often). Some vets will remove it for about $30-40 dollars, plus exam fee. However, rats only live from 1.5 to 2.5 years. She's already been alive for about the 1.5. About half a year ago, we spent quite a bit of money on surgery for her tail. Over $150 I believe. It degloved. Didn't know rats don't live that long at the time, nor were we ready to let her go anyway. We couldn't see spending any more money on her, considering two points: 1. She was already around her life expectancy, and 2. Removing a mammary tumor doesn't mean it won't grow back.
I decided to get her out today, because I hadn't done it myself the last few days and I wanted to check her condition. We've been monitoring it, looking for signs that she wasn't enjoying life anymore. I put her on the recliner chair, and she ate a cereal piece. When she went to get down, she flopped onto the carpet, then laid on her side few a few seconds, and finally started exerting effort to get up, though it was minimal. I had to help. It was like her arm was broken (where the tumor is), but it wasn't. She started using it again, though her movement is sluggish. Her eyes weren't wide open like always. Definitely not her normal self. I decided it was time.
Warning: The following content could be considered graphic.
We've been looking at the most humane way to do it. The best way to do it is to have a rapport with a vet, and just get your hands on some halothane or isofluorane (anesthetics) and let them overdose on inhaling it. Well, we don't have a good vet friend, so that wasn't really an option. You might ask why not just let the vet euthanize them. I found that they don't do much more than just stick a big fat needle straight into their heart for small animals like rats, leaving them to suffer...and sometimes they miss on the first and even subsequent attempts. You aren't allowed to be present for it, for obvious reasons. So I looked elsewhere. Dry ice from CO2 poisoning was suggested, but one guy actually tried that himself, and his eyes were burning after just a couple of seconds. Not exactly pleasant. I wanted to do CO poisoning in the garage, but since it's attached, found that this could be extremely dangerous for everyone in the house, even with doors closed.
I decided to just pull out the shovel, and use blunt force trauma, because it is free, and I was hoping that it would be pain-free for her. Although I'm not quite a believer, I made a few prayers to make this easy and quick for her. I didn't want her to suffer. I would deal with the personal emotions myself afterwards, because I knew I would shed at least a few tears. One quick, hard to the head left its body twitching. I assume this was due to misfiring neurons and such, but I couldn't help but think she was in serious pain. Two more quick hits, and the twitching stopped. I could still feel the heart beating, which made me feel worse, but there was no movement. A few more quick, hard hits to the body, and it was silent...no heartbeat. Picked her up, rubbed her head and sides gave her a small nose nuzzle on the back of her head, and prayed a little more for her. Dug one large scoop of earth, and gently placed her down there. Thought a few final prayers, rubbed her head and sides one last time, and covered her up. I have to assume that after the first hit, she was out like a light. Every creature is unconscious when suffering a major blow to the head. I'm only hoping I'm right, and the rest of the hits were to cease the functions of the rest of her organs.
This whole experience left me shaken. I have no issue dispatching something that deserves it. (Though to be honest I haven't been faced with the situation, but I imagine it will be markedly easier.) Having to take out a beloved pet that didn't do anything bad to anyone, regardless of how much pain it's in...It's just difficult. Now I'll have images (because there was a little blood) that are now etched into my memory. Hopefully I can remove those eventually. I have a hard time believing in God, but it's times like these I hope he does exist, because I wasn't praying for me. I was praying for her.