What is this font? This is something you have hand drawn correct? Why not use an existing font that gives you the effect, or use an existing font that gives a similar effect that you can then adjust. There are a lot of design considerations put into the style of fonts, and although the average eye can't pick them out, the average eye can tell when a font is bad and this one does not look good.
Have you been through any of the many free and really extensive free font websites?