Author Topic: How many 5 year-olds.... (Read 3007 times)

Lilwolf · « **on:** February 02, 2006, 02:48:55 pm »

<disclaimer>This was copied from another board... lmao reading it </disclaimer>

Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?

missioncontrol · « **Reply #1 on:** February 02, 2006, 02:58:59 pm »

kids fall down and bounce back up easily.... and they have 10 times the energy I have...

I'll go take a nap and figure it out later

ChadTower · « **Reply #2 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:02:47 pm »

They don't get up from real shots, though. Assuming you have that cup and they can't just tee off on your nuts, probably less than 30. Given a full day of training on how to take you down all they'd have to do is crowd on your legs. Anyone who has done some closed group combat, say rugby or plaing on the line in football, could tell you how easy it is to get caught up in a group.

Havok · « **Reply #3 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:07:55 pm »

Chuck Norris says "All of them."

More Cowbell · « **Reply #4 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:11:41 pm »

Quote from: ChadTower on February 02, 2006, 03:02:47 pm

Anyone who has done some closed group combat, say rugby or plaing on the line in football, could tell you how easy it is to get caught up in a group.

Yeah, but a group of 5 year olds? They only weight about 50 pounds. I'm 6'6" 250 so I would be hard pressed to think that motivated 5 year olds could make much of a dent on motivated me. Even if they took you down, I don't think it would be that difficult to get back up and start waling again. I'll take 60 please. I'm going to hell for even writing about this.

ChadTower · « **Reply #5 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:13:03 pm »

Sure, but put ten of them on you, that's 500lb on you. Then they start covering your mouth and you're done in 30 seconds of panic.

Think Gulliver's Travels.

Clonedsheep · « **Reply #6 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:14:24 pm »

Just pick up the first one you can grap and use him as a baseball bat. Twisted thinking and scary image. I say 50, fear is a weapon too.

CCM · « **Reply #7 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:24:40 pm »

I don't care how much training you give a bunch a 5 year olds, once you bash a few of them senseless and bloody, the others will lose their heart. Give me 50 or 60!

ChadTower · « **Reply #8 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:27:43 pm »

He's probably talking about 5 year old goats. All he said was "kids".

CCM · « **Reply #9 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:30:46 pm »

Forget that! I'm not fighting any damn goats, they fight dirty!

GGKoul · « **Reply #10 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:34:31 pm »

I would take the over on this..

SirPoonga · « **Reply #11 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:38:40 pm »

No foreign objects, huh? Then the kids don't stand a chance against an adult. Bone > cartilage. Remember these are 5 year olds, kindergarden. With no weapons they only have cartilage to work with. Unless they find a way to choke you you are safe.
Actually, there is a foreign object that would make a good weapon, the cup

Quote

Given a full day of training on how to take you down all they'd have to do is crowd on your legs. Anyone who has done some closed group combat, say rugby or plaing on the line in football, could tell you how easy it is to get caught up in a group.

Crowding your legs is one thing, they would have to get you moving to make it worthwhile.

So I'd say fill the room up so they couldn't move (since I can pick the number

) and I bet I can last longer without food than them

Granted I'd probably be getting a bunch of bite marks from the kids that are near me, they are at the age they are starting to loose their baby teeth. So in my crowd selection I will try and get mostly ones without their front teeth.

Stingray · « **Reply #12 on:** February 02, 2006, 03:56:48 pm »

Zero. This sounds like work. I'm sure in if there's room in the bleachers for me to watch somebody else give it go, though. You gonna sell beer at this event?

-S

More Cowbell · « **Reply #13 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:12:11 pm »

Think Smash TV with 5 year olds on Pay Per View. I'm definitely going to hell.

Stingray · « **Reply #14 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:27:14 pm »

Quote from: More Cowbell on February 02, 2006, 04:12:11 pm

I'm definitely going to hell.

I'll save you a seat.

-S

cholin · « **Reply #15 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:31:42 pm »

Im gonna have to say that Poonga hit this one right off!

I was thinking the exact same thing... theyre 5! What the hell are they gonna do!? I realize that little kids can totally bring you down, but we're talking like 7 - 8 year olds or something, not 5's! Try spending a week in a kindergarden class and tell me that those kids will stand up if they're bleeding! One day isnt enough to train any 5 year old to take down a grown man, and if it is, put that kid near the back

fredster · « **Reply #16 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:39:13 pm »

I was brought to my knees by 3 of them.

They jumped me on the couch. Two jumped on my stomach and one went for my throat.

One of the two on my stomach caught the nads.

so the answer is 3.

ChadTower · « **Reply #17 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:44:00 pm »

doesn't matter, physics is physics. All they have to do is herd quickly in one direction... you'll get swept up and eventually trip and fall down. When that happens you'll get stomped out.

SirPoonga · « **Reply #18 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:46:44 pm »

Quote from: ChadTower on February 02, 2006, 04:44:00 pm

doesn't matter, physics is physics. All they have to do is herd quickly in one direction... you'll get swept up and eventually trip and fall down. When that happens you'll get stomped out.

like I siad, fill the room full, then they can't herd.

ChadTower · « **Reply #19 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:48:19 pm »

Sure they could. They could herd the same way water swirls in an enclosure. Just make them all run in a circle.

SirPoonga · « **Reply #20 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:51:54 pm »

Not if you pack them in as tighly as possible.

It would require a whole of of coordination that 5 year olds don't have.

Wait, water doesn't swirl in an enclosure. I have water in a bottle on my desk, it isn;t swirling

More Cowbell · « **Reply #21 on:** February 02, 2006, 04:55:50 pm »

Can someone please put together a computer simulation on this like they do for traffic patterns and weather predictions? You just enter in the data (size of guy, number of kids, average weight of kids, room size, even slipperiness of floor or whether the lights are on or off). Then the computer can spit out a generated movie based on it's calculations on how it would play out. I'd download that for a dollar!

PCtech · « **Reply #22 on:** February 02, 2006, 06:02:44 pm »

I'm going to say 2 or 3 (maybe I am a wimp or un-coordinated)

I have a 3yr old, a 2yr old, and 1 yr old (who just last week learned to walk)

Any of you muscle guys who want to TRY to walk through my living room, without getting knocked down, be my guest.

My kids aren't even trying to knock anybody down, they are just clumsy, or too busy playing, to notice a little thing like 6' 200 LBS me. Next think you know, you get tangled up in little feet and hands everyhere...and usually all the kids say it was my fault!

Yeah...a game about bloodying up a bunch of 5 year olds....Hell is going to run out of room

PCtech · « **Reply #23 on:** February 02, 2006, 06:04:27 pm »

Well, my wife said I was a wimp, so that explains it.

I'll be training the kids to attack her tomorrow, so we'll see who the wimp is

AtomSmasher · « **Reply #24 on:** February 02, 2006, 06:05:47 pm »

Quote from: PCtech on February 02, 2006, 06:02:44 pm

Hell is going to run out of room

And when Hell runs out of room, the dead will walk the earth. I finally get to use my zombie killing skills. Woohoo.

JonnyBoy · « **Reply #25 on:** February 02, 2006, 07:02:16 pm »

Quote from: AtomSmasher on February 02, 2006, 06:05:47 pm

Quote from: PCtech on February 02, 2006, 06:02:44 pm
Hell is going to run out of room
And when Hell runs out of room, the dead will walk the earth. I finally get to use my zombie killing skills. Woohoo.

Dude, yeah! I've prepared myself for zombie-slaughtering goodness through hours of mindless zombie movie fun.

missioncontrol · « **Reply #26 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:51:40 am »

after giving it some thought I still think there's too much work involved. So I'll just spectate

Wetworks · « **Reply #27 on:** February 03, 2006, 05:54:48 am »

humph!! 5 year olds give a good roar!!!! A true tiger one and they run ---steaming pile of meadow muffin--- scared!! All of them beaten!!! or eaten!!

Lilwolf · « **Reply #28 on:** February 03, 2006, 08:35:00 am »

The big thing would be, could you get to the outside of the 'circle' and keep to the outside... Then I think I would be fine.

I would definately find some tall gangly kid and use them as a weapon... Hopefully after a while, one of the limbs would come off... then you would have a great weapon... Then the sky would be the limit.

So I'm going with 50... And think if the situation is good... I would be able to take another 50 if the other auditorium opened up... Those could be considered "Bonus stage"!

btw, when playing everquest... we used to run naked troll runs all the time... they where fun... 1st level trolls running from one side of the world map to the other. And we would, while waiting for the boat, get bound next to a super high level npc, and have 30+ 1st levels jumping on them... it was pretty funny... it only took a while, and all 30 dying 10+ times before we would take them down

SirPoonga · « **Reply #29 on:** February 03, 2006, 10:52:06 am »

Quote from: Lilwolf on February 03, 2006, 08:35:00 am

The big thing would be, could you get to the outside of the 'circle' and keep to the outside... Then I think I would be fine.

Huh? what circle?

I would want to be int he center of all the kids in my theoty. If you are near the edge of the room they could push you into the wall (not allowed) and they can create a flow easier, like what chad is worried about. But in the center it would be more difficult for htem to coordinate a flow which would be tough for a 5 year old.

More Cowbell · « **Reply #30 on:** February 03, 2006, 10:58:33 am »

You also have to remember that they are still 5-year olds even if they are trained for a day. Not just physically but mentally. Just training them for a day won't make them a well organized group of killing machines. They will still be little kids who probably weren't paying good attention to the training anyway. My son is 7 and forgets which side of the plate he hits from (he's a lefty hitter) and which hand his glove goes on (his left - he throws right) and we've trained for hours and hours over days and days. You think they are going to organize into a swirling patter or gang up in groups of 20 to flank you? Nah, more likely they will run around knocking each other down.

SirPoonga · « **Reply #31 on:** February 03, 2006, 11:09:34 am »

Exactly, they are just kindergartners. 3rds graders I'd be worried about. I'd only say about 10 for that.

There are something that are just not possible at certain ages. Like if you wanted to try and embarrass a 1.5 year old you couldn't do that. Kids don't become self aware until months 22-26.

ChadTower · « **Reply #32 on:** February 03, 2006, 01:24:37 pm »

Quote from: SirPoonga on February 03, 2006, 11:09:34 am

Like if you wanted to try and embarrass a 1.5 year old you couldn't do that.

You absolutely could, you just have to know what button to push. When my younger son was 18 months, if you called him a baby, he went ballistic. He was a "big boy", not a "Baby", in his eyes.

SirPoonga · « **Reply #33 on:** February 03, 2006, 01:40:11 pm »

Interesting, your baby is an exception to scientific studies...

Edit: That statement is worded in such that it may seem like I think you are making it up. Nope, your kid just lies on the edge of statistical analysis. Discovery had a cool show on child development. Scientists did test to see when kids aquire certain traits. Self awareness occurs at at an average of 24 months with the main part of the bell curve between 22-26 months.

So, given that you get to choose your crowd you would pick kids that fall within the curve and use those traits to your advantage.

ChadTower · « **Reply #34 on:** February 03, 2006, 01:54:15 pm »

He's not. You can do that with many little kids if you know what they are sensitive about. Some kids are sensitive about their potty training status, or about being small, or any other thing usually having to do with how grown up they are to that point. Not all, but there are certainly a good % of kids, usually those with older siblings, that become very embarrassed about certain developmental type things.

An easy example is an 18 month old that is trying really hard to potty train but has wet his pants. A lot of kids in that situation will cry and hide out of embarrassment. It's too early for the potty training, but the kid doesn't know that...

SirPoonga · « **Reply #35 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:04:39 pm »

Quote from: ChadTower on February 03, 2006, 01:54:15 pm

He's not. You can do that with many little kids if you know what they are sensitive about.

Again, see the discovery show on the subject. Just because your kid is one of the early ones doesn't mean most kids are.

Like I said, because you are given a choice of kids twice your number you can filter out the ones that aren't in the popularity of some statistic, then use that trait or lack of trait to your advantage.

Just like I know a couple of kids at 2 that are very patient, but most of them are very impatient. Come up with a strategy and weed out the kids that won't work well for that strategy.

Now, if you didn't have the choice of the group being added you wouldn't do that.

thebrownshow · « **Reply #36 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:09:36 pm »

I'd love to know what's going to get a group of 5-year-olds pissed off and violent enough to try and take down a 6-foot 250-pound guy with bloodlust in his eyes while screaming something with lots of bad words in it.

Seriously, this isn't even about the physicality of the battle, it's all mind games. If you can make just one of those kids cry, it's over. I know that was the last rule, but that's the hardest thing for me to get past.

ChadTower · « **Reply #37 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:11:11 pm »

You can quote any study you want. I do not believe it. Any good mother can tell you exactly what things their 18 month old child is sensitive about and would be embarrassed over. There is no way a study could be conducted without knowing the children on that level.

SirPoonga · « **Reply #38 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:18:50 pm »

Well, the study and my experience in daycare say that a group of 5 years olds are not coordinated enough to pose a huge threat.

FYI, the study used the kid's parents too... so if there was something hte kid was embarrased about the parents were there to tell them about it.

rdmustang · « **Reply #39 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:20:59 pm »

I know the OP said that the population to choose from was random but the kids do matter. My wife teaches in a district where the 5 year olds (kinder) are as tall as 5'8 and 110lbs (big difference from the 3'6" 60 pound 5-year-olds that most of you are used to). Sounds impossible but I guarentee you that it's true.

So if the population came from this school, what's your magic number now?

thebrownshow · « **Reply #40 on:** February 03, 2006, 02:59:40 pm »

Quote from: rdmustang on February 03, 2006, 02:20:59 pm

My wife teaches in a district where the 5 year olds (kinder) are as tall as 5'8 and 110lbs (big difference from the 3'6" 60 pound 5-year-olds that most of you are used to). Sounds impossible but I guarentee you that it's true.

Where the hell is THAT school district? Planet Krypton?!

rdmustang · « **Reply #41 on:** February 03, 2006, 03:17:06 pm »

Quote from: thebrownshow on February 03, 2006, 02:59:40 pm

Quote from: rdmustang on February 03, 2006, 02:20:59 pm
My wife teaches in a district where the 5 year olds (kinder) are as tall as 5'8 and 110lbs (big difference from the 3'6" 60 pound 5-year-olds that most of you are used to). Sounds impossible but I guarentee you that it's true.
Where the hell is THAT school district? Planet Krypton?!

Fort Worth, TX

Everything in Texas is bigger!

markrvp · « **Reply #42 on:** February 03, 2006, 03:45:35 pm »

Welcome RDMustang. I live down in Granbury.

ChadTower · « **Reply #43 on:** February 03, 2006, 04:53:54 pm »

He lives in Chernobyl.

SirPoonga · « **Reply #44 on:** February 03, 2006, 04:58:32 pm »

Quote from: Havok on February 02, 2006, 03:07:55 pm

Chuck Norris says "All of them."

Glad one of the kids isn't chuck norris when he was a kid

More Cowbell · « **Reply #45 on:** February 03, 2006, 05:33:46 pm »

Quote from: rdmustang on February 03, 2006, 02:20:59 pm

I know the OP said that the population to choose from was random but the kids do matter. My wife teaches in a district where the 5 year olds (kinder) are as tall as 5'8 and 110lbs (big difference from the 3'6" 60 pound 5-year-olds that most of you are used to). Sounds impossible but I guarentee you that it's true.

So if the population came from this school, what's your magic number now?

Wait, so you're saying that there is a school district where there are potentially 120 (double my estimated body bag total of 60 kids) 5 year olds that are over 5' tall and 75+ pounds? What the hell is in the water there?

Otraotaku · « **Reply #46 on:** February 03, 2006, 08:32:38 pm »

lmao... great thread guys...

armageddon is apon us...

Otraotaku · « **Reply #47 on:** February 03, 2006, 08:37:48 pm »

btw, there are Freshman at my highschool that are shorter than some of those mutated kinders down in texas.... so whos to say the adult is 6ft anywhoo?

and what if a large amount of those kids were from Japan/China from a large district trainned in martial arts... ( "you know theres a reason why theres no guns in Japan" )

DrewKaree · « **Reply #48 on:** February 04, 2006, 03:14:04 pm »

Quote from: rdmustang on February 03, 2006, 02:20:59 pm

My wife teaches in a district where the 5 year olds (kinder) are as tall as 5'8 and 110lbs (big difference from the 3'6" 60 pound 5-year-olds that most of you are used to). Sounds impossible but I guarentee you that it's true.

I don't care WHAT you say, unless you give us class photos, I call BS. There's NO DAMN WAY that a FIVE YEAR OLD is almost SIX FEET TALL. Period. The average height of adult males not too long ago was 5' 9". You're telling us there's a FIVE YEAR OLD that's AN INCH shorter than an ADULT.

Pictures, or you're full of crap.

ChadTower · « **Reply #49 on:** February 04, 2006, 06:05:51 pm »

I believe his claim of 110lb though. I fully believe there is a district of total fatass 5 year olds out there.

LPZ · « **Reply #50 on:** February 04, 2006, 08:20:58 pm »

Some guys can't survive 25 grunts on robotron. What makes you think you can handle 50 five year olds?

LPZ


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