Perfect revenge

[DrewKaree]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"  Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.  Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[Bones]

That's awesome. 

[ChadTower]

Heh, though gotta say, you try that with your wife, and she's buying that crap anyway.

[Jabba]

HA! I don't think he'll be getting it for a year!

[MameJunkie]

This is when you divorce and find a new wife.
Better yet, just find many girlfriends.

[AC.]

Nice.  Its good to keep things in perspective.

[DrewKaree]

This is when you divorce and find a new wife.
Better yet, just find many girlfriends.

It'd be cheaper to buy all the crap she thought she was getting than get a divorce.

[MameJunkie]

Depends on the country you get the divorce at.
Pretty much screwed if its in the USA.

[Harry Potter]

Same here. A ---smurfing--- lawyer at every turn waiting for some ---smurfette--- to pull this sort of thing.

[Stingray]

That story made me cry, it made me laugh, it became a part of me.

-S

[missioncontrol]

that's a good one.

[duffjr]

i bet the guy who wrote that story never tried it out.