Author Topic: Chuck Norris facts (Read 9012 times)

Harry Potter · « **Reply #40 on:** December 23, 2005, 02:19:15 pm »

chuck is atool.

he rocks in delta force though.

ChadTower · « **Reply #41 on:** December 24, 2005, 06:04:18 pm »

The sole reason Christmas exists is to keep Chuck Norris placated enough for a day that he doesn't need to roundhouse kick anyone into history.

M3talhead · « **Reply #42 on:** December 25, 2005, 04:53:53 am »

Chuck Norris always gets what he wants for Christmas. If he didnt, Christmas wouldn't exist.

missioncontrol · « **Reply #43 on:** December 25, 2005, 04:56:20 am »

missioncontrol · « **Reply #44 on:** December 25, 2005, 05:05:42 am »

M3talhead · « **Reply #45 on:** December 25, 2005, 05:35:58 am »

Quote from: missioncontrol on December 25, 2005, 04:56:20 am

From your personal collection I take it?

missioncontrol · « **Reply #46 on:** December 25, 2005, 06:31:27 am »

Quote from: M3talhead on December 25, 2005, 05:35:58 am

From your personal collection I take it?

I hacked Chad's computer and found it among all the half naked wrestler pictures he has

ChadTower · « **Reply #47 on:** December 25, 2005, 10:10:22 am »

They're all gone now. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them all.

Harry Potter · « **Reply #48 on:** December 26, 2005, 10:28:08 am »

Or scared them off with his gay antics.

SithMaster · « **Reply #49 on:** December 26, 2005, 06:42:31 pm »

Quote

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

this is garbage. some of the jokes are okay or even good but really everyone knows that anakin is lukes father. though maybe in one of the earlier scripts he was but i dont know for certain. texas ranger was good but like everything good it wasnt as good in the end. deltaforce was good.

chuck norris starts every sentence about chuck norris.

chuck norris looks to skinny in this game also in real life he can move in all 12 directions up, down, left, right, back, forward, slightly left, slightly right, top, bottom, up 1, and down 2

ChadTower · « **Reply #50 on:** December 26, 2005, 08:54:39 pm »

Chuck Norris is funnier than SithMaster.

SithMaster · « **Reply #51 on:** December 27, 2005, 12:43:41 pm »

Quote

Posted by: ChadTower Posted on: Yesterday at 08:54:39 PM
Insert Quote

Chuck Norris is funnier than SithMaster.

Who isnt?

Harry Potter · « **Reply #52 on:** December 27, 2005, 01:37:24 pm »

C64 would come close.

AtomSmasher · « **Reply #53 on:** December 28, 2005, 02:41:41 am »

Chuck on dating:

SithMaster · « **Reply #54 on:** December 28, 2005, 11:41:12 am »

What no roundhouse kick? Or is that for foreplay?

ChadTower · « **Reply #55 on:** December 28, 2005, 12:17:43 pm »

Even Chuck Norris can't roundhouse kick and drive a stickshift at the same time.

Havok · « **Reply #56 on:** December 28, 2005, 01:37:49 pm »

Quote from: ChadTower on December 28, 2005, 12:17:43 pm

Even Chuck Norris can't roundhouse kick and drive a stickshift at the same time.

Nonsense! He does a roundhouse kick when he shifts.

He was just giving that chick a love tap...

AtomSmasher · « **Reply #57 on:** December 28, 2005, 01:48:27 pm »

Quote from: SithMaster on December 28, 2005, 11:41:12 am

What no roundhouse kick?

Ed_McCarron · « **Reply #58 on:** December 28, 2005, 01:50:54 pm »

Since I've missed something here...

What started the Chuck Norris fascination? Is Chuck Norris the new Bacon?

whammoed · « **Reply #59 on:** December 28, 2005, 01:54:51 pm »

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a pig into the air and it started raining bacon.

Ed_McCarron · « **Reply #60 on:** December 28, 2005, 02:02:44 pm »

Quote from: whammoed on December 28, 2005, 01:54:51 pm

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a pig into the air and it started raining bacon.

Sounds like Chuck subscribes to the cartoon laws:

"If you punch an alligator hard enough, he will fly into the air and come down luggage."

Recommended Reading:

http://www.gshotts.com/HUMOR/cartoonphysics.htm

ChadTower · « **Reply #61 on:** December 29, 2005, 04:40:57 pm »

Quote from: Ed_McCarron on December 28, 2005, 01:50:54 pm

Since I've missed something here...

What started the Chuck Norris fascination? Is Chuck Norris the new Bacon?

Chuck Norris will not explain himself to you.

DarkKobold · « **Reply #62 on:** December 29, 2005, 06:31:51 pm »

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

ChadTower · « **Reply #63 on:** December 29, 2005, 07:17:10 pm »

Peale's Mother in Law says nothing when Chuck Norris talks about the undead Jesus.

GGKoul · « **Reply #64 on:** December 29, 2005, 07:43:33 pm »

He is a real American Hero...

Thenasty · « **Reply #65 on:** December 30, 2005, 05:41:22 am »

He is the reason why SHE (C.B.) divorce BILLY JOEL

Ed_McCarron · « **Reply #66 on:** December 30, 2005, 08:26:03 am »

Quote from: Stewie on December 29, 2005, 07:43:33 pm

He is a real American Hero...

So now I know.

Havok · « **Reply #67 on:** December 30, 2005, 09:22:36 am »

Quote from: Ed_McCarron on December 30, 2005, 08:26:03 am

Quote from: Stewie on December 29, 2005, 07:43:33 pm
He is a real American Hero...

So now I know.

You better be careful with that attitude: Chuck Norris may roundhouse kick you in the face.

Prostrate yourself before the almighty Chuck, lest he be displeased...

Harry Potter · « **Reply #68 on:** December 30, 2005, 12:41:32 pm »

We were at the pub when the bouncers told us to finish our drinks. I imagined the bouncers got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris and they all fell to the floor.

SithMaster · « **Reply #69 on:** December 30, 2005, 03:37:56 pm »

so wait they told you to finish your drinks?

missioncontrol · « **Reply #70 on:** December 31, 2005, 01:14:38 am »

Quote from: SithMaster on December 30, 2005, 03:37:56 pm

so wait they told you to finish your drinks? are they stupid? what else would you do with them but finish them. its like those warning labels-warning paint is not for consumption.

but paint chips are still o.k. right?

c64rulez · « **Reply #71 on:** January 09, 2006, 08:16:21 am »

Chuck Norris built is own i-Pod.
He stared at 10,000 country bands until they turned into a white square plastic.

c64rulez · « **Reply #72 on:** January 09, 2006, 08:34:09 am »

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

romperwomb · « **Reply #73 on:** January 10, 2006, 08:13:42 am »

I kept wondering if Chuck had heard about these random internet facts...looks like he has.

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

Quote

RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

ChadTower · « **Reply #74 on:** January 10, 2006, 08:39:11 am »

That's some hardcore plugging.

Dartful Dodger · « **Reply #75 on:** January 10, 2006, 12:29:21 pm »

Quote

Welcome to Chuck's Chat Room.

Because of abuse the the chat room is now for
scheduled appearances ONLY!

NOTICE!

The chat room is closed unless a scheduled chat has been posted below, please check back for future appearances. If you have questions you would like posted to a Q & A please Email.

Scheduled Chats: NONE (as of 3-10-2005)

I wanted to chat with Chuck.

Ed_McCarron · « **Reply #76 on:** January 10, 2006, 12:35:14 pm »

Quote from: Ed_McCarron on December 30, 2005, 08:26:03 am

Quote from: Stewie on December 29, 2005, 07:43:33 pm
He is a real American Hero...

So now I know.

I hate when noone picks up a dangling setup line...

The correct next line SHOULD have been:

And knowing is half the battle.

Otraotaku · « **Reply #77 on:** January 10, 2006, 12:41:57 pm »

Quote from: cdbrown on December 22, 2005, 02:45:14 am

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

isnt that the NES cheat for Contra, um for infinite lives or sumthin?... Godly

mr.Curmudgeon · « **Reply #78 on:** January 10, 2006, 01:17:51 pm »

"Walker told me I have AIDS."

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1638127/

mrC

walls83 · « **Reply #79 on:** January 10, 2006, 01:50:42 pm »

When Chuck Norris jumps in water Chuck doesnt get wet,


Main	Restorations	Software	Audio/Jukebox/MP3	Everything Else	Buy/Sell/Trade
Project Announcements	Monitor/Video	GroovyMAME	Merit/JVL Touchscreen	Meet Up	Retail Vendors
Driving & Racing	Woodworking	Software Support Forums	Consoles	Project Arcade	Reviews
Automated Projects	Artwork	Frontend Support Forums	Pinball	Forum Discussion	Old Boards
Raspberry Pi & Dev Board	controls.dat	Linux	Miscellaneous Arcade	Wiki Discussion	Old Archives
Lightguns	Arcade1Up	Try the site in https mode		Site News


Unread posts \| New Replies \| Recent posts \| Rules \| Chatroom \| Wiki \| File Repository \| RSS \| Submit news