The NEW Build Your Own Arcade Controls
Main => Everything Else => Topic started by: JDSkydiver on April 19, 2005, 01:48:29 pm
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The Rules of Manhood
1) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2) It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she is using her teeth.
3) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
4) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5) If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
7) Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
8) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
9) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
10) When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
11) You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
12) It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
13) Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
14) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
15) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
16) If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
17) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
18) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
20) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21) Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
25) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26) Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27) The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.
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5) If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
oops.... I've broken this one a few times..........
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I broke that one but then married her and got out of the rule breakage.
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#27 is the best rule I've ever heard. I will quote that one to my wife next time that situation comes up.
-S
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#27 is good in reverse, too.
"if you loved me, you wouldn't have given me cologne for my birthday, you'd be naked on the counter"
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There should be some kind of clause......
That if the friend's sister and I are completly drunk then it is acceptable.............
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25) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
So true, my wife purchased a 2005 Nissan Xtrail and she drives it all the time except when we go out together. As I'm driving her car unless I'm really drunk.
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25) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
So true, my wife purchased a 2005 Nissan Xtrail and she drives it all the time except when we go out together. As I'm driving her car unless I'm really drunk.
If I even think there's a chance I'm going to drink, my car stays at home, and we take hers.
-S
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urinal test........
http://www.flasharcade.com/game.php?urinal&2
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There needs to be another rule added...
28) Men shall never purchase women's monthly items...
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I disagree with that one. A real man is able to do that and not worry about his manhood. His manhood is secure enough that it can withstand that sort of thing.
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29) The Patton Principle: Falling on a grenade for a buddy (i.e., agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he
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There needs to be another rule added...
28)
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#1 The remote is mine, was mine, and will ALWAYS be mine. You are allowed to touch it if I am not in the house. Any remote is to be considered an estrogen-sapping device, and you should handle it as if it were nuclear waste.
#1b If, while I am flipping through channels, the phrase "OOoooh, wait, go back, I want to see what that was will be dismissed without a word in reply; You will get to see what it is on my next pass through the channesl
#1c If we happen to be watching something YOU like, remember that there are other TV's in the house, should I decide to see what else is on and find something better.
#1d SportsCenter has regular time slots. Get to know them. The odds of it being on at those times is high. Plan for it accordingly. Your sense of well being will thank you for not setting it up for failure.
#1e It doesn't matter if I don't like the particular sport I have on the television. If you want to watch something else, go to Mary Ellen's house, and tell her husband to come over by our house. We will call you when we require food, as we know it pleases you to serve our every whim.
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I disagree with that one. A real man is able to do that and not worry about his manhood. His manhood is secure enough that it can withstand that sort of thing.
Damn you're whipped. ;D
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It seems Drew and i have similar house rules.
You also forgot, if i come home and your watching tv, please leave the tv viewing area and comence the meal cooking hobby you love so much. :)
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Damn you're whipped.
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Damn you're whipped.
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#1b If, while I am flipping through channels, the phrase "OOoooh, wait, go back, I want to see what that was will be dismissed without a word in reply; You will get to see what it is on my next pass through the channesl
This usuallu leads to this conversation...
NO I'm not flipping through the channels fast... And YES I can see if its a show I want to watch within half a second of watching it...
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Damn you're whipped.
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James Bond would not only do it, but he'd kill a man with them and then have sex with the cashier.
-S
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James Bond would not only do it, but he'd kill a man with them
at least there wouldn't be a huge bloody mess to clean up.
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James Bond would not only do it, but he'd kill a man with them
at least there wouldn't be a huge bloody mess to clean up.
ROFLMAO!
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NO I'm not flipping through the channels fast... And YES I can see if its a show I want to watch within half a second of watching it...
A real man has a Tivo by now and doesn't have to flip channels.
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NO I'm not flipping through the channels fast... And YES I can see if its a show I want to watch within half a second of watching it...
A real man has a Tivo by now and doesn't have to flip channels.
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Ha. One episode, stuffed in with the last three months of Raw and Smackdown.
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NO I'm not flipping through the channels fast... And YES I can see if its a show I want to watch within half a second of watching it...
A real man has a Tivo by now and doesn't have to flip channels.
A real man doesn't need any extra electronics to watch four shows at the same time. ;)
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NO I'm not flipping through the channels fast... And YES I can see if its a show I want to watch within half a second of watching it...
A real man has a Tivo by now and doesn't have to flip channels.
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Just my remote, my recliner, and a beer and I can watch up to seven shows at one time on one t.v.
:P
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Just my remote, my recliner, and a beer and I can watch up to seven shows at one time on one t.v.
:P
And that's all it takes. :)
-S
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I don't understand why guys are uncomfortable buying tampons. Every girl in the world has or had or will have regular periods. It's not like buying adult diapers. It's more like buying toilet paper. I mean...don't get me wrong. I wish that I didn't have to take a crap now and then, but what can I say?
In my place the remote is mine, because I let my wife know that I really wanted a Harmony 688 remote for my birthday. But she actually uses it 99% of the time cos I watch almost no TV. I derive a lot of pleasure in building a badass hometheater/media center, but I really don't use it very often. Kinda like the people who are always building the arcade cab but hardly ever playing it.
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Or like me, building the awesome surround system and then only able to watch kids' movies on it because it's too close to their rooms.
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A real man doesn't need any extra electronics to watch four shows at the same time. ;)
I second the opinion of my distinguished colleague from OklaWHERE?ma.
Tivo or Freevo is for stuff you aren't around for, or for the wife's shows for later, when she has a free moment and I'm not around.
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No it's not... it's for watching a full NFL game in 90 minutes, or fast forwarding through the crappy matches to get to the lingerie pillow fight.
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I don't understand why guys are uncomfortable buying tampons.
I don't understand why so many people are embarrassed to buy condoms. Its a way to simultaneously boast about the size of your stuff and how much you get laid.
Example: "Shopkeep, fetch me a 20 pack of super Hercules size trojans, third box today."
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No it's not... it's for watching a full NFL game in 90 minutes, or fast forwarding through the crappy matches to get to the lingerie pillow fight.
Exactly. I blow through 1/2 hour sitcoms in 20 minutes. That is the number one benefit. The fact that finds and tapes tons of great shows that I wouldn't have known about is the icing on the cake.
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No it's not... it's for watching a full NFL game in 90 minutes
I guess I just don't understand that philosophy. Football is an all-day event, from noon until 10-ish, with a special treat thrown in on Mondays and some Thursdays/Saturdays. If it's still nice outside here, golf is the only thing that bumps football to the side, and then only if it won't interfere with the Packer's game time.
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Tivo, who tracks your Tivo usage, by the way, says that 70% of users do not skip commercials when watching recorded content. That's a little strange.
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Tivo does not track my content. None of my Tivos have called home in nearly two years.
BTW, who wants to watch commercials and halftime crap during a football game. There are other games to watch!
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Tivo, who tracks your Tivo usage, by the way, says that 70% of users do not skip commercials when watching recorded content. That's a little strange.
These are probably the same people who's VCRs are still flashing 12:00. It always astounds me how many people barely scratch the surface on the features that their gadgets provide.
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Tivo does not track my content. None of my Tivos have called home in nearly two years.
BTW, who wants to watch commercials and halftime crap during a football game. There are other games to watch!
How does it get scheduling information? Do you subscribe or just use basic TIVO? I remember TIVO talking about the fact that they tracked TIVO usage after the Janet's wardrobe malfunction. According to TIVO that was the most repeatedly watched moment in TIVO history.
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How does it get scheduling information?
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If you are interested in hacking your TiVo, and there are a lot of hacks for the technically inclined, check out http://www.dealdatabase.com/forum (http://www.dealdatabase.com/forum) .
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I've never had a TIVO; I have a ReplayTV. But a friend of mine has a DirecTV TIVO and he says he can't use it if it's not connected to a phoneline, which he doesn't have because he's made the switch to straight-cellular. I'd be interested to know how to make it work without calling in if there is anything special that has to be done.
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How does he get the TV listings then? Tivo is mostly useless without them. It can also use your broadband, does he do that?
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I don't think TIVO can use your broadband connection. It definitely can't without adding the home networking option. ReplayTVs come with that feature out of the box. Anyway, he isn't using his TIVO because he can't figure a way to get TV listings without getting a phone line.
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I'll put it this way, both of my series two TiVos have been getting listings over my broadband connection for 2 years now.
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Thanks for the link. I'll check out his TIVO box to see if it is series 2. I know it's one built into a DirecTV receiver.
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I have DirecTivo. It pulls its guide data off the same satellite feed it uses to get the programming itself. It only calls home for PPV purchases and monthly data collection. Mine, however, have not called home in like two years.
I do pay for the service, but my Tivos have a lot of added value that did not come with the basic service offered by DirecTV.
He's right about the Tivo forums, BTW. You're going to have to read read read and then ask a specific question in order to get any help there.
Tivos CAN use broadband, one of mine has a 100baseT nic in it that I put there myself. It used to be controllable via the web using a webserver it serves itself that hooks into the Tivo app, but I took that down because it was using up too much of the Tivo's limited RAM.